advice needed

format_quote Originally Posted by شَادِنُ

Br. Cosmic, can't you see he's hurting.. tough guy talk isn't going to do it here.. also there's no reason to mar her character to make him get a grip on himself..
Anon.. pls start fasting mondays & thursdays and asking Allah to help you through this.. and just ride this wave don't drown in it..
It will pass and like I said don't take it personally.
A colleague of my sister was harassing her like that since the late 90's, he would go around telling people they were married even though she had turned him down, and she got married and had a kid and he would stalk to the point where it got unbearable I actually picked up the phone and yelled the crap out of him and threatened to have him fired from his job. Sometimes though you may be the nicest guy and have the best of intentions, it isn't well received. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or her. There's someone out there for everyone and you deserve to have someone have the same feelings for you. So just spend your time in prayer and fast and ride it out.

I agree with you on this "stalking" part. That's why I've told anon to let it go. To crucify his own self-esteem, ego and respect for another human being is just madness.

On the other hand, the "It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or her" part is just wrong and like putting one's head in sand. The fact of the matter is the if he can develop feelings for her, she could also reciprocate it. If he could it then she could as well. There is no reason to call her callous indifference "just the way things are." Let's call spade a spade. We dont come out of wombs knowing everyone. We learn to know others and we have to work to make friends. Love, if it does exist, is no different.

Anyways.

format_quote Originally Posted by CosmicPathos

part is just wrong and like putting one's head in sand.

your reply to that with this:

format_quote Originally Posted by CosmicPathos

The fact of the matter is the if he can develop feelings for her, she could also reciprocate it.

is utterly nonsensical. Why could she reciprocate it? or why would she? feelings aren't an organized thing, you don't will yourself to develop emotions, that's absurd!
then you go on to callous indifference. I understand from your previous writings that you've a thing against women in general, but it doesn't have to parlay itself into everyone else' life. Your experience is solely your own- and if you approach any future relationship with the same attitude, then the experience is bound to repeat itself!
You don't know this woman and thus none of the above is applicable, it is borne purely of your imagination, be it callous, or indifferent or why shouldn't she reciprocate!

Again, excuses for callousness. I do wish she likes a man who is callous to her, though. What goes around should come around.

W salam

I often wonder if even you're convinced of what you write? You would be ok your mom or sister who for all intents and purposes is practicing to reply back to some random guy on FB? & not just reply back but reciprocate feelings? Why don't we all have intense feelings for any random person simply because they allege that they have them for us on some social network? Do you read the stuff you write?
I hope you reflect a little before you write especially jarring things against Muslims you know nothing of!

I have written nothing "against" Muslims. I am assuming anon is also a Muslim? His being a Muslim is not important? Only that of her is?

And no, I have nothing against "women in general" as you have said. All I want is justice to be restored in the dynamics where she gets to choose or discard which man to choose from 50 different approaching her. In that way, men are thrown into the competitive arena against each other. This happens among animals, among chimpanzees and bonobo, and pigs. To see it happen among humans makes me hateful of being a human myself.

Assalamu-alaikum brother,

In all seriousness:

1. Please realise that this is not the correct avenue to be taking in pursuit of marriage.

2. Her non-response is completely appropiate - do not take it personally, as she does not know you.
From where she is standing, you are a complete stranger and your keen interest would not make any sense to her.
She is merely protecting herself from someone who could be randomly messaging many other women on FB, in the hopes of a reply.

3. If there is no means of making contact with a mahram in her family, then let this go.
As mentioned, you have no idea if she is already married or how she may look. Pretty eyes behind a veil can be so, or they can be very misleading.

4. There are many other women who posess the same characteristics that you are looking for.
Make duaa that Allah makes it possible for you to meet such a person, in a manner that would be pleasing to Him.

5. At the moment, it does appear as if you are stalking this sister.
This is not healthy for yourself - you are creating a fantasy based on the little information that you have available, which often results in nothing but heart-ache.
Respect this sisters privacy and her and her brothers non-response.
Their silence in this case means that they are not interested (for whatever reason) - respect this, make duaa that Allah grants you something even better and move on.

Your intentions in seeking a deeni-inclined spouse are good and admirable.
However, dont let Shaytaan use this to take you down a path that is not towards your benefit in pleasing Allah.

Allah has a plan for all of us.
Trust Him. Make sincere duaa to Him and make the appropiate effort.

format_quote Originally Posted by ~Zaria~

Her non-response is completely appropiate - do not take it personally, as she does not know you.

are people born knowing each other? What madness.

are people born knowing each other? What madness.

Please read comments made in their context before resorting to insults.

"Her non-response is completely appropiate - do not take it personally, as she does not know you."

The point being that he could only take her non-response personally, if she actually had the chance to get to know him - and then was not interested.

^ I cant argue with that.

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format_quote Originally Posted by ~Zaria~

The point being that he could only take her non-response personally, if she actually had the chance to get to know him - and then was not interested.

it is still madness. Humans claim to be "one species" yet do not want to know someone who approaches with kindness in his heart? Great. One nation from Adam, was it? Does not seem like it.

Oh, forget Adam. Ummah! This is "Ummah?"

Mods if u can please delete this thread before this guy fuss more.

i didn't start this thread for a debate or to judge her or me. thanks for all who give some good suggestion. And those who passed judgmental comments, may Allah guide them.
one big reason y i joined IB since 2-3 years was ppl here are not much argumentative and fussy but u proved that there are some everywhere.

I'm speaking from experience when I wa non muslim I had a pic of me and suddenly I was getting all these guys who I didn't know messaging me wanna know where from stuff then I ignores them all and changed my picture. I don't want to speak to random guys who don't know I didn't join Facebook to hook up just to connect with family and friends. So I get why the sis hasn't made any response. Some people just feel uncomfortable maybe I should just let go for nw, maybe five her space last thing u need is her thinkin ur stalker.