Am I condemned to hellfire, if I never marry (which is probably going to be the case)? Even if I pray and give charity and do other good deeds, and stay away from haram things during my entire life?
It is considered 1 half of our religion so yes, if you can marry, then it is necessary. If you are capable of marriage and refuse to do it, then I would imagine it would bve frowned upon. I doubt there is any Sin in choosing the latter.
Remember brother we're not like the christians (no offense to them ) where their most devout tale a vow of celebacy. It is your fharz to procreate (marry and have children), if you can.
I'd imagine it's the same as refusing to go Hajj when you are capable of it ? (bad analogy ?)
I personally think its should be a choice, if its a sin or not, I dont know, but I dont think anyone should be forced in to marraige, its a serious thing ya know.
I guess from what i see the older the guy becomes the more picky he is when it comes to choosing a wife. However it doesnt sound like your case i believe. There should be no reason on holding u back from getting married. U never know if u do get married ur depression might disappear. Marriage is more about companionship ( i think?) I mean do u really want to be by urself for the rest of ur life??? think about it, when ur ready find urself a good girl who will take good care of u inshallah
All the best !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not picky in terms of appearance. There are no good girls we know here, even if I were able to marry it is possible that I couldn't find anyone. I don't know about Pakistanis or others, but for Turks here in the Netherlands it has become really difficult to find someone. We know one girl who has divorced, she is 30 (I'm 32). She is incredibly beautiful, but I'm not interested. She doesn't appear to be religious, and I suspect her father is an atheist. The whole family is very materialistic. No thanks. Any guy looking at her would probably kill me for not marrying someone like her, but I'm not interested at all.
I'm not picky in terms of appearance. There are no good girls we know here, even if I were able to marry it is possible that I couldn't find anyone. I don't know about Pakistanis or others, but for Turks here in the Netherlands it has become really difficult to find someone. We know one girl who has divorced, she is 30 (I'm 32). She is incredibly beautiful, but I'm not interested. She doesn't appear to be religious, and I suspect her father is an atheist. The whole family is very materialistic. No thanks. Any guy looking at her would probably kill me for not marrying someone like her, but I'm not interested at all.
mm have u tried talking to the girl, i mean jst because her father sounds like an atheist it doesnt mean she follows (jst a suggestion) but if she is materialistic then she most likely wont be suitable.
Anyways brother why dont u go to Turkey n find a girl there since theres no good ones in Neverlands would that be possible?
I mean i hear lots of stories of people going to their home country to get married
I'm not picky in terms of appearance. There are no good girls we know here, even if I were able to marry it is possible that I couldn't find anyone. I don't know about Pakistanis or others, but for Turks here in the Netherlands it has become really difficult to find someone. We know one girl who has divorced, she is 30 (I'm 32). She is incredibly beautiful, but I'm not interested. She doesn't appear to be religious, and I suspect her father is an atheist. The whole family is very materialistic. No thanks. Any guy looking at her would probably kill me for not marrying someone like her, but I'm not interested at all.
beauty is nothing (but a bonus !)
and im not surprised at all that you feel nothing for her.
perhaps you'll marry when Allah wills brother.
And if you dont, then Allah knows best
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
-
mm have u tried talking to the girl, i mean jst because her father sounds like an atheist it doesnt mean she follows (jst a suggestion) but if she is materialistic then she most likely wont be suitable.
Anyways brother why dont u go to Turkey n find a girl there since theres no good ones in Neverlands would that be possible?
I mean i hear lots of stories of people going to their home country to get married
Yes, we visited them during Eid ul-Fitr and I made a terrible impression (I don't want to get into details). They had previously clearly shown interest, but not anymore. They suspect that there is something wrong with me, (which of course is the case). Again I don't wish to get into details, if you don't mind. But even if they/she was interested, I'm not. I don't like materialistic people, my life values don't coincide with theirs.
As to finding someone abroad.. I don't know, it has become more difficult in the last few years due to government regulations. Besides, I would prefer someone here, since a lot of marriages where the bride or bridegroom is brought from Turkey end in divorce.
And why do you say Neverlands, it´s called the Netherlands
Anyhow, I'm repeating myself over and over, but as I said earlier in the thread, I don't think I would be able to marry anyway..
Last edited by Argamemnon; 11-13-2008 at 12:40 AM.
Yes, we visited them during Eid ul-Fitr and I made a terrible impression (I don't want to get into details). They had previously clearly shown interest, but not anymore. They suspect that there is something wrong with me, (which of course is the case). Again I don't wish to get into details, if you don't mind. But even if they/she was interested, I'm not. I don't like materialistic people, my life values don't coincide with them.
As to finding someone abroad.. I don't know, it has become more difficult in the last few years due to government regulations. Besides, I would prefer someone here, since a lot of marriages where the bride or bridegroom is brought from Turkey end in divorce.
And why do you say Neverlands, it´s called the Netherlands
Anyhow, I'm repeating myself over and over, but as I said earlier in the thread, I don't think I would be able to marry anyway..
LOL typo error
Brother inshallah u get whatever u want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May Allah (swt) be with u
It's not a sin not to get married. But if not getting married will tear you apart, you really should avoid that contingency.
To be honest, I feel that not marrying would tear me apart, however, I also feel that marrying would tear me apart. This terrible depression and anxiety seems to be a very large part of my life. It seems my fate. The only thing I can do is to pray and become a good Muslim, and if Allah wills, one day I might live a normal life.
Do you have family members who could help you find a suitable partner?
Maybe.. but most of my close relatives live in Belgium (neighbouring country), so that might be a possibility as well.
To be honest, I feel that not marrying would tear me apart, however, I also feel that marrying would tear me apart. This terrible depression and anxiety seems to be a very large part of my life. It seems my fate. The only thing I can do is to pray and become a good Muslim, and if Allah wills, one day I might live a normal life.
Well, there's plenty of help available. Depression and anxiety needn't stop you leading what you might consider a normal life. There are counsellors etc.
From what I've read here, it looks like not marrying, for you, would do a lot more harm than marrying. Then again, I don't know you as a person, I only know as much as you've chosen to share here. But you know yourself if anyone does. As do your loved ones.
Maybe.. but most of my close relatives live in Belgium (neighbouring country), so that might be a possibility as well.
I agree with Muezzin. If you don't mind me saying, you seem a little hesitant, but at the same time you should be careful - I think you're laying back a bit too much. Go for it!
Should I seek a source of law other than God, when it is He Who has sent down unto you the Book (Qur'an) fully explained? And those whom We have given them the Book know that it has been sent down from the Lord with truth, so be not of those in doubt.
I agree with Muezzin. If you don't mind me saying, you seem a little hesitant, but at the same time you should be careful - I think you're laying back a bit too much. Go for it!
It's nothing to do with hesitation brother, didn't you read my the previous pages where I talked about my mental illness?
I like this quote by Abraham Lincoln, former president of the US (1809 –1865) I feel exactly like him
"I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth. Whether I shall ever be better I can not tell; I awfully forebode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible; I must die or be better, it appears to me."
How can one even think of marriage when feeling so miserable every day. I cried when I first saw this quote
Last edited by Argamemnon; 11-13-2008 at 11:13 PM.
bro i think you are depressing yourself by continuing to think you are a looser (which ofcourse you are not). first of all, you have to understand, and tell yourself, that people have mental illnesses, but can still cope with life. your illness doesn't seem to be very severe becase from your posts, you seem like a perfectly normal person who is just depressed. but then again, i am making that assumption based on how much i've read and how much you've chosen to share. anyhow my point is, don't tell yourself that you will always be miserable; there are soo many poeple in this world who are in a more terrible situation then you but are still capable of smiling and moving on with life.
like the other members of this forum suggested, do lots of lots of dua to Allah asking Him to remove this burden/illness/depression away from you. and also ask Allah to help you find a good partner in life. it seems to me as if you want a companion but are afraid to look for her. if its okay with your fmaily, then go outside the turkish culture and look for a nice Muslim girl. open your horizons and ask Allah, knowing that he is capable of curing all illnesses no matter how severe they are. Insha'Allah Allah will help you.
and in the event that you don't ever get married, don't consider yourself as a worthless man. there are countless people in this world who chose not to marry; not marrying is not a sin. devote your life to Allah, and please him and you will loose your depression and be satisfied. i can't remember which scholar it was, but a great scholar in the past did not marry (i belive it was ibn Taymiyya) please someone correct me if i'm wrong. Just control your desires and work and pleasing Allah (which all of us should be doing!)
your illness doesn't seem to be very severe becase from your posts, you seem like a perfectly normal person
Sadly, I'm not. I have basically lived like a recluse since 2001, hiding in my own room most of the time without social contact. I can't deal with people, and yet I know that loneliness is worse.
like the other members of this forum suggested, do lots of lots of dua to Allah asking Him to remove this burden/illness/depression away from you. and also ask Allah to help you find a good partner in life.
Thank you for your advice..I will do that..
if its okay with your fmaily, then go outside the turkish culture and look for a nice Muslim girl
They wouldn't mind, but I have no idea how I could find a Pakistani or Arab girl..
and in the event that you don't ever get married, don't consider yourself as a worthless man. there are countless people in this world who chose not to marry; not marrying is not a sin. devote your life to Allah, and please him and you will loose your depression and be satisfied. i can't remember which scholar it was, but a great scholar in the past did not marry (i belive it was ibn Taymiyya) please someone correct me if i'm wrong. Just control your desires and work and pleasing Allah (which all of us should be doing!)
I agree with you, being a good Muslim is what matters in life. We are not here to be happy..
If you don't mind me asking, Bro Agr, did something happen in your life that cuased this severe distress upon you? only answer if your ok with it.
and by keeping to yourself, like staying in your room, you are preventing yourself from committing sins which is a great advantage. to reduce depression, i would advise you to read the qur'an, tafseer, seerat of the Rasulullah (peace and blessings be upon him), lives of the prohpets (peace be upon them) lives of the Companions (May Allah be pleased with them), etc. Thus keeping yourself busy with tehse great stories will prevent you from falling into depression.
If you don't mind me asking, Bro Agr, did something happen in your life that cuased this severe distress upon you? only answer if your ok with it.
and by keeping to yourself, like staying in your room, you are preventing yourself from committing sins which is a great advantage. to reduce depression, i would advise you to read the qur'an, tafseer, seerat of the Rasulullah (peace and blessings be upon him), lives of the prohpets (peace be upon them) lives of the Companions (May Allah be pleased with them), etc. Thus keeping yourself busy with tehse great stories will prevent you from falling into depression.
I have no idea what caused it sister ayesha. I know isolating myself from people for years has increased the pain, but I was always anxious in the presence of other people, and was always prone to depression. I think I was born this way. But I agree with you, reading the Quran and learning about Islam is the most important step to deal with anxiety and depression.
Last edited by Argamemnon; 11-14-2008 at 03:34 PM.
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Array
) where their most devout tale a vow of celebacy. It is your fharz to procreate (marry and have children), if you can.
would that be possible?
!)
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Posting Permissions
Quote
Bookmarks