format_quote Originally Posted by
Al-Zaara
Selam aleykum,
Please, don't feel offended by what BM and AD said, these brothers I'm sure tried to honestly advice you and as for many of us, this situation arose some anger inside and then it is hard to try to stay very calm or objective or non-judgmental. InshaAllah you can look pass what offended you and see their care for their fellow Muslim. Yes, they drew some conclusions, but who doesn't do that?
OK, now let's see the thing realistically and I'm not here to judge your Emaan or commitment to Islam, I'll try to give as much advice as I can in how to get out of this situation. Three times is not such a big deal actually, if you look at statistics and research about similiar cases. Some start asking for help when it is waaay to late. But now as you see the seriousness in this, act acording to it. Don't feel scared. I haven't gone through as bad as you but I have been slightly harrassed myself and although I did put much resistance, I had to encounter the person more than three times. Oh, I'm fine elhamdulillah, by the way, it wasn't anything big at all, but I'm always cautious how small it even seems.
Anyways, back to you. I don't wanna sound macho or the like, but you, against this brother who obviously is strong if he manages to come that close to you? I see no chance for victory. Honestly, what is is that makes you not talk with your brothers? You could leave some details from what this man has done if you're afraid they'll loose control but make them realize it's important and serious. Father I can undestand you don't want to bring into this, but in a critical situation I'd even suggest you to tell him how bad it even is.
You need help by many people, males especially. I have trained some martial arts and know how to defend myself but even though I can beat people up, I asked for help my males when I found it necessary. I have no brothers, so I asked classmates or friends' brothers (adding to all friends together). They came and helped, and I'm very thankful. What I want to say is, you can find support easily if you only want to. Tell your close friends about this. The boss or teacher. You have to, don't keep this to yourself. It must be traumatic for you yourself, this is not something you can get over just my talking in a forum about it, you need the support my those in your life.
You did a big mistake by meeting him alone, but I wouldn't put much emphazis on that now afterwards, you obviously know that was a big mistake and won't do it again, inshaAllah. Don't do it again, whatever he says, whatever he does. Don't do it again.
Oh and save his messages and calls, but don't answer them back. You could show this to the police or teacher or boss or school psychologist, someone with authority, it's good evidence. I mean, you were alone and maybe no witnesses. He could act as if it never happened. And you know what, even better, call a lawyer and report him. Take friends and close ones so you won't feel weak or scared. Just do it, it's a great way to get your message of leaving you alone through and it gives relief.
The man obviously won't go away by just wishing and ignoring. He has gone too far for that. He could be dangerous, although you might think not. You wouldn't be the first one to underestimate a situation like this.
I'd like to hear what you think of my advice and reply soon inshaAllah, think well through what I said please. I don't want you to end up in another statistics of abused women. Astagfirullah.
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