need adivce on advising someone

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 06-13-2009

how should i go about advising a young 16 yr old male that talking/adding girls on face book isn't permissible. the thing is it really isn't his fault, its more like his mum who thinks that its good for him to get out of his comfort zone as he tends to be a lil quite, etc and also because its nothing serious and he's not the type to fall for things like that...so shes like encouraging it

but i don't deem that correct because one doesn't have a control over their heart. but he seems to really like this girl that and the fact that everyone's taking it as joke, but that doesn't really help, does it

i was thinking maybe the hadiths about how a mans natural weakness are women or stories about those who have fallen in love, and cant seem to get out of the mess and something along those lines? yay or nay?
i dont want to seem like im invading his privacy/feel bossy/embarrass him, so what is the best way to approach it. what could i say to him? and how should i say it?
are there any lecutres he can listen to or articles he can read?

**Dawud_uk** · 06-13-2009

sounds like you need some advice on how to talk to this mother also, does she want her son to commit zina of the tongue?

ok, he isnt literally talking to them but that is what he is doing,

bring the daleel from the Quran and sunnah, explain that when Allah says

And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way.
Quran Translation 17:32

this means do not come close to it, meaning the prohibition of free mixing and being alone with a woman and this exactly the evil she is encouraging in her son.

bring the evidences where Rasoolullah (saws) talks about every part of man having a share in zina and even though her son is not putting his pen in the ink well so to speak she is encouraging him down that path.

explain, that at 16 such emotions are not a joke, that when Rasoolullah (saws) said ' o young men, if you can afford it marry and if not let him fast' he was talking to young men this man's age and younger amongst the sahabah.

so if he has these desires then let them arrange his marriage, otherwise let him fast and keep away from such evils otherwise how will he be able to protect himself later when he goes to school, work, college etc?

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 06-13-2009

wa alaykum us-salaam
^that's the thing though, when you tell them of the hadiths and all, they come up with the strangest explanations and excuses saying things like "oh its only *insert lame excuses here*" or "that applied back in those days" they have the knowledge, but it doesn't seem to mean anything for them. this person means too much to me, i dont him to go that path

**Snowflake** · 06-13-2009

I bought my son a book which is aimed at boys from 11 upwards. It's called 'A muslim Boy's Guide to Life's BIG Changes' by Sami Khan.

It has a chapter on 'Friends' with good advice on the kind of friends to choose, not spend time in unislamic places etc. There's a chapter on 'time' and how to use it wisely. A chapter on how to become closer to Allah and lots more. It's not a big book - only 48 pages and easy to read. I got it for £2.25 from an islamic bookshop.

Every boy should have one. Maybe you can get him one sis.