PLEASE give any advice 15 yr old daughter pregnant

**AnonymousPoster** · 10-14-2008

Asalam alaikum,
PLease I need links and advice urgently. My 15 yr old daughter is pregnant with a 20 yr old guy. I didn't agree with them being together but they would sneak around and see eachother behind my back. I am a revert and don't beleive in abortion, she wants to have one. Please please I am begging for any links or advice from everyone to help me and her to come to some sort of decision.
This is urgent please respond.

**Hamayun** · 10-14-2008

Salam Alaikum.

Abortion is completely out of the question unless it is endangering the mother's life.

What has happened can not be changed so look ahead. The only thing I can think of is maybe marriage?

If they think they are old enough to make a commitment to the baby then surely they can commit to each other?

Wish I could be of more help.

**- Qatada -** · 10-14-2008

asalaam alaikum

we pray that Allah eases your matters, ameen.

http://islamtoday.com/fatwa_archive_main.cfm

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...EAskTheScholar

**Zahida** · 10-14-2008

Our prayers are with you on this serious matter, I have a daughter of this age also......... I pray Allah, gives you strength and shows you guidance in your time of need............

Perhaps marraige would be a solution? I say this without any previous knowledgeof the situation .................

Originally Posted by - Qatada -

asalaam alaikum

we pray that Allah eases your matters, ameen.

http://islamtoday.com/fatwa_archive_main.cfm

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...EAskTheScholar

**kwolney01** · 10-14-2008

I agree with the others, abortion is not an opition unless it will danger her or the baby.

I can not imagine how you feel right now. No mother wants to hear their 15 yr old daughter is pregnant w/out being married.

I found this website http://womentodaymagazine.com/advice/teen_pregnant.html maybe that can help a lil bit.

The best thing to do right now is to pray to Allah for support and guidence in this situation. Pray for strength, talk to your daughter about it and see how she is feeling about everything.

I wish you all the best!

**Cabdullahi** · 10-14-2008

1st option:marriage, if that wont happen then second option
2nd option:KEEP THE CHILD and explain to ur daughter that she committed a sin of sex before marriage and if she kills this baby through abortion then she will be a certified fornicator and a murderer

inshallah allah will be with you and,you will solve this problem and remember abortion is haram

**Snowflake** · 10-14-2008

I'm very sorry to hear of your troubles sister. May Allah help you in this difficult situation. Ameen.

Is your daughter a muslim? This could affect the approach you take with her. However right now your daughter must be terrified that having a baby will 'ruin' her life. Pointless saying she should've thought about it before. What's done is done. She probably doesn't want to lose her freedom. But if she knew that you will help her raise the baby, she might decide against abortion inshaAllah? I know this puts you in a very difficult situation but unless she takes responsibility, you will have to step in so that she is less afraid and hopefully realises that having a baby won't ruin her life. Gently explain that even an unborn child has the right to live and she might regret it later. This is a very difficult situation and at the end of the day, you can only offer your help and guidence and be prepared if she decides otherwise. I really feel for you sis. I'm here if you wish to talk.

*hugz*

**Ayesha Rana** · 10-14-2008

i don't know what to say because i don't want to offer the wrong advice. Allah knows best. Insha'Allah He will hep you.

**AnonymousPoster** · 10-14-2008

JazakAllah for all your replies and advice.
I converted in May of this year but my daughter chose not to.
For the options, marriage to this guy would be of only benefit that baby would be born inside a marriage, they constantly fight, he is manipulative and jealous and a plain JERK, I can't see that it would even last and she would be in a bad situation. As for abortion, she wants one and I don't think I even have to consent (SAD) this is the society we live in. I tried many times through the courts to prevent this but even though the courts supposedly have the "statatory rape" law, the police said that they wouldn't prosecute him since it was consentual. even though she is a minor and he is an adult. Then I was told to get a restraining order and the judge denied it with prejudice, meaning I couldn't even refile later. Anyway CA courts are not for justice.
I have told her that we are going to keep it but then what about the example it sets for her younger brother 9 yr and sister 4 1/2 what does this say to them??

**YusufNoor** · 10-15-2008

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

JazakAllah for all your replies and advice.
I converted in May of this year but my daughter chose not to.

Allah[swt] decides who He[swt] calls and when, be patient with her.

For the options, marriage to this guy would be of only benefit that baby would be born inside a marriage, they constantly fight, he is manipulative and jealous and a plain JERK, I can't see that it would even last and she would be in a bad situation.

you might trust your judgment/intuition on this one. why make everything worse?

As for abortion, she wants one and I don't think I even have to consent (SAD) this is the society we live in.

they don't even have to tell you!

I tried many times through the courts to prevent this but even though the courts supposedly have the "statatory rape" law, the police said that they wouldn't prosecute him since it was consentual. even though she is a minor and he is an adult. Then I was told to get a restraining order and the judge denied it with prejudice, meaning I couldn't even refile later. Anyway CA courts are not for justice.
I have told her that we are going to keep it but then what about the example it sets for her younger brother 9 yr and sister 4 1/2 what does this say to them??

first of all sister, congratulations on reverting! one we revert, we get tested by Allah[swt] to make sure that we are really believers. [keep that in mind]

I have told her that we are going to keep it but then what about the example it sets for her younger brother 9 yr and sister 4 1/2 what does this say to them?

well for 1, it would show that you as a mother REALLY LOVE your kids EVEN WHEN they screw up! but right now, worry more about your daughter then the other 2.

Patience and Prayer are your best tools here. in the USA your daughter can terminate the pregnancy without you approval or even knowledge.

open the lines of communication with your daughter as much as you can. try you best to persuade her to do the right thing and remember to keep the talk going no matter what happens! IF she does abort, she will still be a 15 year old that got pregnant by a 20 year old and MAYBE, In Sha'a Allah, you can prevent it from happening again.

just remember, it's NOT the end of the world, it just feels that way!

May Allah[swt] guide you and strengthen you and increase you in knowledge! and may He[swt] also guide your children to Islam! Ameen!

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 10-15-2008

subhanAllaah.. may Allah ease your affairs.

sis i dont know how to help but i can tell you what i think i might do in such a situation.

i would help my daughter by raising this child and teaching her the beauty of islaam.
It is after all Allaah who gives Rizq (sustainance)! every soul has its share prescribed !

if she desires an abortion, i would kick the child out

that is what i would do, may Allah ease your affairs.

Assalamu Alaikum

**MO783** · 10-15-2008

Inshallah may Allah make it easy for you, I do not know what to say but I would say marraige is the best option.

**جوري** · 10-15-2008

I believe how you handle this situation right now will have an impact on whether or not your daughter herself converts in the future..
I know when people convert they think it is a piece of cake, their kids simply have to follow in their footsteps..kids are rebellious especially at your daughter's age...
I would approach this with extreme caution and counsel every step of the way...

in the beginning and the end you are her mother, and a grandmother to this baby.. seek Allah SWT help and try to set some boundaries of your expectations -- as bad as this sounds, the ball is now in your court-- your daughter is going to need you, and 20 year old guys sooner or later after they have had their fun will want to move on to the next conquest ... so think carefully of how you'll approach this..

insha'Allah you'll be in my du3a..

**Ushae** · 10-15-2008

I'm not sue what to say here..

Abortion is not an option . What she has done is a very serious sin. Is the father a muslim ? If so then I would only really say approach your family elders and the imam of your local mosque and get a second opinion on what to do next. Do not abort..

Allah Hafis,
Usman

**جوري** · 10-15-2008

She is a convert akhi, I don't believe her daughter embraced Islam yet..
and Allah knows best

**AnonymousPoster** · 10-15-2008

Asalam alaikum everyone,
JazakAllah for all the advice everyone has posted, I appreciate it so very much.
Since my daughter did not convert with me, her and I have different views on this. We spoke yesterday and she wants to terminate, but I told her how I felt that she chose to have sex full well knowing that there was possible going to be this consequence, and she still chose to do it. So I told her that I felt that now she is pregnant that she should take responsibility for her actions. Yes she sinned for sure and believe me she cried her eyes out yesterday calling on God to take it away from her.
The thing is that my 4 1/2 yr old has been teaching her what she is learning about Islam and when I took her phone away she actually had a task on 10/4 that said "learn the Quran" maybe this is my test and her opportunity to change her ways and convert. I am always being told that Allah is the best planner and that he won't put more on you than you can bare, so for me being there for her an teaching her then this could be the point that opens her heart to Islam. InshaAllah, please keep praying for us!!

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 10-15-2008

inshaAllah subhanAllaah maybe her baby will be an angel who will always help her become a true mu'minah (pious muslim believer) inshaAllaah

**The Khan** · 10-15-2008

I shall pray for your daughter, the baby, and you. May Allah (SWT) guide her to righteousness. May Allah (SWT) help you overcome this disaster. Ameen.

**layla is here** · 10-15-2008

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala ease your affairs and guide you through this. ameen

**Faseeha** · 10-15-2008

Assalamu-alaikum

I am sorry to hear of your situation sister.

Always remember that Allah tests us all in many different ways, and that Allah knows best why things happen the way they do. Also remember to make lots of dua (supplication), as dua has the power to change things and people.

As difficult a time as this is for you, your daughter is also going through alot of feelings and emotions, she may make a hasty decision which she could live to regret. You have to guide her, keep your communication open, try to abstain from fighting and yelling as this will just make her more rebellious.

Marriage may not seem like a good option, but if the man is willing to give it a try, perhaps it should be considered.

Abortion is a major sin and also will be likely to torment your daughter emotionally for years to come, so it would be preferable not to go down this route.

May Allah (SWT) guide you, and make this difficult time easier, don't lose faith