Demanding in-laws

Assalam O Alaikum sister Muslimah,

I am also hard of hearing (some people say I am close to deaf, some people say I am close to hearing....). Well, I am mixed in both.

As a Pakistani myself, I understood cultures and parent relationships. Honestly, most people who get marriage think that they are going to change themselves but in case not really. You know, If i get married, parent should know that I become more responsible, indepedent, and wife after under parent's house.

Of course, I would definitely to support parents and comfort them, not only money things. I believe, his parents WILL still ask money after marriages because I know cultures from Pakistan. I believe, your future husband only should communicate with them to solve it, it is not hurting their feeling but try to understand situation after marriage in order to avoid suffering. (I am frankly speaking honest).

Is he hearing, know sign language or speak with you in a daily times?

Some of those here who are not aware of Pakistani culture, please don't assume NOT all parents are demanding for money, but some some do.

format_quote Originally Posted by Humbler_359

Some of those here who are not aware of Pakistani culture, please don't assume NOT all parents are demanding for money, but some some do.

Agreed, i didnt say all were demanding.

He is hearing person and i am severely deaf (close to being profoundly) but i can talk properly marsha'Allah just cant pronounce certain words

We communicate by text but most the time, days and weeks will go by where we dont lol

I do du'aa for u that may Allah SWT allow us to hear 1day insha'Allah.

format_quote Originally Posted by true_muslimmah

Agreed, i didnt say all were demanding.

He is hearing person and i am severely deaf (close to being profoundly) but i can talk properly marsha'Allah just cant pronounce certain words

We communicate by text but most the time, days and weeks will go by where we dont lol

I do du'aa for u that may Allah SWT allow us to hear 1day insha'Allah.

Insha'Allah! Lol, I am satisfied with what Allah(SWT) creates us.

Sister I can relate to your concerns as my husband who although being the youngest of 5, supports all his family back home. At the same time he looks after me and my daughter as well as he can.

Alhumdulillah I have seen through experience everytime he is financially struggling yet still helps his family, Allah blesses him with more. He always says that by keeping his earnings to himself he won't become a millionaire and even if he did what use would it be if his family were struggling to make ends meet.
Sometimes I feel his family take him for granted and don't ask of other siblings but Alhumdulillah he doesn't think like that. I being a woman did get annoyed and point it out and he remarked the reward is with Allah and my thinking ws the shaytaan.

So sister like others have said to you aslong as he fulfills your rights whats the prob, also I once read somewhere if you want to know how a man will treat you look at how he treats his mum and sisters! Insh'Allah he will spend on you too.

format_quote Originally Posted by true_muslimmah

No i dont wear the niqaab sister but i wear the hijab&jilbab. And yeah i dress appropriatley with hijaab in front of him, i cover up. There is no need to wear the niqaab in front of him and who said that it is haraam?

I have never heard of such before.So long as i am dressed modestly there shouldnt be a problem me living with his bro because since i was in nappies i ALWAYS was down my cousin house very holiday and i still do, i dont see any wrong in it.

Yes my parents know.

What is the meaning of the Hadith: "Your in-law is death”? Can my brother stay with my family in the same house? (My wife wears Hijab.)


Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah

No joke, this living arrangement is not allowed. Remember "We hear and obey" from the last 2 ayat of Al Baqarah. Does not matter that you have not heard of this before, it is not permitted for you to be alone with the brother of your husband.

Change yourself, not Islam. Dont be afraid to be Islamic.


Fatwa below from http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503545654

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear brother in Islam, we would like to thank you for showing keenness on learning the teachings of Islam, and we appreciate the great confidence you have in us. We hope our efforts meet your expectations.

This Hadith you mentioned is reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, vol. 7, Book of Nikah (Marriage), Hadith no. 159. It reads as follows:

`Uqbah Ibn `Aamir, may Allah be pleased with him, quotes Allah's Messenger as saying, "Beware of entering upon women." A man from the Ansar said, "O Messenger of Allah! What about Al-Hamu, or the wife’s in-law (the brother of her husband or his nephew, etc.)?" The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, replied: “The in-law of the wife is death itself.”

The Hadith is also reported in Sahih Muslim, Kitab As-Salam (Book on Salutations and Greetings), Chapter 8, Hadith no 5400.

Commenting on this Hadith, Imam An-Nawawi, may Allah bless his soul, states: "Al-Layth Ibn Sa`d holds that the “the in-law” refers to a relative of the husband other than his father and sons (who are Mahram (unmarriageable kin) to his wife), such as his brother, nephew, and cousin, etc., with whom marriage would be permissible for her, if she were to be divorced or widowed

As for his saying “the in-law is death”, it means that you are supposed to be very cautious of him as evil is most expected from him. This is because the in-law, contrary to the stranger, can easily approach the lady and violate her privacy, without people blaming him for doing so.

The in-law here stands for husband’s relatives other than his fathers and sons. As for the husband’s father and sons, they are Mahram to his wife and they are allowed to be alone with her. They don’t fall under the category of “the in-law is death”. Those who are described of death are the husband’s brother, cousin, uncle, and all those who are not Mahram for the wife. People usually take it easy and find no problem with the husband’s brother being in private with the former’s wife. This is “death” itself as the in-law is most worthy of the prohibition.

Al-Mazari is of the opinion that the in-law refers to the husband's father, but this not correct and it is rejected.

Shedding more light on the Hadith, the prominent scholar Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, says:

“The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, particularly warned women concerning Khulwah (being alone) with male-in-laws such as the husband's brother or cousin, since people are quite negligent in this regard, sometimes with disastrous consequences. It is obvious that a relative has easier access than a stranger to a woman's quarters, something concerning which no one would question him. The same is true of the wife's non-Mahram relatives, and it is prohibited for any of them to be in Khulwah with her.

By saying “the in-law is death” the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, meant that there are inherent dangers and even destruction in such privacy: Religion is destroyed if they commit sin; the wife is ruined if her husband divorces her out of jealousy; and social relationships are torn apart if relatives become suspicious of each other.

The danger lies not merely in the possibility of sexual temptation. It is even greater in relation to the possibility gossip about what is private and personal between the husband and wife by those who cannot keep secrets to themselves and relish talking about others; such talk has ruined many marriages and destroyed many homes. In explaining the meaning of "“the in-law is death,” Ibn al-Atheer says, "It is an Arabic figure of speech like, 'The lion is death' or 'The king is fire,' which means that meeting a lion is similar to facing death and a confrontation with a king is like being in the fire. Thus, privacy between an in-law and a woman is far more dangerous than in the case of a stranger because he might persuade her to do things against her husband's wishes, such as asking him for things he cannot afford, nagging him, and the like."

Thus, we conclude that your brother is only allowed to be with your wife if there is a Mahram with them. If there is no Mahram, then it is forbidden for your to be in a state of Khulwah with your wife, even if she wears Hijab.

انت ومالک لابیک۔۔۔۔الحدیث