Brother destroying family

**AnonymousPoster** · 06-06-2009

Assalamualaikum,
I am having a major problem in my life right now. My family just found out my brother smokes marijuana and does bad things and they are very hurt by it. He is abusive, disrespectful, and uncaring. He curses at both my mother and my father and it really hurts me to see them in this situation. My father used to beat my brother for all his wrongdoings but my brother rebelled one day and cursed at my father. Ever since my dad stopped hitting him because he didn't want him to turn out any worse. My brother now started putting his hands on my father and pushing him when my dad tells him to stop doing certain things. Its so disrespectful. I never expected this to happen in my family. I have such a STRONG dislike towards him. Whenever I see him, I feel like leaving the house. Whenever I am around him, I feel DISCUSTED. Every time he has a tantrum, I cry and make dua. My mom cries when he acts this way. How can someone treat their own family like this? I am so thankful for my family because without family, its hard to get by. What do I do in this situation? My mom has tried everything possible. She explained to him in a nice way what he was doing wrong. My dad even tried to explain to him. If my dad tries to take things away from him, he becomes abusive. This one time it got really bad that we called the police and when the police arrived, we lied and told them everything was okay because we did not want a bad family reputation. Please give me advice someone. I try to make dua, I am running out of things to do. Please help.
May allah reward you.

**Snowflake** · 06-06-2009

I'm not sure but marijuana isnt the most addictive of drugs rite? People have come off stronger drugs than that. But your brother won't change as long as he is enjoying home comforts. Instead of crying, your mother should grab him by the neck, slap him repeatedly and tell him how he is ruining her life after she suffered so much pain to bring him into the world, lose sleep over him, raise him and put his comforts before hers - for what? After that she should ignore him. Trust me, the worst thing for a son is being ignored by his own mother. Your brother is making you all suffer, so give him a taste of his own medicine. He will realise what family means and that no 'hit' can give a bigger rush than your families love - but only if he is starved of it.

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 06-06-2009

wa alaykum us-Salaam

its sounds like your brother needs a good beat up by someone...

i dont really know what to say tbh, just keep making dua...have you tried doing something? whack him

talk to him? you shouldnt let someone do somethign like this to your parents and not do anything about it...

**glo** · 06-06-2009

How old is your brother?
I'm afraid there comes a time when a young person becomes grown up and grows beyond the authority of their parents.
In other words, if your brother is an adult then legally he is responsible for his own actions, and your parents cannot tell him what to do any longer (although they can of course still give him advice)

However, if he is living in your parents home, then he should be expected to abide by their house rules!
If he refuses to, then it may be necessary to ask him to leave the house.

And if he becomes abusive you have every right to call the police! But by then lying when they turn up on your doorstep, you just let your brother know that he is in charge and that you won't have the courage to stand up to him ...
Next time you have to call the police, don't cover up for your brother! Let the police deal with him.
I understand that you may feel embarrassed about what the neighbours might think ... but think of your own safety first!
And remember that being dealt with by the law may put your brother in his place and may just be what he needs right now!

I hope all goes well for you and your family.

**Salahudeen** · 06-06-2009

Your dad should've have beaten him up for all his wrong doings because then the child just grows up hating his dad. The situation was the same in my family, my grandad always used to beat my mum's brother up and now my uncle can't stand him he swears at him and calls him a bully. Now he swears at my grandad and acts all tuff with him then says

"how do you like it? not nice is it old man, you reap what you sow"

my uncle is still the same he ain't changed the only thing the beating did was make him hate his dad.