salaams all
RELATING TO THIS PREVIOUS ARTICLE BELOW, I ONCE AGAIN ASK FOR YOUR HELP READ ON AND MY NEW POSET WILL START AFTER SALAAMS....
i really need help regarding this so if any1 can give me advice i will appreciate that.
i am in a situation where i am struggling to make a 100% decision about me and my boyfriend. i am 21 and he has just turned 24 in april.
i have been with him for a year, he is a really nyc person and down to earth,he told me earlier that his family live in uk, but this april he got caught by immigration because he has overstayed, and since then he told me that his family are backhome and didnt tell me that because he didnt wana lose me. He has been in detention centres from manchester to cambridgeshire and now at heathrow airport, i really want us to be together.
in court he told them about me and they wanted proof that me and him are real, but i was too scared at that point and didn't know what to do, they said he has 5/4 weeks left before they send him bak to bangladesh, i still have the option of getting married to him but he has to ask his legal advsor about that, but i would like to marry him in the future, i am scared to lose him, i have been doing istikhara last month and i didnt get any feelings, and i have been doin it again and have done it 6times from today and inshallah today will be the 7th day, but still i am confused and not really clear.
Also i don't want to tell my parents because they have the issue of getting married to a different race and culture to our own and i am gujarati,my sis wanted to marry a pakistani last year but my parents said no to this and strongly agreed she marrys in the same culture and race, and my parents tawk about their parents repsect but i dont see how marrying into a different culture and race would make a difference. i've seen people marry in different race and they're happy or not its like every married couple. i have acousin who has married to a pakistani boy even though her dad did not agree that time but they're ok with it now.
i want us to be together in future,ever since he been in detention centre he has been readin namaaz daily where as before it was mainly jumah and i feel everyday stronger that i want to be with him but confused at same time to what steps to take
can someone please give me some advice pleaseeee
thank you
salams
SALAM EVERYONE
i would like2 ask for help again,ever since my boyfriend has been deported back2 bangladesh,hes been asking when i am gna kum2 c him in bangladesh which at the same time we would sort sumfin out on paperwork so he can kum bak 2 the UK within few moths with the help of his frends also,i am 2 minded about this i want2 c him because i miss him, and sometimes get upset thinkin about him,i think back 2 the past tyms and the times he has lied to me and i keep thinkin he may keep lying to me again and again about little things, i get confused about helping him kum bak to the uk, i sometimes sit and wonder wat if i do get him over and this could mayb b a mistake,he says wen he kums bak he wil get a job n later call his parents n brother slowly and few years after then he will propose to my family withhe help of his family also,but i find it all too much,i sometimes dont think of him too much and i feel peace and quiet and as soon as he mentions about me goin2 c him its like i tremble inside and don't know what to say, i don't wana give false hopes and can't promise either2 c him, i only knew him for1 year,i have been keeping intouch by msn and txt,calling him,he also seemd frustrated and angry once and i asked him wats wrong, and he said his dad keeps asking when he's going back 2 the uk, as they dont know he has been deported. i sometimes feel its a bit like emotional blackmail as he does try and make me see the times he is upset, i do miss him alot but jus dont kno wat to do apart from ask for help in my duas, wat if i do get him over and nothing goes the way we want?i don't know
can anyone help me out with advice i feel torn apart and need someone2make me think straight about this
jazakhallahkhair x
Your problem looks like a complex problem.If he is not giving you the respect and if he is troubling you in any minor sense then i think its not worth it.And does he have the financial stabilty etc to support you ? Did he do a job before ? you need to look at all these things.
Any way all the best with your life sis and may allah protect you and guide you.
my advice to you is don't rush into anything. it might seem like hes really into you but at the same time he might only want to use you to get back into the united kingdom as he sounds to much desperate and a person will do anything when he's desperate! sister what is his deen like? dose he practise? fast? has he got a job? what is his behaviour like with you? you said that he lied. lying to his future wife is not good at all! it proves that he can't be trusted! especially if he is asking you to help him. its good you came on this forum btw.. just do istikharah and wait and see. Allah will help you inshallaah. i would not contact him for while. do not let him play with your emotions..and take advantage of you if you do not get any anser from the istikharah then keep on doing it as much as you can! be patient and just reduce the contact! trust on Allah! its better that you should just seek Allah's help. don't rush into anything.
his an idiot for mixing with you before marriage - i would never want such a man for my own sister - especially illegal guys as they are reputed to be shady in that manner (believe me i know many)
assalamu alaikum
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
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his an idiot for mixing with you before marriage - i would never want such a man for my own sister - especially illegal guys as they are reputed to be shady in that manner (believe me i know many)
assalamu alaikum
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu
Yes generally they are shady. But they act kool, until the passport becomes red!
honesty: repent. let him go, move on. why does he need you to get to the UK hmm as you said, he seems to be using your feelings for him against you. he got himself into this mess, why cant he get himself out. you need to be strong before you get hurt.
Last edited by Ummu Sufyaan; 08-24-2009 at 07:36 AM.
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
First before all having a boyfriend is haram in the islam , He should be a fiance or husband but not a boyfriend .
Second if you want to bring him back to the united kingdom is easy you can marry him and after marriage he can back to his origin country and apply for a spouse visa and he can granted it if you have a job and good salary and pay slips and accomodation in your name and with his bad status as overstayer it will be difficult to obtain it and the best way is to forget about him and repent to Allah Subhanahou wa taala and look for a good muslim husband who can look after you.
Allah Subhanahou wa taala with you and with us sister hamdollah
his an idiot for mixing with you before marriage - i would never want such a man for my own sister - especially illegal guys as they are reputed to be shady in that manner (believe me i know many)
assalamu alaikum
My thoughts exactly, haraam relationship=bad,
your making isikhara but have you both repented from this sin of having a haraam relationship of being boyfriend and girlfriend??
Can't give you an Islamic answer, but, from a practical perspective he has deceived you, he is an illegal immigrant and you sound like a nice girl with good prospects and a british passport, cheese for a mouse.
I could go on, but to sum it up say goodbye and mean it. He is bad news
jazakhallah everyone who has taken their time to reply, all your answers are making sense.
no sis his family is in bangladesh,i don't know why my feelings for him are strong only when i miss him, even though sometimes i think he is the one for me.other than that i start thinking negative about him,and i think i can have someone better,its all in allah (s.w.t) hands. i don't know how to end things with him.
When he got caught and was in detention centre in april he asked his frends for help and then asked me,and he was asking me to write a statement and that would help him stay, he would keep saying i dont have anything or anyone to stay for just u,if i didnt have u i would go back,i still had doubts this time. i turned to my friends and they said he got himself in the mess let him get out of it.
i think about my family and i start to think i dont want2 get in a big mess i have in the past and don't want ot keep running after someone by rushing into things. i have repented alot in my duas everyday, i don't think he has been doing.
i sometimes think its for the red passport, i metioned it once and he wasnt talking properly and got angry saying how can you say that. i don't know y sometimes i feel pressured with him wen he asks for something. like when he asks when am i coming to see him. and he says i got nothing to do here,i asked him why u havn't been txting for few days,i got no credit and said i can't keep asking money off my dad,that day he looked upset as he had the webcam on,and it seemd to me he wanted2 show how upset he was,as soon as i said inshallah i will come down after ramzan he was ok,he keeps askin when are you going to sort your ticket out, you need to book early.
he did have a job when he was in the uk, he worked in a restaurant.
i have thought how will he financially support me or will it be the other way round?he has told me he will get his friends to help but then again we will eventually be paying his friends one day and the bills etc etc and it seems too much in financial problem.
i just keep asking allah to show me a sign in my duas, and i will do istikhara namaaz again.
i dont know why is stil think about him and miss him,yet again sometimes i think is he missin me more than me? how shud i end this jus block him from evrything and stop contact? i was thinkin to stop contact so i dont get deeper into this, i always seem to be running after someone
YES!! do not go by yourself, the reason you think he's the 1 is cos there's no 1 else.
When your older and you have a nice hubby who you found and married in a halal way inshallah you'll look back and think
"what was the big deal, why was I so caught up on that guy"
Also I'm sorry to hear that your parents insist you have to marry another gujji guy this isn't right. Make dua and present them the evidence from Islam that shows it isn't allowed to prevent your daughter from marrying someone because of their race or ethnicity.
Run after Allah and develop your relationship with him, I used to run after people till I realised people don't bring you happyness. Only when you obey your creator and worship him then you find true happyness.
Many people this is like the issue at the centre of their life "have to find some 1" to the point where their happyness depends on it, they start to become upset because they haven't found some 1.
but just focus on the religion and the hereafter and that will bring you happyness and you'll find some 1 too.
as the hadith goes "whoever makes his concern the dunya then he's constantly chasing after it and never satisfied and content"
"whoever makes his concern the afterlife then Allah suffices him in all his needs in this life and the afterlife"
my sis tried that with parents it didnt work,but hers was a different story,we dont know the guys family at all,only what she's been hearing and if my sis did marry the guy we don't think she would be financially supported by him and the family.
yes brother i have been reading more into islam as i didn't much before,even though i listen to taalims and talks i know what is right and wrong, i know i was in the wrong when i was with him, but still i don't know why i carried on, and i do find peace within myself when i pray or read books on islam
i dont know why is stil think about him and miss him,yet again sometimes i think is he missin me more than me? how shud i end this jus block him from evrything and stop contact? i was thinkin to stop contact so i dont get deeper into this, i always seem to be running after someone
Sister you will inshallah forget him easily with time and when you will meet your real muslim man this boy will be a joke for you .
i dont know why is stil think about him and miss him,yet again sometimes i think is he missin me more than me? how shud i end this jus block him from evrything and stop contact? i was thinkin to stop contact so i dont get deeper into this, i always seem to be running after someone
Doesn't that tell you something about yourself? You NEED to change. You NEED to stop with the boyfriend business.
Its Ramadan. Read Qur'aan, get your Imaan higher than it ever had been before. Pray extra nawafil which will bring you closer to your Lord.
Repent from this boyfriend business,,
May Allaah forgive us and guide us all this Ramadhan, Ameen.
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i feel torn apart and need someone2make me think straight about this
as you said, he seems to be using your feelings for him against you. he got himself into this mess, why cant he get himself out. you need to be strong before you get hurt.
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