anti social

hi bro/sis,

walahi i am just like you, i cannot talk to people for long periods of time, i hate other peoples company not because i hate them but just because i dont know how to interact with them or socialise at all, nd my confidence is just 0.

I swear you basically described how i feel..

i dnt think i can offer you any advice because i need it myself still, but i can tell you ur not alone.

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

i hate meeting/talking to people because i simply just dont know how to. i cant keep a conversation going to save my life. even with family when speaking to them on the phone. i dont like to answer the phone/speak to them because i just dont know how to keep the convo going.
my social skills are practically dead, which makes me antisocial and too afarid to talk to people, because i just dont know how to.
i even like it when people dominate the convosation becuse that means i basically have to listen.
i dont mind not talking to people, its just the fact that i cannot that bothers me.

AssalamuAlaykum

Do you know why you feel like that?

Have you always felt like that?

How does it make you feel knowing that you cannot or will not communicate with ppl?

If you're a dudette you should talk to me yaar, I'll have ya babbling in no time

WassalamuAlaykum

Brother i remember reading in one of your posts that you suffer with depression, the description you have said about how you feel when communicating with other people shows this.

Everyone is different, i love to talk!!! But sometimes a conversation can be boring or not something you would like to participate in so your body language interprets this..........

What i am trying to say is that everyone is different not all people like to talk, sometimes i do like to talk and take part in discussions. Sometimes i just like to listen..............

I have read posts by you and don't think you have a problem with communication......... Did you find a favourite smiley by the way?????

format_quote Originally Posted by Argamemnon

I'm the same. I always hide within my mind when I'm with people. I never feel a connection, I always look away, put my head down, turn my body away from people etc. People don't feel very comfortable around me, I can see and feel this. It's the way I am, I feel that it is beyond my control. I'm very internally minded. I live in my own head, I can't relate to the world.

I have so many thoughts, I think and feel so much that I can't cope with external stimulation. All these thoughts and emotions prevent me from relating to other people and the outside world. I just don't have energy left for that..

My own thoughts and emotions are so strong that they seem to replace interaction with real human beings. I have a very rich inner world. I can think of something and laugh on my own, for example. Other people usually laugh when they see things or hear jokes from other people, because their brain works differently. Their brain is directed to the outside/external world.

I have thought about this a lot lately. My conclusion is that for some reason, my brain is extremely sensitive to external stimulation. My mind is too busy. I was born this way. Allah knows best.

you sound sooooooooo coool!!!!

i know for a fact i would become your friend oh: !!

format_quote Originally Posted by Zahida

I have read posts by you and don't think you have a problem with communication......... Did you find a favourite smiley by the way?????

I'm sure that if you spoke to me in person you would run away. On internet I come across as being very open, but I'm not in real life. I'm always very awkward and anxious in the presence of other people..

When talking to people my mind goes completely blank and I feel as though I'm about to die. That's how bad I feel. This is one of the reasons that I have decided not to marry. I really have nothing to offer women (or anyone else). Frankly, I'm a pathetic loser; a waste of space.

Even if I found the most beautiful, the most friendly girl in the world (to marry) I could not become happy. As long as negative way of thinking, anxiety, lack of confidence persists and dominates my life, marrying wont really make those feelings go away. I hope I have made myself clear on this point

As to which smiley I like:

Ask Allaah (swt) to help you - this is the first and most important step!

I think it is the fear of being negatively evaluated by others that often kills a person's confidence and stops them from interacting. You might think that someone doesn't think much of you for whatever reason, maybe because of the way you look for example, but in reality, these thoughts might have never crossed the other person's mind. You need to let go of the worry that you are going to make a mistake and instead accept the fact that mistakes are natural, and if you do make one, so what?

Perhaps try to find someone that has similar interests and characteristics like your own, because even if you're "internally minded", like company may help you to open up and share your thoughts and feelings. Strangely enough, finding someone who has less confidence than you can make you feel as though you have all the confidence in the world. You'll think less of being negatively evaluated.

Maybe you need practice. Just reach out and say salaam to someone, and you never know who you might meet. Be bold, take a risk, overcome your fears. You'll see that in reality, there's nothing to it. Over time, your confidence will grow from experience and you'll be more prepared for new situations Insha'Allaah.

Feel better???

format_quote Originally Posted by Argamemnon

I'm sure that if you spoke to me in person you would run away. On internet I come across as being very open, but I'm not in real life. I'm always very awkward and anxious in the presence of other people..

When talking to people my mind goes completely blank and I feel as though I'm about to die. That's how bad I feel. This is one of the reasons that I have decided not to marry. I really have nothing to offer women (or anyone else). Frankly, I'm a pathetic loser; a waste of space.

Even if I found the most beautiful, the most friendly girl in the world (to marry) I could not become happy. As long as negative way of thinking, anxiety, lack of confidence persists and dominates my life, marrying wont really make those feelings go away. I hope I have made myself clear on this point

As to which smiley I like:

format_quote Originally Posted by Argamemnon

I'm sorry brother, but for some people (like me) this is just impossible.

Nothing is impossible when you have Allaah (swt) to ask to make it possible. Where there's a will, there's a way.

format_quote Originally Posted by Argamemnon

I'm sorry brother, but for some people (like me) this is just impossible.

Ask yourself these questions:

Have you ever made anyone smile?
Have you ever made anyone laugh?
Have you ever helped anyone?

If the answer is yes, then replicate that action. Let that moment of happiness or joy become your driving force, your energy, your motivation. Then continue doing it - don't pass up the opportunity when it comes. Make it a challenge for yourself: how many people can you help in one day or how many people can you make smile in one day? Then try beating that. But, above all, be happy when you succeed and don't fret if you fail to achieve it (sometimes it isn't possible). But at least then you can reflect; what did you do good and what did you do bad.

Do good, reflect and take value upon your actions and repeat the process. That's all you need to do in terms of socialising. As for chatting? I myself cannot idle-chit-chat for longer than 5 minutes...I just simply cannot find anything to say to them lol. So I say what I need to say, when I need to say it and how it needs to be said (for the most part). Add this to your actions and you're sorted.

Could you please clarify who that was at??

format_quote Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman

you sound sooooooooo coool!!!!

i know for a fact i would become your friend oh: !!

format_quote Originally Posted by Zahida

Could you please clarify who that was at??

thread starter!

i like him already

It doesn't make you 'anti-social' it makes you either schizoid (normal but don't like to mingle)
avoidant (normal but shy) or schizotypal if your withdrawl is accompanied by bizarre fantasies or preoccupations..

I'd be careful throwing labels around even to identify yourself.. anti-social personality disorder is used to describe criminals! who exhibit a disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood, common to this disorder is the use of deceit and manipulation of others.. this disorder is pervasive and begins in childhood -- but before the age of 18 it is considered conduct disorder..

an anti-social = sociopath... is this really an accurate measure of your person?

wow firstly thanks for the replies, didnt expected this many replies

secondly lol im a sis! not a bro lol

format_quote Originally Posted by amani

is this with people who are you also know well or do you tend to be tongue tied with mostly strangers/people you dont talk to very often/ have nothing in common with?

no even with people i know well, like my sisters even (i mean ones who are married and not living at home) :s i dunno i just cant find anything to say to them, even though there could be plenty to talk about.
like i find with people as long as they're doing most of the talking and i have do most of the listening , than yh in convos like that im ok otherwise i just feel really awkward.

but i do dislike meeting new people because of this problem .

i even avoid visiting friends out of fear that out convos will "dry up" and ill have noting to say

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

Do you know why you feel like that?

i think its just a lack of being around people. like when i was at school, id still be able to have normal convoverstaions with people, etc. i finished school about three yrs back, i just find that i cant speak lol i just become quite tongue tied.

also if i find that there isnt a point in saying something, then i just dont say it.
for eg if i had a crappy day. i mean i find no need to mention things like that, so i just simply dont. so yeah, seemingly pointless talk that. and i guess that deteriorates my abilites to communicate.

How does it make you feel knowing that you cannot or will not communicate with ppl?

sometimes im okay with it, but sometimes im not because yh i figure what if im put in a situation where i have to talk/communicate with people and i have no idea how to you know, ya gotta be ready

format_quote Originally Posted by Argamemnon

When talking to people my mind goes completely blank and I feel as though I'm about to die. That's how bad I feel. This is one of the reasons that I have decided not to marry. I really have nothing to offer women (or anyone else). Frankly, I'm a pathetic loser; a waste of space.

oh yeah, i also fear marriage ill be the most boring person to converse with
but bro i think that's going abit extreme to not want to marry due to this i mean instead of running away from the issue, i guess you shold deal with it

format_quote Originally Posted by Skye Ephémérine

It doesn't make you 'anti-social' it makes you either schizoid (normal but don't like to mingle)
avoidant (normal but shy)

i think im both of them

or schizotypal if your withdrawl is accompanied by bizarre fantasies or preoccupations..

an anti-social = sociopath... is this really an accurate measure of your person?

errr i dont think thats me

simply get out of your comfort zone, go meet new people, new places etc. just don't stay cooped up somewhere.