alhamdu-lillah im pleased that ive come across this forum. been searching for one for a while, one that i felt comfortable posting in. would appreciate any replies. i guess i just feel i need to let a few things out. im 25....and though i dont believe in dwelling on the past i cant help but feel dissapointed in myself for being in the situation i am. i have a bit of debt, which i accumulated whilst studying in uni......credit cards etc and a loan for my sister in my name, which she isn't in a position to clear it and its been 6 or 7 years since i got it out for her. im looking for a job (when i say im looking, i do mean that i am looking) but i lack confidence, if im honest i look for reasons why i cant apply to the vacancies i see......i so badly need a job so that i can clear my debt and my sisters which is my name......i feel so strongly about clearing it...i know now that i had started doing something (getting credit cards) which is obviously forbidden.....and i guess i can say that ive honestly learnt a lesson...... may Allah forgive for getting myself in this situation.
i started wearing the jilbab about 2 weeks ago.......alhamdulillah i feel good about that.......i had been thinking about it for years now......and i finally acted. i really didt want to be one of those who 'yo-yo'd' . i have no reservations about it, alhamdulillah (i guess that is my step forward)..........i have other things on my mind which i want to write here but i'm worried there will be no one to read it. if someone is willing to listen to me, and insha-allah with the intention to provide advice please let me know.
i know where i have gone wrong and where i still need improvement...and especially in a particular area (my relationship with my mum) which needs immediate attention. i did actualy seek counceling from a sister in a neighbouring town.....but it seems the distance i have to travel is proving to be difficult.....ive been given the number of her male collegue who provides councel in my town.....but am a bit hesitant to go to him......long story but.....i actualy approached him good couple of years back, went to one session......but because i was in tears and couldnt speak because i was crying the whole session.....i didnt go again......masha-allah he is a good brother and holds lectures in my town regularly but because his base is in a local youth centre (frequented by brothers).....i feel a bit....well.....hesitant to go to it......oh i dont know.
i feel like ive got so much on my mind...i feel like i have mentaly and physically blocked myself from doing things that i need to do...
1) If you do not go after what you want, you will never have it
2) If you don't ask, the answer will always be no.
3) If you do not step forward, you'll always be in the same place
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