I have a friend, she's an unwed christian. She got pregnant by a muslim boyfriend. Her boyfriend wants the baby to be aborted, is it haraam? Should the baby be a muslim or a christian? Can somebody give advice to my friend?
I wonder if he's mentally ok?? Sounds mad confused...
Yeah. But he keeps on insisting that I'm the one who has mental illness especially whenever I try to explain the situation and start discussing the "baby" matter.
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
after going back to your country , take legal help.
I think it's better coz I'm also worried on what will happen if I insist to "fight" right now as the baby inside me might also be affected. After I give birth, then I can take all actions without any restrictions.
Hmm pipay, I ahve lived in Abu Dhabi for some time so i have a very clear idea of your situation, so may Pakistani and Indian men come there and because of he high cost of schooling leave their families behind and live in a bachelor style..
Here lots of them indulge themselves in " away" from home women comfort, to try and make up for sexual and emotional rift, most of them dont visit their families once a year, in that acse they get involved here " no strings attached".. But to take maximum out of the relationship, they base it on lies and false promises so that the other gives in and provides as wifey relationshp as possible..
you have been a victim of this...
but I must say that you should ahve realised that not many pakistanis marry philipinos even if theya re muslims, it is not in the culture, he is right though even if he Did get serious with youa fter all this, the culture wont accept you back there.. though there ARE people who ahve made it just fine, theya re exceptions though with broad minded families..
the fact here is , he has and still been using you, as his wife is not there with him. He will never accept you and you should not let him play with you..
he acts in a nice way so he can still use you further, as much as he can, he pertends he loves you but he doesnt and when you try and get into a much deeper conversation than a passing remark he avoids the subject because that was what it was all along, just a passing remark and not a deep expression of a real emotion.
Don't be fooled by him, if he loves you he will ask you to marry you even if it were in secret only limited for this specific country and ont taking you back home and would at elast ahve suported the baby costs..
To tell you the truth he probaly has to suppor another family in already constraint situation and the family will know if he gave the money to you because it would eb taken out of THEIR allowance..
he knows that too...
My advice for you would be to try and get away from him and show him some strength, he will never pay for your baby otehrwise he would have so far..
moreover think about becoming a muslim, I know yor family is more important to you right now as they will take care of the baby, but there's a whole lot of people who will support you if you reverted.. and if your eally love the baby then teaching him about Allah will eb the ultimate present you would be giving him, the security of paradise and salvation from hell fire through His obediance..
May Allah have mercy on you andguide you to His right path and solve your problems, ameen
Thi guy sounds very similar to my husband and likes to be a control freak, behaving like a stubborn child when things don't go his way.............If i were you sister i would leave him..........prove to him that you can and are living a very comfortable and happy life without him and from what i can understand he will not be able to tolerate this and leave everything in the hands of Allah. If it is meant to be then he will come back to you............. When people behave like that the best thing to do is to leave them and get on by yourself.... People like him cannot be changed but will change due to circumstances and from recieving what they have dealt out in the first place Ameen. Just be strong and inadvertently teach him a lesson.
I'm trying to go away from him but the thing is whenever I feel so far from him, he's always showing up. Sometimes I'm thinking, is it me or him who cannot let go? Just like now, he sent me messages and I didn't reply, he sent me credit and then called to check whether I received the credit or not. I asked him why he sent me. He paused for a while then suddenly answered that he feel pity for me because I don't have credit on my mobile. Is this his way of hiding his feelings? Why do he need to act like this? He told me it's over.. And now what is he trying to do? I'm starting to hate him!!! He's crazy!!!
I know it's hard but if you can, try not to "figure him out". Only Allah knows why people act the way they do. It could be that he secretly cares and wants to help or it could be that he doesn't care at all. Allahu alam. Just focus on your baby and you right now. The baby is going to be depending on you so try to get yourself on the right track and don't worry about him so much.
I do think you should try to get some financial support from him if possible but then just leave it at that.
Be STRONG.
"And hold fast unto Allah, He is your protector, the best to protect and the best to help"
I'm trying to go away from him but the thing is whenever I feel so far from him, he's always showing up. Sometimes I'm thinking, is it me or him who cannot let go? Just like now, he sent me messages and I didn't reply, he sent me credit and then called to check whether I received the credit or not. I asked him why he sent me. He paused for a while then suddenly answered that he feel pity for me because I don't have credit on my mobile. Is this his way of hiding his feelings? Why do he need to act like this? He told me it's over.. And now what is he trying to do? I'm starting to hate him!!! He's crazy!!!
I take it you are a Catholic since you are from the Phillipians? I would urge to get away from this man and think about your baby. You have an obligation to your unborn child and its welfare. Take him to court for child support if you must, but this guy sounds dangerous and you need to get as far away from him as you can. I have been in an abusive sitatiion it does not get better. If he really loved you he would not have lied to you about being married, he would not have raped you and then try to force you to abort the baby. I know that Islam permits polygamy, but Christianity does not and as a Christian you could not by following your faith enter into such a union. This is another womans husband and she is a victim as well just like your unborn child. If you ever do decide to convert to Islam there are plenty of good brothers out there that would be a good husband and provider to you and treat you with respect due to a woman.
Sis i agree with Donia very strongly just concentrate on you and the Blessing you have in the form of a child and let him go.......... don't respond to him when he is showing you this irresponsible and childish behaviour........ you are better than that and you know that......... let him go i know it is hard because i have been there myself. Console yourself by knowing that none of this is your fault.
Take care...hugsxx
format_quote Originally Posted by Donia
I know it's hard but if you can, try not to "figure him out". Only Allah knows why people act the way they do. It could be that he secretly cares and wants to help or it could be that he doesn't care at all. Allahu alam. Just focus on your baby and you right now. The baby is going to be depending on you so try to get yourself on the right track and don't worry about him so much.
I do think you should try to get some financial support from him if possible but then just leave it at that.
Be STRONG.
He managed to calmed down his wife ? She is not calling you or him anymore ?
He told me that they (his family) are still asking him if it is true that he has a girlfriend here whom he got pregnant because somebody is giving all the news to his family (thanks to him - at least somebody is there to tell the truth). And of course, he's denying it/me.
Do you know who it is who knows about you and has told his family?
I'm not really sure about who he is coz he's not saying any names to me or maybe he himself is not sure who's telling his family. But he suspects one of his colleagues because according to him, he's just living about 30 km away from his home in pakistan and most of the time, their families are visiting each others home. But for me, I think there are other people who's responsible for that.
in the beginning reading your thread I was feeling very angry.. I just thought you should find whatever means to ruin this guy's life as he ruined yours.. but then I thought.. a baby is a wonderful thing.. and what a blessing, I know so many couples having such a difficult time conceiving, spending their entire life savings on failed treatments..
this baby is a gift (though you and he might not quite see it that way)-- I don't know what this guy will do if threatened, he already seems like a grade A liar and a coward, I rather feel sorry for his wife, and think you should get out while you can.. (also I read a few pages back) about some nurse telling you of imprisonment.. I really wouldn't believe everything others tell you, given how many Hollywood hookers and gay clubs they have in UAE I doubt very much their consciousness will be awakened only to implement on a non-Muslim woman, they have no jurisprudence over you...
now to get back to my original point, if this guy feels threatened and he has already proven cowardly asking you for murder itself, I wouldn't really be very cavalier especially if you are carrying a child confronting him or asking him for anything.. I think you should cut your losses and move on, except you've actually gained something wonderful.. I don't know what sort of support system you have, but I believe just like you found a support system on this forum, that you'll have one in real life.. I think you should anonymously call a mosque and see what advise they have for you.. I also don't know how old you are or what you do for a living, but perhaps you can enroll in some night classes, get a degree and think about supporting yourself and your child with the help of your family?
in closure pls forgive me if someone gave you similar or different advise that you see as better suited for your situation as I only briefly skimmed through the pages..
I'll be thinking of you..
all the best
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
I'm now 28 years old and currently working as an environmental consultant and my work is really affected.
Last week he told me to make way to remove the baby otherwise, he will wait till my baby reaches 2 years old and he will take my baby with him. Is it true that he can take the baby with him according to islam? why? he's refusing to have the baby then he will take it?
...he will wait till my baby reaches 2 years old and he will take my baby with him.
He is now giving u threats ? It's better if u go away from him as soon as possible. He may try to harm you or baby.
A man is responsible for all kinds of financial supports for wife & kids . As he is not the legal husband and he is denying the baby , possibly he can't ask the custody of the baby. Also , Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) once asked a kid if s/he wants to stay with mom or dad. After hearing baby's opinion , Prophet gave mom the custody.
So , a man can't take a 2 year old baby forcefully from mom and there is no such verse in Quran ; but as a dad , he must provide all the costs .
And God Knows Best.
Last edited by Muslim Woman; 05-23-2009 at 04:56 PM.
Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172
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unwed mother (OP)
Thi guy sounds very similar to my husband and likes to be a control freak, behaving like a stubborn child when things don't go his way.............If i were you sister i would leave him..........prove to him that you can and are living a very comfortable and happy life without him and from what i can understand he will not be able to tolerate this and leave everything in the hands of Allah. If it is meant to be then he will come back to you............. When people behave like that the best thing to do is to leave them and get on by yourself.... People like him cannot be changed but will change due to circumstances and from recieving what they have dealt out in the first place Ameen. Just be strong and inadvertently teach him a lesson.
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