Will my life change if my mum gets married ?

**AnonymousPoster** · 04-27-2009

I hope everyone is in a good state of health Inshallah..
Well, basically my problem is that my mum is getting married soon ..and i dont know why but I keep thinking of negative stuff about the guy she is getting married too .. as in him taking my mum away from me .. i agree with the fact that she does have to get married and i wish for her the best and im really happy for her because am a girl and i will get married one day. but it is just that its been a long time since my mum and dad were divorced .. i was about 7 and now am 16 .. and eva ssince then i have neva felt the love of a father.. he went out of my life .. he got married .. and only tries to keep in touch with me once in a yr. and all i had is my mum and now that she is getting married i dont want the same thing to happend.. she was always there for me weneva i needed her.. through bad and good moments,, she was both the mother and father for me. If I had other sisters or brother than i wouldnt really worry about it much .. but i am the only girl in the family with one older brother who doesnt care about my mum getting married or not.

Will my life change if my mum gets married ? and if it does will it change for the better ?

**convert** · 04-27-2009

Probably not. My mom (non-muslim) dated after my father died. It got kinda awkward at times and she maybe wasn't around as much as I would have liked but it wasn't like she was any different towards me.

**Raudha** · 04-27-2009

Sister, you know your mum better than we do..The best thing that you could do is sit her down and talk to her about your fears..Tell her that you are happy for her but you just need to clear this eith her..I'm sure she should understand you, especially if she's been there for you all these years..May Allah make this easy for you..Ameen
:ws:

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 04-27-2009

hmm

i would think of it like this:

shes my mum - she has needs - she wouldnt stop me from getting married so i should try to support her as much as possible and endure any hardships along the way.

bro/sis, im sure it'll all work out

Assalamu Alaikum

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 04-28-2009

wa alaykum us-salaam
your life wouldnt change, she is still your mum at the end of the day
...for me personally i think it would be weird at first, but over time i would get used to it. if he's a good guy then he would take your feelings into consideration and would give you space, etc...

**coddles76** · 04-28-2009

I don't think it will change your life, Your mother will always be your mother and I'm sure from your statements she has been a very good mothe under her circumstances. Just look at it from your mothers perspective and try to support your mother with what makes her happy. A good man is important to womeds life just like a good women is important to a mans life. try to be supportive and inshAllah you will just go on living a normal life and you may find that that this man might be a blessing in your life providing the missing fatherly bond you have been missing. Look for piety in his character and inshAllah advise your mother accordingly

**Yanal** · 04-28-2009

It will change your life course,what you use to do ,what restrictions she gave to you. And it will affect the amount of love she gives you. And you might get in trouble for doing something your mother normally allows.

Nothing major. It will set you right and you won't be a spoil brat(

). Just keep it calm with your step dad,but first try to communicate him with basics,don't be boring like example 1,and try to be like example 2.
Example 1:
S.D(step dad): hello______
You: hi
S.D: how are you?
You: fine,peace mom and peace ____(whatever his name is)
Your step dad who supposely was acting nice will spank you.

Example 2:
S.D: Hello
You: hello,how are you?
S.D: not bad yourself?
You:fine ,can u help me with my homework?
S.D: sure

This way you will bond with him and love to communicate with him and inshAllah it will work out. Ameen.

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 04-28-2009

Originally Posted by Yanal

It will change your life course,what you use to do ,what restrictions she gave to you. And it will affect the amount of love she gives you.

i would completely disagree. i think the fact that her mum gets married she might give her more love cos she may feel that since there is someone else in her life then she would worry that her daughter is missing out so she gives that extra affection worrying that she isnt giving any affection at all...

**glo** · 04-28-2009

I have to disagree with those posters who think your life will not change if your mum remarries.
It almost certainly will change ... but that doesn't mean that it cannot change for the better.

Having a new husband/stepfather entering your lives will change the dynamics between all family members, and it will take a little while for all of you to readjust to the new situation. That readjustment might also mean a certain amount of conflict and tension, but hopefully you will grow together to from a new family bond.

At 16 you are perhaps old enough to understand that your mother has needs too - needs for financial and/or emotional support, needs for companionship, needs for physical affection, etc, etc ... some of which are needs, which you as her child cannot and should not have to fulfill.
So it is only understandable that she may be looking to marry again.

I hope and pray that things go well for you all, and that you will grow to love and respect your stepfather.

Peace