I have done something very bad and I do not know what to do. I live in a western society and I had become very good friends with this girl (muslim). We got to the point where I believed that we were ready for marriage but then she told me she had a boyfriend, she drinks and she kisses her boyfriend too. This did not seem to phase my liking of her. We both decided to go clubbing (we're at university) and we went with a group of friends on one day and it was interesting (we danced togetehr) I felt bad because religiously it is wrong. But then three days later we went again. Our friends left early and so it was just me and her left. We started kissing and we did many bad things (but we did not do anything more than kissing and groping).
Now the next day she tells me her boyfriend broke up with her on the first time we went out so she did not 'cheat' as such. Now I know she does not see a future with her current boyfriend and I still have feelings for her. But she has also said that she doesn't not see a future with us at the moment. But I feel really bad for what I did on monday and I never will do that a again with another girl.
I fear I will be judged for what I have done by others, and doing what I did is not like me at all. I promised myself I wouldn't do that when I came to university and I have disrepected myself and my family. And I fear that other muslims will hear about this and not see me as a potential husband because of this one thing I have done. Will 'the one' accept me for who I am? I am very confused right now. I cannot change what I have done, I can only repent for it. But the consequences of what I have done, how severe from a religious perspective and will I ever find a girl again? Do I deserve someone who is cleaner than me? Even though I promise never to do what I did again?
I may not be making much sense and I apologize sincerely for that but I am very distraught and my heart is pounding out of my chest. I have no one to talk to. My parents would disown me, all my Muslim friends are much much worse than me. All but one drink, all of them have had at least one relationship before.
So that brings me to my next concern. So many muslims out there have had relationships and boyfriends and things. Does that matter? It matters to me. Because I want my first one to be THE ONE and the only one. And I truly believed this girl was the one and that we would get married but now after what I have done on the second day with the kissing and everything with her and knowing that it has lead to nothing and I have tarnished myself tears me apart to no end. I am very depressed right now. Why would she do this to me. After the second day I really believed we would be together but now I feel like I have been used and thrown away... Also she is three years older than me...
Please help me...
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why would u have wanted to marry that girl in the first place if she drinks and is not islamic? im sure you knew well enough you would fall in to this trap and possibly end up committing zina with a girl like that. thanks to Allah you didn't but you don't get any pity from me. repent for it and move on..
she had a boyfriend, she drinks and she kisses her boyfriend too. . We both decided to go clubbing We started kissing and we did many bad things
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
I want my first one to be THE ONE and the only one. And I truly believed this girl was the one and that we would get married
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
Please help me...
If she has done all the above and you knew previously that this how she would behave...what made you think she is ''the only one''
you know what they say...they say its easier to prevent yourself from something than to fall in it and then deal with the repercussions.
So now brother what has happened has happened.......if you want to bounce back from this you need to forget about girls...focus on increasing your ibadah,your studies and in ur freetime hit the gym or play footie
stay away from girls brother!!! they're dangerous ( prevention is better than cure )
its hard especially at uni...fitna is everywhere make sure you lower your gaze and if you see a girl accidently turn away and teach your brain to deglamorize what you just saw....just say to yourself she probably smells really bad....that way you can deflect the threat!
Last edited by Cabdullahi; 05-28-2010 at 10:20 PM.
may Allah forgives u and protect all Muslims from committing zina / adultery.
Remember , Allah warned us ' not to come near to adultery . ( Chapter Nur/light). So , avoid mixing with other gender freely and don't go to night party anymore.
If the girl repents and changes her lifestyle , then u can marry her. It's allowed for men to marry women older than them . Prophet's first wife was much older than him.
may Allah guide us all , Ameen.
Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172
Everybody makes mistakes. I think it is a good thing that you feel bad about what you did. That shows that you know it was wrong. I urge you to be grateful to Allah because it could have been a lot worse. Alhumdulillah. Learn from it, guard yourself, and next time when somebody tells you that they are a certain way.. believe them.
You are right that all you can do now is repent and move on so do that and insha'Allah you will be wiser from this lesson.
Allah is the most merciful so turn to Allah and ask for forgiveness.
There are pious sisters out there so just be patient. Try to focus on your studies.
I hope everything works out insha'Allah.
"And hold fast unto Allah, He is your protector, the best to protect and the best to help"
I have done something very bad and I do not know what to do. I live in a western society and I had become very good friends with this girl (muslim). We got to the point where I believed that we were ready for marriage but then she told me she had a boyfriend, she drinks and she kisses her boyfriend too. This did not seem to phase my liking of her. We both decided to go clubbing (we're at university) and we went with a group of friends on one day and it was interesting (we danced togetehr) I felt bad because religiously it is wrong. But then three days later we went again. Our friends left early and so it was just me and her left. We started kissing and we did many bad things (but we did not do anything more than kissing and groping).
Now the next day she tells me her boyfriend broke up with her on the first time we went out so she did not 'cheat' as such. Now I know she does not see a future with her current boyfriend and I still have feelings for her. But she has also said that she doesn't not see a future with us at the moment. But I feel really bad for what I did on monday and I never will do that a again with another girl.
I fear I will be judged for what I have done by others, and doing what I did is not like me at all. I promised myself I wouldn't do that when I came to university and I have disrepected myself and my family. And I fear that other muslims will hear about this and not see me as a potential husband because of this one thing I have done. Will 'the one' accept me for who I am? I am very confused right now. I cannot change what I have done, I can only repent for it. But the consequences of what I have done, how severe from a religious perspective and will I ever find a girl again? Do I deserve someone who is cleaner than me? Even though I promise never to do what I did again?
I may not be making much sense and I apologize sincerely for that but I am very distraught and my heart is pounding out of my chest. I have no one to talk to. My parents would disown me, all my Muslim friends are much much worse than me. All but one drink, all of them have had at least one relationship before.
So that brings me to my next concern. So many muslims out there have had relationships and boyfriends and things. Does that matter? It matters to me. Because I want my first one to be THE ONE and the only one. And I truly believed this girl was the one and that we would get married but now after what I have done on the second day with the kissing and everything with her and knowing that it has lead to nothing and I have tarnished myself tears me apart to no end. I am very depressed right now. Why would she do this to me. After the second day I really believed we would be together but now I feel like I have been used and thrown away... Also she is three years older than me...
Please help me...
Asalaamu Alaikum and jazakallah for coming forward with your issue and it is clear that you are quite remorseful but in life we do have to pay for the consequances of our actions. It seems as though you are quite naive in thinking that the first girl you would ever get intimate with would be "the one". Do you think that girl is decent who gets intimate with you before marriage? Do you think a pious girl would find you decent knowing that you also got intimate before marriage? Intimacy is reserved ONLY for marriage. You think Allah will find you a pious girl if you have the intention of getting intimate before marriage?
My brother desist from this evil thought and sincerely repent to Allah that you will NEVER even be-friend a girl again. There is no such thing as being freinds with the opposite sex because shaythan is always third party and such friendships always lead to haraam. Most relationships start from friendships. According to hadith to the nearest meaning that it is better to have an axe smashed on your head than to touch the skin of a non mahram girl.
Trust me on this one the pain you are going through right now with this girl is nothing compared to the terrible pain you would have experienced if you had a fully blown long term relationship with a girl who you thought was the one and who you created dreams with and talked about spending the rest of your life with and then things went wrongand you had to seperate for one reason or another. Majority of pre-marital relationships never work out and all they cause is pain, anguish and can leave a person feeling scarred and even suicidal. So imagine what you would have went through if you actually had a proper relationship and things went wrong? Your lucky you have made this mistake and not made a even bigger mistake. Learn from this brother for this is a warning for you so take heed.
My brother this girl is a lesson for you. Unfortunatley nowadays there are many girls out there like this just like there are many guys out there like this who only want a bit of fun and have no sense of shame whatsoever and care not about who they end up with that night or who they get intimate with. By the time they want to get married they would have went through several relationships and sexual partners. This is the state of affair of many of our brothers and sisters today.
Unfortunatley our brothers and sisters are in a terrible state especially when they go out there to university and get a bit of freedom. I know many a case where parents have full trusted their daughters and sent them to far away places at university where they have done the worse things that you can imagine. I'm sure many of us have seen this or know people who have seen it. It is a very sad state of affairs. They may not regret their actions now but sooner or later they will and by then it will be too late.
My brother pious men are for pious women and pious women are for pious men so do you want a girl who cheats, drinks, has no shame whatso ever? Or do you want a pious women who will benefit you in this world and the next? Then repent sincerely that Allah forgives you and NEVER repeat such a terrible act again.
You have learnt from your mistake now and you have realised that there are women like this out there who are not genuine at all but bad news. So keep away from any female companion and when you are ready for marriage then do it the right way as in not having any contact with the women and you will surely find a pious partner inshallah.
If there is anything else you would like to know or share then please do not hesitate to ask.
Please watch this short video and contemplate over it and it may change your life FOREVER inshallah!
"But she has also said that she doesn't not see a future with us at the moment."
She used you, and you used her. In the process you actually started liking her, please don't like a girl who willingly went clubbing with you. She has no self respect and is a mess, you need to repent, and be thanking Allah every second that she didn't wanna future with you, or you would have been in some deep....
Move on, and also realize that you're sounding like a real sap right now. Be a real man, and open up that Quran, unfold your prayer rug,and prep your fingers for some major tasbeeh, you have some praying to do....
p.s. stop worrying about what people think of you, only God can judge you. If you keep praying, and try to be a better person, God inshallah will reward you with a wonderful woman who won't judge you and will love you.
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