Will the lovers of this World unite in the Aakhirah?

**Ali_008** · 05-21-2009

Last year, a girl of my class fell in love with me and she expressed her feelings to me and consequently I fell in love with her as well. We started having a relationship and were madly in love with each other but in the mean time by the end of the year we had a HUGE fight. We were really great friends before falling in love. Our friendship was very different from the kind of friendship boys and girls usually have. We use to respect each other a lot and we didn't even realize when this respect changed into love. The way both of us behaved during the fight, we never in our wildest imaginations thought that we could have a conversation in that tone. But things became real ugly. I was deep in grief and much stressed and so I did Istikhara to see if this she's the one for me and Alhamdulillah Allah gave me the result the very next day itself and the result was NEGATIVE. But even after that I couldn't let her go. Though we were fighting everyday like wild beasts, we won't let each other go and finally there came a time when I recognized that this relationship is hurting me in every way (mostly spiritually) so with all my might and inconceivable strength I broke up with her. The next day she was gonna fly out of the country to stay with her parents. Eventually we couldn't see each other's faces for two months but meanwhile we were in touch through email and chatting. I missed her a lot after the break-up and she was in a worse situation than me. We realized during those two months that we really really really love one another and can't live without each other in our lives but again we had an awesomely terrible fight one day in those two months and later that night she did Istikhara and HER RESULT WAS ALSO NEGATIVE.

My problem starts here. Even though we gave enough reasons to hate each other, we couldn't. Though the Istikhara results showed us Allah's will but destiny never allows us to stay apart. One way or the other, we keep crossing our ways. We still love each other very much though we don't intend to marry. Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Both of us are pious Muslims and we love Allah and do not wish to rebel against him by going ahead with this marriage. So its quite clear that she will marry some other guy and I'll be marrying someone else. From the past few days, we've been wondering about our marriage in the Aakhirah (Inshallah) if possible. So what I want to know is this :

We love each other like crazy but aren't gonna marry for we don't intend to go against Allah so can we expect to get married in the Aakhirah (Inshallah)? Though we'll get married to different people in this world Inshallah but can the two of us hope that Allah will unite us in the next world (Inshallah) ???

Alhamdulillah, having this optimism towards our union in the Aakhirah (Inshallah) has been really helpful and both of us are happy. I just want to know if having this kind of hope is allowed in Islam. All kinds of advice is welcome. Don't give advice like maintain distance, don't talk to each other, don't see each others faces etc etc... because we've tried every thing we could think of to let go of each other but ultimately we came back to each other. Please help.

**AnonymousPoster** · 05-21-2009

Originally Posted by ali_008

We still love each other very much though we don't intend to marry. Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Both of us are pious Muslims and we love Allah and do not wish to rebel against him by going ahead with this marriage.

so won't marry.

Don't give advice like maintain distance, don't talk to each other, don't see each others faces etc etc... because we've tried every thing we could think of to let go of each other but ultimately we came back to each other. Please help.

n can't leave.

hmm.

u have 3 possible options here:

1) Completely leave each other and make a new life

2) Marry each other.

3) Neither marry, nor leave.

The first two options are allowed, but the third one is completely disallowed (in Islam).

In trying to do option 1, and avoiding option 2 [because u believe its rebelling against Allaah], the shaytaan is making u falling into option 3. And that is the option which is, in reality, disobeying Allaah !

Not option 1 or 2.

For two people who are pious and love Allaah, either they leave each other, or they marry each other. Because in Islam, there is no in between way. I know it is hard, but you must make a decision and stick with it. Seek help from Allaah, may He

make it easy for you and help u both to make a decison which will be good for your life in this world and the next.

**piXie** · 05-21-2009

Originally Posted by ali_008

We love each other like crazy but aren't gonna marry for we don't intend to go against Allah

How is getting married going against Allaah and rebelling against Him? Have the results of your istikhara now changed the shari'ah and made ur marriage to her haram/forbidden?

Please see this thread:

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-guidance.html

Don't give advice like maintain distance, don't talk to each other, don't see each others faces etc etc

Brother, what other advice can we give then, except that u should marry her?

**Sari** · 05-21-2009

This is very similar to what happened to me just now and what i asked. See my thread below in this section.
I've broken up with my guy and it's hurting. But there's nothing i can do, i just know it wouldn't work for us and would hurt other people, but i still love him. I was also wanting to be with him in the hereafter and holding onto that hope, but i will ofcourse have to marry someone else, and he will too, so i don't think it would be right for me, or you, to hold onto that hope. I really don't know.. Allah knows best and will reward us for what we sacrifice Inshallah..

**Sahabiyaat** · 05-21-2009

You know this thing about 'oh well meet in jannah (and i will slap ur hoor if she tries to make a move cuz ive waited a lifetime for you'), etc etc.....is just consolation...

man is a wretched thing, and requires immediate gratification, otherwsie he loses all sense.

So what you need is a solution for now!

btw what were your arguments about. Maybe then we can give better advice.

**S_87** · 05-21-2009

Muhammed

said:
We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.
Ibn Maajah

There is no point in you carrying on with each other if you dont think you can marry, however with isthikara, you pray isithakara after making ur decision, consult with people and then marry.
You will be disobeying Allah if you both marry someone else and still continue your relationship, but you would not be disobeying Allah if you married????

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 05-22-2009

Alhamdulillah, having this optimism towards our union in the Aakhirah (Inshallah) has been really helpful and both of us are happy. I just want to know if having this kind of hope is allowed in Islam. All kinds of advice is welcome. Don't give advice like maintain distance, don't talk to each other, don't see each others faces etc etc... because we've tried every thing we could think of to let go of each other but ultimately we came back to each other. Please help.

even though you asked, im still gna say it: STAY AWAY from each other. whats gna happen next if you don't?

why cant you marry each other, btw...

**Ali_008** · 05-22-2009

Brothers and sisters
thank you fro your precious advice but i just can't go ahead with marriage especially after the Istikhara results. I do respect you guys' opinion but Allah has shown me the way and I can't go in some other direction. Both the girl and I've come to terms with the fact we're not destined for each other and we're just hoping that Allah accepts our sacrifice and immortalizes our love in that immortal world.

To give a lil more details, she already had a fiance when she fell in love and couldn't get rid of that guy later and so it is kind of a two-timing story and my mom absolutely hates her because in all this my life was under threat twice. Like I said we gave enough reasons to hate each other but couldn't.

ONE MORE THING I FORGOT TO MENTION is that I did Istikhara again two weeks ago but this time I asked Allah whether I should stay friends with her or bring an end to this painful love/friendship and this time the result was positive. ITS LIKE WE'RE DESTINED TO BE FRIENDS MADLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER BUT NOT TO GET MARRIED.

Of course both of us know that we'll have to be awesome husband and wife to our respective spouses to enter Jannah and we really intend to be that but still the fact we won't be together spoils every happiness that we have.

**mathematician** · 05-22-2009

brother salamu 'alaykum,
Maybe everybody else is trying to be nice here but I will tell you exactly
how I see it. It may hurt your feelings but brother you seriously need to wake up
and most importantly grow out of it.
I think a part of you is finding all the excuses in the world to commit a sin with
this woman. You are going as far as using istikhara as an excuse to commit a sin.
Astaghfirullah. Brother, Allah will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER lead you to be a friend with a woman but not marry her. That's just the evil part of you that is making you think Allah is doing that.
Forget istikhara and use common sense. Use logical reasoning. If you really want this woman then marry her. Follow your heart. If you don't and you have doubts then move on with life. I don't think you are destined for anything here. You are creating all these illusions to find an excuse to commit a serious sin that you will both regret.

You CANNOT make istikhara and believe that what your heart tells you after istikhara comes from Allah if you have already made up your mind to commit a grave sin. I don't know if you will see it that way but that is exactly what is going on here.

**Sister_22013** · 05-22-2009

Well, to answer your question, I may be wrong but I think the woman, in akhirah is married to her last husband from dunya. I remember a story of a sahabi who was advised not to marry after her stern husband passed away because he was pious so their union in akhirah would elevate her in the level of Janah she would reach (since husband and wife are in same Jannah)

The man is married to all of his wives. But, like I said, I'm not sure.

I can't give you any advice because you don't wan to hear it.

Waalaikumsalam

**Snowflake** · 05-22-2009

Ali:thank you fro your precious advice but i just can't go ahead with marriage especially after the Istikhara results.

As far as I know you dont wait for 'result's but proceed with your plans and if it is bad for you, Allah will turn you away from it and if it is good for you He will make it easy for you. It's also recommended to consult people with wisdom about your decision.

The following is taken from a link on another post on this forum (http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-guidance.html)

After performing Salatul Istikharah , one should consult wise people and assess the situation to see how it might affect his deen (religion) and dunya. (life). Then he should choose the one that seems to be more beneficial, having firm belief that Allah will either bless his decision and make it easy for him to achieve what he desires, if it is good for him, or Allah will place obstacles in his path in order not to achieve what he desires. In the latter case, the person should be satisfied with the outcome, whatever it is, and commit his affair to Allah hoping for reward in the Hereafter. He should know that Allah does not decide except through His Divine wisdom and truth, even if it does not seem to us this way. Glory be to Him! We only know what He has taught us.
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503545484

**Ali_008** · 05-23-2009

Like Sari's problem (Sister, I completely understand how wretched and painful situation you are in) there's more than just Istikhara to it. I know brothers and sisters that your advice is in my best interest and you want to prevent me from falling into Zina but its the endless love that almost kills me when I part myself from her. I love her a lot, I love her a lot and even though we didn't even see each other's faces for two months we still needed each other just the same or even more. I turned to IslamicBoard because I'm very upset and I don't know what to do.

Even if we decide to part ways, it'll be easier for me than her because I can hope to find that perfect wife for me but she'll have to marry her fiance. And that mistreated her, didn't give her anytime and always gave her 2nd or 3rd preference. I want her to be happy but somewhere deep down inside myself I know that their marriage will give her more pain for dozens of reasons.

She loves me no less than I love her. The two months we weren't seeing each other's faces, she couldn't have peaceful sleep for even one night.

There's more than Istikhara, my mom hates this girl and her fiance is thirsty for my blood. We're still together because I think we're just trying to postpone this pain of seperation.
My basic question was can we expect each other in the Aakhirah if we're forgiven, Inshallah??

I also read this e-book "Maidens of Paradise" from the following link and in that book there's a hadeeth that a man of Jannah will marry the hoor-ul-ayn, virgins and previously married women from this world, though the author in the introduction itself made it clear that there isn't enough authentic Islamic literature on this subject and I don't know whether that Hadeeth is even Saheeh or not.
http://www.islamicboard.com/islamic-...llaah-pdf.html

I also posted this question on IslamQA.com and I'm just waiting for the answer.

**Ali_008** · 05-23-2009

I want her to be happy and I know that her fiance is just not the right guy for her.

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 05-23-2009

Originally Posted by ali_008

thank you fro your precious advice but i just can't go ahead with marriage especially after the Istikhara results.

but your going to go ahead and remain "friends." riiight

Originally Posted by ali_008

I want her to be happy and I know that her fiance is just not the right guy for her.

says you, and you're oh so in love with her. flips sake, where do you get off taking another guys girl. how would you like it if you were engaged to someone, only for her to cheat on you? or for someone to take that girl away from you?!

taking into considering how much you love each other what happens if you stay "friends." how do you know that it isn't going to go further (not suggesting anything thing here, just advising) if you cant control your self in not becoming "friends" then what makes you sure that your gna control your self in other ways. subhanallah, Islam puts these barriers for a reason, don't destroy them by destroying yourself.

**Sahabiyaat** · 05-23-2009

oh...so u stole her...sorry to put it blandly bro, but no wonder your istikhkara came out negative.I know it must upset you to think that she might be mistreated by her fiance, thats tough.

and i can understand why you would want to keep in some form of contact, even if its a salam, because you loved her so much,..but beleive me bro, things change, other people/ situations come into ur life, and slowly you start to forget what was before. Its just that whole period of forgetting which is so difficult! and your only making it more difficult for yourself

by dragging it on longer. You have Allah's verdict, so now apply it and have immense patience.

You need to break it off asap, for your goood and hers, and dnt wrry about her, Allah will look after her as he will look after you, just pray she is treated well.delete her number, email etc, make sure u dnt bump into her friends etc...just stay away from her.It will be tough, but your doing whats right and you will be rewarded.

All the best.

**Ali_008** · 05-24-2009

Sisters, I didn't steal her. Like I said, she fell in love with me and consequently I fell as well. She assured me that she had broken up with her fiance but the truth was something else but all that is past. Is it my fault that I was able to give her more happiness just being a friend than her fiance? We respected each other a lot, we could never even imagine that we could be in a relationship let alone marriage. Yesterday I even started considering marriage all over again after reading you guys' responses. So now I'm in a new dilemma like is it allowed in any condition to against the Istikhara?

**S_87** · 05-24-2009

dear brother, a few posts have already told you that the condition of istikhara is not a dream or feeling, read them for the proper way and ruling of it. You make your decision, pray istikhara and go forward in what you plan to do.
if this girl is not engaged and you want to stay in contact with her, the halal way for that is marriage. Go forward and propose to her wali and inshaAllah you will be blessed with what is good for you in this world and the hereafter

**SadiaMinallah** · 05-25-2009

brothers and sisters, your replies anyway do not answer the main question. This person seems to be deeply in love with the girl. Somehow, the circumstances do not favour their marriage and the isthikhara results are negative. The guy just wants to know if the two lovers will unite in the akhirah or not. Even if he may leave her in this world which is nothing in comparison to the hereafter, is it right to hold on to the faith that Allah(swt) will unite them in return to the sacrifice he is giving in this world towards the guidance Allah(swt) gave him through isthikhara?

**S_87** · 05-25-2009

Originally Posted by SadiaMinallah

brothers and sisters, your replies anyway do not answer the main question. This person seems to be deeply in love with the girl. Somehow, the circumstances do not favour their marriage and the isthikhara results are negative. The guy just wants to know if the two lovers will unite in the akhirah or not. Even if he may leave her in this world which is nothing in comparison to the hereafter, is it right to hold on to the faith that Allah(swt) will unite them in return to the sacrifice he is giving in this world towards the guidance Allah(swt) gave him through isthikhara?

its not as simple as that sister.

As stated several times istikhara is not a positive negative something

Also, he said he'd marry someone else but remain friends with her and she the same-THAT is the problem....How is it fair on each of their spouses to know that the person they married and have kids with dont love them? or have hopes of being united in the aakhirah with someone other than them?

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 05-26-2009

Originally Posted by ali_008

Sisters, I didn't steal her. Like I said, she fell in love with me and consequently I fell as well. She assured me that she had broken up with her fiance but the truth was something else but all that is past. Is it my fault that I was able to give her more happiness just being a friend than her fiance? We respected each other a lot, we could never even imagine that we could be in a relationship let alone marriage. Yesterday I even started considering marriage all over again after reading you guys' responses. So now I'm in a new dilemma like is it allowed in any condition to against the Istikhara?

if she cheated on her first finace, what makes you think she isnt going to do it to you either :-/