I'm scared to do it again..

Salam alaykum

Few months ago i met a guy.. a non muslim guy.
He wanted to go out with and eventually marry me, but i didn't accept because he wasn't muslim.
Few months later he met one of his muslim friends who gave him the quran, took him to the masjed and convinced him that islam is the true religion of God. Meanwhile i was praying allah to guide him on the true path.
So he came back to me, telling me that he was going to convert to islam.
I was really happy, I couldn't stop crying.
Unfortunatelly the BIG mistake ( and sin ) i did was to start going out with him, thinking that it was "ok".. and thats when shaytan started his work..
Asstaghfirullah we commited forncation and other evil things.. I feel so bad now.. I always cry when i remeber what i did.. Hope Allah will forgive me.
The problem is that few months later he admitted that he wasn't really sure about converting, that he islam seemed to hard for him, and that his parents reacted very badely to that. They convinced him not to do it.. So he left islam. and I left him, i told him that i couldn't marry a non muslim guy.
I felt good in a way, because i knew i wasn't in sin anymore, but my heart is broken now, I am emotinally attached to this guy, even if he's not muslim he's really nice, kind, and doesn't stop telling me that he wants to marry me and make his life with me, and i wanted that too. But I'm scared to fall in to Zina (fornication) again, I know that i was strong enough to stop my relationship with him, but shaytan is too strong.. I really love this guy, even if i know that there's no future with him.. I know that it(s haram but i can't control my feelings.. and my desires.
I'm sad and scared not to find another nice guy like him, and temptation is too big, I can't take it anymore.. i'm upset , help imsad

sorry for the mistakes, english is not my native language..

Every one of your concerns can be answered by watching this video. A sister sent in a letter to the host with concerns and issues that almost exactly match your problem. Very informative.

[Media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqmKZ7ezKMM[/Media]

Please forgive me for asking this Q. But I always wonder how others can just fornicate with someone who isn't their spouse. Do you not find it difficult the guilt, the sneaking around, the running away behind everyone's back. As well the act itself for the first time rather traumatizing and leaving you with a piece of your heart torn and eaten every time thereafter? Shouldn't it be done under comfortable circumstance with someone who won't walk out so you can both be home before someone suspects where you have been all day? It is difficult for me to imagine someone going home after having fornicated, knowing they have to live two completely different life styles and then wash from the act to pray to Allah. It must be devastating. I thought I'd pose this here, as it is something to think about for those who think it is easy and pleasurable I think the weight of it would tear me down. :hmm:

Salamander said:

Salam alaykum

Few months ago i met a guy.. a non muslim guy.
He wanted to go out with and eventually marry me, but i didn't accept because he wasn't muslim.
Few months later he met one of his muslim friends who gave him the quran, took him to the masjed and convinced him that islam is the true religion of God. Meanwhile i was praying allah to guide him on the true path.
So he came back to me, telling me that he was going to convert to islam.
I was really happy, I couldn't stop crying.
Unfortunatelly the BIG mistake ( and sin ) i did was to start going out with him, thinking that it was "ok".. and thats when shaytan started his work..
Asstaghfirullah we commited forncation and other evil things.. I feel so bad now.. I always cry when i remeber what i did.. Hope Allah will forgive me.
The problem is that few months later he admitted that he wasn't really sure about converting, that he islam seemed to hard for him, and that his parents reacted very badely to that. They convinced him not to do it.. So he left islam. and I left him, i told him that i couldn't marry a non muslim guy.
I felt good in a way, because i knew i wasn't in sin anymore, but my heart is broken now, I am emotinally attached to this guy, even if he's not muslim he's really nice, kind, and doesn't stop telling me that he wants to marry me and make his life with me, and i wanted that too. But I'm scared to fall in to Zina (fornication) again, I know that i was strong enough to stop my relationship with him, but shaytan is too strong.. I really love this guy, even if i know that there's no future with him.. I know that it(s haram but i can't control my feelings.. and my desires.
I'm sad and scared not to find another nice guy like him, and temptation is too big, I can't take it anymore.. i'm upset , help imsad

sorry for the mistakes, english is not my native language..

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sister i think he might have told you a little lie to sleep with you.
i don't believe this guy was interested in islam in the first place and you know yourself you cannot marry non muslim. you would be living in sin! it would not be accepted from Allah swt. and knowing this non muslim, marriage will not mean anything to him at all. but marriage means alot to a muslim! look at the non muslims in the west they fornicate before and after marriage then a year later they move on thats just the way it is sister! marriage dont mean nothing to these non muslims.

i am a revert sister so i know a lot more then you what non muslims are like. i came to islam to get away from this crap also there idea of marriage is a joke sister! they have no morals or fear of the grave. they change so many partners. mabe if you got pregnant, he'd leave you like a shot. you just don't know what you are getting yourself into!

finish it with this guy forever! Allah knows best and you don't know anything.
you already did a sin and you should seek repentance. don't return to this dirty life again. he dose not care about you, he is not going to answer your questions in the grave!

Allah's mercy is vast but do not return to this sin of seeing this man again, asking forgiveness once then asking forgiveness a second time for the same sin then asking forgivness a third time, you are pushing it a bit to far if you continue to see him and you are playing with fire. dont even talk with this man again! find yourself a good muslim guy. their is plenty.

theres much better guys out there compared to him


so dont be scared and move on

Assalamu Alaikum

Salamander said:

Salam alaykum

Few months ago i met a guy.. a non muslim guy.
He wanted to go out with and eventually marry me, but i didn't accept because he wasn't muslim.
Few months later he met one of his muslim friends who gave him the quran, took him to the masjed and convinced him that islam is the true religion of God. Meanwhile i was praying allah to guide him on the true path.
So he came back to me, telling me that he was going to convert to islam.
I was really happy, I couldn't stop crying.
Unfortunatelly the BIG mistake ( and sin ) i did was to start going out with him, thinking that it was "ok".. and thats when shaytan started his work..
Asstaghfirullah we commited forncation and other evil things.. I feel so bad now.. I always cry when i remeber what i did.. Hope Allah will forgive me.
The problem is that few months later he admitted that he wasn't really sure about converting, that he islam seemed to hard for him, and that his parents reacted very badely to that. They convinced him not to do it.. So he left islam. and I left him, i told him that i couldn't marry a non muslim guy.
I felt good in a way, because i knew i wasn't in sin anymore, but my heart is broken now, I am emotinally attached to this guy, even if he's not muslim he's really nice, kind, and doesn't stop telling me that he wants to marry me and make his life with me, and i wanted that too. But I'm scared to fall in to Zina (fornication) again, I know that i was strong enough to stop my relationship with him, but shaytan is too strong.. I really love this guy, even if i know that there's no future with him.. I know that it(s haram but i can't control my feelings.. and my desires.
I'm sad and scared not to find another nice guy like him, and temptation is too big, I can't take it anymore.. i'm upset , help imsad

sorry for the mistakes, english is not my native language..

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If there's no nikaah, then don't bother even being in the same vicinity as a non-mahram. Look at how he seriously fooled you (I'm sorry but I gotta be blunt about this), pretending as if he wanted to be ''Muslim'' since you said you couldn't marry him because he's a kufaar. Then he so-called ''converts'' and leaves Islam, Allaahu 'alam, sis the signs are clear.

The reasons for such a big commitment as a nikaah, is so that you are protected. He will be responsible for everything. He can't just up and leave. Set it and forget it. That's now how it works, and everything was put in place to protect us sisters from such vile people. But you made a mistake. It's time to repent to Allaah sincerely, keep on fasting, and move on inshaAllaah.

Plenty more fish in the sea, and plenty serious and willing brothers out there who are ready to commit. They ain't got time for none of this foolishness of going out with no means at the end of it all. SubhanAllaah.

I pray that Allaah swt grants you the patience to understand that holding your desires in is for your own benefit.

:wa:

I agree with what above people said..

Just to add

but shaytan is too strong

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Dont forget that Allah is the strongest and if your imaan is strong enough shaytan can do nothing.Pray to allah and stay away from this guy.

do not rveal ur sins to others.
if u keep others sins secret,Allah will keep ur sins secret.
every human being commit sins each and every moment.
the best person is those hide the sin and do tauba nasuha to Allah.
stop telling the whole world about ur sins and start repenting to Allah.by telling others about this is not gonna solve ur problem at all.just repent and do tauba nasuha.insyaAllah u have learn from u lesson.
do not trust any man in today's world except ur husband

this is life shattering for you as you are a Muslim but for him, he just scored with another chick and probably telling all his mates how he pulled you and used you. and planning who the next girl is +o(

He's probably happy he committed fornication with you and wants to do it again because he doesn't believe in Islam. stories like this make me wanna

If only you knew the nature of men you'd never have slept with him he's probably showing off to his mates

Can I ask you something?? do you love your prophet (peace be upon him)? if you do how can you want to be with a man who calls him a liar and refuses to believe in him. Don't you find it sickening that this man rejects your prophet?

Anas radi Allahu anhu narrated that the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, “None of you truly believes (has emaan) until I am more beloved to him than his father, his child and all of mankind.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

tell me with all due respect are you loving the prophet (peace be upon him) when you desire to be with a man who rejects him?? the idea of being with someone who rejects him and calls him a "false prophet" "liar" makes me want to puke my insides out, this is because he's more beloved to me than anything else so how can I wanna be with someone who rejects my beloved prophet? (peace be upon him)

my sister, every 1 falls into mistakes no body is an angel but this is a crucial point in your life, how you react in this situation is most likely going to determine the kind of person you are in life and where you'll end up when you die.

The way I see it is this, you got two options

Option A

you carry on your relationship with this man who rejects the messenger and your life goes down the toilet, he leads you into all kinds of sins and slowly bit by bit you lose your emaan completely and doing sins like fornication become no big deal for you, to the point where you don't even care it's like eating.

Then you leave Islam and don't abstain from any of the haraam and decide to enjoy life. 2 years down the line this guy decides he's bored with you and wants a new toy so he leaves you and then you come to the harsh realisation that you traded paradise for a 2 year fling,

that's if you even believe in paradise at that stage. Anyway you live your life going out with man, after man searching for "the one" and finding the right man becomes the centre of your life. To the extent you'd do anything to be with one, and stoop to new lows such as smoking or drinking alcohol and going clubbing.

You then realise that the majority of men are full of lies and tell you whatever you want to hear in order to get into your pants and then begin to hate yourself and life.

You can't believe that you were so foolish and stupid all them years ago in your youth to actually believe all the lies that men fed. You then live your life out somewhere by yourself and die slowly all alone because your family doesn't wanna know you because of what you did.

You die and enter the eternal life where everything is forever and you meet the angel of death from Hell. Who finds it pleasing to smite you and hit you, then it hits you "what the hell have I been doing"

"when the soul reaches the throat you will come to know"

you're then inflicted with the punishments of hell fire, specificly for those who fornicate and you look back at this crucial moment and think if only I stayed away from the evil man who led me astray from my lord, if only I could go back and change my decision. "Why did I choose this man instead of obeying Allah".

And realise when your with this man the angels are recording it in your book and it'll be read out on the day of judgement and every 1 will know what you did,

also realise when your with this man the one who gave you life is watching you disobey him, doesn't this make you feel shameful my sister how can you even glimpse at something haraam and derive pleasure from it when you know Al Malik is watching you.


Option B

You realise that you committed a crime that is punishable with lashes from a whip, and you spend the rest of your life making repentance, making a beautifull repentance crying to your lord at night to forgive you and hide this deed from your books so that no 1 discovers what you did on the day of reckoning. And inshallah this evil sin will be turned into a good deed, the best of sinners are those who make repentance.

You then go on with your life avoiding every man whom it's haraam for you to interact with and the very idea of what you did makes you feel disgusted inside.

Eventually you settle down and marry a good Muslim man who loves and respects you, and spend your life doing good deeds, obeying your creator and raising beautifull Muslim children that are a means for you to enter into paradise.

you have loads of joyful moments like your kids first day at school, seeing them get married, giving you grand children, you and your husband cry at night thanking your lord for everything that he's given you.

You die a nice death with your children and family around you and meet the angels of paradise :statisfie who are telling you not to fear anything and giving you glad tidings, telling you "don't be afraid you are of the people of paradise .

You look back at this moment in your life and think Subhanallah this was the moment I got my act together and changed myself into an obediant slave. This was the moment where I came to the realisation that this world is bricks and stones that are worthless.


I think this is a life defining moment for you and you should choose the path you decide to follow carefully. This is the break or make moment, how you react to this is going to decide alot of things,

do you react by crying at night asking for forgiveness?

or do you react by going out and doing it again and again to the point where it doesn't bother you, become second nature, you then lose yourself, become dead inside and are forever a slave to your desires.


And to think people ask the question

"why is Islam so strict with gender relations, there's nothing wrong with being friends?".

when the sins comitted and the soul reaches the throat they'll come to know why Islam is so strict on gender relations.

don't be foolish, your playing with a eternity in hell.

I don't know what makes me sad more, that fact you were tricked with lies into sleeping with him, or the fact that your first time was with a non Muslim outside of marriage.

This is the moment where you wanna learn that men will say anything to get into your pants.

I am sorry about saying this sis, but with all what he had done to you, you still want him?
he fooled you, you lost a very precious thing with him in a haram way, and you still want him?
he played with a very serious matter and came to Islam then leave it, Allah knows whether he did that just to fool you and get the chance to sleep with you, and you still want him?
you will tell me he is caring, kind, lovely and all those blah blah blah things, but I think after fooling you, you have just to ignore him and think about what is more important than him which is YOUR RELIGION!!

try to make your repentance sincere to Allah only, and Allah will place a better man on your way, Dont say that you will try with him again to come back to Islam, this man seems to be playing with you.
you justify going out with him just because he claim to be converted to Islam....was that enough for you to trust him and go with him? Dont full in the same trap if he told you that he is interesting in Islam again!!

May Allah protect you from felling in the sin again and help you to find a "real" man who really want to marry you out of love and according to the instructions of Allah and his messenger Mohammed peace and blessing be upon him

I'm afraid to say that, you got played by a "player"

revert2007 said:

do not rveal ur sins to others.
if u keep others sins secret,Allah will keep ur sins secret.
every human being commit sins each and every moment.
the best person is those hide the sin and do tauba nasuha to Allah.
stop telling the whole world about ur sins and start repenting to Allah.by telling others about this is not gonna solve ur problem at all.just repent and do tauba nasuha.insyaAllah u have learn from u lesson.
do not trust any man in today's world except ur husband

Click to expand...

its anonymous so shes not revealing anything, knowone will know who it is


at 'Salamandar', sis you got used and abused, face it this is how it works in the REAL world, you have to wake up to the fact that he was a kuffar he didn't give a dam about being muslim and getting married he just wanted fulfill his needs. He got what he wanted, you lost your virginity and your respect. This is what happens with girls - they get all emotional, a few smiles and a few words are enough to get them in bed then they get tossed aside like crap afterwards.

This is why modesty and segregation is emphasized in islam, thats how these problems are stopped at the roots

Now you've got to repent and move on, forget the guy completely stay away from him, he can still spread stories of him and you in the community, so try and move out cover up more so he wont see you again

^yeah, he probably found you really appealing cos you're a virgin and it's known that Muslim girls are virgins so kafar target them on purpose and go after them because they wanna be with a virgin. such a sad thing.

^thanks, it didn't work in the other posts, watching that link made me make sure you watch it all thread op

Salamander said:

Salam alaykum

Few months ago i met a guy.. a non muslim guy.
He wanted to go out with and eventually marry me, but i didn't accept because he wasn't muslim.
Few months later he met one of his muslim friends who gave him the quran, took him to the masjed and convinced him that islam is the true religion of God. Meanwhile i was praying allah to guide him on the true path.
So he came back to me, telling me that he was going to convert to islam.
I was really happy, I couldn't stop crying.
Unfortunatelly the BIG mistake ( and sin ) i did was to start going out with him, thinking that it was "ok".. and thats when shaytan started his work..
Asstaghfirullah we commited forncation and other evil things.. I feel so bad now.. I always cry when i remeber what i did.. Hope Allah will forgive me.
The problem is that few months later he admitted that he wasn't really sure about converting, that he islam seemed to hard for him, and that his parents reacted very badely to that. They convinced him not to do it.. So he left islam. and I left him, i told him that i couldn't marry a non muslim guy.
I felt good in a way, because i knew i wasn't in sin anymore, but my heart is broken now, I am emotinally attached to this guy, even if he's not muslim he's really nice, kind, and doesn't stop telling me that he wants to marry me and make his life with me, and i wanted that too. But I'm scared to fall in to Zina (fornication) again, I know that i was strong enough to stop my relationship with him, but shaytan is too strong.. I really love this guy, even if i know that there's no future with him.. I know that it(s haram but i can't control my feelings.. and my desires.
I'm sad and scared not to find another nice guy like him, and temptation is too big, I can't take it anymore.. i'm upset , help imsad

sorry for the mistakes, english is not my native language..

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sister,

Are you still with this guy? Don't move step forward, he is playing..... (all non-practicing guys seem so nice, kind, handsome/good looking, heart-sweet, and wanna marry for desires, it doesn't mean anything). In addition, taking advantage of girl's valuables during teenagers times, look at alot of single mothers, you want to be, no? you want to regret later, no? you want to be happy, yes?

It happened when a teen girl fell love easily with a first guy (with temptations, emotions and desires), it will create a huge messed up later. I have seen enough in old school, alot of girls felt disappointed, shame and hurt in the end. No question you asked again.

Please don't destroy your life and again in repeat don't destroy your valuable life....... avoid it, forget him!



Hope you will reply soon.

squiggle said:

^yeah, he probably found you really appealing cos you're a virgin and it's known that Muslim girls are virgins so kafar target them on purpose and go after them because they wanna be with a virgin. such a sad thing.

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sister i think he might have told you a little lie to sleep with you.

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i wholeheartedly agree with that

repent, be strong. he doesn't care about you, he only cares about himself. these kafirs aren't real about relationships until they get married. until then, it's all play. you just ahve to look around you to know what i mean. its disgusting.
every time you think of sinning again, just replace the thoughts with death and the punishment of the hadd, as to deter your mind away and make you loathe the sin.

Ahm@d said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqmKZ7ezKMM

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sis Salamander, I strongly recommend you to watch this episode, Jazak Allah Khair brother Ahm@d for posting the link, I just watched it and it was very beneficial reminder for all of us, I think everybody should watch it not only sis Salamander

May Allah save us all

Thank you so much for your answers.. it really helped me.
And i just wanted to say.. no it didnt become "natural" for me to fornicate.. i felt really bad, i didn"t stop crying each time i did it. I knew Allah was watching me doing such evil things.. but i think its because of my low iman that i did that..
And ffor those who think he "used" me.. well he even told his parents about me, and he told his family about converting, and i know the friend who talked about him about islam and converting.. that's what made me think he wasn't liying.
BUT I don't want to be from those who disobey Allah.. u guys are right allah knows better than i do. The idea of marying a person who does'nt believe in the prophet, the quran and its message really scared me , that's what scared me and made me stop this haram realationship.
And for those who tell me not to see him again.. its going to ba hard. He's in the same class as me, he sometimes sits next to me. I Hope allah will help me.
I'll do everything to stay away from haram.
Thank u again brothers and sister... may allah reward you and protect you.

salam alaykum

and i did watch the video.. thank u again.