I went back to pakistan to get married, and its been nearly three years we have no children.
When i was in pakistan everything was fine, i really didnt want to get married as i was only 19 and was in university howvere i was not allowed to return to the UK unless i did. my parents chose him and i agreed as i had no choice. however, i thought i will make this marriage work no matter what. He arrived to the UK four months after and things begun to change.
He doesnt make an effort to talk to me or ask me how i am or doesnt enjoy spending time with me. he goes to work and comes back and sleeps or goes on the internet, but he will never show me what he is doing.
Recently he started hitting me. I have been diagnosed with depression llast year and he forces me to do things which i am reluctant to do. he manipulates me in taking all my money which i earn, and makes me return anything i buy for myself.
I feel i dont love him, i have no feelings for him. I feel suffocated.
My family are not being very supportive, they say everything will get better, but i think i have come to a point that i dont want things to get better i just want to be happy.
i dont think its about being pakistani or any other origin i just believe its having no fear of Allah having lack of knowledge about the deen and not even caring. alot of them are very laid back. alot of my friends husbands are pakistani but there are good only because they are imams of the local mosques
That's true but i'm saying that some pakistani men are like that, from what i've seen. But these kind of people are very ignorant.
its how they are raised even the schools in pakistan they hit the pupils. in pakistan theres no age limit on when you can and cannot hit your kid so alot of them are afraid of there parents also they grow up with this mentality and thats how they treat there wives like that mind you they get an awful lot of influence from there relatives and family also who would be telling him to hit his wife to control her behaviour
my husband is not a reletive or family friend. and his familyis very good people they even admit he has anger problems.
he has no islamic knowledge at all he will never go to friday jummah even if he has the oppertunity too. we leave right next to the mosque however last time her went was back in June. Yet before marriage i was told he prays 5times a day.
we spend day and evenings not talking to each other is this really how a marriage should be?
my husband is not a reletive or family friend. and his familyis very good people they even admit he has anger problems.
he has no islamic knowledge at all he will never go to friday jummah even if he has the oppertunity too. we leave right next to the mosque however last time her went was back in June. Yet before marriage i was told he prays 5times a day.
we spend day and evenings not talking to each other is this really how a marriage should be?
im not sure if this has been bought up before, but maybe speak to his family to speak to him?
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
my husband is not a reletive or family friend. and his familyis very good people they even admit he has anger problems.
he has no islamic knowledge at all he will never go to friday jummah even if he has the opportunity too. we leave right next to the mosque however last time her went was back in June. Yet before marriage i was told he prays 5times a day.
we spend day and evenings not talking to each other is this really how a marriage should be?
Sister,
Well if his family is good why must they lie about him praying Salah 5 times a day ? Anyway this is beside the point what done is done now, of course that's not how marriage should be like, there has to be some sort of communication between each other. Sister Ummu Sufyaan made a good suggestion perhaps if you contact his family regarding the issue and maybe they could all try together to resolve his issues.
To my Akh's tryin to stay on their deen
It gets mean especially when u stay on the scene
And at the same try to stay out of trouble
But don't forget the blessing's in the struggle...
You gotta stay on your salats, your zakats, your Quran
he has no islamic knowledge at all he will never go to friday jummah even if he has the oppertunity too. we leave right next to the mosque however last time her went was back in June. Yet before marriage i was told he prays 5times a day.
IF a Muslim doesn't not pray than he is no longer a Muslim, and if he misses 3 jummah without a valid excuses then he has left Islam. This could be grounds for divorce in it self. You should talk to an imam as stated many times before. Either go talk to one, go online at www.fatwa-online.com or i can provide you email for one.
my husband is not a reletive or family friend. and his familyis very good people they even admit he has anger problems.
he has no islamic knowledge at all he will never go to friday jummah even if he has the oppertunity too. we leave right next to the mosque however last time her went was back in June. Yet before marriage i was told he prays 5times a day.
we spend day and evenings not talking to each other is this really how a marriage should be?
This is not acceptable at all sister, what you should consider is sitting down and laying the rules including the ones that islam shows a husbands responsibilities. I can imagine what you are going through as i know it must be very hard to live with someone you are not compatible with.
subhanallah sis make Allah make things easy for you and what goes around comes around.When you make dua you need to have faith in Allah that he will respond you.From what you say this is not how marriage should be why not try to live with your friend.Sis this live is test and you deserve to be happy.I ask Allah to take you out of this difficult and it doesn't matter what your family or aother people think becuase all that matter is your happiness.......................................http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S.../CyberCounselE this is counsellor and they might be able to help you
yes, I'm sorry, I think I read the first lines quickly so I misunderstood this part. though it's slightly better they haven't children in common, but anyway, I told you I agree with your point of view, I mean what kind of husband is that? But our duty here me and you is just to tell about our point of view, but neither to fix solutions, nor to make decision for people. You know that's people's life, and it's very dangerous to make decisions in their place.
I want you just to understand that some decisions are to be made only by the concerned people : no one will decide for you the partner you will be married with, and no one will decide for you if you have to make divorce or not, only learned people are able to give the right advice. I don't say that you are not learned in islam, but unless have not the duty of an Imam or a mufti, you cannot give a final decision.
assalamu alaykom.
Wasalaam,
Yes I should clarify, it is my opinion, and I am not a Mufti or scholar, but it's a sensible one imo. Now Nessaa has said she has already spoken to a scholar and the solution is not easy to work with because of the people involved (which is what I said in my earlier post, she isnt in an ideal world where the players are playing by islam).
Nessaa, go to the mosque and explain the situation and ask for their help, maybe they will be able to help you in your temporary seperation. Otherwise ask them if this is not possible ask if divorce is a sensible option.
If you are not happy because your marriage is not being fulfilled by your husband you have rights, so exercise them, unless you are content to play along with the game dealt to you.
IF a Muslim doesn't not pray than he is no longer a Muslim, and if he misses 3 jummah without a valid excuses then he has left Islam. This could be grounds for divorce in it self. You should talk to an imam as stated many times before. Either go talk to one, go online at www.fatwa-online.com or i can provide you email for one.
brother it depends on an awful lot of things for examples some scholars say that a man has not left islam if hes still feeding his wife and maintaining for her and maybe doing other things that Allah is pleased with which others cant see. maybe hes doing something which Allah likes so thats why we are told not to be judging others.
we have never met this brother and even if we did we should not be so quick to judge.. it could be very well that he dose not even know the importance of salah. he probably has never went to an islamic lecture in his whole life. so brother we should fear Allah before we go putting the poison in to a woman to turn her more against her husband. this is not what she needs to listen to right now.
stuff like this make me sad and a little mad! hmph!!! but its not so easy to come out of a relationship even if the answer is plain and simple. We dont need to quote hadith or quran to know that this is wrong. Everything is easier said than done! Every1 will tell you to leave him sis, and insha'allah if you do, make sure you are able to support yourself if the worse comes to worst!
many have suggested i go to the local mosque, im sure everyone will understand this when i say the local mosque is run by the community meaning the pakistani community.
A new issue has arose with my husband today he is accusing me off having wrong relationships. And checking through mobiles, emails and even my bag for recipets ???
As i have mentioned before I dont want to make this marriage work anymore, this man is unbearable. However, i need the courage to make my life liveable. as the days go on i feel my health is also at risk, i have no physical strength, i am constantly tired and anxious.
many have suggested i go to the local mosque, im sure everyone will understand this when i say the local mosque is run by the community meaning the pakistani community.
A new issue has arose with my husband today he is accusing me off having wrong relationships. And checking through mobiles, emails and even my bag for recipets ???
As i have mentioned before I dont want to make this marriage work anymore, this man is unbearable. However, i need the courage to make my life liveable. as the days go on i feel my health is also at risk, i have no physical strength, i am constantly tired and anxious.
I need someone to get me out of here...
Salaams sister,
I understand, that stupid cultural thinking ticks me off. Ok then maybe try a non-local mosque? (i know not the most helpful suggestion).
Is there no one in your family you can trust to help you get away in this situation?
I guess it depends where you are in the world...I would have said say what city you are in and maybe someone here could help, but really dunno how to trust someone online in such a situation.
If not then maybe you will have to try the social services or something, tell them you were forced here against your wishes etc. And seek a divorce, this is not something you deserve.
(since you said you really want to escape) Maybe your family are just expecting you to not take action, you probably just have to take action and then maybe someone in your family (the one you think is the most understanding) will support you. So pack your bags, and leave, once you have left, then it's a new situation they will have to accept.
May Allah give you the strength to leave this man as that is the only solution that I can advise. Go to a womens refuge if you cannot find anyone to help you? And maybe get the police involved for the abuse you have suffered. You have wasted 3 precious years of your life on this man please dont waste anymore because you will never get them back. Please keep us updated on your situation sister let us know what you did.
In al-Saheehayn it was reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when he felt distressed:
“La ilaaha ill-Allaah al-‘Azeem ul-Haleem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb il-‘arsh il-‘azeem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb is-samawaati wa Rabb il-ard wa Rabb il-‘arsh il-kareem (there is no god except Allaah, the All-Mighty, the Forbearing; there is no god except Allaah, the Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god except Allaah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth and Lord of the noble Throne).”
And it was reported from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when something upset him:
“Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help).”
And it was reported that Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Shall I not teach you some words to say when you feel distressed? ‘Allaah, Allaah, Rabbee laa ushriku bihi shay’an (Allaah, Allaah, my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him).’”
It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:
‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’
- but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.”
Al-Kalim al-Tayyib by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, edited by Shaykh al-Albaani, p. 72
many have suggested i go to the local mosque, im sure everyone will understand this when i say the local mosque is run by the community meaning the pakistani community.
A new issue has arose with my husband today he is accusing me off having wrong relationships. And checking through mobiles, emails and even my bag for recipets ???
As i have mentioned before I dont want to make this marriage work anymore, this man is unbearable. However, i need the courage to make my life liveable. as the days go on i feel my health is also at risk, i have no physical strength, i am constantly tired and anxious.
I need someone to get me out of here...
sister you should act on the scholars advice immediatley. He has given you correct advice and you should not hesitate in doing this. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks for they do not understand your situation aswell as you do. What town are you from so that i may try and get you in touch with people who may be able to help inshallah.
Im really sorry to read of your situation sister. Ive had many friends in similar positions as to yours. there are no kids which makes it a whole lot easier..if you've made your mind up and dont want to get treated like crap then you know what to do. only you can make that decision but be firm about it and dont be scared.! No1 deserves to be treated the way you have done! I really feel for you, i used to have an auntie in a similar position. if theres no love, then personally i think theres no need to stay together. I dont agree with talking to an imam..cos he doesnt know wat goes on between you 2 ? its your decision and your decision only. !
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abusive husband (OP)
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having lack of knowledge about the deen and not even caring. alot of them are very laid back. alot of my friends husbands are pakistani but there are good only because they are imams of the local mosques
Re: abusive husband
but its not so easy to come out of a relationship even if the answer is plain and simple. We dont need to quote hadith or quran to know that this is wrong. Everything is easier said than done! Every1 will tell you to leave him sis, and insha'allah if you do, make sure you are able to support yourself if the worse comes to worst!
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