Constantly thinking about a Girl Leading to Fantasizing

**anonymous** · 11-21-2013

Im in a very difficult situation, I like this girl and Im really sure that she likes me as well. our families know each other as well so we have a good chance of getting married but its not happening anytime soon. I am constantly thinking bout her. this has been going on for some time and has led to me fantasizing about her etc

I need serious help in a way to forget thinking bout her completely. I have tried convincing myself about the gheerah her male relatives have over her etc. it works for a while and then I end up back in my old ways

**Alpha Dude** · 11-21-2013

How old are you and why do you think marriage wouldn't happen any time soon?

**ardianto** · 11-21-2013

What makes you sure that she has interest to marry you?

**Ahmad H** · 11-21-2013

If you really don't want to think about her anymore, then tell yourself and firmly believe that she has no traits to which you are attracted to. I had this problem as a young kid, and it kept on happening again and again. When I told myself that she doesn't have anything attractive about her, then I immediately stopped. It just vanished from my mind. It works even now. I don't know if it will for you. But do try it. There's nothing wrong with seeing no attraction in a woman. It will stop you from being infatuated with her.

I am not in the least bit suggesting you think she is ugly or is bad or anything. Don't think she is a bad Muslim or anything either. Just tell yourself she isn't attractive and hopefully all will work out.

Also preoccupy yourself with something else. This has worked for me, since I forget about women very easily when I occupy myself in something useful like a project.

**anonymous** · 11-21-2013

Originally Posted by ardianto

What makes you sure that she has interest to marry you?

I have a strong feeling that she likes me and there are other reasons as well to why I think that. im not deluded in any way

Originally Posted by Alpha Dude

How old are you and why do you think marriage wouldn't happen any time soon?

its just not going to happen anytime soon

**anonymous** · 11-21-2013

I've tried telling myself that, it works for a day and then the thoughts start coming back again

**anonymous** · 12-08-2013

I seriously need help, I would appreciate it alot if someone could help me out of this mess.

**Muhaba** · 12-08-2013

There's nothing wrong with having someone on your mind as long as you don't do or think anything unislamic. It's perfectly natural. Even the Quran says to men regarding the women whose husband dies: ...Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying. And do not determine to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end.... (2:235)

One thing you can do is to avoid seeing her. If you don't see her, then it's likely the thoughts will get weaker and you'll forget her. Another thing you can do is to occupy yourself in work/study so your mind is occupied and doesn't have time. Reading the tafseer of Ayat about the Hereafter may also help.

**Ahmad H** · 12-08-2013

Well, you're really having trouble with this. Think about what you have a passion for, besides this girl, and try to think of ways to occupy yourself with that. My mind is always on women as well. I can't help that, I'm a man. You can't help that you're infatuated with this girl either. But if you don't try to use your other passions, whether it be on a subject you like, or a hobby, a past-time, etc., then you're not going to be able to get away from this.

Like i said before, convince yourself that you don't need to think about her, and use whatever you can think of to achieve this. In reality, you really do not need to be thinking of her all the time. Since you can't get married to her for some time, this will have to be the case.

Now, this last resort, which may or may not work with your family and theirs, seems to be the safest method. I have seen other guys I know get themselves engaged to a girl and remain engaged for some years, until they become settled in life and then they finally get married. This ensures that you have her to yourself, and that you don't need to worry about anyone else having her. Perhaps you fantasize so much about her because she isn't yours yet. I don't know if that makes sense, but this is what I surmise. Usually, when people see something they can't have, they really want it. But, when they actually have it, they don't need to think too much about it since they don't have to seek it out. I think it works the same way for men and women who like each other.

If you haven't tried getting engaged to her already, and staying that way for some time, then I suggest you bring it up with your parents. It might relieve your mind.

**anonymous** · 12-08-2013

Originally Posted by WRITER

There's nothing wrong with having someone on your mind as long as you don't do or think anything unislamic. It's perfectly natural. Even the Quran says to men regarding the women whose husband dies: ...Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying. And do not determine to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end.... (2:235)

Its not just having her on my mind. I start fantasizing about her which I feel disgusted about. I stop doing it for a couple of days and then the thoughts come again. Its almost impossible to stop them.

One thing you can do is to avoid seeing her. If you don't see her, then it's likely the thoughts will get weaker and you'll forget her. Another thing you can do is to occupy yourself in work/study so your mind is occupied and doesn't have time. Reading the tafseer of Ayat about the Hereafter may also help.

Originally Posted by Ahmad H

Well, you're really having trouble with this. Think about what you have a passion for, besides this girl, and try to think of ways to occupy yourself with that. My mind is always on women as well. I can't help that, I'm a man. You can't help that you're infatuated with this girl either. But if you don't try to use your other passions, whether it be on a subject you like, or a hobby, a past-time, etc., then you're not going to be able to get away from this.

Like i said before, convince yourself that you don't need to think about her, and use whatever you can think of to achieve this. In reality, you really do not need to be thinking of her all the time. Since you can't get married to her for some time, this will have to be the case.

Now, this last resort, which may or may not work with your family and theirs, seems to be the safest method. I have seen other guys I know get themselves engaged to a girl and remain engaged for some years, until they become settled in life and then they finally get married. This ensures that you have her to yourself, and that you don't need to worry about anyone else having her. Perhaps you fantasize so much about her because she isn't yours yet. I don't know if that makes sense, but this is what I surmise. Usually, when people see something they can't have, they really want it. But, when they actually have it, they don't need to think too much about it since they don't have to seek it out. I think it works the same way for men and women who like each other.

If you haven't tried getting engaged to her already, and staying that way for some time, then I suggest you bring it up with your parents. It might relieve your mind.

I don't see her or talk to her, we both like each other a lot and the high possibility of getting married to her makes me fantasize about her. The engagement is a possibility in a couple of years. I don't know what to do till then.

I need a clear cut way of thinking about her till then.

**Ahmad H** · 12-08-2013

Originally Posted by anonymous

I need a clear cut way of thinking about her till then.

Ok. How about this then, think of her as you would your sister. She is at least your sister in religion. That is the only thing that I can think of besides getting engaged to marry now and marrying her later on.

**anonymous** · 12-08-2013

Originally Posted by WRITER

There's nothing wrong with having someone on your mind as long as you don't do or think anything unislamic. It's perfectly natural. Even the Quran says to men regarding the women whose husband dies: ...Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying. And do not determine to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end.... (2:235)

One thing you can do is to avoid seeing her. If you don't see her, then it's likely the thoughts will get weaker and you'll forget her. Another thing you can do is to occupy yourself in work/study so your mind is occupied and doesn't have time. Reading the tafseer of Ayat about the Hereafter may also help.

Its not just having her on my mind. I start fantasizing about her which I feel disgusted about. I stop doing it for a couple of days and then the thoughts come again. Its almost impossible to stop them.

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 12-08-2013

sounds like lust bro.

u cant fantasize indecently about someone u love - just doesn't happen.

You need to read audhubillah when these thoughts come into your head. Recite some Quran. make dhikr. REMEMBER ALLAAH!

and occupy yourself with better more useful things.

**ardianto** · 12-09-2013

Originally Posted by anonymous

I don't see her or talk to her, we both like each other a lot and the high possibility of getting married to her makes me fantasize about her.

If you don't see her or talk with her, then what makes you sure that she has interest to marry you?. Young bro, if a woman has interest to be your partner, then she always want to meet you and will always seek a chance for this. I have enough much experiences like this. So I know it. Don't be deluded by your own assumption.

You do not really like her, you are just sexually attracted to her. That's why when you think about her, it always lead to fantasy. If you like her because her unique character or because her kindness, then you will have big respect to her which automatically prevent you from having indecent fantasy about her.

And do not think you have big possibility to getting married with her in the future. Now she is still someone else who is not engaged with you. Anything can be happen. Maybe she will reject you if you propose marriage, maybe another man will come and take her.

Try to realize that your chance to marry her is still very low. And always remember it whenever you start fantasize about her. Hopefully it will help you. .

**ardianto** · 12-09-2013

Originally Posted by Ahmad H

How about this then, think of her as you would your sister. She is at least your sister in religion.

In one thread I've ever written that I grew up together with the girls. Yes, I have two sisters, and my friends have sisters too. Some of my friends sisters actually were attractive, but I never attracted to their beauties because my feeling to them was not so different than my feeling to my sisters.

Then when I met a girl I always had a feeling that she's a person like my sisters and my friends sisters. It's really help me to not easily sexually attracted.

**Woodrow** · 12-09-2013

Originally Posted by anonymous

I seriously need help, I would appreciate it alot if someone could help me out of this mess.

It is not a mess it is simply a trial all young men face and have to conquer.

There is no easy solution. .But it is a learning experience during which we discover we have the ability to conquer desires in order to gain.

Nearly all of us during our youth discover a girl we can not get out of our thoughts. But few if any of us ever marry that girl. We age and discover someone who becomes a better choice of who we really want as a wife.

**ardianto** · 12-10-2013

Originally Posted by Woodrow

Nearly all of us during our youth discover a girl we can not get out of our thoughts. But few if any of us ever marry that girl.

I already know it since I was in early of my puberty age. That's why I could easily remove someone from my thought when I realize it's hard for me to get her.