I feel so bad. This has now been the 3rd or so times that this had happened. There is a brother who lives across the street from us. Several times he physically attacked me, kissed me by force. I tried to push him away, but he tells me that it actually makes him want me even more.
First I met him a couple of months ago, the first day we met he told me that he wants to marry me. I told him that I wasnt just going to marry someone that easily n that it would take time to get to know each other. He kept saying, that he wants to marry me within one week and I told him that I didnt want that. He said that he would come to my father with his father n ask for my hand, I told him not to make a fool out of himself and not to bother coming to my Dad n that I wasnt ready.
The mistake I made is to give him the time of day. He keept calling me and kept asking me to just hear him out. So I gave him a chance to talk. After I slapped him last time when he tried to kiss me, I thought, this time he will have learned his lesson. Well today he did waaay more, he touched me in appropiately, n Kissed some parts of my body, I kept resisting. I told him, as fiercely as I could, to NOT TOUCH ME. He keeps saying, ok, I wont. and Before I know it he's all over me yet again.
The only thing about him that gives me a slight interest are his looks. Shallow I know. This is exactly why I didnt want to jump the marriage bandwagon with him. He's extremely good looking, and I guess he's use to girls being all over him, he cant believe it that I keep avoiding him. He told me that he will never leave me alone until he marries me. He said that I could help by agreeing. That he's obsessed with me. I dont know why I even bothered to see him. I feel soo bad. Moreso of what he did to me. I am a practising Muslimah n I have never been touched by a guy. I dont know how on earth I ended up in this mess.
I feel used n abused. Please help me.
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Alhamdulillah you told your brother. He has the right to know who the guy is, and it is good that he will tell your family. The over protectiveness will be kinda temporary, and the good thing is that they will be more aware now, and that is only for your own safety as you know so don't resent. I'm sure they will still let you do whatever you want, just as long as you're safe.
"...You are my Walî in this world and in the Hereafter. Cause me to die as a Muslim, and join me with the righteous." [Surah Yusuf 101]
Sis wat made you think I need professional help? Whats that got anything to do with bumping into him?
Who wouldn't go mental if a guy like that came and went, harrassed and took a pause, then comes out as an "angel", begging for marriage? Hah.
If he now met you more often, don't you think it brings memories back, which I assume you want to forget? Professional help, a psychiatrist for example, can help to be an objecive listener and can guide as to how to behave and such. A cop can check his register and grant you restraining order.
edit: Ah, you told your brother! Excellent, inshaAllah things will go for the better from now on.
“If only I had checked myself”
—
Guy who wrecked himself
True leaders don't create followers...
.... They create new leaders.
jasakAllahkhyr for the reply it meant a lot. I really don't have any trouble avoiding him at all. I have also no problem seeing the facts, I know that he's not good for me. I don't want anything to do with him. He has trouble getting it. I told my brother tonight, he's now on my case demanding I tell him who it is. My brothers are very protective of me. I love them to death, but they are known to show no mercy for such things. I know that I won't be going out anymore alone. My family trust me, I don't want them to watch every step I make. I know it's in my interest but I know that things wont be the same. Before this happened I could do anything, they would trust me. Now i'm very certain that my father will get over-protective, my entire family. My brother will probably tell everyone tomorrow. Including my mother.
I don't want to be any victim nor do I need any pity!! I wasn't raped u know.
Some people here are so brutal and mean they don't even realize it. Saying that I encourage him, pls give me a break. I came here to seek for advice not to be insulted.
There was one sister who was walking home from school during ramadan. It was getting late and iftar had opened. As she passed by one of the houses, a brother called her out. He said to come in and open your iftar sister, its' getting late. His wife and kids are waiting inside. So she decided to go inside. He led her to the bedroom and there was another guy waiting. Then she realized she was tricked but it was too late. Instead of giving her food to pen her fast, they threw her on the bed and raped her. Then they let her go walk home. She went home all devasted, she told an aunt lady that lived near by and she took this girl to the hospital right away.
What we can learn from this is that one, you can't trust anyone these days. And two, anyone can be raped. You are lucky that he has only touched, kissed and groped you. Had this guy been given more opportunities, he would most certainily have raped you. How? well considering he has done it 3x and you failed to tell anyone gives him the impression you won't tell anyone no matter how many times he comes over to have a little "fun" with you. You're brothers, father and other male kin are your mahram for a reason. They are there to go to in times of trouble for help and protection. What they will do to this guy should be the least of your concerns, and your honor and dignity your top priority.
Lot of people have given great advice, some bit harsh and some bit gentle in approaching you. But the good thing that i was pleased to read was you telling your brother. It is their duty by islam to protect you. You should always go to them anytime there is any trouble. That is why Allah gave the sister's brothers, someone to look after them. This guy will no doubt try to get with you again, next time he tries coming near you, you should yell for help and continue yelling tell he runs away or someone comes. If somenoe comes and he tries to shake it of as nothing, tell that someone to call the police and tell them that this guy threatened to rape you. This will make the guy stay away, plus always tell your bros so they can break his legs so he doesn't come near you.
may Alalh protect you and make things easy for you inshallah.
p.s. whenever you leave the house, recite the proper daus.
Islamirama, the story that you posted is soo painful and hard to read. It really does sadden me. But, it does highlight how our sisters need to be very careful. They need to realise that there is danger in this world and that danger can strike from places where they would not imagine. I don't want to sound sexist or anything, but I think most sisters are quite naive, they're too trusting. I believe they need to be stronger and they should always always ALWAYS be 'on guard'.
May Allah make things easy for the sis and protect all our sisters from harm always, ameen!
its not being sexist its a fact, girls need to be more carfull. Ever heard of a man getting raped?
jasakAllahkhyr for the reply it meant a lot. I really don't have any trouble avoiding him at all. I have also no problem seeing the facts, I know that he's not good for me. I don't want anything to do with him. He has trouble getting it. I told my brother tonight, he's now on my case demanding I tell him who it is. My brothers are very protective of me. I love them to death, but they are known to show no mercy for such things. I know that I won't be going out anymore alone. My family trust me, I don't want them to watch every step I make. I know it's in my interest but I know that things wont be the same. Before this happened I could do anything, they would trust me. Now i'm very certain that my father will get over-protective, my entire family. My brother will probably tell everyone tomorrow. Including my mother.
I don't want to be any victim nor do I need any pity!! I wasn't raped u know.
Some people here are so brutal and mean they don't even realize it. Saying that I encourage him, pls give me a break. I came here to seek for advice not to be insulted.
Alhumdullilah I'm happy you finally confided in your brother. Yeah I can't even imagine how it might escalate now, but someone needed to know and do something for your own safety. I see that you don't have a problem avoiding him, but with this kind of guy he is going to try his best to casually be where you are to run into you. That's scarry.
I know its going to be hard for everyone to know, but remind yourself that you did nothing wrong, except maybe giving this guy the time of day when you first met. He has some severe problems.
I know your families trust is important but so is your safety and they are only worried about you.
Not being in your shoes it is easy to give advise but the people on this forum are saying things because this issue is serious, and we are all worried and want to give you the best advise, but sometimes people jump to conclusion.,
InshaAllah everything will work out. Since you have been posting about this since August, then it seems like the only way to truly end it was for you to tell someone like now and have him taken care of. He wasn't just going to stop on his own.
Remember that you know you didn't do anything wrong, this guy has problems and is obsessed. Take Care Sis and inshaAllah everything will work out for you.
Islamirama, the story that you posted is soo painful and hard to read. It really does sadden me. But, it does highlight how our sisters need to be very careful. They need to realise that there is danger in this world and that danger can strike from places where they would not imagine. I don't want to sound sexist or anything, but I think most sisters are quite naive, they're too trusting. I believe they need to be stronger and they should always always ALWAYS be 'on guard'.
format_quote Originally Posted by Alpha Dude™
But yeah, sisters, really... always be vigilant and don't feel you have to be 'friendly' (by that, I mean say hi/bye/smile etc - from a customary greeting point of view) with strangers... don't be 'afraid' to be cold - it is for your own good.
Agreed!!!
May Allah make things easy for the sis and protect all our sisters from harm always, ameen!
ameen
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
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