I hate weddings :(

[AnonymousPoster]

brothers and sisters.

In a way I don't want to post this as anonymous as I hope what I will say is not wrong however, I don't know who else is registered onthis board so for my own safety purposes I shall remain anonymous

I am a revert sister married to a pakistani guy. alhamdulillah. anyway, my issue/s are these.

Why are weddings(pakistani ones(i have attended) I can't comment on others) all about gossip, tarting up and many other bad, sinful things?

Why when someone tries to do something sunnah or something which is not from pakistani culture do they get shot down(not literally)?

Why do niqabi/hijabi women arrive to the hall then strip off into tarty clothes, yet if a man walks in the hall make little if any attempt to cover?

Why is it all about being flashy and showing off?

I recently attended a wedding for which my husband bought me a salwar kameez, which personally I wouldnt wear except for in the house, yet I agreed to wear under my jilbab and that I would show it only if I was 100% sure ther were no men in the hall. I was pressured by many women at the wedding to remove my jilbab(despite it being turquoise and sparkly - weddingy) which I didn't. Alhamdulillah because an hour later I discovered a man sat behind a screen dishing out the food. He could have appeared at any time!!!! later on a few more men walked intot he hall unannounced. Although my husband did send me a text when he heard a few of the men saying they were going into the ladies hall to collect their wives it was a little too late by then!!!!

This is only one example and it seems to happen everytime I attend a wedding. I'm sick of going and I think in future I may just attend for an hour to give a gift and my regards to the bride and family then leave.

Is there anything wrong with me doing this as I feel awfully ncomfortable being in this situation. Only one of my friends understands and the quotes she gave me from Quraan and hadith suggest I am not doing anything wrong.

Does anyone have any other advice?

Sorry for the long post......

[Layla454]

brothers and sisters.

In a way I don't want to post this as anonymous as I hope what I will say is not wrong however, I don't know who else is registered onthis board so for my own safety purposes I shall remain anonymous

I am a revert sister married to a pakistani guy. alhamdulillah. anyway, my issue/s are these.

Why are weddings(pakistani ones(i have attended) I can't comment on others) all about gossip, tarting up and many other bad, sinful things?

Why when someone tries to do something sunnah or something which is not from pakistani culture do they get shot down(not literally)?

Why do niqabi/hijabi women arrive to the hall then strip off into tarty clothes, yet if a man walks in the hall make little if any attempt to cover?

Why is it all about being flashy and showing off?

I recently attended a wedding for which my husband bought me a salwar kameez, which personally I wouldnt wear except for in the house, yet I agreed to wear under my jilbab and that I would show it only if I was 100% sure ther were no men in the hall. I was pressured by many women at the wedding to remove my jilbab(despite it being turquoise and sparkly - weddingy) which I didn't. Alhamdulillah because an hour later I discovered a man sat behind a screen dishing out the food. He could have appeared at any time!!!! later on a few more men walked intot he hall unannounced. Although my husband did send me a text when he heard a few of the men saying they were going into the ladies hall to collect their wives it was a little too late by then!!!!

This is only one example and it seems to happen everytime I attend a wedding. I'm sick of going and I think in future I may just attend for an hour to give a gift and my regards to the bride and family then leave.

Is there anything wrong with me doing this as I feel awfully ncomfortable being in this situation. Only one of my friends understands and the quotes she gave me from Quraan and hadith suggest I am not doing anything wrong.

Does anyone have any other advice?

Sorry for the long post......

Sis you're not doing anything wrong. You are trying to adhere to the Islamic dress code in front of non-mahrams and masha Allah you should be applauded for that. Sadly, other cultures have their own 'version' of what a wedding should be, many of which are unislamic. I don't think its a bad idea at all for you to not stay long and engage in some of the questionable activities. You are not alone, believe me. What you're going through is very common for a lot of practising Muslims.

[Sufisticated007]

Firstly, it's not just asians who behave like that. Other cultures do similar things.

Secondly, going for an hour or two sounds ok. You don't need to stick around for long.

[AnonymousPoster]

Sorry I don't mean to diss Pakistani weddings, its just that they are the only ones I've attended. Hope I didnt offend anyone inshAllah

Please fogive me if I did

[AlbanianMuslim]

Sis, youre not doing anything wrong nor should you feel bad about it.
If you must go to the weddings, continue to be covered, and if people pressure you to take it off, just continue smiling and say that you cant, your hair is a mess! eventually they will give up, just keep reminding yourself, its not THEIR judgment that matters, it is Allahs swt.

If there are weddings where it isnt truly necessary for you to attend, send your regards and a gift.


Personally, im going through a similar thing.
I am a bridesmaid in a very close cousins wedding. I tried to get out of it, but my cousin tearfully expressed that she need me there. So i agreed but i told her that i would cover up and that my dress was going to be altered to be covered (the rest of the bridesmaids are wearing halter dresses)
Im already dreading the stares, comments etc ill be getting from the other women and girls at my cousins bridal party but at the same time what gives me the courage to stick to my guns is that i am protecting MYSELF, and the only reason why THEY have a problem with it, is because when a covered person is next to them they realize just how exposed they are and they feel uncomfortable.



Hang in there! Dont let anyone push you around.

[Beardo]

I hate to draw conclusions, and forgive me if I am wrong, but I am guessing it was a Desi wedding.

Personally, I don't like to attend such mixed gatherings. I avoid them, but if it's really close, then I do go. I wish people were more understanding about this segregation issue. Therereally isn't much to be done, and it's not your fault. May Allah Ta'ala reward you for your efforts though.

[AnonymousPoster]

jazakAllah kheir for the replies.

Alhamdulillah the method of planning the wedding was well. I mean with the best of intentions. There were separate halls, on separate streets for the men and women. There was no music, no dancing etc and there was a request for no pictures to be taken. However, I don't know if this was adhered to as everyone has cameras on their mobile phones. I was reqested at one point to have a pic with the bride which I declined as I do not know who else was going to see the pic. I was given a really horrible look by the girl who asked me and then any other women asked me why I wont have my pic taken. I explained becase I don't know who will see the pic and whether copies will be made etc but still they made me feel so uncomfortable

I just pray I am strong enough to continue inshAllah. I need to prepare some quotes which may shut them up if it happens again.

[GuestFellow]

I hate Pakistani weddings and I'm Pakistani myself.

I wish they would keep it simple. It becomes like a beauty competition where the girls compete with other girls and boys compete with other boys and spending hundreds of pounds on clothes. How pathetic...

Even when wedding films come out, I see my relatives give some sort of critique how they look and dress, as though they are judges at a beauty competition.

The sad thing is many of the couples get a divorce after one year later… :/

I don't stay in weddings for long. I leave as soon as everyone starts dancing...scary O.O

So yes I don't blame you for leaving early. I can actually sympathise with you. The majority of weddings I have to go to are...torture. : (

[Intisar]

It's not only in Pakistani culture, but in Somali culture too. I stay away from wedding scenes cause it's usually totally unislamic and goes until the wee hours of the morning. For Somalis, a wedding invitation will tell you to arrive at 7pm but that just really means midnight lol and everyone knows it. One wedding I went to, I was the only one covering myself. It was all women, but there was a camera man taping everything going on subhanAllaah. And let me tell you, these tapes are disturbed worldwide. Someone from Sweden could be like ''Hey isn't that blah blah blah from the blah blah blah family from the city of blah blah. Oh her daughter is so tall now''. Then it turns into a cycle of sins whereby people will start backbiting everytime the tape is watched.

Anyway, to go on, it's absolutely disgusting what goes in these weddings. One second they're reading ''Al-Fatihah'' and the next they've got music on.

My advice is to ask the bride about how the wedding is going down, if it's mixed and unislamic then try to convince them to do otherwise and follow the sunnah. If they don't listen, then save yourself the sins and harm and give them the gift beforehand and/or mail it. Don't even bother going there.

[Clover]

I know at a lot of weddings the families are always babbling when the bride comes down, cause everyone has a opinion on the marriage, on the dress, on the groom, on what the kids will look like, on if they will have a car or truck lol. The list goes on and on, really it's just people having a chance to babble and it be normal.

Personally, I just watch, and hope it works out for the best.

[true believer]

LOL, ur right. weddings like dat r shaytan parties steer clear for ur own sake. i hate weddings like dat, i simply dnt go. just spread the word n heed the warning. just dnt go or involve urself in dat. its full of filth, free mixing, dancing wiz the men/women, music. its just an excuse to incluge in finah for most ppl. glad ur not like da rest-followers. be a follower of allah, salam


BTW IS IT TRUE DAT ASIAN WEDDINGS, THE WOMAN CANT SMILE?....lol sorry just wondering....

[جوري]

I hate weddings too.. I think that is money that would be better spent on a great honeymoon or upgrading some fixture in the house or something instead of feeding ungrateful guests...
my brother didn't have a wedding, and my sister's wedding was just plain awful.. and it wasn't Pakistani.. so don't think it is a cultural thing, it is universal.... I don't think I ever attended a more depressing gathering and I couldn't wait until it was over.. there go a few thousands on a few hours for no good reason whatsoever ..

sob7an Allah

[GuestFellow]

BTW IS IT TRUE DAT ASIAN WEDDINGS, THE WOMAN CANT SMILE?....lol sorry just wondering....

inappropriate abbreviation removed I heard of that before. I don't think that is true for every bride, I did remember one wedding, where the bride was smiling and dancing...the horror. O.O

Though most of the brides I see in the wedding films look depressed and look as though they might hurt someone lol.... :/

I guess it is something that is culturally expected for a bride to sit down, be quiet and look innocent...or probably some of them are just shy since they have a camera glued to their face.

[Banu_Hashim]

BTW IS IT TRUE DAT ASIAN WEDDINGS, THE WOMAN CANT SMILE?....lol sorry just wondering....

lol! I don't think so. She's just meant to look down and pretend to be shy and humble or whatever. Haha, 'no smiling!'.

[Banu_Hashim]

I hate weddings too.. I think that is money that would be better spent on a great honeymoon or upgrading some fixture in the house or something instead of feeding ungrateful guests...
my brother didn't have a wedding, and my sister's wedding was just plain awful.. and it wasn't Pakistani.. so don't think it is a cultural thing, it is universal.... I don't think I ever attended a more depressing gathering and I couldn't wait until it was over.. there go a few thousands on a few hours for no good reason whatsoever ..

sob7an Allah

yeah, exactly. It's not even a wedding day. It's like a wedding hour or two. Tens of thousands go into wedding venues and blah blah blah... It's silly really when you think about it.

[KiWi]

It's not only in Pakistani culture, but in Somali culture too. I stay away from wedding scenes cause it's usually totally unislamic and goes until the wee hours of the morning. For Somalis, a wedding invitation will tell you to arrive at 7pm but that just really means midnight lol and everyone knows it. One wedding I went to, I was the only one covering myself. It was all women, but there was a camera man taping everything going on subhanAllaah. And let me tell you, these tapes are disturbed worldwide. Someone from Sweden could be like ''Hey isn't that blah blah blah from the blah blah blah family from the city of blah blah. Oh her daughter is so tall now''. Then it turns into a cycle of sins whereby people will start backbiting everytime the tape is watched.

Anyway, to go on, it's absolutely disgusting what goes in these weddings. One second they're reading ''Al-Fatihah'' and the next they've got music on.

My advice is to ask the bride about how the wedding is going down, if it's mixed and unislamic then try to convince them to do otherwise and follow the sunnah. If they don't listen, then save yourself the sins and harm and give them the gift beforehand and/or mail it. Don't even bother going there.

^ i can sooo relate to that
we're one those family who gets invited to lots of weddings
especially somali
n oh.my.God. it is a nitemare!!
i hate it!! i leave rite after we finish eating (if i get lucky)..if im not able to ...i sit all the way in the back corner playing games on my cell
astaghrifullah girls would be dancing inappropriately!! n there would be men all over watching!! n u know how somali weddings r....almost all of them r mixed.
n these r hijabees we're talking abt...they're parctically naked on weddings n when they leave they "cover" up.
i mean wat the heck is the point of covering up when u already revealed to half the town wat u look like? :enough!:

ppl actually compete on the "best" dress..who looked nice...or who has the most gold n all of the other nonsense

n the vedio tapes...ooooh yeah...ppl from across the globe would get their hands on that tape within a week...that's a promise
u'd get fone calls from family/friends across the globe gossiping!!!

may Allah guide us all to the straight path ameen

[Banu_Hashim]

To be honest, I've never been to a wedding that's been described. I've been to walimahs of relatives and it's always been segregated, for the most part and definitely no music. Towards the end you'd have people taking pictures with the bride and groom, but I've never in my life seen any dancing. The most recent wedding (2007) I went to was in Lucknow, India.

[AnonymousPoster]

in all fairness, this wedding was segregated and there was no dancing or music and there was a notice asking for no pics or videos to be taken However, certain close family members allowed themselves to take pics so only Allah knows who will see these pics.

I'm glad alhamdulillah I am not the only one who is feeling this way about weddings and I;m glad that what I did was acceptable. I mean I stayed there for about and hour. Gave salaam to the bride and other family members then I made polite conversation, but really after a few mins the convo turns to other issues anyway like "oh i like ur outfit" or what ever. So many people go to me, why aren't u wearing makeup. I was like I am (and i only wear very very basic makeup as i dont wear it normally) Just seems to me that unless you have half a tube of paint slapped on ur face then its unacceptable.

I've made my decision anyway, so jazakAllah kheir for ur advice and understanding.

[Muslim Woman]

I am a revert sister

Welcome to Islam

Why are weddings(pakistani ones(i have attended) I can't comment on others) all about gossip, tarting up and many other bad, sinful things?

same things take place here in Bangladesh

Now a days , people are influenced by the dish culture - they pick bad things easily from TV serials , movies etc. Also we were under British rule for about 200 years . Islamic education / culture mixed up with the rulers religion / culture etc.

InshaAllah , Muslims will be conscious about their mistakes & will try to follow the Quran & Sunnah.