world apart

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

what do you do when you feel like your growing apart from your husband/wife... when love starts to fade and you wish you are away however part of you does not want to let go...? is divorce on the brink or is it just a phase? please and no offence married or divorced members replies only due to many reasons. :laugh:

No offence bro/sis...But divorce is not...is NEVER the solution or outcome of you feeling as though you're growing apart. I dont mean to be rude but I think its silly that you're even thinking about divorce now.

I'm not married so I'm not sure if growing apart is something that sometimes happens, but subhanAllah...talk to one another to try to increase that love and remem what it was like before.

May Allah bless you because I dont really have any advice to give. Ameen.

WassalamuAlaykum

Only you know what type of marraige you have.......... Only you can answer that question..........Only you can make that decision..................

If you have grown apart then try to bring back the togetherness........... I know it's hard when the effort is being made by only one half of the party............

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

what do you do when you feel like your growing apart from your husband/wife... when love starts to fade and you wish you are away however part of you does not want to let go...? is divorce on the brink or is it just a phase? please and no offence married or divorced members replies only due to many reasons.

How long have you been married? My guess is not more than a few years at most.

So if you want your marriage to last, keep in mind the following:

Number 1: Divorce is not the answer. It never is. Remember, marriage isn't a easy ride, it takes work to make it last for a long time. If you ask couples that have been married for 25+ years what kept them together - they'll tell you that no matter what problems came up, divorce was never an option for them. Don't believe me? Read the #1 secret to a long and happy marriage by couples who've been married for over 40 years on this page:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/19031744/

Number 2: Communication. This kind of stuff come up when there is a lack of communication in a relationship. One spouse feels his/her needs aren't being met, yet instead of talking about it with their spouse they jump the wagon and start thinking of divorce. Or in the unIslamic way, they start thinking of finding satisfaction in other places, for example, 'adventures' with someone other their spouse. May Allaah protect us.

Number 3: Understanding between the spouses. This is in direct relation to Number 2. When there is proper communication, when the concerns of both spouses are known to each other, then understanding develops for each other. Understanding of each others' needs leads to two things --> love and mercy. Love because you know the person more and this causes you to admire them further. Mercy because, when you know what they're feeling you feel merciful towards their needs and them. A marriage needs both to last. It can't survive based on love or mercy without the other.

So keep these three points in mind. Work on bringing that in your relationship. If it is already there, then work on increasing it.

Now, if you want some things you can do to increase the love in your married life, try the following:

• If you find yourself (meaning you and your spouse) in a set routine daily, change it! If it's the same each day, you know, wake up, work, come home tired, eat and sleep. CHANGE IT! It is the nature of humans to get bored overtime with the same things each day. Add some spice into your life, you know? Go out for dinner sometimes. Go for a late night walk at the beach (when it's all nice and empty and it's just you and your hubby). Find ways to change things. Be creative. Try out a new recipe, get your husband and cook together. Do things together that aren't just work and eating.
• Go for a vacation. This works wonders. Just take some time off from familiar surroundings and get away with each other for a week or two. Spend that time bonding and enjoying time with each other.
• Express your feelings to each other. There's nothing wrong with telling your spouse "I love you". Sometimes you just need to remind each other of this fact.
• Surprise each other. Get your spouse a gift for no reason except that you love him. Cook a special meal, do something that he loves but least expects. Be creative! Love = Give. Selflessness is key.