Why Is Getting Married Made So Hard?WHY????

**Sizzlerjimer** · 07-24-2009

asalam u alikum wa rehatulahi wa berkathu

i hope when you read this your in best of your health INSALLAH

Unfortunately i have come up with another thread regarding marriage.

You have to have a good degree and a good job in order to get married. The girl or the guy has to be from the same race or in some cultures the same cast.Most of all the wedding ceremony i mean O M G the mehndi(henna), the wedding day and then the walima. All these haram things people dancing,free mixing and showing of the wealth, what is that?where is that in islam??All of these reasons are making guys and girls go towards haram things.We all have needs and desiers and if one doesnt fulfil them in the halal way then BAM satan comes in and say ''you know what allow the marriage you need to do this and to do that'' you know what i mean?

Where do we go now?What we do then?If our parents donot understand what are we supposed to do?I am sure i am speaking for many of the brothers and sisters out there.

There are other problems too practiciing brothers cant find practicing sister and vice versa.

lets take my example yes

i am 23yrs old i have a degree in business management(ASIAN YAAR

) and i want to get married because i want to be away from the fitna.Dont get me wrong its not like i am desperate to get married but i will be lying if i say that i donot want to get married asap.First some of my elders tell me wait till your 27 because that is the perfect age to get married and when my parents start looking for a girl they apparently cannot seem to find a practicing muslimah i mean HELLO living in a muslim country and cannot find one what is that all about.Lets take western countries yes, practicing sisters here donot ask you anything about the deen first question is What Is Ur VISA STATUS.WHERE is that in islam??I agree that people from back home donot have the best of reputation but are all of them after your passport?I dont wana pledge my allegiance to the queen.ONE UMMAH right??Why is it so hard to fulfil the sunnah of our beloved PROPHET SAW

I have put forward my example just to give an idea of what i am trying to say.I hope every one understands it.INSALLAH

Jazak ALLAH

**celina** · 08-06-2009

Brother I can't help but feel sorry for you, people are ignorant, can't believe they don't do things like that in the US. In comparison the UK is a lot better loads of marriages (done in islamically) take place here. It must be frustrating, don't worry something will happen InshAllah..

**aadil77** · 08-06-2009

matrimonial services as in the masjid not online, whats so unislamic about that?, but do keep asking imams because they will have personal contacts and will be able to ask around for you, they should also understand your situation and the islamic perspective, probably the most islamic way for anyone.

**convert** · 08-06-2009

this thread was a bad idea. as-salaamu alaikum.

**Ansariyah** · 08-06-2009

Originally Posted by convert

wa alaikum as-salaam

no, i know of no such person in my community. i tried asking around about 4-5 months ago but was told in no uncertain terms that nobody would marry their daughter off to a white convert here. kinda ticked me off actually.

From wat ive seen white revert bros go quicker off the shelves than oreos. They seem to be in high demand.

u need to expand ur horizon?

Why do u only want a convert?

cause I heard born'muslims want converts, converts want born'muslims. This is quite new.

**convert** · 08-06-2009

Originally Posted by Yanoorah

From wat ive seen white revert bros go quicker off the shelves than oreos. They seem to be in high demand.

u need to expand ur horizon?

Why do u only want a convert?

cause I heard born'muslims want converts, converts want born'muslims. This is quite new.

from what ive seen, white convert brothers dont get married at all, with the rare exception of 2 brothers i know.i dont only want a convert or only want someone born into a muslim family. my preference is someone from a muslim family because it would help make me a part of the community but that is really just a side issue and not something i would base a proposal on.

like i said. its frustrating and the more i talk to people outside my area, it seems its just my area that is backwards. i cant move so i dont know what to do besides just have tawakkul and be frustrated.

**Ansariyah** · 08-06-2009

Originally Posted by convert

from what ive seen, white convert brothers dont get married at all, with the rare exception of 2 brothers i know.i dont only want a convert or only want someone born into a muslim family. my preference is someone from a muslim family because it would help make me a part of the community but that is really just a side issue and not something i would base a proposal on.

like i said. its frustrating and the more i talk to people outside my area, it seems its just my area that is backwards. i cant move so i dont know what to do besides just have tawakkul and be frustrated.

are u from a small town? Do u go to talks, Islamic lectures in other bigger cities?

I think the more out'going u are, *Islamic lectures, frequent mosque attender, the bigger ur friends circle is the more likely u are to meet someone. I think sometimes converts isolate themselves, which can be hard for them, but once they come out to the open everyone wants 1. MashaAllah.

Stay positive, I wudnt be surprised if there is one sista who feels the way u do n resides near u.

**convert** · 08-06-2009

Originally Posted by Yanoorah

are u from a small town? Do u go to talks, Islamic lectures in other bigger cities?

I think the more out'going u are, *Islamic lectures, frequent mosque attender, the bigger ur friends circle is the more likely u are to meet someone. I think sometimes converts isolate themselves, which can be hard for them, but once they come out to the open everyone wants 1. MashaAllah.

Stay positive, I wudnt be surprised if there is one sista who feels the way u do n resides near u.

no, im not from a small town. im from one of the bigger cities in the us. i attend all salawat in the masjid except for dhuhr at work. i attend everything i hear of in the area as well. people from other communities (45+ minutes away) seem to know me just as well, if not better than my masjid.

converts do get very isolated. some of it is their fault but a lot of it is muslims just not opening up. i mean, i can be friendly and outgoing until the cows come home but when people dont really talk back, what can you do?

and yes, i wish i had more muslim friends but when nobody wants to invite me to anything or have a conversation other than "assalaamu alaikum, kayfa halek, alhamdulillah" what can i do?

frustration to no end. some people wouldnt realize it until theyve lived it which is why its so hard to get the point across to others what its like.

**Ansariyah** · 08-06-2009

Originally Posted by convert

no, im not from a small town. im from one of the bigger cities in the us. i attend all salawat in the masjid except for dhuhr at work. i attend everything i hear of in the area as well. people from other communities (45+ minutes away) seem to know me just as well, if not better than my masjid.

converts do get very isolated. some of it is their fault but a lot of it is muslims just not opening up. i mean, i can be friendly and outgoing until the cows come home but when people dont really talk back, what can you do?

and yes, i wish i had more muslim friends but when nobody wants to invite me to anything or have a conversation other than "assalaamu alaikum, kayfa halek, alhamdulillah" what can i do?

frustration to no end. some people wouldnt realize it until theyve lived it which is why its so hard to get the point across to others what its like.

It looks to me as tho ur in a up'tight community there.

I think its important that u find bros close to ur age, as its easier to talk to someone u can relate to. Nowadays most of us have become dunya'chasers that we don't even want to carry out a normal convo wit our muslim bros/sis'as. Some people jst come to the mosque to pray, then off chasin dunya. Everyone is busy busy! 'asalamalaikum followed up wit bye.

I think u are some'wat shy am I right? Most shy people wait for someone to come up to them. There's nothing wrong wit being shy, but looking friendly is important. Rasululah (saw) was a peoples person, he would voice his opinion, be gentle, be strong, kind. Help people. Sometimes we need to speak, if we dont speak people will not see us lol. Through speaking, we get to know each other. I know some of the stuff im saying is so random, but they're important as well.

In our mosque we have a muslima youth programe. Every now n then we discuss issues, among those issues is spotting the shy muslim who sits at the corner, going up to her, engage in talks wit her. Smile, try to introduce urself. These are matters which are fundemental issues that are often neglected. We are working on it Alhamdulilah.

I think bros shud do something like that as well, as it helps.

Some mosques run many programs, from islamic education, to sports, youth programs. Even hadeeth/Quraan sessions after prayers.

nuff of my ramblingz, my apologies if i'm of no help.

**celina** · 08-06-2009

Originally Posted by convert

this thread was a bad idea. as-salaamu alaikum.

I don't think this thread is a bad idea, infact it might help other people to. Here in the UK reverts/converts are quite popular amongst the muslim community, they are very devoted to Islam and a lot of muslims see them as an insipiration. Next week im going to attend a talk where one of the guest speakers is a revert and im tagging along my teenage brother who is not so practising, so that he might learn and InshAllah become a better muslim. Brother people are just trying to help you and maybe through this others might be helped ameen..

**convert** · 08-06-2009

Originally Posted by Yanoorah

It looks to me as tho ur in a up'tight community there.

I think its important that u find bros close to ur age, as its easier to talk to someone u can relate to. Nowadays most of us have become dunya'chasers that we don't even want to carry out a normal convo wit our muslim bros/sis'as. Some people jst come to the mosque to pray, then off chasin dunya. Everyone is busy busy! 'asalamalaikum followed up wit bye.

I think u are some'wat shy am I right? Most shy people wait for someone to come up to them. There's nothing wrong wit being shy, but looking friendly is important. Rasululah (saw) was a peoples person, he would voice his opinion, be gentle, be strong, kind. Help people. Sometimes we need to speak, if we dont speak people will not see us lol. Through speaking, we get to know each other. I know some of the stuff im saying is so random, but they're important as well.

In our mosque we have a muslima youth programe. Every now n then we discuss issues, among those issues is spotting the shy muslim who sits at the corner, going up to her, engage in talks wit her. Smile, try to introduce urself. These are matters which are fundemental issues that are often neglected. We are working on it Alhamdulilah.

I think bros shud do something like that as well, as it helps.

Some mosques run many programs, from islamic education, to sports, youth programs. Even hadeeth/Quraan sessions after prayers.

nuff of my ramblingz, my apologies if i'm of no help.

to some extent i am shy but i can and do try to speak with people. i will call brothers on the weekends when i am free but it seems nobody ever has time for me so i usually just spend my time in the gym, reading, or at an event somewhere.

there are no such programs in my masjid. i am very dissatisfied with my masjid to be honest. an instance: when i first became muslim, my masjid had a program to "teach people to read Quran"; it was tajweed but they didn't say that. i thought "hey maybe they can help me learn to read Arabic." i asked one of the speakers if there was a prerequisite and i was rather rudely shot down in front of all the brothers and basically belittled because i couldn't read it. i stopped going to the masjid other than jumaa for like 6 months because of that but i snapped out of it and have been steady in attendance for 2 years now.

i appreciate everyones' suggestions. it helps for me to vent sometimes but it can also lead to greater frustrations on my part because i just focus on it like the whole world is against me when i know that isn't the case and there are brothers that care for me in the community. its just lonely at times and the islamic process of trying to get married is embarrassing and humiliating to me and that doesn't help me.

**nebula** · 08-06-2009

^ mashallah thats a good youth program your mosque has.

Getting married is hard in this day and age, harder then it should be, do Dua to Allah, thats the best we can do and have sabr!

But our spouses won't fall from the sky lol

we gotta work abit.

**celina** · 08-06-2009

Originally Posted by nebula

^ mashallah thats a good youth program your mosque has.

Getting married is hard in this day and age, harder then it should be, do Dua to Allah, thats the best we can do and have sabr!

But our spouses won't fall from the sky lol

we gotta work abit.

Thats what I mean

**Ansariyah** · 08-06-2009

[QUOTE=convert;1197418]

to some extent i am shy but i can and do try to speak with people. i will call brothers on the weekends when i am free but it seems nobody ever has time for me so i usually just spend my time in the gym, reading, or at an event somewhere.

MashaAllah, don't give up. Make new friends as well, as the ones u got now seem to be busy most of the time.

there are no such programs in my masjid. i am very dissatisfied with my masjid to be honest. an instance: when i first became muslim, my masjid had a program to "teach people to read Quran"; it was tajweed but they didn't say that. i thought "hey maybe they can help me learn to read Arabic." i asked one of the speakers if there was a prerequisite and i was rather rudely shot down in front of all the brothers and basically belittled because i couldn't read it. i stopped going to the masjid other than jumaa for like 6 months because of that but i snapped out of it and have been steady in attendance for 2 years now.

That's so wrong! Where's the adaab? SubhanaAllah but u remained patient Allah will reward u for that. People like that shudnt be leaders of mosques..

i appreciate everyones' suggestions. it helps for me to vent sometimes but it can also lead to greater frustrations on my part because i just focus on it like the whole world is against me when i know that isn't the case and there are brothers that care for me in the community. its just lonely at times and the islamic process of trying to get married is embarrassing and humiliating to me and that doesn't help me.

The whole world isnt against u bro. Allah guided u towards this beautiful deen, which is perfect. But sadly the muslims aren't. Everything goes according to qadr, wateva Allah has ordained will happen. Allah has blessed u so much, stay grateful & Plenty of duas. inshaAllah.