Well, I am about to do the most personal thing I've probably ever done, internet or reality.
I have been having dreams (nightmares) for a while now, every night, and they are confusing, they aren't even what most people would consider nightmares but they make me feel like I am dying. I have felt old for a long time, I am 16 going on 76. I cannot stand kids my age cause of their simplicity. They take joy in the most of obnoxius things, they sit around, getting drunk, and enjoy it. They enjoy it, I enjoy little to anything, I cannot hang out with them cause I fear I will end up going insane cause of the simple ways of their lives, they don't care about others, they just care about getting drunk the next weekend, or getting high. That drives me insane, they know nothing of anything, they think they are smart when they can make a A on a English test, but they don't know where the English language came from, and it kills me. They fail to think out of the box, they see things in front of them, but not beside them. They are so captured in knowledge of basics, its scary, they fail to see the outside world, they only see themselves and their friends, and they enjoy it! How, I cannot even enjoy the most fun of their things, and I cannot even find comfort in them. I feel like I was born in the wrong time, I should not have been born in this century, I was meant to be a warrior in the centuries of Greece, or during the Germanian Tribes vs Rome, I was not meant to be a philosopher in the 21st Century, I was meant to be a warrior in the 1st Century, and die as one. Today's wars are not like then, back then they had honor in most fighting, and men were honored for dying, not spat on. Their is no honor in fighting now, just death and disgrace. If I am a good warrior, I will die or I will be seen as a murderer, and even if I die, they will spit on my grave for not being strong enough to survive. I have thought about dying, and I accept that I could die in Iraq or Afghanistan, I do not want too, but it's a possibility, and if I do, I do not want to be spat on by some dim-wit, who thinks I am so evil for dying in combat, I'd rather 1000 times with the pain, then have to see someone dis-respect me in my grave.
I am not supposed to be here, not like this, I am going to die, not being remembered, that is my greatest nightmare. I want to have a family, build a shrine, remember my ancestors, and have my name on there when I die, at least then, my sons and daughters will not forget that I existed, and that I am dead, and died doing what we always do, fighting. I cannot just not join the Army, if I don't, I have nothing, I would probably not even be able to get into a technical school, I have nothing.
Look, everyone is depressed once and a while, even the collest of the coolious are depressed, as you said, you are having a bad day and even if you can't make it to the school of your choosing, there's others, you'll meet new people, get hooked up with someone, it works for everyone. Ina year or so youll be going through your scribbles on Islamiboard and laugh to yourself.
You know, it isn't anything odd with thinking the ones at your age are braindead. Many probably are.
Many feel they've been born in the wrong century or something else. I believe I should have had my own empire during some century that has passed, but nooooo, I would probably even have had to dress up like a man to get that back then, which wouldn't have worked out for me. Uh, anyways.
You have a lot, you're 17 and realize that how most teenagers live out their lives is a waste. If technical shool is of interest to you, you should give it all instead of thinking back at the centuries before you. They lived their lives at the moment and wanted to live long. It's about fulfilling your life, that's what makes it feel long. You achieve nothing by not giving it your all.
I must say you seem fixated at war and death. Even Alexander the Great had nothing with him when he died, his hands touched gold and glory during his life but when death came they were empty and cold and his body rotten. Death has little honourful about it. But life, life is great. Everyone will die but few really live. If you fear life or death you won't be able to live. Have some heart and don't let your interesting self just go to a combat and get blown up or whatever, make a difference, do something good for the people and yourself, even if only your neighbourhood would remember you for it.
Hope I didn't depress you further.
“If only I had checked myself”
—
Guy who wrecked himself
True leaders don't create followers...
.... They create new leaders.
hmmm not sure what to say about you wanting to be a warrior
and I accept that I could die in Iraq or Afghanistan,
yes it would be a disgrace and i probably would spit on ur grave (not literally but you know what i mean..)
anyhow, what you say otherwise, it seems you are having trouble accepting your fate...do what you can with what you have..many people in the past have sought fame and remebrance for themselves after their death, but what benifit does that do for them?
Our Lord! Verily, we have heard the call of one calling to Faith: 'Believe in your Lord,' and we have believed.
Our Lord! Forgive us our sins and expiate from us our evil deeds, and make us die (in the state of righteousness) along with Al-Abrar
Dude. I feel exactly the same. Exactly!!! It was just so much simpler back then. Being a warrior, I could have fought alongside the Muslim armies against he Byzantines or Persians and be done with it all. It was just so black and white! Being a warrior is just my type of thing. If I live, I will have fought for Allah, if I died, I will have died for Allah.
But I differ on some things. Clover, no matter how big of a shrine you make. No matter how many friends and family remember you after you die, you will still be forgotten. I will be forgotten. This life is transient, ephemeral. Soon, all our friends and family will also die. Who will be left to remember us? Why should they care? Why should we?
No. The only thing permanent about you is your soul. And with it your good and evil actions. And your faith. Your destiny lay in the hereafter not in this world so quit trying to build a house on sand here. Only God will be able to grant us the permanence we desire and the honour we deserve in paradise.
Everything else is dust.
And say not of those who are slain in the way of Allah. "They are dead." Nay, they are living, though ye perceive (it) not. Quran 2:154
On a personal note, I'd advise not joining the army. Can't you find something better to die for than serving the aims of a country that seeks only to preserve itself? Thats all it is. Beyond all the talk about peace and cooperation, each country is just out for itself. Die for morals. Die for family. Die not for a piece of land.
BTW, I can't stand hanging out with my best friends from highschool anymore. After I became more Islamic, I realized that they and all that they did was shallow and vain. And I can't look at them the same way anymore.
I'm not an American but I was told drafting was the best option for people to earn money for college if they can't afford it by regular means.
I can't be drafted . Silly goose.
format_quote Originally Posted by AntiKarateKid
But I differ on some things. Clover, no matter how big of a shrine you make. No matter how many friends and family remember you after you die, you will still be forgotten. I will be forgotten. This life is transient, ephemeral. Soon, all our friends and family will also die. Who will be left to remember us? Why should they care? Why should we?
On a personal note, I'd advise not joining the army. Can't you find something better to die for than serving the aims of a country that seeks only to preserve itself? Thats all it is. Beyond all the talk about peace and cooperation, each country is just out for itself. Die for morals. Die for family. Die not for a piece of land.
Our children, and their children's children will rememeber.
Not really, I cannot get training anywhere else like I could in the Army, except with maybe a para-military group, and I've seen some of them, and they are usually fanatics based on some belief.
Clover, warrior is a mentality, as for feeling different, u are and we like u for it. What u are feeling is fairly normal teenage anxst i would say and its rough i know. U are more sensitive to the power of ur brain than others, or so it is percieved,most ur peers will be feeling it in some way. Like i said warrior is a mentality, there is no honour in rushing off to die, true warrior will fight to the death but winning and fighting the next battle is preferable, bravery and stupidity go hand in hand. I am starting to think you may charge into the fray with the mindset of the light brigade, ok no retreat no surrender is fine if ur van damme or Tony Jaa, but take it easy my friend, theres time enough to fight and die. Believe it or not I and some of the others are enjoying your company and would like you stick around. What I think I am trying to say is slow down buddy, tunnel vision on ur death and ur ancestors may prevent u from seeing some really important and beautiful things. Salem
"O ye who belive! Endure, outdo all others in endurance, be ready, and observe your duty to Allah, in order that you may succeed"
Well, you could join a volunteer group and like, help people. Then you will feel good about yourself and God will be pleased with you too, not to mention all the people you help.
And for your studies, first concentrate on current studies. do your best on exams and SAT preparation so that you might get a scholarship. if you don't get a scolarship, you can get a part-time job while attending college. If you have a good volunteer work record, i believe it will be easier to get paid work later on and it may even help you get a place in a good college. Another option is studying with a correspondence college. One such college is Penn Foster College, http://www.pennfoster.edu . it's pretty inexpensive too.
Joining the army is not a good option, as others have stated.
As for being born at the wrong time, i think we all feel that way sometimes. But this must be the best time for us to be here as God chose it and therefore we should be happy with God's decision and try use our time wisely and beneficially.
Hi,
You make it sound as if you have a desire to fight, an urge. According to Taoism, isn't fighting the ultimately last resort? Something to be shunned unless there's no other option? You replied to this in your introduction-tread:
I am joining up. When you join the Army, your considering the fact that they will only send you when violence is neccessary. That is part of the Army, when you join, they don't tell you they will send you cause they feel like it, they will send you when it's needed.
In the light of this new post however, this no longer looks relevant. I don't want to jump conclusions, but it seems like your earlier explanation: "it is really necessary" was just a justification for an underlying desire. When you posted the reply to my questions, I thought to myself, how is it possible that someone can actually believe that the violence that happened in Iraq and Afghanistan were actually necessary? How can someone not see that the US had many alternative ways to deal with things? How can someone not acknowledge the thousands of innocent people that died for no good reason? I guess now I know why.
Oh and another thing, the most important thing, something that almost everybody seems to be overlooking. Why? Not just why do you want to fight, not just why should you fight, but for what reason? For justice? For freedom? For believe? What would be your deepest motivation?
And a final note, try to inform yourself about, get a second opinion of your governments army, an opinion not formed by the American media, but an opinion found from various other media. Like, why most European countries were so strongly opposed to the war, or google "fallujah massacre". Or browse at sites like http://www.iraqbodycount.org/
Here's some pictures they probably won't show in American television.
I feel towards your views on the US army in the same way that you view on the interests of your peers
Peace...
Last edited by Abdul Fattah; 06-19-2009 at 10:30 PM.
Hi,
You make it sound as if you have a desire to fight, an urge. According to Taoism, isn't fighting the ultimately last resort? Something to be shunned unless there's no other option? You replied to this in your introduction-tread:
In the light of this new post however, this no longer looks relevant. I don't want to jump conclusions, but it seems like your earlier explanation: "it is really necessary" was just a justification for an underlying desire. When you posted the reply to my questions, I thought to myself, how is it possible that someone can actually believe that the violence that happened in Iraq and Afghanistan were actually necessary? How can someone not see that the US had many alternative ways to deal with things? How can someone not acknowledge the thousands of innocent people that died for no good reason? I guess now I know why.
Peace...
I was not lying to you then, and I am not lying to you now. I have the urge to fight, but I supress it, but it is my destiny to fight in combat, cause I have to see what makes some men the way they are, after war. I have seen some vets who have blank expressions, some who are fine, and some are just different. I want to see what it's like.
Well, I guess you know, even though I never explained to your questions, you seem to know the answers already, so I will not explain them, since they seem to be rhetorical.
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Hope I didn't depress you further.
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