Calling out to all brothers and sisters for help please...

**F0z14** · 09-03-2008

Asalaam Alikum my dear brothers and sisters, hope u are all in good health and enjoying Ramazan!

a little about me... ive wrote on this forum before; a post about a ex boyf at uni. thank u every1 4 ur replies. im sorry to be writing another post on this, especially in this blessed month, its just that i am going back 2 uni in a few weeks and im not prepared. im so anxious and worried its really affecting me.

i am worried about how i am going to adjust my life when i go bak, i love being at home and i dnt want 2 go back, alhamdulilah i have started to practise now and i am repenting for all my sins. uni life is different to home life, and i dnt really wanna go but i knw i have 2. i let him affect me for 2 long and i cant let him affect my degree. i mean my family letting me go was a great thing so i need 2 make them proud.

im so scared to see my ex, i still have feelings 4 him, last time i tried to contact him was 2 months ago, i rang 2 apologize and i was crying, and all he said was dont ring me again, and this is the guy that had promised to marry me. everything was horrible when he broke up me, i really lost myself, and i ended up harming myself just to get his attention which i sincerely regret, dont get me wrong i dont want him back, astagfirulla i dont ever want to be in a haraam relationship again, i just dont know how 2 deal with going back, with seeing him and seeing old friends.

the reason he broke up with me was because i had issues, i was abused by my first cousin as a child and my dad was very violent to us all. this made me very insecure and at times i would get really angry and have BAD outburts, with him also. generally i was really good to him, always doing things 2 please him, but he would always do things he knew made me insecure which would lead to a fight. sometimes my behaviour was really bizarre and me and him both couldnt understand why i was like that. in the end after he broke up with me, i couldnt take it so i came home, and i went to see my uncle and his peer, they told me i had something within me, and ive had it for a while. so he gave me a taweez to wear and he prayed over me several times. to be honest i think it was my first cousin who had done something to me, he really messed me up in alot of horrible ways!

alhamdulilah since all this i have started to practise also, and i dont get angry anymre at home, im really calm and relaxed. i told my ex this abt 2/3months ago and he wasnt bothered abt it at all. i think he jus always thought im a liar and attention seeker.

ive never contacted him again, been 2 months now. i told him 2 get back to me and he didnt. i really cared about him so much and i still managed to mess things up, i knw it was my own actions that turned his love to hate. but then i think he cant truly have loved me? its been months now and he hasnt bothered 2 get in touch. hes always talkin 2 our mutual girl mates, which when i hear about breaks my heart because i was his no.1 at one point.

i just dont know how to prepare myself to go back and live there, knowing i might bump into him at anytime, and i dnt knw how to face a few of my male mates which are his close mates, because they think im a psycho/freak. i feel so ashamed when i think abt my behaviour, n i dnt knw how 2 react when i do see him. i mean i knw i hurt him before, but hes hurt me so much, i chased and chased him and he completely rejected me, i hurt myself pyshically so many times just to get his attention, and i knw that is a major sin! i really dnt knw wat 2 do, me and him was really close before, and promised me the world, he really did say he wanted to marry me. but then he used to hang around with so many girls and he knew how insecure it made me because of when my cousin had ****ed abt with me when i was younger, i even rang his sister at his work place to tell her, because i was so angry about his promises but in the end i jus made out like i jus wanted her help. i feel really dirty, like really unpure. i feel like damaged goods. i dnt knw what 2 think, i knw its not his fault, but then is it all mine?? i knw Allah knows everything so only Allah knws the truth, but sometimes i think to myself that if some1 had done black magic against me then how can i be at fault?

sorry 4 dragging on guys, its just u guys are so great with replies and i trully believe u can help me, may Allah bless u all!

**F0z14** · 09-29-2008

JazakAllah everybody 4 ur duas by the way! i dnt mean to be ungrateful

**Eric H** · 09-29-2008

Blessings and peace be with you F0z14;

Time spent on your own is the toughest, all kind of thoughts and doubts go through your head. You might have to struggle with these thoughts about the man for another two or three year. Perceived love and rejection are powerful emotions to overcome. These thoughts will be a distraction to your study and to your faith

You can find a beneficial love in the future, but it is so much better to try and end this one fully and totally in your own mind before you enter another relationship the Islamic way.

I struggled through something very similar thirty five years ago, I know you can also come out of this a better and kinder person.

Did you read post 73, you posted a couple of minutes after

In the spirit of praying for the strength to go through one more day.

Eric

**F0z14** · 09-30-2008

i just made a right fool out of myself! basically i owed this guy £50 still and ive been reading that on the day of Judgement u have 2 account 4 everything, so i went to give it him back, and i wanted give it myself as it was my duty. not only that i wanted 2 ask 4 his forgivness in this month of Ramazan because i think that was the main thing not allowing me 2 move on, and he told me 2 **** off, he didnt even give the time of the day. he said he dont want money, i said its my duty 2 give it back 2 u, if u dnt want it give it 2 charity. n then he literally pushed me out. i texted him sayin that u misinterpreted me comin, i only gave u money 4 the sake of Allah, and i only asked 4 forgivness 4 the sake of Allah, not because i need u. i want to please Allah, i could die tmro, i dnt wana die in debt or having wronged some1. he jus doesnt care. he pushed me. he doesnt even fear Allah SWT. i feel a fool 4 going and him prob thinks that i still want him but at the same time alhamdulilah i have done my duties, i paid my debt, i said sorry and i also gave him dua. now i can move on without dwelling on my actions, and leave him to Allah

have i done wrong?

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 09-30-2008

^ i woulda used a middle man, but other then that past is past eh ;o

**F0z14** · 09-30-2008

im feelin so ****!!!!! i hate this, i dnt wanna be hear, ive got exactly the same feeling i had when he broke up with me. somebody plz plz help me

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 09-30-2008

^ realise he sucks n u dont

simple

**F0z14** · 09-30-2008

have i done wrong? i only want to please Allah, on the day of Judgement we all have 2 answer 4 everything, i just wanted 2 do the right thing. im so upset

**------** · 09-30-2008

Sis go and listen to lecture or Qur'aan recitation inshaAllaah, you'll feel better. Or go and phone someone and let your feelings out

**F0z14** · 09-30-2008

sister come on msn plzzzz

**Thinker** · 09-30-2008

With the benefit of age I can tell you that your pain will pass and you can help make it pass more quickly just by believing that it WILL pass and on a future date you WILL look back and see that although at the time it was hugely important, in fact it was just a part of life’s ups and downs.

On a practical level (not sure how it fits alongside Islam but) yoga, meditation and acupuncture could help with anxiety.

Believe me, the pain WILL pass.

**julie sarri** · 09-30-2008

you have done what you needed to do you have asked him to forgive you and you paid back the money but i feel the only thing now to do is to stay away from him you have to tell your self passed is passed now its a new start for me and start as you mean to go on and insha'Allah Allah swt will ease your hardship

**Eric H** · 09-30-2008

Blessings and peace be with you F0z14;

im feelin so ****!!!!! i hate this, i dnt wanna be hear, ive got exactly the same feeling i had when he broke up with me. somebody plz plz help me

These feelings are not going to go easily, truthfully it is an inner struggle, a “jihad”

In spite of all these intense feelings, you need to get out and lead your life, study, pray. Forget the £50, you have offered to pay it back, give it to charity. Push yourself to go out, do not stalk him, do not find excuses to be in a place that he might be.

On the other hand do not be afraid to walk out to do your studies, your shopping, praying and all the other day to day stuff you need to do.

It is so easy to give advice, because we are not suffering as you are, only you can live the emotions that go through your mind.

You are in my prayers.

In the spirit of praying for the strength to go through one more day.

Eric

**Re.TiReD** · 09-30-2008

Sis you took advice b4 you gave the money and you made ur choice accordingly, whatever you did is done so no point fretting over it.

You did what you had to do and now u gotta continue to do wat u gotta do..and that is stay strong.

Blesh

**------** · 09-30-2008

Your strong and you know it. All in all, you got Allaah by your side x

**Danah** · 10-01-2008

okay so literally u have nothing to worry about now.....u use everything u can, u asked for forgiveness and try to return the money you owed to that guy...so now you have nothing to regret....I think its gonna be easier for u to move on. I think now u really had enough of him. I think by behaving that way you are fully satisfied from all views

and to be honest I did expect that he will act that way, but khair (may be that was for you good....who knows what allah is want at the end)
think carefully about this ayah:

but it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. but ALLAH knoweth, and ye know not.
[1.34]

u did what you had to. and its your turn now to think about yourself and start a good life from the scratch. he did not deserve your pure intent to return the money to him....he keep thinking about what he want to think..so at the end he did'nt deserve u to think about asking forgiveness from him even for a little tiny moment.

so its time to move on now.............throw everything behind your back

**F0z14** · 10-18-2008

AsalaamAlaykum my dear brothers and sisters on LI. hope u all are fine inshAllah. sorry i havent really been on much lately. jus thought id give u an update incase any of u are worried... lol.

havent been on much cuz i have moved apartments, me and my flatmate moved into a 2 bed apartment in private accomodation. alhamdulilah i feel so much better, im so glad i moved out, ive done the best thing ever. im doing alot better mashAllah, jus concentratin on my Deen and studies. met some really nice sisters aswel. so alhamdulilah im alot better.

i mean sometimes i still feel weak, when i hear of things i start to remember the past, and sometimes i feel realy left behind because i dnt see any of my friends from last year, but then i remind myself that im alot better off and i have something which they dont have, guidance from Allah.

i want to thank everybody for ur kind words and support. im sorry if ever i have been annoying or ever said anything i shouldnt. inshAllah i will make dua for each and every single one of you

JazakAllah