Basically...for 22 years of my life, ive loved it...was bubbly, everyone loved me and my personality...never really had a bf though etc, i just enjoyed life and waking up, however i never prayed and didn't really know much about islam due going to a all white high school so didn't really associate much with my culture...however thankfully, i never went down the wrong road where i started drinking etc and started living the white lifestyle due to my friends.
I joined uni, and became friends with 'the asian crowd'...and my best mate being religious, i started become interested in islam. took me 2 years to get there though, and 4 months went to a islamic talk and decided to become religious and started praying my 5 namaazes. Then all due to life changes, i had a panic attack out of nowhere and then developed anxiety (specifically towards my health)
I get scared about health and dying and etc...im more scared of the punishment of the grave because i feel like i have sinned more than good and trying to better myself but feel like its not enough because i'm still taking baby steps.
My world has turned upside down, i not bubbly and happy anymore and always depression, it feels like one big nightmare.
I always pray to allah to bring me out of this and to make me the person who i was...but 4 months on, i'm still here living this nightmare. I still have faith in allah and still love allah dearly however i dont know if i can take this personality change anymore. i miss my old self. i have sever headaches and cant concentrate. been to docs and they tried putting me on anti depressents but my mum and i myself would be very upset if i went down this route. i really dont want to take anti depressents, they so over rated.
I honestly believe in 'If Allah brings you to it, Allah will bring you through it'
I once heard that a dead men would sell this world for the deed of a 2 rakat prayer (something along the line).
Would sell your soul and Hereafter, your belief in God for a personality, for the popularity of friends, who only don't care about your future in the Hereafter. Did popularity and being loved give peace to your soul before? If it did, what was the purpose of praying, being obedient to Allah (swt), wanting him to raise your status.
People who love the love of people and do to please them, Allah (swt) will humiliate them. But those who suffer humiliation, hardship for the sake of being obedient to Allah (swt), Allah (swt) will raise their status. In Remembrance of Allah (swt) do hearts find peace.
I think you're just doing just fine. Knowledge will help you increase your faith <3. Don't give up. The Shahadah is an oath, and this life is the test whether you stuck to that oath or not.
Just because you're Muslim, doesn't mean you can't be sociable and bubbly. =) Be happy, you are guided! And fear of death and punishments of grave, that's normal. It stops us from sinning even more.
"advise you as our predecessor, Ibn Mas’ood, may Allah be pleased with him, advised; be the springs of knowledge, the lamps of guidance, bound to your homes, lights of the night, refreshers of the hearts, best of clothes, known in the heavens, unknown to those on earth. "
People have given up their families, their hometowns, suffered prejudice, physical torture, jail, and their lives. But stuck to their faith. <3
May Allah (swt) all give us such strength for our own tests.
Sister, have you read any books on self development and maybe that "Don't Be Sad" book? I think they might help. =)
any major transition like this will bring anxiety and uncertainty, it's normal. try not to follow the version that focuses too much on death and you'll be fine. some people use death too much as a motivator, a strange thing but perhaps they lack ability. anyway don't pay them much attention, think positively and life will be a picnic-not, but do think positively.
it explains how emaan should be, so you know how u should feel when u got emaan.. and how anxiety isn't always necessarily good. it should be enough to keep you from the disobedience of Allah, but it shouldn't be to the extent that it kills you inside aswell.
it might be that u can show ur bubbly side once again insha Allah, and use that to ur advantage for things like dawah [calling to islam] etc. insha Allah.
Sister, I went there too. I thought omg I should have waited to convert until I was already being a perfect Muslim!
Nah, that's not how it is. Allah takes us all as we come to Him, but the key is that we come to Him.
Never forget the following words, and repeat them over and over to yourself: Allah's mercy greatly exceeds his anger/wrath.
There are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo many opportunities to have your sins forgiven, even from wayyyy back. Go to Jummah each week. Fast on important days and make dua that you be forgiven for the things that worry you.
It seems ironic that when we turned to Allah, we go into this messy heap of worry and fear. Fear Allah, but not in the sense that He is going to lightning strike you for looking twice at a handsome man. Fear Allah in the sense that you are striving to do the right thing. You'll screw up, as we all do, and then you'll come back. And when you come back, Allah is ever-pleased with you!
If Islam is not giving you a sense of peace and security, then something is wrong in the way that you are doing it. Maybe you don't forgive yourself for mistakes or maybe you are focusing on the aspects of punishment and hellfire. People should eek when they hear about hellfire and change the subject immediately to Jinnah.
Focus on the happy and the good and the bounties of Allah and strive for the righteous path. You may be miles away from being a saint, but it doesn't matter so long as you are trying.
Something like that can be and also can't be from Allah because usually when you think it's a test but no it's the small quiz because the test will come near or at your grave when you will be asked certain questions. That my bro or sis Is the real test. Have hope and it will pass.
A powerful king, ruler of many domains, was in a position of such magnificence that wise men were his mere employees. And yet one day he felt himself confused and called the sages to him.
He said:
'I do not know the cause, but something impels me to seek a certain ring, one that will enable me to stabilize my state.
'I must have such a ring. And this ring must be one which, when I am unhappy, will make me joyful. At the same time, if I am happy and look upon it, I must be made sad.'
The wise men consulted one another, and threw themselves into deep contemplation, and finally they came to a decision as to the character of this ring which would suit their king.
The ring which they devised was one upon which was inscribed the legend:
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks