I have a sister who is interested in a brother for marriage. She saw him at an Islamic bookstore where he works. We would try to get in contact with the brother/his family, but the trouble is we don’t know them and they don’t know us so there is no way of initiating talks. We can’t directly approach him as a) we don’t know who he is/if he is married and all and b) even if we did, it may be very awkward, etc. we would also find out about him ourselves (indirectly) but that would be practically stalking, so if and when he finds out that a stranger knows his personal details, it would make him proper scared. and obviously, she cant get to know him.
So, if there is no one mutual person between the 2 parties to get things rolling, how should one go about getting married? Any ideas?
well Allah and his messenger say there's nothing wrong with a women showing interest in a man through her wali that's all I'm saying. I actually don't know everything that's why I refer it back to Qur'an and sunnah and look for the answer like in this situation.
my point is showing interest to the right man is my only concern given that the generation we are living in, girls are naive and vunerble and take interest in any old fart they see leading to them ending up in bad hands and bad influence. do you believe in love at first sight? in some cases the girl always rebels against the parents when there parents know better too. Allah also says theres nothing wrong protecting your children. i am not sticking up for culture but im just saying i understand why some parents don't allow there daughters to ask a mans hand so why are you twisting my posts for? and saying that i disagree to Allah and his messenger subhanAllah I love that islam gives freedom to the woman. i think you don't have a right to judge me either
Of course sister I understand what you mean girls can be foolish and naive but alhamdulilah we have istikhara to seek Allah's council and guidance on matters.
I understand why some parents don't allow their daughters to ask for a particular man's hand in marriage cos the man might be known as a bad person. But this is a seperate issue to that of a women asking for a mans hand in marriage.
For example there may be a really good brother who's known to be good and the family would instantly accept his proposal if he came down for their daughter but they would never show interest in him first on behalf of their daughter and speak to him about marrying their daughter cos they believe there's somethinig wrong with it.
this I don't agree with cos it's part of culture that a women is looked down upon for showing interest in a man. I'm not judging you, just claryfying what Islam says on a women's right to propose to a man through her wali.
obviously if her wali doesn't agree cos he can tell the brother is not good then there's nothing wrong with it.
but if he says no cos he believes it's wrong for the girls side to show an interest first, then this I don't agree with cos it's something that was clearly done by the sahabba. As was mentiond earlier Umar RA offered his daughter to 2 men before the prophet pbuh married her.
Last edited by Salahudeen; 12-17-2009 at 08:16 PM.
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
she should appoint imaam as her wali or a respected muslim in her area who has a good knowledge about the deen not just anybody. a person who respects her and protects her. this is last piece of advice im given on the matter and btw i apologize to the OP for showing concern
someone mentioned that if the girls family approaches the guy then after marriage the husband can be used against her. that's such a ridiculous thing to say on his part, as she can just turn around and say "well, you agreed to marry me, as well." it goes both ways... if he had a problem with her approaching him, then why did he agree to marry her :$
Last edited by Ummu Sufyaan; 12-18-2009 at 02:57 AM.
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
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