I've always wanted to marry but fell in the trap of pre martial relationships only because my family haven't ever looked for me but I've kept them as halaal as possible and when I wanted family involvement the men use to run a mile.
I've always met the wrong men, cheats, liars, drug dealers etc!
In 2009 I had my heart broken and That Ramadan I prayer so much, changed, and asked for the guy to come back if not replaced with better! I met a good guy on a matrimonial site and he told his family fr
Day one. We met a few times and his mother did istikhara and it apparently was good! He wants the greatest of people use to always blame me and I felt like rubbish. I delayed family involvement my side as we kept striking really badly.
Two years down the line families have met! Now it's all gone well except the living arrangements. They feel I am demanding as I want my own place. Now this guy is swearing at me as usually and has changed his number sayig he does t want me!
All I've ever wanted was to marry and be happy... Feels like such a challenge. I always make dua if we will w happy please come back and he always has after arguments.
Just feel low.
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I feel at my lowest.
Thing is he told me his aunty will be short term for a few months so I said why don't we just delay the wedding up until then so we can move out. He was visualising us livin in these apartments and even told me to look at them on the Internet.
However I don't think he told his parents this, so when my parents mentione it they said she needs to make a compromise and said the aunties house. After the visit hea just sworn at me, called me foul names, and even said he's changing his number, for 3 hours I called and text and asked why and in the end he told me I'm demanding cos of what mine and his parents discussed in private and said he will not meet my demand and he wishes I drop dead.
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I feel at my lowest.
Thing is he told me his aunty will be short term for a few months so I said why don't we just delay the wedding up until then so we can move out. He was visualising us livin in these apartments and even told me to look at them on the Internet.
However I don't think he told his parents this, so when my parents mentione it they said she needs to make a compromise and said the aunties house. After the visit hea just sworn at me, called me foul names, and even said he's changing his number, for 3 hours I called and text and asked why and in the end he told me I'm demanding cos of what mine and his parents discussed in private and said he will not meet my demand and he wishes I drop dead.
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
He's making me emotionally drained and unwell.
Sister why are you chasing after him when he's shown his true colours?
Thanks to Allah that He has shown you his true self before marriage!
Last edited by 'Abd-al Latif; 01-02-2012 at 07:35 PM.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
If a person has low income job and he rents out, he or she can get financial support from the government anyways.
Most people on housing benefits are low income workers. Plus, she can work part time to help out. It does not have to cost an arm and leg in London.
And for other essential, you have now shops that sell necessities in low prices like pound store, pound land, Iceland, etc etc.
I'm saying from what I've seen, it's not so easy. I know people who are in the mentioned situations and life is hard for them.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
Co I can't do this anymore. I'm so upset and crying whilst writing this reply.
I'll never find a good man to marry I have true to hard to complete half my deen properly. He's a good man islamically and I want to become a good Muslim. I just want to settle down with a good man who will look after me.
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Firstly, offer Istikhara salaah (if you haven't already).
Secondly, let the guy go. He seems like a mixed character. You say he's religious but uses foul language as well. So he's not the ideal man and trust me there are literally thousands of righteous men who are single today because they can't find a dedicated Muslimah. So don't give up hope. Allah gives solution to every problem. And He will inshAllah send a true Muslim for you.
I'd highly recommend you to get yourself out of this relationship. You are not married to this guy and so whatever relationship you have with him now will be considered haraam and the time you're wasting on him will be totally written off against you in your records. As a matter of fact, it seems like he's toying with you. Blatant abuse of authority. As you are desperately trying to save this marriage, he's pushing you to limits just for his own pleasure. I've first hand experience with such matters where multiple friends of mine have fallen victims to such demeaning and challenging relationships. The best decision and I mean the ABSOLUTE BEST decision right now for you will be breaking up with him. There's an old saying, "if you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were".
Have faith in Allah and take this step. InshAllah this old saying will help you make the decision of your life. It will be extremely difficult for you as you seem to be insanely in love with this guy and dying to get married to him but trust me, the pain will be worth the result. Better suffer now and evaluate whether he even wants you or not than marrying him and having the regret of a lifetime. Fortune favors the brave. Stay strong and righteous and Allah won't let you suffer inshAllah.
If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust.
Surah Ale Imran : 160
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) climbed up Uhud, accompanied by Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and ‘Uthmaan, and the mountain shook with them. He struck it with his foot and said: “Stand firm, O Uhud, for there is no one on you but a Prophet or a Siddeeq or two martyrs.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3483)
Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) does not inspire seeking forgiveness in a slave whom he wishes to punish.
salams ukhti, to be happy is not by giving up hope. You should remember how did our prophet exapmble nabi yunus was trapped in a whale for a few years but he did never gave up. and how our nabi zakaria make lots of dua to have child and he did when he is already 100 years old.
If you are not married here in this world its ok because inshaAllah your dua is being kept for the hereafter where you will be married to 100x better than the one here in this world.
Let him go, open up your options and remember your intentions. If our intention is solely for the sake of Allah swt inshaAllah everything will be better and sort out. inshaAllah
25:36 And the true servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk the earth with humility and when the ignorant address them, they respond with words of peace.
salams ukhti marriage is never been easy. life is never easy that is why paradise/ jannah created in the first place. To justify for all the hardwork.
even those in marriage is not easy. sometimes you see others as if they are happy but sometimes you can be deceived by it. just believe in yourself, believe in Allah, believe in miracle and have faith. Everything happen is for a reason.
and remember marriage won't solve all your problem.
25:36 And the true servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk the earth with humility and when the ignorant address them, they respond with words of peace.
it is very challenging and sometimes almost making me crazy
nomatter how good the spouse, there is alwys challege
regards
anonymousxxxx
Asalaamu Alaikum, finding the right partner and one who is compatiable as well as having the same criterea is never easy. That is why once we have found our life partners then we will appareciate them so much more. Life is never always so straight forward.
That is the problem with pre-marital relationships because they drag on for so long and there is never usually a happy ending. This is because shaythan is present in such relationships from the beginning. Such a relationship is also the cause of zina and other major sins. Such sins anger Allah and cause his wrath. That is why it is best to go about marriage in the right manner in order to get peace and blessings from Allah in our pursuit of marriage.
You have learnt from your mistakes now and from now on you know never to get into any relationship before marriage but to go about marriage in the way that will please Allah and not in the way they will anger or displease him which will only end up causing pain, misery and grief for all involved. Just see this as a learning experience. See it as he was not meant for you that is why things turned out the way they did. Maybe it was for the best because if you did end up with him then things could have been very bad and you could have ended up divorcing him. Hence why you saw his true colours when he swore at you and kept calling you such nasty words. Do you think he would not have done worse after marriage?
Please read the following article which may help you to get over your pre-marital relationship:
How to get through the pain of a pre-marital relationship
So go about marriage in the right manner through your mahram. If you find someone you like or your family or friends find someone for you then go about it through your mahram as going about it alone will only end up putting oneself in a dangerous situation. If a guy tells you he wants to get to know you and meet you etc before marriage then disregard such a person as they are clearly wanting to have relations before marriage. Rather find someone who wants to go about marriage in the right manner through your mahram.
Also It is best to tell the potential ones main criterea from the beginning. In your case you should tell them what you are looking for like your own house etc. Making the potential aware of your main criterea from the beginning will avoid any problems later on and save a lot of time and grief.
Ask of Allah to help you find the right partner who will help you with your deen and in your journey to the hereafter.
May Allah find you the best partner for you. Ameen
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