Assalmualaikum brothers and sisters, im 18, born and raised in America. Im a Muslim and proud of it, I read Quran and pray 5 times as well. However, my brother does not do these things, he is 2 years younger than me, 16. He is going through some kind of rebellious stage of adolescence, and is now refusing to do prayer. He says "prayer wont help anything". I am very concerned for my brother, how should I approach him in this situation?
Assalmualaikum brothers and sisters, im 18, born and raised in America. Im a Muslim and proud of it, I read Quran and pray 5 times as well. However, my brother does not do these things, he is 2 years younger than me, 16. He is going through some kind of rebellious stage of adolescence, and is now refusing to do prayer. He says "prayer wont help anything". I am very concerned for my brother, how should I approach him in this situation?
Asalaamu Alaikum, My Brother I am sure there are many of us who are in the same position as you having certain family members who are not practising. Guidance is ONLY in the hands of Allah and although it is very hurtful to see a family member not practising we can only do so much to inform them for that is all we can do.
Take the following steps:
1. You must not constantly nag at your brother to pray or practise everyday otherwise it will cause your him to start to ignore you and it will just go in one year and come out of the other.
Therefore just back off a little and give him a little space. Never get frustrated at him or start shouting at him as this will never work. Whenever you approach him then do so with gentleness using wisdom and tact in your approach.
2. Just remind him no more than once a week about the importance of Salaah and why as Muslims we should pray it and practise our deen etc. This way whatever you will say will be more effective than saying it all of the time.
In your reminders try to establish the importance of sticking with good friends who are practising and have good character and morals. At that age especially one needs a role model. Rather than them looking upto celebrities etc Try to tell them about the life of our Prophet (Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and examples of his life what made him so unique and amazing as a person. Try to also emphasise the fact that our role model is Rasulallah (Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and he is the best role model for the whole of mankind.
3. Do twice weekly short reminders to your family from a good and reliable like for eg. Riyaadusaaliheen especially when you can see your brother sitting nearby. Do not sit in front of him and start reading but read a bit away from him. He may not come to you and listen at first but eventually he will or he may just catch a glimpse of what you are saying and become more and more interested. Let him listen out of choice and not by force. Make the readings 15 minutes and no more.
4. When the family are sitting around then put it on an Islamic channel and if there is a good lecture on then you should all listen to it and benefit from it inshallah.
5. Try to send him weekly Islamic reminders by text and e mail. Make the texts short but heart hitting quotes, hadith, ayahs etc
6. Do not treat your him like a little child or nag at him constantly otherwise he will go further away from deen and whatever you want him to do. He will just end up rebelling against you and that is the last thing you want to do. Start treating him like young adult even if you don't see him as one yet.
7. Pray Nafil prayers to Allah and make much dua to Allah especially at Tahajjud time that Allah guides them and brings him closer to Allah and deen.
8. Try to give him reminders of death and the hereafter at least once a week as death is the destroyer of all pleasures and brings one into reality.
It will also instill fear into his heart especially from committing major sins like relationships which lead to fornication, drinking, drugs etc as that is the age desires are at their strongest and one is at their most vulnerable from attack from the wolf (shaythan).
So give him moral support and let him know you are there for him and that you will get him through whatever issue he is going through in life.
Make him aware that he must not anger Allah and refrain from anything which angers or displeases him.
9. Sometimes teens go through phases like this where they are experiencing the new world out there and also their desires come live so it is not easy for him either. But try to be understanding and patient and trust in Allah.
10. Try to find the right opportunity and sit with your brother. Get him to open up more and trust you enough to share with you what goes on in his life. That way you can get to the bottom of what he is feeling and what is stopping jim from getting into deen and praying.
You can only do so much. You cannot force anyone to pray or go towards deen. You can only do your best as his older brother to inform him as best you can. Do not blame yourself as you have done everything you could do but continue with these steps and something good will come out of this inshallah.
You need to also concentrate on yourself as time is so short and our lives can end at ANY second. Therefore strive to get closer to Allah and worship him as much as you can doing EVERYTHING in your daily life to please Allah and refraining from anything which
displeases him.
These articles wil help you to try and get your brother into Islam and will also help you to maximise the amount of good deeds you do everyday inshallah:
1. You must not constantly nag at your brother to pray or practise everyday otherwise it will cause your him to start to ignore you and it will just go in one year and come out of the other.
I agree with that very much..
for some reason pushing people especially at that age makes them do the opposite.. although I do commend the OP on her maturity I was very much like your brother for quite sometimes into my early twenties actually..
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
Maybe you could indirectly advise him by advising someone else in front of him, so that he is reminded and knows that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has obliged us to pray regardless of whether we are asking for something and that we have many reasons to pray for such as forgiveness or to give thanks, rather than just selfishly praying so that things go our way. If you have younger cousins or siblings that you could advise when he is in the same room, then maybe it will make him reflect about things on his own and he won't feel as if you are the one trying to force him to do anything.
For me, sometimes just having islamic books around or my siblings seeing me read them ignites their interest.
At the time of our youth, Allah rewards those who obey Him by shading them on the day of judgement subhanallah, because our youthful time is our most difficult time where there is so much opportunity to practice fitnah, and those who can turn away from this fitnah and protect themselves sincerely are greatly rewarded inshallah, either in this world or in the hereafter bi'idhnillah.
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