Being Gay and Muslim

[asad1]

I'm 17 and pretty sure I'm gay. I really don't know what to do as I've tried 'turning straight' but it doesn't work for me. No one knows I'm gay and my parents are strict Muslims. I don't want to lead a false life and I get the impression other Muslims don't understand I didn't choose to be like this and I can't change it either.

[Uthman]

This might be a strange and awkward question, but is your homosexuality just limited to thoughts and feelings or do you practise it as well?

[alcurad]

you're pretty sure you're gay? how pretty sure? and how did you come to that decision?
anyway, it's a psychological issue mostly, you can be gay then not gay and vice versa, meaning it's a CHOICE.
having a strong relationship with another is not gay, it's natural, only there is much prevalent hypocrisy when it comes to 'gayness' in the west especially, it's a major insult, and people try to avoid even holding hands and hugging so as not to be considered as such, but come the media and everyone is pretending to be tolerant and whatnot.
perhaps you're 'gay' because of some show or a few words someone told you, if so, don't be so frail, being a man means being attracted to women-atleast when you are in your youth, prime.
this is somewhat chauvinistic, but true nonetheless.
it doesn't serve any function other than satisfying some twisted desire, don't let whatever/whomever it was control you to such an extent, being human meant giving up pleasure for it's own sake in many regards..
if you've never 'had' a woman before, how do you know what you like or don't, I'm assuming here that you never 'did' anything yet. if so, good, keep not doing anything, and then get married when you are ready, I remember being 17, not so long ago actually, I had a maelstrom of ideas and emotions just like any other teen, this is good, it means you are maturing and creating your own personality, but try not to get too far with it,,

if it's really hard to let go of, accept it then let it go, meaning don't dwell on it too much, don't actively try to not think about it either, it's a phase and it passes.

[asad1]

I'm pretty sure I'm gay...I wish I was straight...but I'm not. I've never felt attracted to women and have tried to feel 'attracted' but it's just not happening. I like guys both sexually and emotionally and can't help that. I just don't know what to do and I'm really confused.

[asad1]

So what you're saying is, it's ok for me to be gay...but in practice I'm not allowed to do anything Gay e.g. have a boyfriend?

You think I should get married to a woman, even though I'd never truly love her, plus live a false life?

[asad1]

I think it is biological..I didn't choose to be like this. IF it was an option, wouldn't I be straight? Why would I choose a hard life?

I'm in the UK so yes there is counselling but I think I'd rather not. I'm just not sure what I want in the long term...

[alcurad]

hmm, if you wish to see that way, then sure, yes that is what I meant.
false/true, good/bad, these dichotomies are not all there is to life, I was saying on a simpler note, that there is NO such thing as gay, bi or straight.
all there 'is', is a human with some carnal desire, going through periods of need/lust, that needs to be satisfied, anything would do the trick at that,'love' is based on physical attraction, besides how do you know women are so bad and it's never going to work no matter what happens? this is a fatalist attitude, not so healthy on the long run.
just as you 'came to be' gay, you can come to be not gay, breaking taboos is somehow exciting, but to claim it would be a false life full of misery with no truth etc etc, this is just talk brother asad1, nothing more.
truth is, you can do whatever you want, and you should at that most of the time, but sure are you it is you who made the choice of being 'gay',,
now, since you have been quite open and came out with all of it, let me share something myself, you remind me of myself a few years ago, i also had an issue like you did, well not exactly but close enough, I accepted it as it was, and it's not an issue any more.
I didn't suppress or deny it, rather I accepted that indeed I did entertain a thought that was 'gay', and I do understand how some can view it as not so bad, but then that was it, I never disliked women, or felt the need to do something, and you don't either, it is a choice, regardless of how you convince yourself it isn't. in my case it was mostly my surrounding culture, most likely it is the same for you too, otherwise it wouldn't exist. don't buy into the 'it's normal/natural' bull, if all that humans or the rest of the animal kingdom did were natural, then what is the point of calling things natural or not,,

P.S kaafir, pretending not to be biased is mostly known as hypocrisy..

[asad1]

Kafir again thanks...you're right about the marriage thing...I don't know if I'd be able to cope. I've known I'm gay for a long time now but it's only starting to depress me now..

[The Ruler]

I wasn't aware of the fact that homosexuality was biological. By biological do you mean hereditary?

[asad1]

Alcurad you don't seem to understand my problem.

I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE LIKE THIS!!! Please just try to understand that. This isn't a phase..I know I am Gay..you're just trying to get the positive out of a horrific situation.

[AntiKarateKid]

Alcurad you don't seem to understand my problem.

I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE LIKE THIS!!! Please just try to understand that. This isn't a phase..I know I am Gay..you're just trying to get the positive out of a horrific situation.

Excuse me but that is something you just tell yourself to make you feel better.


Brother, a man can be born with alcoholic tendencies, strong ones at that, but it is his duty to overcome them.

Name me the gene that causes people to be gay..... there is none. It may give you a tendency but the choice to follow it is with you. You have been given a test, rise up to it.


May Allah guide you.

[alcurad]

no, I'd say you're the one who doesn't.
let me ask you again, how did you 'know' you were gay?
it is a choice, thoughts come and go, we choose to keep and enforce them,,

[Whatsthepoint]

hmm, if you wish to see that way, then sure, yes that is what I meant.
false/true, good/bad, these dichotomies are not all there is to life, I was saying on a simpler note, that there is NO such thing as gay, bi or straight.
all there 'is', is a human with some carnal desire, going through periods of need/lust, that needs to be satisfied, anything would do the trick at that,'love' is based on physical attraction, besides how do you know women are so bad and it's never going to work no matter what happens? this is a fatalist attitude, not so healthy on the long run.
just as you 'came to be' gay, you can come to be not gay, breaking taboos is somehow exciting, but to claim it would be a false life full of misery with no truth etc etc, this is just talk brother asad1, nothing more.
truth is, you can do whatever you want, and you should at that most of the time, but sure are you it is you who made the choice of being 'gay',,
now, since you have been quite open and came out with all of it, let me share something myself, you remind me of myself a few years ago, i also had an issue like you did, well not exactly but close enough, I accepted it as it was, and it's not an issue any more.
I didn't suppress or deny it, rather I accepted that indeed I did entertain a thought that was 'gay', and I do understand how some can view it as not so bad, but then that was it, I never disliked women, or felt the need to do something, and you don't either, it is a choice, regardless of how you convince yourself it isn't. in my case it was mostly my surrounding culture, most likely it is the same for you too, otherwise it wouldn't exist. don't buy into the 'it's normal/natural' bull, if all that humans or the rest of the animal kingdom did were natural, then what is the point of calling things natural or not,,

P.S kaafir, pretending not to be biased is mostly known as hypocrisy..

He said he never liked women, he even tried to like them but it didn't work. You were most probably straight with some gay/bi tendencies, 5 or 4 on the Kinsey scale, which is compeltely different than being gay. Having some feelings for the same sex during adolescence is not gay.
Or are you saying you had a prevailing attitude for males and then it changed to females?

[doorster]

hmm, if you wish to see that way, then sure, yes that is what I meant.
false/true, good/bad, these dichotomies are not all there is to life, I was saying on a simpler note, that there is NO such thing as gay, bi or straight.
all there 'is', is a human with some carnal desire, going through periods of need/lust, that needs to be satisfied, anything would do the trick at that,'love' is based on physical attraction, besides how do you know women are so bad and it's never going to work no matter what happens? this is a fatalist attitude, not so healthy on the long run.
just as you 'came to be' gay, you can come to be not gay, breaking taboos is somehow exciting, but to claim it would be a false life full of misery with no truth etc etc, this is just talk brother asad1, nothing more.
truth is, you can do whatever you want, and you should at that most of the time, but sure are you it is you who made the choice of being 'gay',,
now, since you have been quite open and came out with all of it, let me share something myself, you remind me of myself a few years ago, i also had an issue like you did, well not exactly but close enough, I accepted it as it was, and it's not an issue any more.
I didn't suppress or deny it, rather I accepted that indeed I did entertain a thought that was 'gay', and I do understand how some can view it as not so bad, but then that was it, I never disliked women, or felt the need to do something, and you don't either, it is a choice, regardless of how you convince yourself it isn't. in my case it was mostly my surrounding culture, most likely it is the same for you too, otherwise it wouldn't exist. don't buy into the 'it's normal/natural' bull, if all that humans or the rest of the animal kingdom did were natural, then what is the point of calling things natural or not,,

P.S kaafir, pretending not to be biased is mostly known as hypocrisy..

melikes it and hopes that no one deletes it and tries to understand it instead

Alcurad you don't seem to understand my problem.

I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE LIKE THIS!!! Please just try to understand that. This isn't a phase..I know I am Gay..you're just trying to get the positive out of a horrific situation.

so what do you want him to say? do want us to give you a seal of approval?

[alcurad]

yes, it was much more than 'tendencies' at times, but I never reinforced it, rather let it be and it isn't an issue at all now.

[Whatsthepoint]

yes, it was much more than 'tendencies', but I never reinforced it, rather let it be and it isn't an issue at all now.

How much more, would you say ou were 50% into males and 50% into females? Mor, less?

[alcurad]

whatsthepoint, it's not something to put numbers to, but it was much more than 50-50 if that is what you meant.
now please stop going into tangents, this is about brother asad1, not me.

[Uthman]

If you wish to be straight (which it appears that you do), then I advise you to make Du'ah to Allah (SWT).

That's some practical advice for you. It may seem simple, but never underestimate the power of Du'ah.

Btw, let us please stop being harsh on the brother. That's probably what he needs least right now.

[asad1]

I'm not saying you have to accept me or anything...that's upto you.

I just thought this was the best place to share my problems as no one else knows about them. But like I said...I'm confused long term..

[Whatsthepoint]

whatsthepoint, it's not something to put numbers to, but it was much more than 50-50 if that is what you meant.
now please stop going into tangents, this is about brother asad1, not me.

I'm trying to clear this up because i find it hard to believe a 17-year-old with stronger females for males than females could become straight. If it's true it hints a change of sexual orinetation may be possible eventhough modern psychiatry disagrees.