I'm having a baby that i didn't want.

Sister, you are in my du'as. May Allah strengthen your heart and Have mercy on your soul.
:hug:

may Allah open an easy way for u and forgive u !

format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

I am really looking for the best and most suitable advice, so please help me here. It's a very sensitive issue for me as well.

I'm 18 years old. A couple of days ago, i found out that i could be 4-5 weeks pregnant (it has still not been confirmed by a doctor), and in those few days, it has changed my entire outlook on life.
I am now suffering the punishment of the biggest mistake i have made in my wholee life and i know that all i can do now is repent and keep asking Allah (swt) for forgiveness in the hope that He will, and change myself for the better.
I was given advice that i cannot go ahead with an abortion as it is considered as murder in Islam at any stage of pregnancy. I have also been advised that marriage during a womens pregnancy will be considered as invalid.
However, i cannot tell my parents or family because i am SO scared of upsetting them. I really don't know what to do and i am afraid of what is going to happen. Please, please make dua for us. I really, really hope that the Almighty will be able to forgive us somehow.

I am getting a lot of support from my OH and some of his family (he will tell his parents once it is confirmed) and also some close friends. I'm also in education at university, living away from my family home. (We're both Muslim).
So far, i'm trying to take everything positively as it is not the baby's fault and i will have to do whatever it takes, i really am not a bad person. Although, sometimes i feel so depressed and worried that i'm not so certain anymore on what to do, how to react and even sometimes i contemplate on keeping the baby or not... .

I have realised that what i have done was a very big mistake and i am ready to face the consequences but i just cannot face my family or tell them.
This is very hard. Please advise me further if you can.

do not even consider abortion if the brother is going to tell his parents if he was going to abandon you it would be a different story. is he going to marry you then after the kid is born? what plans has he made after he got his 5mints bit of pleasure with you??

Greetings, anon

I am glad you are getting support from your partner and his family.
This must have come as a shock to you, and it will need some adjustment.

Take care of yourself and your baby. Eat well, sleep well, take light exercise.
Pray and spend time with God.

I hope all goes well for you.

format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

You might think that's funny, but it's kind of rude tp put it that way.

Anyways, the plan is to get married after the birth, Inshallah.
I am not sure of the sources that state that a marriage is invalid during pregnancy... anyone else?


I am very lucky that he is being supportive about this.
However, we have decided that i do not let my parents know. Maybe when i'm married and i am the responsibility of my husband, they might take the news easier. Right now, they are not ready to cope. Although, i don't think they will ever forgive me...

i apologize sister. didn't mean to be blunt

format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

You can be blunt and not rude at the same time lol. It's ok.

but you should speak with a scholar to see whether the two of you should get married now sis thats what i would do if i was put in that situation because the sad truth is usually the type of men who sleep with a girl before marriage do not stick around for to long. of course i am nobody to judge but that sometimes dose happen the guy finds another girl to marry and abandons her so i honestly think you should go straight to a scholar and find out whether you are entitled to marry him or not

I agree with ardianto.
I would be heart-broken if my daughter kept her pregnancy secret from me.

However hard the truth may be, it would ultimately be harder not to have been told at all!

I think telling them now is better than later because things will get harder if you keep delaying it. and I am supporting brother ardianto point strongly

Make sure that you do everything rightly now starting from asking a scholar now about your situation ending to telling your parent about your pregnancy. I can imagine how shocked and heart broken your parent will be if you tell them that you are going to marry a man you already have a child from....sis I dont know where you are from but surly your parent will consider the culture and the people they are living among when they know what happened to their daughter which will put your parent in a very bad situation. Its not a pleasant situation for them at all.

I think the best thing to do is to get married now as soon as possible and tell them everything so you will avoid getting into troubles that you really dont need and you will also preserve the reputation of your family among their people. The same thing applies for your partner family I guess

I am sorry maybe I am a bit harsh on my post, but your problem have more than one hard side, you gotta think of all related issues to your matter if you want to reduce the damage to everyone related to the issue


May Allah forgive you and guide you to the right thing to do my dear sister

format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

I am really looking for the best and most suitable advice, so please help me here. It's a very sensitive issue for me as well.

I'm 18 years old. A couple of days ago, i found out that i could be 4-5 weeks pregnant (it has still not been confirmed by a doctor), and in those few days, it has changed my entire outlook on life.
I am now suffering the punishment of the biggest mistake i have made in my wholee life and i know that all i can do now is repent and keep asking Allah (swt) for forgiveness in the hope that He will, and change myself for the better.
I was given advice that i cannot go ahead with an abortion as it is considered as murder in Islam at any stage of pregnancy. I have also been advised that marriage during a womens pregnancy will be considered as invalid.
However, i cannot tell my parents or family because i am SO scared of upsetting them. I really don't know what to do and i am afraid of what is going to happen. Please, please make dua for us. I really, really hope that the Almighty will be able to forgive us somehow.

I am getting a lot of support from my OH and some of his family (he will tell his parents once it is confirmed) and also some close friends. I'm also in education at university, living away from my family home. (We're both Muslim).
So far, i'm trying to take everything positively as it is not the baby's fault and i will have to do whatever it takes, i really am not a bad person. Although, sometimes i feel so depressed and worried that i'm not so certain anymore on what to do, how to react and even sometimes i contemplate on keeping the baby or not... .

I have realised that what i have done was a very big mistake and i am ready to face the consequences but i just cannot face my family or tell them.
This is very hard. Please advise me further if you can.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb my sister i commend you for coming out and sharing your sensative issues with us. Firstly let me take you to a similar question asked to a scholar about pregnancy resulting from fornication:

Q A relative of mine who is Muslim got his girlfriend pregnant. He is not planning to stay with her and she is not Muslim. He knows that if she has the baby- the baby will be raised as a non-Muslim and she does not come from a good family. He was trying to convince her to have an abortion but I told him an abortion is haram since there is no danger to the mother. He wants to know if he can convince her to have an abortion since he does not want the baby to be raised with her when and if they split. He is considering staying with her if she stays pregnant so the baby is raised as a Muslim. She is less than 3 weeks pregnant right now. The first question is: can he try to convince her to have an abortion so that the child is not raised as a non-Muslim if they split. And if he marries her before the baby is born, is the baby still considered illegitimate?


In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

A Pregnancy due to illegitimate sexual intercourse is no excuse for carrying out an abortion. Islam condemns and rejects illicit sex and everything that leads to it. Allah Most High says:

“And do not come (even) close to adultery, for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).” (Surah al-Isra, V: 32)

Islam has also laid down a legal punishment (hadd) for the one who is guilty of this grievous crime, so that it serves as a deterrent for others.

Thus, it would not be permitted to have an abortion due to unlawful sex, regardless of how old the pregnancy is. Abortion is not the Islamic solution to illegitimate sex resulting in pregnancy; rather, the solution is to eradicate means that lead to fornication. If the door is left open for aborting pregnancies that occur outside of wedlock, its consequences could be destructive.

An incident which took place in the time of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) sheds light on the Islamic viewpoint in this regard.

Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Burayda (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates on the authority of his father…. “Then came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) a woman from Ghamid and said: “O Messenger of Allah! I have committed adultery, so purify me.” He (the Messenger of Allah) turned her away. On the following day she said: “O Messenger of Allah! Why do you turn me away? Perhaps, you turn me away as you turned away Ma’iz. By Allah, I have become pregnant.” He (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Well, if you insist upon it, then go away until you give birth to (the child).” When she delivered, she came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) with the child wrapped in a piece of cloth and said: “Here is the child whom I have given birth to.” He (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Go away and suckle him until you wean him.” When she had weaned him, she came to him with the child who was holding a piece of bread in his hand and said: “O Prophet of Allah! Here is the child, as I have weaned him and he eats food.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) entrusted the child to one of the Muslims and then pronounced punishment. And she was put in a ditch up to her chest and he commanded people and they stoned her. Khalid ibn al-Walid came forward with a stone which he flung at her head and because of it blood spurted on the face of Khalid and so he cursed her. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) heard him (Khalid) cursing her, hence he said: “O Khalid, be gentle. By Him in Whose Hand is my life, she has made such a repentance that even if a wrongful tax-collector were to repent, he would have been forgiven. Then the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) gave order regarding her, hence he prayed over her and she was buried. (Sahih Muslim, no: 1695)

The above incident clearly illustrates that pregnancy due to illegitimate sexual intercourse cannot be terminated; rather it should be carried to term. Had aborting it been permissible, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would have surely advised it to the woman.

If one was to read the Islamic literature with regards to penal law, it would become clear that the matter of legal punishment is not something that is to be taken lightly. A legal punishment (hadd) should be carried out as soon as possible, but despite this, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give peace) ordered her to wait until the child was born and started weaning. He could have advised her to abort the foetus in order for the legal punishment to be carried out sooner.

The above incident also points out to the fact that abortion due to illicit sex will be unlawful at all stages, whether the soul is blown into the foetus or otherwise. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) did not ask the woman as to how old was the pregnancy.

Moreover, the unborn baby in the mother’s womb is honoured and sacred, even though it may be a result of unlawful sex and adultery.

It is stated in the famous Hanafi Fiqh masterpiece, al-Hidaya:

“And the foetus (due to illegitimate sex) is (also) honoured, as it is not guilty of any wrongdoing, thus it will not be permissible to terminate it.” (2/292)

In other words, the unborn child in the mother’s womb has not committed any sin for its presence. Hence, it is surely a crime to abort it due to a sin committed by another person. It is inhumane and unjust that the unborn child has to pay the price for a sin committed by its parents- a sin which they desire to conceal from others. One individual cannot bear the burden of another, and every individual must bear his/her own responsibility, a fact outlined by the Qur’an.

Allah Most High says:

“No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another.” (Surah al-Isra, V: 15)

Thus, it is clear with the above that abortion due to unlawful sexual intercourse cannot be justified. It will remain unlawful after and prior to the soul being entered into the foetus. (Taken from my up and coming publication Insha Allah, Birth Control and Abortion- The Islamic Perspective (Revised Edition)

The above explanation answers your first question, in that the brother must not insist or try and convince the non-Muslim girl in having an abortion. If she has an abortion on her own accord without him advising her, he would not be sinful. Merely the fear of the child being raised as a non-Muslim will not justify abortion. Guidance is in the hands of Allah Most High; hence one should leave this to Him. The brother, however, should also try his best to ensure the child is not raised as a non-Muslim, even if he does not end up staying with the girl.

The answer to your second question is that, firstly, marriage to a pregnant woman is permissible and also sexual intercourse if the impregnator himself is marrying. (Radd al-Muhtar, 3/48-49), provided the woman is a Muslim or a genuine Kitabi (from the people of the book).

Secondly, as far as the child is concerned, if the child is born six months or more after the time of marriage (nikah), paternity will be established and the child will be attributed to the husband. However, if the child is born before six months have elapsed, it will not be attributed to the husband. (Radd al-Muhtar, 3/49)

Therefore, I suggest that the brother should get the non-Muslim girl converted to Islam. She should be educated with the fundamental beliefs of Islam, and her conversion should not merely be a solution to the problem. After she genuinely and truly accepts Islam, he should marry her as soon as possible. You sate that she is less than three weeks pregnant; hence there is still time for the child to be considered legitimate. If the child is born six months or more after the time of marriage, the brother will be considered a legitimate father. In this way, he will also be able to ensure that the child has an Islamic upbringing.

And Allah knows best

Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK.

Source:http://www.central-mosque.com/fiqh/aforn1.htm

Dear, yeah I agree with you, it's really hard to tell them now, but it's much more harder to tell them later.
I know parents don't act nicely in such situations. But they will act harder when they see the child in your arms.
All of what I hope now is that telling them later won't make things hard for you

format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

Thank you everyone for your advice, guidance and support.

Most people are saying that it is best that i let my parents know as they will not get as angry as they will be later on (after the birth).
I respect that view, but i wish it was so simple for me. My parents are not the type to sympathise and look after me in such way lol. The reason why i moved out for university and they didn't mind so much is because we could never relate to eachother and we rarely got along, their views of culture and tradition never fitted into mine. For them, me having a baby and making such a mistake will make them hurt and angry for the sake of their 'pride' and 'honour' and what the rest of society will say and do. They will most likely be in a position where they will be willing to do anything and i don't know what that 'anything' will be. Also, i don't want to place such a burden on them and the rest of my family.
Therefore, the children of parents and the parents of children in this forum will perhaps react very differently if this was ever their situation (God-forbid)and cannot imagine what it would be like any other way.

I have decided that i do not tell them till later, the reason for that is because i do not want them to feel as failures. I want to prove to them that i can be a good person. My other half is ready to get married to me after the birth of this child (with the acceptance of our parents) and (Inshallah) once that happens, i will become his responsibilty as his wife.
Perhaps then, my parents will not forgive me, but they will react differently and also feel that they do not have to distribute this news to whoever they are so worried about.