Calling out to all brothers and sisters for help please...

**F0z14** · 09-03-2008

Asalaam Alikum my dear brothers and sisters, hope u are all in good health and enjoying Ramazan!

a little about me... ive wrote on this forum before; a post about a ex boyf at uni. thank u every1 4 ur replies. im sorry to be writing another post on this, especially in this blessed month, its just that i am going back 2 uni in a few weeks and im not prepared. im so anxious and worried its really affecting me.

i am worried about how i am going to adjust my life when i go bak, i love being at home and i dnt want 2 go back, alhamdulilah i have started to practise now and i am repenting for all my sins. uni life is different to home life, and i dnt really wanna go but i knw i have 2. i let him affect me for 2 long and i cant let him affect my degree. i mean my family letting me go was a great thing so i need 2 make them proud.

im so scared to see my ex, i still have feelings 4 him, last time i tried to contact him was 2 months ago, i rang 2 apologize and i was crying, and all he said was dont ring me again, and this is the guy that had promised to marry me. everything was horrible when he broke up me, i really lost myself, and i ended up harming myself just to get his attention which i sincerely regret, dont get me wrong i dont want him back, astagfirulla i dont ever want to be in a haraam relationship again, i just dont know how 2 deal with going back, with seeing him and seeing old friends.

the reason he broke up with me was because i had issues, i was abused by my first cousin as a child and my dad was very violent to us all. this made me very insecure and at times i would get really angry and have BAD outburts, with him also. generally i was really good to him, always doing things 2 please him, but he would always do things he knew made me insecure which would lead to a fight. sometimes my behaviour was really bizarre and me and him both couldnt understand why i was like that. in the end after he broke up with me, i couldnt take it so i came home, and i went to see my uncle and his peer, they told me i had something within me, and ive had it for a while. so he gave me a taweez to wear and he prayed over me several times. to be honest i think it was my first cousin who had done something to me, he really messed me up in alot of horrible ways!

alhamdulilah since all this i have started to practise also, and i dont get angry anymre at home, im really calm and relaxed. i told my ex this abt 2/3months ago and he wasnt bothered abt it at all. i think he jus always thought im a liar and attention seeker.

ive never contacted him again, been 2 months now. i told him 2 get back to me and he didnt. i really cared about him so much and i still managed to mess things up, i knw it was my own actions that turned his love to hate. but then i think he cant truly have loved me? its been months now and he hasnt bothered 2 get in touch. hes always talkin 2 our mutual girl mates, which when i hear about breaks my heart because i was his no.1 at one point.

i just dont know how to prepare myself to go back and live there, knowing i might bump into him at anytime, and i dnt knw how to face a few of my male mates which are his close mates, because they think im a psycho/freak. i feel so ashamed when i think abt my behaviour, n i dnt knw how 2 react when i do see him. i mean i knw i hurt him before, but hes hurt me so much, i chased and chased him and he completely rejected me, i hurt myself pyshically so many times just to get his attention, and i knw that is a major sin! i really dnt knw wat 2 do, me and him was really close before, and promised me the world, he really did say he wanted to marry me. but then he used to hang around with so many girls and he knew how insecure it made me because of when my cousin had ****ed abt with me when i was younger, i even rang his sister at his work place to tell her, because i was so angry about his promises but in the end i jus made out like i jus wanted her help. i feel really dirty, like really unpure. i feel like damaged goods. i dnt knw what 2 think, i knw its not his fault, but then is it all mine?? i knw Allah knows everything so only Allah knws the truth, but sometimes i think to myself that if some1 had done black magic against me then how can i be at fault?

sorry 4 dragging on guys, its just u guys are so great with replies and i trully believe u can help me, may Allah bless u all!

**Re.TiReD** · 09-15-2008

Originally Posted by F0z14

Do u know what, im no longer bothered. here i am wasting my time over a guy who i shouldnt have even been involved with in the first place. i know this dunya is temporary so i should be spending my time doing what Allah SWT has sent us to do, worship Him and prepare for the Hereafter. Whatever's meant to happen will happen, i just need to remain focused on my Eaman and remember the real purpose of this life. i mean when and IF i do live to get married whats my future hasband going to think when he hears i was pining after another man. astagfirulla. and as for going back to uni, and these so called friends im worried about, Allah SWT has trully given me a blessing. its haram 4 me to be friends with these guys anyway so in actual fact i am really benefiting but sometimes i just fail to see it. and in regards to the EX, i had a lucky escape, if i was still with him i would have been living haraam and not practicising now. who knows if we will live to see tmro, and astagfirulla i would have died commiting a BIG sin. I KNOW that i have come out the better person, Allah SWT has given me a better way, i just need to start appreciating it.

when i go back, im just going to put my head down inshallah, stay away from the IN crowd, and if i see him i will lower my gaze and not give him the time of the day. cuz of him i messed up my exams, and when i go back i am going to work so hard inshallah that i come out with a 1st in my degree!!!

i know Allah SWT has saved me from so much haraam and sin, i was living in such a haram way, alhamdulilah i do feel blessed

Alhamdulillah! ^^ yeah feel blessed sis. I dunno wat else to say

lol subhanAllah

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 09-15-2008

stay away from the IN crowd? i WAS with this "IN" crowd, they were always prayin/recitin/joking and wrestling *reminisces* but if your takling about those gangsta wannabe's then LOL why would you call them the "IN" crowd

i gotta say, people need to realise who the best people to hang around wiv are, its the ones who make you feel sweet and good when your around them

only practising brothers make me feel like that

oh:

see being with the wrong crowd is the very reason this whole problem began right? :X

**Re.TiReD** · 09-15-2008

^^

Yup... good post bro...I think it takes a while sometimes to figure out who the in group are...

They're the ones who remind you of Allah (swt).......live in the prayer room and ISOC quarter if you must

but stay strong insha'Allah

**------** · 09-15-2008

I am sorry for my harsh comments in this thread, I was not in the right state of mind. Please forgive me.

**julie sarri** · 09-15-2008

The best people to hang around are the ones who want whats best for you Islamically the righteous sisters and they will help you build your iman and help you steer clear of haraam things. You should first work on building your love for Allah swt and his messenger then Insha'Allah this will increase you in iman and make you stronger

**qassy!** · 09-15-2008

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

buuut i can tell you that if someone wasnt interested on me, than i don't think i could be interested in them. id get 'put off' right away.

umm....its love....+ girls are very emotional they'll do anything just to be with someone if there in love or as someone calls it on this thread, as you can see the sister hurt herself many times....

sister i hope well for you.....it must be very stressfull....all the sisters will help you as me or im sure all the other brothers wont understand your situation, because i can get over somone quickly hmm it just dont bother me......

**F0z14** · 09-28-2008

Asalaam Alaykum, hope u are all well inshAllah. just thought id let u know im back at uni... and i saw him today, and i put myself in the situatuion myself so i could overcome it. i didnt even look up at him as soon as i saw him i jus put my head down. feels so weird, dnt knw how to describe it. i couldnt eat today, im not upset.. jus feel anxious, ashamed, nervous etc. every1 saw me today and they were suprised to see the hjiaab. and all my friends, dnt even pray, its so hard to be around them, and at the same time i cant give them dawah cuz i was just like them last year....

**Re.TiReD** · 09-28-2008

Sis masha'Allah that you've gotten this far and that you are able to be so close to this person yet Allah has given you the tawfeeq to keep away.

Masha'Allah that you wear the hijaab

Sis it'll get easier, trust me

Take it easy, take it slow and Insha'Allah you'll be ok.

Start with the da'wah too, slowly but surely.

WassalamuAlaykum

**F0z14** · 09-28-2008

InshAllah sis. i know it will take time, and i know im in the right now its jus so hard. tempatation is always there. i knw all my friends are out there chilling out, playing pool or whatever and im praying Alhamdulilah. i jus wish i could get rid of the hurt u knw

**Danah** · 09-29-2008

my dear, whats if u were like them last year ?.....no one is perfect....everyone is making mistakes....they might be like u next year, thats the life. dont stick with the past too much. look forward to the future, it will be so bright in sha allah. dont keep thinking about what happened and let it scatter u.
Wearing hijab and begin at changing is the first step to the ultimate happiness in sha allah, and u still have many good thing to get in sha allah

you are in my daily duaa in sha allah

**roohani.doctor** · 09-29-2008

wow sister i'm so proud of you, you have been thru a lot and the journey is not yet over, all you have to remember is completely IGNORE the guy, once you start doing that, he will realise he was being a jerk (no offense), and by then you'll have moved on. As for your "friends", they might not make life any easier for you, but have faith in Allah and yourself. In time, your friends will see the new you and believe it or not, they will appreciate and respect you, because they know wut you have done is NOT easy...

I've read so many of your posts, i feel as if I know you, and i can totally relate to everything you said. *sigh* i remember feeling the way you were, depressed, all i could think of was how pointless this life was and all i wanted was an out, but now humdullillah everythings different. Some guys can be mean creatures and we CANT let them effect us so strongly...

the best part about your story is the fact that you are now a better Muslim, and you have a new understanding in Imaan, and faith in Allah. Not one person can break you, you have to find the will to let go of the past from within yourself.

temptation is our weakest point, you have to fight it, go to the prayer room and read quran, go to the library and study, or do something that will occupy your mind.

the pain will slowly fade with time... if you dont bleed, you'll never know wut it feels like and you'll never understand... pain makes us stronger... kind of anyway lol

*hugs* all the best

**roohani.doctor** · 09-29-2008

Originally Posted by - Serene -

Also sis make lots and lots of dua, because dua is one of the two things that can change our destiny.

wuts the other?

**Eric H** · 09-29-2008

Greetings and peace be with you F0z14;

You are doing so well, even if you still have doubts in your own strength and determination. It must take a great deal of courage to wear the hjiaab when those around you don’t.

i couldnt eat today, im not upset..

look on this as a time of fasting, not only can you give up this man, you can also fast at the same time. One part of fasting is about gaining an inner strength and peace with your self and with God.

Fasting can take on different forms, suppose you really like chocolate, you could try and give chocolate up too. This means not only do you have to fight your feelings for this man, you have to struggle with your desire for chocolate as well as wear the hjiaab.

at the same time i cant give them dawah cuz i was just like them last year....

Spreading your faith is a life time journey; it is more about your actions, and how Islam makes you a better and kinder person. Life is a journey always one day at a time, we just need to walk with our God one more day

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding.

Eric

**F0z14** · 09-29-2008

im feelin so down, jus woke up for sehri. i woke up with the same hurt feeling i was having 3 months ago, wallahi i dnt want 2 feel like this, i dnt knw why i am. tears keep running down my face. i dnt knw wat 2 do

**noorseeker** · 09-29-2008

sister, you will have bad days, all the hurt will come rushing back, you just have to deal with it in your own way, stay strong inshallah.

It can get lonely, being practising and that, i know, but you just find other ways of passing your time,

sister please go on you tube and see khalid yasin strangers, it will make you feel much better.

**Najm** · 09-29-2008

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Sister stay strong, dont feel alone, there is no such thing as loneliness, cause Allah(Subhaana Wa'Tala) is always with you. You should be sleeping a bit longer so no ill effects of tiredness. Make your iman stronger, set youself goals, hourly, daily. You can do this, have faith. Sister occupy urself with with activities.

1 Do nafl prayers
2 Read/listen to the Quran
3 Read articles
4 Watch/listen to lectures especially about Jannah
5 Erm read books
6 Do your uni work
7 Anything else you love to do in you spare time>> draw a picture?

May Allah(Subhaana Wa'Tala) grant you inner strength, patience and harmony. Ameen.(Say Ameen)

Sister your in my dua's

FiAmaaniAllah

**Eric H** · 09-29-2008

Blessings and peace be with you F0z14;

im feelin so down, jus woke up for sehri. i woke up with the same hurt feeling i was having 3 months ago, wallahi i dnt want 2 feel like this, i dnt knw why i am. tears keep running down my face. i dnt knw wat 2 do

Think positive thoughts tonight, and pray for the strength to survive tomorrow.

Life is a journey always one day at a time, you just need the strength to go through one more day, and repeat.

In the spirit of striving for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric

**F0z14** · 09-29-2008

thank you. i know u are right, one day at a time. but its like ur head says one thing and ur heart another. i hate being here, i wish i didnt even come 2 university now. i thought i was stronger but clearly im not over it, im still letting him affect me

**Eric H** · 09-29-2008

Blessings and peace be with you F0z14;

Despite all your perceived weaknesses, I believe you also have strength. I am only 59 and have found that life is a struggle always one day at a time, somehow we have to search for that strength that is already inside us. And we find it by striving to do all the good things Allah commands us to do.

Destiny Douglas C Hess
Watch Your Thoughts, For They Become Words,
Choose Your Words, For They Become Actions,
Understand Your Actions, For They Become Habits.
Study Your Habits, For They Become Your Character,
Develop Your Character, For It Becomes Your Destiny.

This quote is so powerful, you need to find a way to believe in it and trust you can make a difference. If you start of by thinking you will fail, then you will fail,

So all you have to do is start thinking you will overcome your feelings for this man, put those thoughts into words, which you do at times on this forum. Put your words into action by wearing the hjaab and living Islam, repeat these thoughts, words and actions daily and they become habits, which will form your character and destiny.

Life is a journey always trusting that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

In the spirit of striving to find an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric

**F0z14** · 09-29-2008

Salaam, ur right i need to think positively, i keep thinking that i cant do it and its jus too hard. i am wearing hijaab now alhamdulilah, i went to the prayer room at uni for a few hours it was great, its jus knowing iv got to go back to flat, its the evenings that are hard, because every1 is out in the common room chilling n i know they all are there. plus no1 is practicising where i live so it makes it even hard, every1 to busy just chilling out