Parents refusing me marriage because of not watching films

**anonymous** · 09-01-2013

I dont watch films hence parents are not allowing me to marry because they say all women watch films thus you're incompatible with them and you will ruin woman's life if you marry. Who is in the wrong here ? Me for not cultivating interest in movies or parents for not allowing you to marry because i dont watch movies . In Islam ,Do parents have a right to force you to have certain hobbies ?

**Alpha Dude** · 09-01-2013

Your parents' concern is unreasonable. It doesn't make sense. Maybe there is a deeper reason why they don't want you to get married and are using this television thing just as an excuse.

However, you should know that a man does not need his parents' permission for marriage. You can easily marry someone without their agreement. Although, it is always better to do it with their blessing.

I guess you don't watch tv for religious reasons? In that case, you should remain firm in your position. The easy option is to find a wife who has a similar outlook as yourself.

**Abdul Fattah** · 09-01-2013

Aselam aleykum
Are you certain you understood them correctly? No offence but I'm getting the idea you're selling your parents short.

Is it really "just" because you don't watch films, or is it because (from their point of view) they fear you are to narrow-minded and strict that you'll suffocate anyone who'd marry you? So they brought the watching-films-thing up just as an example to explain that view!

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that your choice not to watch movies is wrong or narrow-minded or strict; I'm just saying that's probably what they are thinking. I find it hard to believe they would tell you you're not ready just beacuse of the movie thing, and find it much more probable that they meant something among the lines of what I said.

**anonymous** · 09-01-2013

However, you should know that a man does not need his parents' permission for marriage. You can easily marry someone without their agreement

I hate to be harsh but this is a very poor and thoughtless suggestion . Not only will this will create ill feelings which would result in them distancing themselves and dishowning me but will also spoil any future proposals when they come to know that I have been dishowned from my parents . What kind of Father would let her daughter marry a person who has been dishowned by his own parents ? On a side note ,isnt it unfair to the woman that she needs permission unlike a man.

I guess you don't watch tv for religious reasons? In that case, you should remain firm in your position.

No i do watch TV and there are certain programs which i watch Its just that i dont want to be forced and dragged into watching these movies (most of these are either about boring subjects , cheap adult comedy , contain zina, fitna, songs,dances etc ) just because my to-be-wife wants to watch it or because every tom, dick and harry in my circle watches it or every dog , pig and donkey in the neighbourhood watches it .I dont follow this herd mentality of my community and I am being isolated because of my difference and stance on this.

The easy option is to find a wife who has a similar outlook as yourself.

I have suggested this multiple times and they say I cant be choosy about this thing and need to adjust or forget marriage as I am not selfless enough . I dont want to marry a strict religious person who will strait jacket my life , just a person who will accept me the way I am.

**Alpha Dude** · 09-01-2013

Originally Posted by anonymous

I hate to be harsh but this is a very poor and thoughtless suggestion . Not only will this will create ill feelings which would result in them distancing themselves and dishowning me but will also spoil any future proposals when they come to know that I have been dishowned from my parents . What kind of Father would let her daughter marry a person who has been dishowned by his own parents ? On a side note ,isnt it unfair to the woman that she needs permission unlike a man.

What I said was purely for your information. You didn't seem to realise that a man does not need his parents permission and I intended to make you aware of it. What you do with that knowledge is up to you. I didn't say go ahead and get married of your own accord and distance yourself from your family. No, that is your decision and I assumed you would be smart enough to not make such a mistake. I even said 'Although, it is always better to do it with their blessing.', so please don't take it the wrong way.

You are a man and if you feel strongly about something then you don't need to take everything your mum and dad say as fact and do as they say on all matters even if it's not logically sound. You can respectfully talk to them and convince them about it. Doing this does not equate to disrespect, in case you misunderstand me.

Women need a wali's permission. It's what Islam says. You can read further or ask a shaykh why that is.

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 09-02-2013

is this the same brother whos parents wanted him to take his wife out shopping and stuff?

bro for the time being forget the thought of marriage. concentrate on your relationship with your parents - take them to spiritual individuals who can provide the pious companionship to make them understand that there are good people who do not rely on the world to find enjoyment.

your parents seem to have not had exposure to the world of the pious - that's all they need, true exposure to the beauty of piety. THen they'll gladly let you stick to your ways believing that a girl will come who shares the same ground as you.

besides everything is Allaahs will at the end of the day

**anonymous** · 09-05-2013

. You didn't seem to realise that a man does not need his parents permission and I intended to make you aware of it.

If you are telling the truth, then show me a Quranic Verse where Allah explicitly says that Man does need approval of his parents and can disobey and marry without their consent . Disobedience to parents is a sin and we all know the punishment for that .

bro for the time being forget the thought of marriage. concentrate on your relationship with your parents - take them to spiritual individuals who can provide the pious companionship to make them understand that there are good people who do not rely on the world to find enjoyment.your parents seem to have not had exposure to the world of the pious - that's all they need, true exposure to the beauty of piety. THen they'll gladly let you stick to your ways believing that a girl will come who shares the same ground as you.

This has nothing to do with Piety or religious duties and you're simply deviating from the subject . This is simply a clash of husband and wife on their hobbies.Almost everyone sane human being on this earth has some hobbie or the other for their spare time . Watching films is a hobbie of our community which they want me to embrace without which they feel I am a social outcast and will cause compatibility issue to potential partners for marriage which ultimately lead to divorce. What you need is show the real life incidents of muslim couples who have made their marriages work despite having different hobbies so that it can prove to them it is possible to coexist with different interests.

**Alpha Dude** · 09-05-2013

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/23324

**anonymous** · 09-08-2013

The link you posted contains hadith which talks about women needing a Wali and that hadith doesnt talk about Men and why they dont need it . Even if you go by the shaikh's opinion, who decides what classifies as "Feeble minded". Does being social outcast classify as feeble minded ?Here there is a clear case of disobedience ,When parents are clearly asking you not to do something, you go against their wishes and marry without their consent and disobedience to parents is sin unless they are asking you to do something wrong like Shirk,Murder etc