I am/was a practicing Muslim. I am in my late 20s, financially and academically quite successful and rich. Here is my story. I've been looking for potential women for marriage in the last 2.5-3 years. I have been in contact with about 8 different women/families so far, and I have been rejected about 8 times by the women, not their walis. I tried to keep as Islamic as possible while meeting them in front of their mehram male. Since I am an analytical person, I wanted to know honest reasons for their rejection. So after each rejection, I sent all of these women emails about how I need to know the honest reasons for their rejection and that I will not be in touch with them again and that by knowing the reasons I might improve on them so I dont get rejected in future. Surprisingly, I feel this approach did help me to get honest answers from them. Here are some of the replies: 1- you were intelligent and funny but I dont think I was able to establish a connection with the way you physically are, and it'd be hard for me to be honest in our marriage if we do get married. I have so many other potential suitors who physically fit the description of my ideal husband. 2- You were humorous and that I think could add to our relationship if we did get married. But there are other essentials to a marriage as well, like physical looks. I am sure you would not want to marry a woman who did not look physically beautiful, its the same sort of thing. You do not have to feel bad about it, God made you in best possible way, but its just that I am not attracted to it. Sorry. Those are some of the replies. I know that I do not look like George Clooney or Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig. I do not have blue eyes. Rather I have murky dark brown eyes. My eye brows are not sharp, I have fuzzy eye brows. My nose is not slender, I have a crooked nose. My color is not like an egg white, I am muddy colored. My jawline is not perfectly angular. If God exists, why did He make me this way? If Muhammad was a messenger for all of humanity, why did God make him so beautiful? I have read Muhammad's biography, people said that he looked like a shining moon. Why did not He make His last Prophet ugly like me so that ugly people like me could relate to this Prophet of humanity? On one hand God tells us to stay away from zina, while He gives us sexual desires, desires to have a partner, and then He makes it difficult for people like me to get married by giving me ugly sh** looks and appearance.
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bluebell: Why do find my question so silly? Have you ever had to earn something in life or were you pampered throughout whole life? Have you ever people and peers around you tell you since you were a little child that how ugly, stupid, pieHce of a sh** you look like? Had ever ppl/kids etc around you in your childhood make fun of how your face looked like? I've let go off my repressed memories from past, but these rejections are reinforcing the same notion that most adult humans are not much different children. So why did I have to question God? I dnot know, I was just sh** depressed. Yea, people dont have food to eat and are dying, I was there too once, dont use that patronizing argument. Others, thanks for your replies. I dont know what future holds.
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What kind of 'argument' would you like? for people to feel sorry for you or for someone to heroically self-immolate so you'd not feel singled out from all of humanity or for us to individually air out our dirty laundry to satisfy something that's truly ugly in your soul which has nothing to do with the way you look on the outside?
Allah doesn't exist because you perceive yourself as ugly.. that's why you're silly, and what you seek here is almost bordering on absurd but if that's the sort of counseling you seek then I hope you found what you were looking for!
best,
Last edited by جوري; 12-26-2011 at 08:02 PM.
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
btw as an addendum to the above.. Looks will only take you so far, if you don't have the personality, desirable character traits, self-confidence, maturity, religiosity, autonomy amongst many other things then I suspect the number one reason you're being turned down is your neuroticism!
The frightening concept of losing your entire faith because of a rejection or seeking emotional stability from someone else in lieu of having a complimentary personality.. People pick up on those things, and when one is thinking of a partner they're thinking for better or for worse, in case of acid rain from the sky or winning the lottery.. so I'd think long and hard about the sort of image you're actually projecting to someone looking for a long term commitment to 'grow old & frail' with...
bluebell: Why do find my question so silly? Have you ever had to earn something in life or were you pampered throughout whole life? Have you ever people and peers around you tell you since you were a little child that how ugly, stupid, pieHce of a sh** you look like? Had ever ppl/kids etc around you in your childhood make fun of how your face looked like? I've let go off my repressed memories from past, but these rejections are reinforcing the same notion that most adult humans are not much different children. So why did I have to question God? I dnot know, I was just sh** depressed. Yea, people dont have food to eat and are dying, I was there too once, dont use that patronizing argument. Others, thanks for your replies. I dont know what future holds.
Salaam,
I'm sure you look fine. Have you considered working out and getting built? That can help. You don't have to go to gym. You can purchase some equipment and exercise at home if you want.
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
bluebell: What kind of 'argument' would you like? for people to feel sorry for you or for someone to heroically self-immolate so you'd not feel singled out from all of humanity or for us to individually air out our dirty laundry to satisfy something that's truly ugly in your soul which has nothing to do with the way you look on the outside? Allah doesn't exist because you perceive yourself as ugly.. that's why you're silly, and what you seek here is almost bordering on absurd but if that's the sort of counseling you seek then I hope you found what you were looking for! best, No, I did not want anyone to air their dirty laundry, you made that up. You seem to be an arrogant and depressed person like myself but are taking out anger on someone else. Fine. No, my "ugliness" is not perceived. I have experienced it through reactions of other filthy arrogant good-looking human beings, the so called creation of a "Beautiful" God. If God is indeed Beautiful, why does He create ugly things? Bluebell:btw as an addendum to the above.. Looks will only take you so far, if you don't have the personality, desirable character traits, self-confidence, maturity, religiosity, autonomy amongst many other things then I suspect the number one reason you're being turned down is your neuroticism. People pick up on those things! best, It could be that my neuroticism is related to my experiences which relate to how I look liked. You dont develop such much desired characters like confidence, bravery, self-dependence, positive outlook, calm composure, out of thin air. It all depends on how childhood experiences were. Yea I wish I was in a position to reject females. Now I look at it, I'd find enjoyment in rejecting people too, much like they have found in telling me "sorry I cant marry you because a Beautiful God made you look like sh**." No, I dont need your sympathies. I was here to only ask if a Merciful God whose mercy exceeds wrath does exist, then this is not Mercy. Bye.
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@ tragic: To add to that, I do not think God plays any role in me keeping myself healthy. If I did not go to the gym, Id become obese and dead from diseases. I now think that much like that, there is no God who decided to make me the way I am. It was just all in genes, my parents who decided to meet each other and mate with each other to bore me, in the way I grew in that womb.... God didnt play any role, cuz He seems to not exist or if He exists seems to not care at all.
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"sorry I cant marry you because a Beautiful God made you look like sh**."
You're so full of crap that I think you should just crawl back to the bell tower!
Yes God is merciful if that's all the answer you sought from this endless diatribe.
I think we need to have a look at your face for the rest of what you say to have any semblance of truth.. or are you the personification of the anti-christ?
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
@tragic typos: I do go to the gym and keep myself physically healthy.
Great! Keep searching and I'm certain you will find the right women. Nothing wrong with rejections. You will find someone better. It's like job hunting...
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
bleubell: how am I so full of crap? I have posted two replies from the rejections in my first post, did you read them? Assuming they were honest, It seemed to me their nice way of saying exactly that " I am sorry that a beautiful Allah that I am so much in love with made you look like sh**."
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Bluebell, let's be diplomatic now. This is the advice section after all...
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
bleubell: how am I so full of crap? I have posted two replies from the rejections in my first post, did you read them? Assuming they were honest, It seemed to me their nice way of saying exactly that " I am sorry that a beautiful Allah that I am so much in love with made you look like sh**."
I have never seen an ugly person in my life and you've deeply piqued my curiosity .. in order to prove that you're not full of crap which you are.. making up B.S about God amongst other things, post your picture here.. prove that you're that ugly, let everyone be the judge of that..
I'll be waiting..
best,
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
Bluebell, let's be diplomatic now. This is the advice section after all...
which you you rather have a band aid on your boo boo so you don't have to look at it or a deep wound irrigation sutures and an antibiotic to kill an infection? Be honest in your reply to that question.
If I were going to seek help from someone I'd want to be honest and I'd want to receive an honest reply back.. Especially when we're speaking of God.. I find the stuff he says pretty sacrilegious..
before the fix I'd like some proof..
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
Especially when we're speaking of God.. I find the stuff he says pretty sacrilegious..
before the fix I'd like some proof..
I agree that the OP title and his comment, "I have experienced it through reactions of other filthy arrogant good-looking human beings, the so called creation of a "Beautiful" God. If God is indeed Beautiful, why does He create ugly things?" is irreverent at best and at worst kufr or shirk asghar per another of your posts: * to have no redha This implies being inwardly dissatisfied with an inevitable condition that has been ordained for one by Allah (s.w.t.); to continuously lament that if one had not done such and such a thing, one would have had a better result.
I agree that the OP title and his comment, "I have experienced it through reactions of other filthy arrogant good-looking human beings, the so called creation of a "Beautiful" God. If God is indeed Beautiful, why does He create ugly things?" is irreverent at best and at worst kufr or shirk asghar per another of your posts: * to have no redha This implies being inwardly dissatisfied with an inevitable condition that has been ordained for one by Allah (s.w.t.); to continuously lament that if one had not done such and such a thing, one would have had a better result.
He has in fact listed other areas where he seems to have been abundantly blessed, and yet doesn't wish to hear the argument of those far worst than he ALL AROUND and an ongoing thing.. not merely a couple of years of hardship followed by lean years. We're actually asked in Islam to look at those worst off than we are, to count the gifts that we do have and we're told that there is a whole gate in paradise for the patient..
I don't even buy into the comments he alleges other people use against him. What kind of people would use such words when turning someone down? I can already tell he's full of it.
Allah swt doesn't create ugliness.. It is a matter of preference and we all have our preferences some might lack in some areas and excel in others.. there are gradations and variations in everything...
It is personality and character that makes people attractive and who they're on the inside.. Looks might get someone through the door but they don't sustain his likeability..
Anyhow yeah I found this thread offensive for more reasons than I care to count.. and if I am undiplomatic then so be it, we all have a private hell to deal with we don't have to make it into a curse fest and a sacrilege..
This thread has gone on for too long. Brother you are directly questioning Allah which in islam is a grave sin, and should not be tolerated in this forum. I appreciate you have issues, but you might find that a therapy can be very useful. Since you have a lot of sour childhood memories that are holding you back in your early adult life. It might well be depression, see your doctor to have a full assessment.
My relative of mine died today. And what does beauty or money benefit him now?
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon. May Allah grant him jannah for his beautiful good deeds and forgive him for his sins, Ameen. JazakAllah khayr.
Some perspective for us! Work on beautifying your deeen, deeds and character people! I remind myself before anyone else. In fact the precious words of RasoolAllah (sallalAllaahu 3layhi wa sallam) in my signture sums it up!
قال رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وسلم): إن الله لا ينظر إلى صوركم و أموالكم، و لاكن ينظر إلى قلوبكم و أعمالكم
Indeed Allah (swt) does not look to your faces nor to your wealth but rather to your hearts and deeds!
Last edited by Banu_Hashim; 12-27-2011 at 12:30 AM.
‘Say: If the ocean were ink wherewith to write out the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted, even if We added another ocean like it.’~Al Qu'raan (18:109)
You are complaining about just gurly rejections and asking why God made his last prophet (pbuh) handsome. Whether or not you like ßlµêßêll's replies, she is right on the money. You should be more worried about your line of thinking.
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