How do you deal with finding out some 1 in your family fornicatted?

have you spoken with her about this? confronted her? do you know this fornication to be a fact and not hearsay?

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيراً مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ {12}
[Pickthal 49:12] O ye who believe! Shun much suspicion; for lo! some suspicion is a crime. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Ye abhor that (so abhor the other)! And keep your duty (to Allah). Lo! Allah is Relenting, Merciful

When our beloved sallallahi alaihi wasallaam was unsure of this due to rumours regarding his beloved wife, Aaisha, until it was clarified by Allaah (the story of ifk), he simply advised her "if it is true, repent and seek forgiveness from Allaah".


and he kept his distance. And he gave the cold shoulder.



i suggest you take the same stance. Show her that she has distanced herself with her sins, and she needs to repent and come closer to Allaah, and with that your family will overtime (this is very important, OVER TIME) forgive her! be harsh with her at the beginning, and slowly be gentle..


Assalamu Alaikum

be utterly heartbroken, kick her a$$, then i'd come to a realization that i couldn't do anything about it and that i should channel that anger into something useful and that would be to encourage her to repent and give dawah to her to change her ways.
i wouldn't go to 2 extremes: 1. be kind and gentle as if she didn't do anything wrong and 2: be excessively stern with her because there is no point if that anger isn't channeled towards something useful.
in the former situation, you might as well as be praising her, she wont learn from her mistake and think she is doing something right so this is where the latter comes in: with the anger she knows she is doing something wrong, but at the same time it will lead her towards something good, inshallah.

EDIT: i forgot to mention i would make sure 100% and try to verify these claims before i did anything.

format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

I've just learnt a women in my family has fornicated .

How do u know ? Do u have 4 witnesses ?

And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fasiqoon (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allah).
( سورة النور , An-Noor, Chapter #24, Verse #4)

I strongly suggests her to listen to Bilal Assad's : Ahmad The Repenter

From Kalamullah:

The speaker commences the lecture by explaining the importance of repenting to Allah without despairing from His Mercy and forgiveness. The main topic of this talk is about the recent unforgetfull true story of a man called Ahmad, who struggled to live a normal life after committing a major sin. The speaker takes us on a rollacaster ride with Ahmad on his quest for forgiveness, sharing with us his joy and sadness and details the lessons that can be learnt from this emotional, heartbreaking story.


Link to the lecture:http://www.kalamullah.com/Bilal%20As...20Repenter.mp3
Source:http://www.kalamullah.com/bilal-assad.html

It happened a few years ago but I found out recently when I walked in on her talking to him on msn. she was saying to him what they did was wrong and they should both repent. she didn't know I was behind her.

and Peace to All

I understand that you are confused and are seeking advice. I think Brother IbnAbdulHakim's advice is one to go by and also Brother Alpha Dude's. The advice given by the rest of the Brothers and Sisters are important to take notice from but all i can say is to make Duaa to Allah for Allah is Most Merciful and All Knowing.

To be honest, you shouldnt have been reading her conversation :/ But whatever Allah does, Allah does for the best.

Insha'Allah you will find peace and find a solution in which you find comfort in. Take Care.

and Peace
*KB*

format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

she was saying to him what they did was wrong and they should both repent.

None of us is free from sin. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Every son of Adam is a sinner, and the best of sinners are those who turn (to Allah) in repentance.”

May Allah guide her

Its been two years. She older and smarter and obviously loves the guy enough to encourage him to repent. Maybe you should love her that much too.

Seriously, over time, you find yourself doing things you would have killed others for doing. Never let anger get the best of you. It is poison.

She already feels bad about it...and now she just hates herself more...and probably hates you too.

Sister, its her mistake to make, and not something for you to judge or even forgive. Its between her and God.

format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

It happened a few years ago but I found out recently when I walked in on her talking to him on msn. she was saying to him what they did was wrong and they should both repent. she didn't know I was behind her.

I hate it when people sneak up on me and I'm sure no matter how good you are you wouldn't want someone reading your private conversations with other people. So don't do it to others. If you see an msn window why look at it? Judge your eavesdropping before judging others. A simple cough when entering a room is sufficient.

Well of course its a major sin and we should not decrease the graveness of the situation by calling it her "honest mistake." You have to be stern with her on this matter. Being stern, HOWEVER, does not mean to insult or to be unjust. If she did it once, she might do it again. She might not. She MUST be reminded of the graveness of the situation and the filthy nature of the act.

After constant warnings, if she does not stop and continues to talk to the same lunatic guy and your parents find out, they have every right to correct her and if she does not understand, they can tell her to move out. No good Muslim wants to live with a constant fornicator.

Sins are contagious. When we learn of the sins of another we often experience anger and fall into the sins of Judgment and back-biting.

Far better to let Allaah(swt) handle the sins of others. Our best choice is to let our anger subside and then with love, point out to the offender the need to repent and to remember that we are not the ones who committed the sin, even if we are hurt by it.

What happened had happened now, you can't change anything. You are not sure even if its true that it happened.
You are not sure even if she was welling that to happen or she was a victim. The only thing you can do now is helping her to be a better person instead of leaving her being astray in that path.