Calling out to all brothers and sisters for help please...

**F0z14** · 09-03-2008

Asalaam Alikum my dear brothers and sisters, hope u are all in good health and enjoying Ramazan!

a little about me... ive wrote on this forum before; a post about a ex boyf at uni. thank u every1 4 ur replies. im sorry to be writing another post on this, especially in this blessed month, its just that i am going back 2 uni in a few weeks and im not prepared. im so anxious and worried its really affecting me.

i am worried about how i am going to adjust my life when i go bak, i love being at home and i dnt want 2 go back, alhamdulilah i have started to practise now and i am repenting for all my sins. uni life is different to home life, and i dnt really wanna go but i knw i have 2. i let him affect me for 2 long and i cant let him affect my degree. i mean my family letting me go was a great thing so i need 2 make them proud.

im so scared to see my ex, i still have feelings 4 him, last time i tried to contact him was 2 months ago, i rang 2 apologize and i was crying, and all he said was dont ring me again, and this is the guy that had promised to marry me. everything was horrible when he broke up me, i really lost myself, and i ended up harming myself just to get his attention which i sincerely regret, dont get me wrong i dont want him back, astagfirulla i dont ever want to be in a haraam relationship again, i just dont know how 2 deal with going back, with seeing him and seeing old friends.

the reason he broke up with me was because i had issues, i was abused by my first cousin as a child and my dad was very violent to us all. this made me very insecure and at times i would get really angry and have BAD outburts, with him also. generally i was really good to him, always doing things 2 please him, but he would always do things he knew made me insecure which would lead to a fight. sometimes my behaviour was really bizarre and me and him both couldnt understand why i was like that. in the end after he broke up with me, i couldnt take it so i came home, and i went to see my uncle and his peer, they told me i had something within me, and ive had it for a while. so he gave me a taweez to wear and he prayed over me several times. to be honest i think it was my first cousin who had done something to me, he really messed me up in alot of horrible ways!

alhamdulilah since all this i have started to practise also, and i dont get angry anymre at home, im really calm and relaxed. i told my ex this abt 2/3months ago and he wasnt bothered abt it at all. i think he jus always thought im a liar and attention seeker.

ive never contacted him again, been 2 months now. i told him 2 get back to me and he didnt. i really cared about him so much and i still managed to mess things up, i knw it was my own actions that turned his love to hate. but then i think he cant truly have loved me? its been months now and he hasnt bothered 2 get in touch. hes always talkin 2 our mutual girl mates, which when i hear about breaks my heart because i was his no.1 at one point.

i just dont know how to prepare myself to go back and live there, knowing i might bump into him at anytime, and i dnt knw how to face a few of my male mates which are his close mates, because they think im a psycho/freak. i feel so ashamed when i think abt my behaviour, n i dnt knw how 2 react when i do see him. i mean i knw i hurt him before, but hes hurt me so much, i chased and chased him and he completely rejected me, i hurt myself pyshically so many times just to get his attention, and i knw that is a major sin! i really dnt knw wat 2 do, me and him was really close before, and promised me the world, he really did say he wanted to marry me. but then he used to hang around with so many girls and he knew how insecure it made me because of when my cousin had ****ed abt with me when i was younger, i even rang his sister at his work place to tell her, because i was so angry about his promises but in the end i jus made out like i jus wanted her help. i feel really dirty, like really unpure. i feel like damaged goods. i dnt knw what 2 think, i knw its not his fault, but then is it all mine?? i knw Allah knows everything so only Allah knws the truth, but sometimes i think to myself that if some1 had done black magic against me then how can i be at fault?

sorry 4 dragging on guys, its just u guys are so great with replies and i trully believe u can help me, may Allah bless u all!

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 09-14-2008

Originally Posted by - Serene -

True love never vanishes.

yes it does given enough time and distance

only marriage can make it last

**------** · 09-14-2008

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

if he dosnt care, why do u?

I don't think you've ever been in love. If you had, you wouldn't make this statement because you would not underestimate true love.

**AnonymousPoster** · 09-14-2008

buuut i can tell you that if someone wasnt interested on me, than i don't think i could be interested in them. id get 'put off' right away.

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 09-14-2008

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

buuut i can tell you that if someone wasnt interested on me, than i don't think i could be interested in them. id get 'put off' right away.

agreed

i think its self-esteem issues more then gettin over the geezah.

its the thought of not finding someone better who you can FEEL TEH SAME ABOUT

its all about the feeling, its like a buzz, you felt it with the person and you just aint sure if you can feel it again.

**AnonymousPoster** · 09-14-2008

its the thought of not finding someone better who you can FEEL TEH SAME ABOUT

or maybe u cant get over the memories/good times you had, and ud miss that hmmm

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 09-14-2008

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

or maybe u cant get over the memories/good times you had, and ud miss that hmmm

memories are so over-rated

its all about the present, people wanna b happy for the moment

the past wont affect you much if someone else is giving you those feelings, guaranteed

**anonymous** · 09-14-2008

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

buuut i can tell you that if someone wasnt interested on me, than i don\'t think i could be interested in them. id get \'put off\' right away.

yes yes, thats the correct mindset. ur only lettin him win by even thinking about him, when he couldn\'t even care less about you!

I don\'t think you\'ve ever been in love. If you had, you wouldn\'t make this statement because you would not underestimate true love..

what true love was it then if the guy no longer cares? that\'s what people call \"true love\"? more like a petty fling!

**Re.TiReD** · 09-14-2008

AssalamuAlaykum Sis Foz

I aint gunna say much cept u know wat it is u gotta do and how to get over the dude.

And I agree with the anon who said that if sum1 wasnt interested in dem, they'd be put off right away. Sis u only live once...Dont live it pining over somebody who couldnt care less. Sorry if thats harsh

**------** · 09-14-2008

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

buuut i can tell you that if someone wasnt interested on me, than i don't think i could be interested in them. id get 'put off' right away.

You were never in love then.

Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim

agreed

i think its self-esteem issues more then gettin over the geezah.

its the thought of not finding someone better who you can FEEL TEH SAME ABOUT

its all about the feeling, its like a buzz, you felt it with the person and you just aint sure if you can feel it again.

Then this wouldn't be classified as love. It would be classified as lust.

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 09-14-2008

Originally Posted by - Serene -

Then this wouldn't be classified as love. It would be classified as lust.

nope, theres another deception besides lust. dont be fooled

the buzz i was speaking about has absolutely NO intimate feelings involved, its the happiness of being around someone unlawfully

it causes feelings to develop, mostly longing for the person in question

yeah sure you can call it love, but to call something true love and grip it forever like a lion is, im sry, stupid

you keep things in your hand ready to throw away when necessary

whatever you call it, lust/true love or whatever, its a feeling which can diminish and be replaced with much better given the right conditions and circumstances

**Muhammad** · 09-14-2008

sister,

There's been quite a bit of advice regarding your circumstances, but there's one issue which I don't think has been addressed. This is really important:

Originally Posted by F0z14

i couldnt take it so i came home, and i went to see my uncle and his peer, they told me i had something within me, and ive had it for a while. so he gave me a taweez to wear and he prayed over me several times.

These people known as 'peers' have a lot of shirk associated with them - people believe they have the ability to do many things which in reality, only Allaah (swt) can do, such as increasing provision, knowing the unseen etc. Please have a look at these threads/links for further information and discussion regarding this:

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/48993
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/11402
http://www.islamicboard.com/tawheed-shirk/44574-saints-islam.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/tawheed-shirk/56406-peers-thrives-shirk.html

Regarding the taweez, then this also is a dangerous issue - please look at these threads for further clarification Insha'Allaah:

http://www.islamicboard.com/tawheed-...62-taweez.html
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/20207

Protect yourself against evil by remembering Allaah (dhikr) and reciting Qur’aan, especially Aayat al-Kursi. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever recites it will remain under the protection of Allaah and no shaytaan (devil) will be able to approach him until the morning.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari). And al-Mi’wadhatayn (the last two soorahs of the Qur’aan) may also be recited.

I hope this has helped to clarify Insha'Allaah, and Allaah Alone is whose help is sought.

**F0z14** · 09-14-2008

hey every1 thanks 4 ur replies lol. i like the whole lion theory, sounds like a good idea, i jus need 2 put it into practise! sis jolie thanks again, im just having a weak day!

and im not in love!!

**Eric H** · 09-14-2008

Greetings and peace be with you F0z14;

You need to be truthful with yourself, you do not want to travel along the road of self harm at the start of term.

It may take you two or three years to get over your feelings for this man, you will not forget him; only time can ease the pain. It is a process you struggle with always one day at a time knowing that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

Each day you fight these feelings you become a little stronger inside, you will have bad days and not so bad days. You may not have good days for a year, but you travel towards this always one day at a time knowing that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

Somehow I have struggled through to reach the tender age of 59, and life for me is still about going through one more day at a time knowing that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

In the spirit of praying for the strength, peace and serenity to live one more day,

Eric

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 09-14-2008

Originally Posted by F0z14

and im not in love!!

in that case you should be able to get on with life without a worry

**------** · 09-14-2008

yeh it was just lust then was it?

**Re.TiReD** · 09-14-2008

Originally Posted by - Serene -

yeh it was just lust then was it?

Nobody can ever put a number on love, on how much you loved/love a person and whether or not it was true, that is up to the person to determine.

Think about it, how would you like it if I came to this conclusion of you... You dont trust in Allah, you forget Him often so that means u dont love Him? Na'uthubillah sis. Dont make random assumptions.

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 09-14-2008

Originally Posted by - Serene -

yeh it was just lust then was it?

that question itself shows you didnt understand my post at all.

im saying NO MATTER WHAT YOU CALL IT, given enough time/distance/repentance/seeking help from Allaah etc , Allaah can replace the feeling with something much better

people need to understand this seriously !

**F0z14** · 09-14-2008

i dnt knw wat it is to be honest, i dnt knw if it was attachment,love, lust, infatuation, all i know is 5 months down the line im stil thinking and hurting about him

**AnonymousPoster** · 09-15-2008

Originally Posted by - Serene -

You were never in love then.

Then this wouldn't be classified as love. It would be classified as lust.

maybe, maybe not. but whats that to do with it. love shoulnt be dictated by only emotions and feelings, it should also be dictated by common sense

if there isnt no mutual feeling, quit wasting your energy already

**F0z14** · 09-15-2008

Do u know what, im no longer bothered. here i am wasting my time over a guy who i shouldnt have even been involved with in the first place. i know this dunya is temporary so i should be spending my time doing what Allah SWT has sent us to do, worship Him and prepare for the Hereafter. Whatever's meant to happen will happen, i just need to remain focused on my Eaman and remember the real purpose of this life. i mean when and IF i do live to get married whats my future hasband going to think when he hears i was pining after another man. astagfirulla. and as for going back to uni, and these so called friends im worried about, Allah SWT has trully given me a blessing. its haram 4 me to be friends with these guys anyway so in actual fact i am really benefiting but sometimes i just fail to see it. and in regards to the EX, i had a lucky escape, if i was still with him i would have been living haraam and not practicising now. who knows if we will live to see tmro, and astagfirulla i would have died commiting a BIG sin. I KNOW that i have come out the better person, Allah SWT has given me a better way, i just need to start appreciating it.

when i go back, im just going to put my head down inshallah, stay away from the IN crowd, and if i see him i will lower my gaze and not give him the time of the day. cuz of him i messed up my exams, and when i go back i am going to work so hard inshallah that i come out with a 1st in my degree!!!

i know Allah SWT has saved me from so much haraam and sin, i was living in such a haram way, alhamdulilah i do feel blessed