This is not easy for me. But I know that I can’t keep this secret hidden forever. I am 20 years old and I am married. When I was 16 I fell in love with an amazing Muslim man and we married each other. When I married him, I was so happy. Nothing on earth, could bring me down, with him I had wings. , He would always make me smile, and he was everything a Muslim should be. I know that no one can match up to rasululah (saw) but to me he was so close in character. We were so attracted to one another; he has beauty, an amazing mind, even wealth. He would practice his Islam to the fullest, never compromised his deen for anything. I would always dream of a man like this before I met him. When I finally met him it was like Allah took him out of my dreams and placed him in my reality. In the Muslim community women would envy me (young & old. Asking me, “how did you find a man like this”? I would just say Alhamdulilah.
I know that all the good I have in my life came from Allah alone, and all credit is due to Allah. When we first got married we lived together for only 2 weeks, after that due to some immigration issues he had to leave the country. But he was to return once things get sorted. During those 2 weeks, one week of it I had my period. So we couldn’t have been intimate fully. The week after when my period finished, nothing happened. Me being a young virgin I wasn’t really thinking of intercourse too much. If anything it was not really on my mind, mainly just freaking out about it. Was kind of happy that he didn’t approach me as soon as my period finished. I knew that it was going to happen, just be looking forward to it too much. I thought when it happens it will happen InshaAllah. While he was gone we always had contact, we were looking forward to the time we could be together again. We loved each other so much and were sad that we couldn’t be together as much as we would have liked.
At the same time we stayed patient and kept making allot of dua that Allah allows us to be together soon as husband and wife and to never ever be separated again. Well he would return again, this time he stayed 3 months. I was so happy when he returned, my husband whom I have only known as my husband through marriage for 2 weeks. I was over the moon and so was he.
During his stay, my love for him increased, we were being very affectionate except there was no intercourse. One night he mentioned that whenever he got too close I would freak out, and he would see fear in my eyes. That he didn’t want to hurt me and would wait until I got more comfortable. I thought that was sweet. A month passed and I am still a virgin. I started to actually think about it, but would never try to show it because of how shy I was. He asked me once, why I freak out? I didn’t know how to answer that. I asked him, have I ever stopped you? He said, no. I thought that would get him to think and show him that I of course want to be intimate with my husband regardless of how much I freak out. I thought, what Girl doesn’t freak out? If men all thought, oh my wife looks scared im not going to touch her, everyone would be virgin? One night he asked me, “why I don’t try to touch him”? I didn’t know how to answer it.
I have never been with a man before how was I suppose to know? He would tell me how it’s a sign that I don’t feel close to him. That he doesn’t
want to rape his own wife. Why don’t I act like I want it? I was so
confused, and started to think that there is something wrong with me. Later he confirmed to me that he’s also very shy and he’s a virgin too. I knew that he was a Virgin, so I began to think maybe he’s also freaking out InshaAllah we will get through this. My sisters would get married and all get pregnant, and I am still a virgin. My mother would ask me, “Are you taking the pill”? By the time my mother asked me this I was already married for a complete year and have lived with him that long too. I just said, yes. I had turned 17 then.
My mother gave me an earful of how bad the pill is for me, how I should stop taking it and that children are a blessing from Allah. I lied to protect his honor. I didn’t want anyone to think that he’s failing as a Man. Well, another year passed, still we’re virgins. When I turned 18, that night he began to kiss me, and he got close to being very intimate with me, then he stopped. He began to cry in my lap, asking me to forgive him. I told him that there is nothing to forgive. He said, I worry that I will lose you. There is no woman on this earth more beautiful then you, here we are I have you all to myself, and and. He didn’t finish it. I didn’t make him finish it. I just told him to sleep and that I wasn’t mad at him.
The next day, when we were sitting together, I asked him something. He uses to be catholic, although my knowledge was and still is limited in that area, but I use to hear how priests rape the boys in the church. When we met, he did tell me that he use to go to church as a young boy. So that day, I asked him about the time he use to go to church. Were you ever molested as a child, I asked him? He wouldn’t look at me, but he just gave me body language that says, sort of no. I didn’t ask again. I continued cooking, cleaning, doing my wifely duties. My parents visit us and keep asking me why I am not pregnant yet; I have now been married for 4 years. My father occasionally will take me aside, and say things like this to me “don’t worry children are a blessing from Allah, I know that it must have been hard trying for 4 years”. I have always loved my husband; he’s my friend and a very Allah fearing Mu’min. I don’t know how this all happened. I know that he never harmed me; he was always good to me. And although we never had sex, we had so much fun. All these years I have never looked at other men. No living being knows of this life I am living. I have always felt like it would be a betrayal to leave him just because he didn’t do it with me? My parents absolutely adore him and even call him their favourite son in law. I dont know what to do. I know that I have lived such a beautiful life.
He treats me like I am a princess, he’s so sweet and kind. I don't think that I will ever stop loving him. My mother wants me to get checked and find out why I cant have children. She sees how happy I am with my husband, she once told me in my Dads presence “If me and your father die, We know that we have given you to the best man on this earth”. I dont know what to do.
I am starting to imagine what a life would be with kids? To be a real wife who experiences every aspect of marriage life? Or will I die as a Virgin? I always get a lot of attention from men, even when we eat out together at restaurants. Whenever men in our Community see me they wonder if I am available for marriage? That's because of my age & my looks "ive been told" and most assume at first hand that I am single. When I have to say I am married, it feels a bit wrong. It’s only at times like that I am reminded of the fact that I am really not married. recently started to cry in my sleep, wondering what I did wrong? I have never hurt people, I have always been the one who everyone came to when they needed anything. Now I am living this life. My husband keeps telling me, that he can’t believe it that I am still married to him. I am now visiting my Family, I’ve been looking at some links and came across this forum while my lil sister was reading here. I have to tell her one day soon...I think she will be so shocked omg, She looks up to me, and looks at me and sees me smile. She has seen so many marriages fall apart, she told me I give her hope. That she wants to have a marriage like mine. I am sorry for the long post.
If I tell my parents they will make sure that I get divorced I know it in my heart. I need your advice ya muslimeen. I see commercials, talks of intimacy. I can't lie I wonder what thats like. But I am now beginning to accept that it might not happen with my husband, after 4 years of waiting now I think it might never happen. That breaks my heart, but I don't have any control over it...Iwill stop writing, I don't want anyone to come in and see my tears. Pls make dua for me. I don't want to break a heart so beautiful, a heart that would die for me.
I just read through these posts. I really cannot relate to this attitude toward sex. I'm astounded. Any heterosexual man should be jumping on his wife at the first chance. The problem seems too obvious. It sounds to me as though he is gay. And the two of you were raised in an overly-protective environment with very little open communication about sex. Hopefully I am wrong. You two need some professional help.
i think you are just generalizing here. just because you cannot relate to his attitude does not mean that "any heterosexual man" relates to yours. granted her situation is very bizarre and tragic for the both of them, it is not fair to say that any man who does not immediately jump ontop of his wife has to be gay. sex can be an incredibly daunting experience to even think about for someone who is easily made uncomfortable in situations which contest with personal space or even self control. a person who has achieved complete confidence in themselves By themselves, is naturally going to feel uneasy when that becomes compromised by the introduction of another person, whom youre therefore expected to trust as much as youve come to trust yourself. the reason intimacy is so easy for some people is because some people suffer certain insecurities in themselves which makes them better able and willing to trust others. privacy becomes a tremendously important virtue (physically and emotionally) for people who have forever been totally self sufficient and self motivated. my point is that if you trust yourself entirely, it is then an enormous task to trust someone else to do the same kinda right by you that you know yourself capable of doing for yourself. if that makes sense. heterosexual man here, speaking from personal experience.
i think you are just generalizing here. just because you cannot relate to his attitude does not mean that "any heterosexual man" relates to yours. granted her situation is very bizarre and tragic for the both of them, it is not fair to say that any man who does not immediately jump ontop of his wife has to be gay. sex can be an incredibly daunting experience to even think about for someone who is easily made uncomfortable in situations which contest with personal space or even self control. a person who has achieved complete confidence in themselves By themselves, is naturally going to feel uneasy when that becomes compromised by the introduction of another person, whom youre therefore expected to trust as much as youve come to trust yourself. the reason intimacy is so easy for some people is because some people suffer certain insecurities in themselves which makes them better able and willing to trust others. privacy becomes a tremendously important virtue (physically and emotionally) for people who have forever been totally self sufficient and self motivated. my point is that if you trust yourself entirely, it is then an enormous task to trust someone else to do the same kinda right by you that you know yourself capable of doing for yourself. if that makes sense. heterosexual man here, speaking from personal experience.
Hummm no it dose not really make sense brother... You are talking 4years here. Its a long time not 2have sex and be nervous about it and we only know as muslims that Allah created man to have sex with a woman. If not then, it dose sound odd.
Oh so you are saying i am giving bad advice. You know you are proving 2 me and everybody else that you are nothing only a back biter.. Sister must you keep on quoting my posts and responding to me. Let the sister decide who started the thread that my post is insensitive or not!!! Dont respond to me again if you know better.
Sister Gossamer skye has given nothing but good advice both medically and islamically (she is qualified to give medical advice) the only harsh words i read in this topic is from you, read your post again.
subhaanAllah, please stop this bickering. This is a month of Ramadhan for Allah's Love and let us use this energy to make dua'a for sister and rest of the ummah.
sister, how did he divorce you? on the phone? did he divorce you thrice in one 'sitting'? Because if he divorced you thrice in one sitting then you can take the opinion of the scholars who say that divorce in such a manner only counts as one. Please have a look at the fatawas here
I would advice you to talk to knowledgeable person about your divorce issue
may Allah Ta'ala make things easier for you and set your affairs, ameen
If anyone targets me again. I will bite my tongue and wont respond inshallaah. I won't let shaytaan get the best of me. I will forgive them for what they believe there trying 2 achieve will happen! It won't 2 all of you who did not like what i said..may Allah make your imaan strong and be more open 2 peoples opinions and not judge them my intention was 2 be harsh so it might be easier for her to walk away from what would be a wasted life and get over him quick. It was not good advice 2lower her diginity and ask for him 2take her back when she did ALOT FOR HIM and was patient subhanallah. She went through enough. but i will hold my hands up if the thread starter didn't like them but i dön't need to explain my theories 2 any of you and dont know why i am doing.. Its pointless when its not even your thread. May Allah reward you anyway! Salaam.
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
..Iwill stop writing, I don't want anyone to come in and see my tears. Pls make dua for me. I don't want to break a heart so beautiful, a heart that would die for me.
subhanAllah, i always heard that Allah created mankind to worship Him.
2 all of you who did not like what i said..may Allah make your imaan strong and be more open 2 peoples opinions and not judge them my intention was 2 be harsh so it might be easier for her to walk away from what would be a wasted life and get over him quick. It was not good advice 2lower her diginity and ask for him 2take her back when she did ALOT FOR HIM and was patient subhanallah. She went through enough. but i will hold my hands up if the thread starter didn't like them but i dön't need to explain my theories 2 any of you and dont know why i am doing.. Its pointless when its not even your thread. May Allah reward you anyway! Salaam.
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Bookmarks