Living with a non-Muslim

format_quote Originally Posted by Abdul Kadir

Salam,

I am a muslim, my sister married a christian. my parents did not attend the wedding. then, she came back, and she is now supporting my family. i just started working, so im contributing nowdays too. her husband is also living with us. as far as i know, its haram for a kafir to stay in a muslims house and i can see why. everything in my house is in haywire. i nowdays go pray in the mosque for the 5 fard prayers as i find it difficult to pray at home. i only sometimes pray fard at home. its really difficult for me. how to get him out of the house tactfully? i hate him nowdays to the core...and i have not talked to my sister about her coming back to islam as im too afraid. she keeps telling my parents and me of what she has done for us in the past and that we should remain grateful to her. any advice?

salam...

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallah my brother for having the confidence to come out with such a sensative issue.

This is a very sad situation my brother. Unfortunatley your sister is in a marriage that is void and therefore nullified and Muslim scholars agree that such marriages are NOT accepted in Islam so your sister is living like she is an adultress in the eyes of Allah.

This is a very unfortunate situation that your family is in where the non Muslim man has also moved in and your sister has in effect brain washed your parents into accepting her and her non Muslim partner into your home by telling them how much shes done for the family. This is totally unnacceptable and the non Muslim man living in your home is effectivley like your sister bringing in a non Muslim boyfriend into your home because the marriage is NOT accepted at all.

These situations are VERY difficult to deal with but i would recommend that you make you family aware of the Islamic perspective of the marriage between Muslim women and non Muslim men. I would also recommend you and them go to a reliable and experienced scholar of Islam who would be able to advise you and your parents more effectivley than us lay people in here.

Make sure you do that brother because it is crucial that you act quickly. Your parents must know that they cannot except this imposter into their home and you must also continue to talk to your sister about What Islam says about these marriages and give her dawah about coming back into Islam in a beautiful and gentle manner.

It is easy to get angry but that won't solve anything. Remember you are ONLY an informer and ONLY Allah guides so do the best you can but make sure that you find an experienced and reliable scholar as soon as possible and meet him with your parents and i ask Allah to reward you for your patience and may he bring a solution to this sensative issue. Ameen

Salaam bro,

Please try stay calm and give dawah by your actions and words.Since you can't force anybody into a religion gently talk to your sister.Remember never get mad or angry since that might complicate situations more.

format_quote Originally Posted by Abdul Kadir

Salam,

I am a muslim, my sister married a christian. my parents did not attend the wedding. then, she came back, and she is now supporting my family. i just started working, so im contributing nowdays too. her husband is also living with us. as far as i know, its haram for a kafir to stay in a muslims house and i can see why. everything in my house is in haywire. i nowdays go pray in the mosque for the 5 fard prayers as i find it difficult to pray at home. i only sometimes pray fard at home. its really difficult for me. how to get him out of the house tactfully? i hate him nowdays to the core...and i have not talked to my sister about her coming back to islam as im too afraid. she keeps telling my parents and me of what she has done for us in the past and that we should remain grateful to her. any advice?

salam...

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, i found similar question and answers to your situation on Islamonoine. I hope inshallah they help:

Question:

What should a Muslim father living in a Western country do, when his daughter marries a non-Muslim man against his will?



Answer



In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.



All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.



Dear questioner! Thank you for your question and the confidence you place in our service, and we pray to Allah to enable us render this service purely for His Sake.



The problem of Muslim women going with non-Muslim men in the West and marrying them is really a serious problem that needs cautious handling. Unwise handling will only further complicate the matter. In fact, in the West, as anywhere else, from the very beginning, parents should pay due care to raising their children as Muslims, instructing them in the teachings of Islam, and bringing them up in an Islamic environment. This will help them avoid such things, for they will understand that a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man. It is important here to remember that prevention is better than cure. However, when a father is faced with his daughter coming with a non-Muslim man and saying “Hey, dad! This is my husband!' he has to be very cautious and never lose his temper.



The prominent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Ahmad Hulail, Imam of Tariq ibn Ziad Mosque in Frankfort, Germany, tries to offer us some advice in this regard:


"In fact, the point raised in the question is one of the serious problems that many Muslim fathers do face in the Western countries. This problem should be tackled seriously from all sides. One of the main reasons behind this problem is the parents neglecting to bring up their children to be true Muslims.


It is against Islamic law for a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man. However, some Muslim women, unfortunately, do breach this Islamic principle and marry non-Muslim men.


If a Muslim father faces a problem of such kind with his daughter, he should not resort to violence with her. The European law would guarantee her and her husband protection and might even prevent the father from seeing his daughter for a long time. Prudence is the most appropriate way to follow in treating this problem; the father is to wisely try to convince his daughter of the wrongness of her action in the Islamic point of view and show her his concern for her sake in that regard.


Then, he is to try to take some further steps to solve such a problem. For example, he can attempt to convince his daughter's husband to accept Islam. Allah Almighty might will that the husband embrace Islam, in which case, the marriage would be lawful under the Islamic law. The father then would be pleased, first, for attracting a new person to Islam, and second, for guaranteeing that his daughter would lead a life according to the Islamic Law.


If the husband does not accept Islam, the father should not severe the relationship with his daughter on the pretext that the marriage is against Islamic Law. He should remain on good terms with her and keep exerting his utmost so as to persuade her to return to the right path of Islam. If he is already sincere in his attempts to do so, Almighty Allah will help him and may guide the man his daughter married to the right path."


Focusing more on this issue, the prominent Muslim scholar Dr. Jamal Badawi, professor at Saint Mary's University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada and member of the Fiqh Council of North America, also states:


"The first thing a father is to do in that regard is to make it clear that he and his wife do not agree with the marriage, as this is something that is decisive and clear in Shar`iah. A Muslim woman should marry only a Muslim man.


Second, the father should not sever all relationship with his daughter because, given the setting in the Western world, it might even increase her intransigence, and a girl or woman who marries a non-Muslim obviously seems to have some problem with her understanding of and commitment to Islam. So, by severing all relationship, actually, it might push her towards intransigence. As a father—God forbid it that happens—of course, I could not justify to myself being a part of the wedding, for example. That might be hard on the parents, but they should do so [i.e., refuse to attend], for attending the wedding may appear as sanction and acceptance of the marriage. Rather, the parents are to make it clear that marriage is not acceptable and that it this is something that would hurt them. But, meanwhile, they are to indicate that their love for and relationship with their daughter is something that will continue, that the father's home would be open for her, and that should anything happen in the future to her, he would be there to help. In other words, the parents should have a balanced and careful relationship with their daughter. They should express their disapproval and displeasure, but they should also continue the relationship and the show of concern and love, because that may, it is hoped, soften her heart. She may by herself realize what she did and become more committed and want to have some changes in her life.


It is quite possible she married the person because she has had a strong emotional attraction to him, but she may then realize that things do not work as she had expected and the marriage may break down. In which case, there should be always a welcoming home for her to come back to. But more importantly, of course, is what led to that situation. It may be, in part, a lack of understanding why Islam does not allow a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man, while it allows Muslim men to marry non-Muslim women, and whether this is depriving a woman of any privilege.


One has to understand that there are specific reasons why it is permitted for Muslim men, but not Muslim women, to marry non-Muslims [but only Christians or Jews]. By the way, this is not recommended; it has been allowed by way of exception. This is not discrimination; there are good reasons for it. The Muslim woman should, after all, have the right to practice her faith and to raise her children without pressure from a husband who does not believe in her religion. A non-Muslim husband does not believe in Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), does not believe in the Qur'an, does not believe even in Islam as a legitimate religion.


On the other hand, when a Muslim man marries a woman of the Book, he guarantees her freedom to practice her religion, for he principally believes in the Heavenly Book she believes in, that is, in its original form. His religion teaches him that he is obligated not to oppress her. So, she can practice her religion freely, in the whole, not just in individual cases.


Furthermore, there is a very good reason why this permission was given to men from the early days of Islam. The early Muslims were the ones who carried the message of Islam to many places in the world and even resided there for good. If they had not been allowed to marry People of the Book, it would have been very difficult to them to maintain their chastity. And as a result of marrying from these countries, their wives, actually, accepted Islam and their children were raised as Muslims, and that was how Islam spread in the world.


So there were specific situations why that exception did serve the purpose for men. In the case of women, they need to have full protection in respect of their religious rights, and that can only be guaranteed by marrying not only a Muslim, but a good Allah-fearing Muslim who would not mistreat them or interfere in their religious practice."


Here, we'd like also to cite the words of Sheikh Ounis Guergah, Head of the Fatwa House, Paris, France:


"The Muslim father should not agree to that kind of marriage. He should try to persuade his daughter not to marry a non-Muslim man, for it is unlawful for the Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. Such a relationship between the Muslim woman and the non-Muslim man is regarded in Islam as a kind of fornication. However, the parents should remain on good terms with their daughter, so that she may not turn away from Islam altogether. The parents also should be wise in dealing with their daughter's partner, so that he may one day accept Islam. If he embraced Islam, the contract of marriage would be rewritten, then, to be lawful in Islam."

Source:http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...EAskTheScholar

Read also:

Question

Dear scholars, As-Salamu `alaykum. I would like to know how should a Muslim father act if his daughter (also Muslim) gets married to a non-Muslim man? Jazakum Allah khayran.


Answer

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.


In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.


All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.


Dear questioner, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you place in us, and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake.

It goes without saying that it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to get married to a non-Muslim and doing so is a grave sin. Deeming this marriage as lawful by the woman is so serious that it can put her outside the pale of Islam. Rather, if she does so out of her ignorance of the ruling or without deeming it permissible, then still she is committing a very grave sin.

As Muslims we are commanded to forbid what is evil, enjoin what is good, and call to the path of Allah through wisdom and good admonition. Therefore, it is the duty of the Muslim father to exhaust all endeavors to communicate with his daughter so that she may respond to the sincere advice and stop the sin she is committing. In his endeavors, the father should not feel desperate as leaving her alone will mean that she will continue committing the sin and be far away from an Islamic environment.

In the meantime, the father should absolutely refuse what his daughter has done and show sheer condemnation to it. If he sees that boycotting his daughter will influence her and cause her to reconsider her mistake, then he can do so. All in all, it is not permissible to maintain relations with her without showing any disapproval of her action.

Highlighting the role of parents and their responsibility for such sorry state, the eminent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad Al-Hanooti, member of the North American Fiqh Council, states:

"We should go back to earlier steps before getting of the age of marriage. In many cases, we do not provide our kids with the immune steps to protect them against these catastrophes. We do not give them good faith, good knowledge of Islam and self-respect. We leave them to admire everything of the non-Muslim way of life.

A father cannot do anything when his daughter gets married to a non-Muslim, he only should try to approach his daughter and others with da`wah and bringing her back to Islam."

Source:http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503543382

Another question:

Question

What is the status of a woman who prays five times daily, fast during Ramadan, pay Zakah but remains married to a non-Muslim man? Can she be called a Muslim? Does the Qur'an have any injunction on Muslim women marrying non-Muslims?


Answer



In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.



All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.



Dear brother in Islam, we would like to thank you for showing keenness on learning the teachings of Islam, and we appreciate the great confidence you have in us. We hope our efforts meet your expectations, yet we apologize for the late reply.



First of all, it’s important for a Muslim woman to know the essence of the ruling that she should not marry a non-Muslim; she should know that it’s a great honor for her to be bared from doing so. According to the Qur'an, the husband is the head of a household, and as such his wife should obey him. Almighty Allah does not want to put the Muslim woman in a position that a non-Muslim becomes her head in her own private life. Allah has spared her from being under the authority of a non-Muslim husband. Please read first the following fatwa for more details:



Marrying a Non-Muslim Male



With regard to whether a woman who is already married to a non-Muslim man will be regarded as a Muslim or not, we would like to furnish you with the views of different scholars regarding the issue.




Sheikh Muhammad Iqbal Nadvi, Imam of Calgary Mosque, Canada, and Former Professor at King Saud Univ., Saudi Arabia, answers:



“Dear Brother, your question actually touches on the Islamic legal status of a Muslim woman married to a non-Muslim. First of all, I would like to explain two things before quoting the relevant verses regarding the main question:



1-Any effect in faith is decisive, and any practice of Islam will not benefit the person if he or she does not have sound belief.



2- The Qur’an and Sunnah are both the sources of Shari’ah, so we will follow the Sunnah the same way we follow the Qur’an. And the way to apply the text and to extract meanings from it is called Fiqh. So we need to seek the expert opinion of fiqh scholars for understanding the sure and exact meaning of the legal text.



Now let me quote for you two verses from the Qur’an concerning the Islamic ruling of a Muslim woman marrying a non-Muslim man. The first verse is mentioned in Surat Al-Baqarah, verse 221, where Allah, the Almighty, says:



“And do not give (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until they believe, and certainly a believing servant is better than an idolater, even though he should please you.”



The second verse is no. 10 in Surat Al-Mumtahinah, where Allah, the Almighty, says:



“O ye who believe! When there come to you believing women refugees, examine (and test) them: Allah knows best as to their Faith: if ye ascertain that they are Believers, then send them not back to the Unbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the Unbelievers, nor are the (Unbelievers) lawful (husbands) for them.”



In the light of the foregoing verses and according to the practice of Muslims, it is absolutely Haram (forbidden) for a Muslim woman to get married to a non-Muslim man. This is one of the basics of Islam, and any woman is not supposed to violate the ruling whatever the case maybe.



Now, we have some relevant cases: If a Muslim woman is married to a non-Muslim man believing that this is Halal (permissible) while being aware of the clear-cut proofs prohibiting this, then she has committed an act of disbelief by denying a ruling which has been established by Ijma’ (consensus of scholars).



Another case is that of a non-Muslim woman who has embraced Islam while her husband is still non-Muslim. In this case, it is not wise, as Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi and a number of prominent scholars have stated, to tell the lady to leave her husband the moment she embraces Islam especially if she has kids and her husband can be convinced to convert to Islam. So, in this case, I would say that the lady should work on her husband and try to give him time to consider Islam in an attempt to embrace Islam and resume their matrimonial life. If her husband accepts Islam, then marriage is to be resumed; otherwise she has to leave him. If she stays with him then she will be committing a huge sin which might result also to the stage of Riddah (apostasy) if she gets to know the ruling and still prefers to stay with her husband.



A Muslim lady must not take this ruling lightly for its violation might cause her to lose not only her acts of worships but her faith (Iman) too, if she insists on violating the Islamic ruling regarding this.”



Sheikh Hamed Al-Ali, instructor of Islamic Heritage at the Faculty of Education, Kuwait and Imam of Dahiat As-Sabahiyya Mosque, confirms:



"If a Muslim woman gets married to a non-Muslim, she will be committing a huge sin and will even be regarded as an adulteress. If she considers it Halal for her to stay in this marriage, denies the prohibition established by the Shari`ah in explicit and unequivocal words, and finds nothing wrong Islamically in keeping up this marriage, then she would be considered a Kafir (disbeliever) in this case."



The late prominent scholar Sheikh Mustafa Az-Zarqa, may Allah bless his soul, points out:



“As for the marriage of a Muslim woman to a non-Muslim man, there is no way to justify it. It has been categorically forbidden by the Qur’an: “And do not give (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until they believe.”

“O ye who believe! When there come to you believing women refugees, examine (and test) them: Allah knows best as to their Faith: if ye ascertain that they are Believers, then send them not back to the Unbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the Unbelievers, nor are the (Unbelievers) lawful (husbands) for them.”



All Muslim jurists have unanimously agreed that this kind of marriage is forbidden.



However, I would like to take into consideration a public interest regarding some cases which result from this marriage. We should differentiate between a Muslim woman who marries someone from the People of the Book (Jews and Christians), not caring about the difference in religion between them, and a woman from the People of the Book who accepted Islam while her husband is still non-Muslim, and she has kids from him. In the latter case, the woman is not allowed to live with her non-Muslim husband unless he becomes a Muslim; however it is possible that the dissolution of marriage does not take place right away upon the husband’s refusal to embrace Islam.



It is reported that the Prophet’s daughter Zainab was married, before Islam, to a polytheistic man called Abul `As Ibn Ar-Rubayy`. The latter participated with the disbelievers in the Battle of Badr and he was taken captive by Muslims. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, released him on the condition that he would send Zainab free. Abul `As did what he promised the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, to do.



Then it happened that Abul `As went to Ash-Shaam (the Levant) with a caravan, and on his way back he was intercepted by the expedition of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. All the people in the caravan were arrested with the exception of Abu Abul `As, who ran away. When it was the night, Abul `As came to Zainab, may Allah be pleased with her, and sought her protection, and she did protect him. At the Fajr prayer, she, may Allah be pleased with her, went to the Masjid and announced that she had given refuge to Abul `As. Upon saying this, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said to her: “Make his stay honorable, but don’t let him have intercourse with you for you are no longer lawful for him.”



It is said that Abul `As returned to Makkah to give back the trusts to their rightful owners; then he went back to Madinah, embraced Islam, and then returned to his wife Zainab. It is not reported that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, did make a new Nikah (marriage contract) for his daughter.



The lesson we learn from this incident is that a wife’s patience towards her non-Muslim husband might guide his heart to Islam. So, a Muslim wife should try to give her husband some time, and invite him to Islam. However, in all case, she is not allowed to have sexual intercourse with him.



Thus, we conclude that it is completely Haram for a Muslim woman to get married to a non-Muslim man, and a Muslim woman must not violate this prohibition that has been established by clear-cut proofs from the Qur’an and Sunnah. If a Muslim woman does go against this ruling out of weakness in her faith, then she will still be considered a sinful Muslim committing a great sin that would even reach the stage of Zina if she knows the ruling and still denies it. However, if she violates the ruling out of stubbornness, denying the ruling of Allah, and considering this act to be permissible, while being aware of the proofs and evidence speaking against this forbidden act, then she will be considered as a Kafir and outside the fold of Islam.


Source:http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503545554

it sounds like your sister has left the path of islam totally if she is well aware this marriage is void and she probably dose not care. and when a person has left islam you cannot do anything. thats in the hands of Allah. Allah guides whom he wills and leads astray whom he wills. all you can do is warn her to go to a scholar but i doubt you will be heard. Allah puts a covering on there ears and there hearts

format_quote Originally Posted by Abdul Kadir

Salam,

I am a muslim, my sister married a christian. my parents did not attend the wedding. then, she came back, and she is now supporting my family. i just started working, so im contributing nowdays too. her husband is also living with us. as far as i know, its haram for a kafir to stay in a muslims house and i can see why. everything in my house is in haywire. i nowdays go pray in the mosque for the 5 fard prayers as i find it difficult to pray at home. i only sometimes pray fard at home. its really difficult for me. how to get him out of the house tactfully? i hate him nowdays to the core...and i have not talked to my sister about her coming back to islam as im too afraid. she keeps telling my parents and me of what she has done for us in the past and that we should remain grateful to her. any advice?

salam...

Tough situation. I would agree 100% with zakirs that you can't force anyone into a religion. I take it your sis is basically just not practising any religion right now?

The best thing to do is speak to your sister. Try not to come from the whole "you married a kafir" angle. Find out why she left Islam, what are her reasons? If you think her reasons are based on misconceptions, then you should try to clarify these issues through yourself or through a scholar. Her husband is realisitically innocent as far as his own values go, so you shouldn't hate him.

P.S. I would like to point out to all those yelling "the marriage is haram!" "the marriage is null and void!", that if your sister is already outside Islam, then what difference would these arguments make to her? I would once again wish to emphasise that it is a bad idea to come from the whole "you are a bad Muslim" angle when she is probably not interested in Islamic arguments!

format_quote Originally Posted by Abdul Kadir

Salam, and jazakullahu khair for all your answers. I am sure Allah will give his reward for all those who have helped me. Yes, my sister is a Kafir. She hates islam. well at least thats what i feel. Allahu A'alam. For those who thinks y we shouldn't live with a non-muslim, well, he sleeps with very short boxers, exposes himself, and my mum feels hurt...my mum, a muslim, has to go thru this. and when my mum telss my sister about this, my sister scolds her anyhow. when my mums confides to me her situation, i just tell her, "this is what happens when u let a Kafir to stay in the house, and depend on your daughter." but she says, "what to do? im sick..i need help.."

Now, the best thing is for them to leave the house. I am working now. My sister has been advised so much by my father and uncles. she still doesn't listen. so i will just tell them politely that its haram for a disbeliever to stay in the house of a muslim. If she keeps telling me that all through my life, she has done this and she has done that for me, she is the reason y im what i am today etc....I will just say, May Allah guide you. and if she says, "Allah has done nothing for you! you were all dependent on me!" i will say, "if thats what ur saying, then just like how we were dependent on you, you are dependent on us now." Coz she cannot live with her husband. they always fights and the house will be like..na'uzhubillah..and when they go out for a while, they will fight and come back....she is dependent on us in that manner...so, if we avoid her, im sure she has no where to run..she will definitely has to divorce that fella and come back...Its all done for the sake of Allah...Coz Allah says, dun severe your ties with ur belly button links...and he has said whoever does so, will be questioned...So, i will do this for the sake of Allah. I will ask her to leave, but pray that she comes back single and muslim...that fella, we had tried so much to explain to him but he wouldn't buldge..he won't leave his religion..he's a catholic...he says he is staunch...but when i see his behaviours, maybe thats what Allah wants me to see..so that i appreciate the religion of Allah...Which i will...Alhamdulillah...

Jaakullahu Khair...

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother know that Allah will reward you greatly for your patience in this VERY difficult and painful situation. My brother you and your family have tried your hardest. We cannot guide for we are just informers. Now it is upto Allah what their fate is to be but there is no other alternative than to get your sister and her partner out of the house as soon as possible because maybe then she may truly realise what a big mistake shes made by marrying this man and choosing him over her religion.

Ask all of your family to support you in this and to get them out of the house as soon as possible because it is a BIG sin on your family to let her and her partner stay any longer because their marriage is void therfore they are living in your house like adulterers committing adultery everyday in your house.

I pray inshallah that your sister will come back soon and realise her mistakes. Know that she will never realise her mistakes whilst her and her partner are living in your house right now. For it is clear that she lives in denial because she knows she will realise that she will live a miserable life with him if she remains with a non Muslim for these marriages are void and invalid and are therefore devoid of all blessings and peace.

May Allah May Allah unseal her heart and bring her back to Islam and may Allah solve your family's situation as soon as possible with a positive outcome. Ameen