Haraam to marry if you dont take wife to malls/cinema

**anonymous** · 06-14-2013

Is it fard for the man to take wife for a night out to even if he hates them. Is the haraam to keep your wife only at home all the time because of homesickness and miserliness to spend money on malls/jewellery ? Did the Prophet ( Salallaahu alaihi wa sallam ) take his wife to the local bazaars during his lifetime

**anonymous** · 07-02-2013

Many women who go out to the malls are just looking around , wasting time and dream about what they COULD get if they had the money and I am someone who cant stand this type of behavior .I want to know whether there is any verse in the quran or hadith which would forbid marriage for those who dont have patience to tolerate window-shopping .

**Hamza Asadullah** · 07-02-2013

Originally Posted by anonymous

Many women who go out to the malls are just looking around , wasting time and dream about what they COULD get if they had the money and I am someone who cant stand this type of behavior .I want to know whether there is any verse in the quran or hadith which would forbid marriage for those who dont have patience to tolerate window-shopping .

This thread is getting quite tedious now. You have already been told numerous times throughout this thread that if you dont like something in a person in the pursuit of marriage then simply move on and continue looking for someone that you are happy to marry.

So please brother stop wasting your time rambling on about women "window shoppers" lol.

**ardianto** · 07-02-2013

Every woman expect her man can buy something that she want. The difference between one woman and other women is just in "level". There are women who want very much or want expensive stuffs. There are modest women who just want to have a clothes from cheap bazar.

If you have a wife, must be she expect you to buy something that she want. As the husband you must able to tolerate it.

Don't worry, modest woman will not expect expensive stuff and will not often. Also she will not ask something if she know you don't have money. And the most important is, modest woman is not window shopper.

Marry a modest woman if you can.

**anonymous** · 07-05-2013

You have already been told numerous times throughout this thread that if you dont like something in a person in the pursuit of marriage then simply move on and continue looking for someone that you are happy to marry.

And how am I supposed to do that if my parents are not willing to accept non-window shoppers/cinema goers as their daughter inlaw and thus forcing me to live like a bachelor all my life . How do I get them to back off from my choice of marriage partner ? Should I walk them to a court so that some kind of legal action can be taken on this issue ?

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 07-05-2013

^ lol tell them you'll find pious helpers who'll support your endeavour and Allaah is the best of helpers.

**anonymous** · 07-06-2013

Hamza, Still waiting for an answer on #44. . What do you suggest ?

**Hamza Asadullah** · 07-06-2013

Originally Posted by anonymous

And how am I supposed to do that if my parents are not willing to accept non-window shoppers/cinema goers as their daughter inlaw and thus forcing me to live like a bachelor all my life . How do I get them to back off from my choice of marriage partner ? Should I walk them to a court so that some kind of legal action can be taken on this issue ?

Aah ok. You didn't mention before that it is your parents who have compelled you to marry such a person. My brother you should sit down with your parents and have an open conversation with them regarding the fact that you are not looking for a materialistic person and that you are wanting to marry a woman who has piety and deen. If you are finding it difficult to get through to your parents about this then ask one of the elders of your family who you think will have influence on your parents and are understanding of the fact that one should marry for piety. Get them to talk to your parents. If this is not possible then ask a scholar or an elder of the community who has much influence to convince them on your behalf.

You must try to get them to understand but never shout or get frustrated at your parents no matter what they say to you as they have the right to be honoured by you as their son. Also make much Dua to Allah that he softens their heart in order that they understand that piety is far more important than any other attribute to look for in a partner for marriage.

**anonymous** · 07-07-2013

My brother you should sit down with your parents and have an open conversation with them regarding the fact that you are not looking for a materialistic person and that you are wanting to marry a woman who has piety and deen. If you are finding it difficult to get through to your parents about this then ask one of the elders of your family who you think will have influence on your parents and are understanding of the fact that one should marry for piety. Get them to talk to your parents. If this is not possible then ask a scholar or an elder of the community who has much influence to convince them on your behalf.

I have discussed it multiple times and they are not willing to listen. And all those elders/relatives are backing my parents on this and they are no scholars around who can help either ( Only imams and muezzins who do the 5 prayers ) and even if there are my parents arent of the type that will subscribe to thier views either. They are even threatening to dishown me as and are telling me to leave them .I have been well and truly cornered on this and need real help and I am thus thinking of leaving them and live separatly and only return if their hearts are softened on this.

**ardianto** · 07-07-2013

If you told us your true situation since the beginning I would not misunderstand it and regard you as a man with 'difficult personality'. But okay, now I begin to understand your situation.

What you should do now?.

Still stay at your parent home and telling your parent that you don't want to marry the woman that chosen by your parent. If they threat you and tell you to leave them, still stay at your parent home. If they threat you again, still stay with them and do not show any sign that you have idea to live separately. But if they finally say "Go out from our home!", .... that's the time to go.

If you leave them now, they will regard you as a rebel who against the parent. It will make their heart hard to be softened. But if you leave them after they expel you, maybe they will thinking that you are actually a good son, but they are too hard to you. It will make their heart easier to be softened.

But I hope their heart will be softened without you need to leave them.

**anonymous** · 07-07-2013

If you told us your true situation since the beginning I would not misunderstand it and regard you as a man with 'difficult personality'

That fine , I have always been regarded as the abnormal black sheep of the family by everyone around my closest circle so I am quite used to it.

Still stay at your parent home and telling your parent that you don't want to marry the woman that chosen by your parent. If they threat you and tell you to leave them, still stay at your parent home. If they threat you again, still stay with them and do not show any sign that you have idea to live separately. But if they finally say "Go out from our home!", .... that's the time to go. If you leave them now, they will regard you as a rebel who against the parent. It will make their heart hard to be softened. But if you leave them after they expel you, maybe they will thinking that you are actually a good son, but they are too hard to you. It will make their heart easier to be softened. But I hope their heart will be softened without you need to leave them.

I hope so too. But they always make it sound as though I am the hard hearted one who has failed to live up to the standard sets by those so called perfect husbands , so I really dont know how they can soften their stubborn stance on this .

**ardianto** · 07-07-2013

That fine , I have always been regarded as the abnormal black sheep of the family by everyone around my closest circle so I am quite used to it.

Human are social creature that influence each other through positive thought and negative thought, depend on their way of thinking. When we failed in our effort, positive thinking people will tell us "It's okay, you can learn from your fault and try again". While negative thinking people will tell us "You are loser!". It will give different effect on us. Get positive thought will raise our motivation, get negative thought can make us lose our confidence.

Unfortunately, negative thinking people are more active to influence their thought to other people than positive thinking people.

Now ask yourself, are you an abnormal blacksheep?. If not, start realize that you are a human with your own personality. If yes, read again what I've written above, negative thinking people are more active to influence their thought to other people than positive thinking people.

Fill your mind with positive thought, throw away the negative thought.

I hope so too. But they always make it sound as though I am the hard hearted one who has failed to live up to the standard sets by those so called perfect husbands

Nobody perfect. So, there is no perfect husband or perfect wife. Also there is no ideal husband or ideal wife in early of marriage. Husband and wife can be ideal for their spouse only through learning process in marriage. You can start learn how to be ideal husband for your wife after you get married.

so I really dont know how they can soften their stubborn stance on this

Ask help from Allah, bro. Always make du'a.

**Ali Mujahidin** · 07-08-2013

Originally Posted by anonymous

And how am I supposed to do that if my parents are not willing to accept non-window shoppers/cinema goers as their daughter inlaw and thus forcing me to live like a bachelor all my life . How do I get them to back off from my choice of marriage partner ? Should I walk them to a court so that some kind of legal action can be taken on this issue ?

Just need to confirm this so that I can be less confused. So it is your parents who are against what you call "window-shopping/cinema-going" women. right? It's not you who is against such women, right?

**anonymous** · 07-08-2013

Now ask yourself, are you an abnormal blacksheep?.

That is not an easy question to answer . What might be normal in one culture & community may be considered abnormal in another . Here it is like an obligation to take the wives in the weekends to the malls for windowshopping and then to its cinema for the weekly movie that is released and any deviation from such behavior earns you the title of miser and torturer who will ruin women's lives.

**anonymous** · 10-14-2013

Still stay at your parent home and telling your parent that you don't want to marry the woman that chosen by your parent. If they threat you and tell you to leave them, still stay at your parent home. If they threat you again, still stay with them and do not show any sign that you have idea to live separately. But if they finally say "Go out from our home!", .... that's the time to go. If you leave them now, they will regard you as a rebel who against the parent. It will make their heart hard to be softened. But if you leave them after they expel you, maybe they will thinking that you are actually a good son, but they are too hard to you. It will make their heart easier to be softened. But I hope their heart will be softened without you need to leave them.

Salaam AlikumI am sorry to tell you it didnt go well and I have been asked to leave and have been living alone for past 2 months and parents arent regretting having disposed of me .I concentrated on settling down in my new home and an mow seriously thinking about my future ie marriage and thus seems my marriage will have to happen without my parents blessings .I just want to know how what answers I can give to potential marriage partners when asked as to why I have been thrown out of house and distanced by my parents and relatives Should I just tell them we differed on our choice of the traits of the marriage partner and the arguments had reached a flash point which ended in separationBut then the bigger question is who will marry a person who is conflict with his parents ?.What is the best way to approach marriage in such a situation ? I also read that Man does not need a Wali for his marriage .

**ardianto** · 10-14-2013

Originally Posted by anonymous

Salaam AlikumI am sorry to tell you it didnt go well and I have been asked to leave and have been living alone for past 2 months and parents arent regretting having disposed of me .I concentrated on settling down in my new home and an mow seriously thinking about my future ie marriage and thus seems my marriage will have to happen without my parents blessings .I just want to know how what answers I can give to potential marriage partners when asked as to why I have been thrown out of house and distanced by my parents and relatives Should I just tell them we differed on our choice of the traits of the marriage partner and the arguments had reached a flash point which ended in separationBut then the bigger question is who will marry a person who is conflict with his parents ?.What is the best way to approach marriage in such a situation ? I also read that Man does not need a Wali for his marriage .

Waalaikumsalam

I'm really sorry because I gave you advice like that. I thought your parent heart would be softer and then tried to talk to you like commonly parents in my place.

Yes, a man doesn't need wali to get married, ..... in Islam. But in society?

I was a guy who had principle "one woman for lifetime". One day when I was 22 and still studied I meet a girl from 'traditional' family. I interested to her in the first meeting and I thought she could be the woman in my life. And I got her in second meeting.

I was happy because I thought I had meet the right girl to be my wife. But suddenly she told me that I must meet her parent and talked about marriage. I got panic because I was sure that my mother (my father had passed away) would not approve me to marry a girl who I had just met, and also I still studied. But I remember what my uncle from my father side had told me "In Islam a man doesn't need wali, he goes alone to nikah".

So I went alone to meet her parent and told them that I was serious to marry her. Of course they asked me why I came alone, and I told them "In Islam a man doesn't need wali. He goes alone to nikah. So I come alone to propose marriage". And I was scolded. They said "Yes, in Islam! but according to the custom in society you still need parent to get married!". And they told me that I should come with my mother.

Two day later I came with my mother and my uncle who told me that a man doesn't need wali. I told them that I wanted to introduce a girl. But when they came they realize that this meeting was to propose marriage. My mother anger was exploded , and it made that girl parent being offended.

Of course they told me that they felt objected because my mother did not approve it. But didn't want to surrender. I told them that everything would be okay. And I got support from their daughter who had been impressed to me since the first meeting. So they agree to give me time until I finish my study.

In the beginning everything seem okay. But then that girl realize that my mother still did not approve her. It made her doubt to marry me. She told me that she was worry that after she married me my mother would always against her. I still promised her that everything would be okay. But finally she decide to not marry me after she knew that my mother tried to match me with someone who came again to my life, my ex-classmate who later became my wife.

Yes bro, in Islam a man doesn't need wali to go to nikah. But society usually cannot accept it. And also a woman must be worry to get married with a man that his parent hostile her.

To be honest, you are in difficult situation. But, always make du'a wish Allah open the way for you to get married with the right girl. There's always a hope.

**anonymous** · 10-14-2013

Yes bro, in Islam a man doesn't need wali to go to nikah. But society usually cannot accept it. And also a woman must be worry to get married with a man that his parent hostile her.

Yes society doesnt accept , that is the whole problem . But men are getting married even without parents permission and in some cases both parents are dead , I just want to know how they do it , so that will give me an idea as to how i approach marriage in such a situation.If they are desperate to get their daughter marriage and believe that the mistake in my parents then there is always a chance

To be honest, you are in difficult situation.

Yes but it is it as difficult situation as a pauper who cant get married because of poverty

**ardianto** · 10-15-2013

Originally Posted by anonymous

Yes society doesnt accept , that is the whole problem . But men are getting married even without parents permission and in some cases both parents are dead , I just want to know how they do it , so that will give me an idea as to how i approach marriage in such a situation.If they are desperate to get their daughter marriage and believe that the mistake in my parents then there is always a chance

If you are looking for a job, the companies would not care about your relationship with your parents. But if you are looking for a wife, the women would really care about it.

I am sure that the company where you are working never asked you to introduce your parent to them. But if you propose marriage, the woman and their parent must be want to meet your parent.

Basically a woman expect a harmonious relationship with in-laws after getting married. And if a woman know that the man who propose marriage has bad relationship with the parent and possible she would be despised by the in-law, she would be worry and very possible she would reject this man.

Yes, a man doesn't need wali for nikah. But getting married is more than just a nikah procession.

Yes but it is it as difficult situation as a pauper who cant get married because of poverty

I am not talking about poverty because in-fact the poor men can get married too. But I am talking about difficulty to get a woman who can accept the situation between you and your parents.

The parent issue is a common barrier that could thwart a marriage in my place. Parents in my place allow their kids to looking for spouse by themselves. And if their kids choose someone that they dislike, they would not prevent it but show their dislike that could make this 'someone' feel uncomfortable and hesitate to marry their kid.

This maybe would happen to you when you find someone.

I am sorry if I seem like demotivate you in this matter. But you still have a hope if you can make your parent do not mind about the girl you choose, or this girl do not mind about your relationship with your parent.