Recently I have found myself in a frustrating situation with a Muslim roommate and I do not know how to approach her without offending her. When I initially agreed to living with this girl, I knew she was married and her husband would sometimes visit her (he goes to school about 2 hours away). Unfortunately, sometimes turned into frequently. I feel that I might be taking things out of proportion, yet certain times I get so angry that I feel that my frustration is warranted. For example, my housemate would, at times, leave her husband in the house alone. I would come home to make my lunch or dinner to find him sitting in the common room or in her room. Even if I didn't see him I grew increasingly uncomfortable. As well, there are times that he would visit her without notifying me and our third housemate. I have walked out one to many times in my night clothes without realizing that he was in the house (it was extremely embarrassing). Her response to this is always, "My husband wouldn't look, so do not worry". Alhumdulillah, she is probably right about that, yet as a Muslim woman I still cannot feel comfortable. On top of that, I can hear her and her husband enjoying their "freedom" as a married couple. I have never asked her to stop enjoying herself, but have asked that she be more mindful when I am trying to sleep. It has occurred to me at several times that if I wore a hijab like her, she might respect me more (she has hinted at this a few times), yet I find it difficult to put on a hijab just for the sake of a better housing situation. There are, of course, other frustrating things, but I feel these are the most important. I feel that the only way that I could get through to her about my frustration is by relating this situation in terms of Islam. If anyone could kindly give me advice about how I should approach this situation, I would greatly appreciate it. Jazakallah Khair.
Recently I have found myself in a frustrating situation with a Muslim roommate and I do not know how to approach her without offending her. When I initially agreed to living with this girl, I knew she was married and her husband would sometimes visit her (he goes to school about 2 hours away). Unfortunately, sometimes turned into frequently. I feel that I might be taking things out of proportion, yet certain times I get so angry that I feel that my frustration is warranted. For example, my housemate would, at times, leave her husband in the house alone. I would come home to make my lunch or dinner to find him sitting in the common room or in her room. Even if I didn't see him I grew increasingly uncomfortable. As well, there are times that he would visit her without notifying me and our third housemate. I have walked out one to many times in my night clothes without realizing that he was in the house (it was extremely embarrassing). Her response to this is always, "My husband wouldn't look, so do not worry". Alhumdulillah, she is probably right about that, yet as a Muslim woman I still cannot feel comfortable. On top of that, I can hear her and her husband enjoying their "freedom" as a married couple. I have never asked her to stop enjoying herself, but have asked that she be more mindful when I am trying to sleep. It has occurred to me at several times that if I wore a hijab like her, she might respect me more (she has hinted at this a few times), yet I find it difficult to put on a hijab just for the sake of a better housing situation. There are, of course, other frustrating things, but I feel these are the most important. I feel that the only way that I could get through to her about my frustration is by relating this situation in terms of Islam. If anyone could kindly give me advice about how I should approach this situation, I would greatly appreciate it. Jazakallah Khair.
Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayran for sharing your issue with us. Firstly sister just because a woman wears hijaab does not make her pious. There are many women out there who wear hijaab as a fashion accessory and do all sorts of haraam at the same time. Secondly it is not permissable for a non mahram man to be alone in a house with a non mahram women like yourself or your friend and of course you have every right to feel uncomfortable with this situation. She should not just shrug it off like she is doing but she should treat it seriously as it is wrong for a non mahram man to be alone with a non mahram women in the same house. On top of that he is around unanounced a lot of the times which makes things even more uncomfortable.
You should not feel ashamed to confront her about this situation and you and your friend should be firm and tell her that if things continue the way they are then she should find another place with her husband because it is not right that he constantly comes around as the current arrangements are not appropriate. Her as a "practising women" should no better than to have her husband come around constantly and even be around when he is alone with you or your other housemate. On top of that she must realise that her and her husband having relations in the house whilst others can clearly hear is not appropriate.
So you and your other friend should talk and come to a firm decision and tell her in a gentle manner that you and your friend have been very patient but that you cannot bare it anymore as it is also not permissable for him to be in the house with us alone and it is very uncomfortable that he is around so often especially unanounced. So suggest to her that you and your friend think that it is best if she moves somewhere else with her husband.
Clearly they have no haya'a (modesty), teach her about that if she gets too pious with you.
Tell her the house is full of women non-mahram to her husband, she has no right to let him come inside at all or without letting you know beforehand
He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}] www.QuranicAudio.com www.Quran.com
.... "My husband wouldn't look, so do not worry". .
lol that's ridiculous. As already suggested , tell her to have a new place for them where he won't encounter non-Muharim women. Also , it's a risk for ur security if he can enter house at any time . So , politely but firmly tell her u won't allow it anymore . Also u may try to move to other places.
Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172
Even if you don't think of this from an Islamic point of view, you have rights as a roommate. Set up some rules that you all can agree with and make it clear to her that she needs to follow them.
Thank you all for your responses. The reason I asked for Islamic point of views is because I already tried the roommate point of view to no avail. I have already tried talking to my housemate about this situation multiple times and she has not responded. This is my last attempt at trying to make her understand my situation. Thank you, again.
Thank you all for your responses. The reason I asked for Islamic point of views is because I already tried the roommate point of view to no avail. I have already tried talking to my housemate about this situation multiple times and she has not responded. This is my last attempt at trying to make her understand my situation. Thank you, again.
Asalaamu Alaikum, glad we could be of some help to you. Do keep us informed as to what happened with your situation. Also fee free to visit the forum whenever you like and take part. I would just like to leave you with some beneficial articles and lectures which you can keep and refer to in your own time.
If you do have any questions or want any kind of advice at all the please do not hesitate to ask.
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