Eerie Personality and Confidence Issues

format_quote Originally Posted by Layth

Forgive the tangent from the thread Smallkid, but I just got to say this:

Scmi, big thumbs up to the video above. It is beautifully and elegantly put together, and one that really his home. It's so polished and professional that I sincerely hope you are using the mad skillz you have in carving out some kind of career for yourself in IT or marketing or graphics?

JazakAllahu khair, and thank you for the compliment brother Layth My business: www.smartapps4u.co.uk web / app / design

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid

Look scmi dude, u have real talent. On the other hand, I am in this world to be rot and ridiculed

Brother, I am ridiculed in my locality so much - you won't believe. Mothers cross the streets with their kids because of my past. I hear the odd comment now and then too. My family don't even get invited to weddings because of my past bro... and though I am a reformed person, people DO NOT FORGET - and so, my family pays for my mistakes, and I pay in secret...

...bro, you probably think I am educated becuase of this talent (video making / graphic design / app / web) but the truth is, I don't even have a single qualification bro - not even one that I can shout about. I messed up school and college so badly because I got into fight after fight after fight recurring. So I left with nothing but some pens and a notepad... and started to doodle, little graffiti things, like bubble writing... beleive me bro, no one has taught me graphic design, no one taught me how to shoot, edit and add special effects to a video, no one taught me how to make a website, no one taught me how to develop an app... I had to learn these things as a dyslexic person who suffers ADHD and has hyper adrenal condition to top it all off... sounds impossible, right?

Bro - difficult takes a day.

Impossible takes a week.

Do and Be Done.

Move to the next challenge.

Give Brain and Heart a chance to BREATHE when you run out of steam. Come back to it when you are revived from your mental fatigue.

We can't be too harsh on our selves, else how will we know mercy when it comes knocking?

You ever hear the story of the Priest who drowned?

There was rain, so much rain that the town which sat in a valley was starting to flood. The people were evacuated to a safe place - but one priest climbed his church spire and stood there, hoping to survive the flood. The cars came for him, but he wouldn't budge - then the cars left because it was getting too dangerous to stay. They sent boats, small engine powered rescue boats... still the priest wouldn't come down. "Nay, go away the lottaya, God will save me" he shouted... the boats returned and level had now risen to the highest window, literally only a few feet under the base of the spire. The priest, wet faced and about as soggy as a wet sock, looks up to the heavens hoping to find a hand come out and take him away... he saw a helicopter instead. Yep. The rescue helicopter came to help him away, they lowered a ladder to him and he shouts back "Get out of the way, I am safe, I am safe", the wind picked up and the helicopter couldn't afford to hand around so it flies off... the water levels engulf the whole church and soon the whole valley looks like a lake - the priest had drowned.

In his death, he is complaining to GOD, "Oh God, why did thou forsake me O Lord, Did I not wait for you to save me?"

God answers him back. "I sent you rescue cars, hovercrafts, boats and an helicopter - all of these, how many chances do you need? Do you not see how I helped you but you failed to recognize MY help due to your own wrongful assumptions?"

moral of the story, lear to see God's hand in every opportunity, no matter how small or large bro... don't see human beings as the cause of pain or pleasure - no - see them as only the vehicle of deliverance - it is Allah to WHOM all power belongs. And whether we know it or not - we are all subservient to HIS will... it is better to KNOW than not to know...

You wrote -> I am in this world to rot and be ridiculed... but in the next, OH - in the next, "I HAVE HOPE... for I know that there is ONE that watches over me" <- quote from video I linked

Make these fit.

Scimi

format_quote Originally Posted by Layth

You do have real talent btw schimi. I have a fraction of that talent, but I've had the very lucky breaks to be making a fair bit of money in IT (which I definitely do not deserve). Well done for teaching yourself all of that. If you haven't already, I pray that you become as successful as your talent warrants.

format_quote Originally Posted by Layth

And I'm a brother btw

JazakAllah khair bro, I saw that I wrote sister and corrected it - don't know what gave me that idea lol sorry.

Business is slow but picking up. I've had some good clients so far, like Yum Yum Thai, Europe's largest Thai restaurant (it's halal) and it came second place in Gordon Ramsays competition in 2011. That was my first client they took an app. Since then it's been difficult, because largely high street businesses don't really understand how e-streams can enhance their business revenues... slowly they are catching on, and I am at my wits end as to when they actually will. lol.

Recently I came by a DSLR camera and am slowly learning how to use it. Coupled with video editing and effects, some graphics and a little creative flair - I think I can take what I do to the next level. My first vid was made in 2011, in windows live movie maker it was so easy to understand but so limiting at the same time that I just wanted more control - and so I got Adobe After Effects... and almost had an heart attack I mean, I know photoshop pretty well, better than most i've come across who claim they know photoshop - but opening after effects was a whole other dimension... so I put it away for a full year and wathced tutes on YT just to try and get my head around the basics... a year on I was ready to try some experiments lol... that video above, was the first experiment I'm pleased you liked it bro. Didn't get many plays but hey, if it helps just one soul - success And Allah knows best.

Graphic design I started in 1995, on a new windows95 PC (gosh it sounds so ancient) I had gotten a graphics software called Paint Shop Pro (poor mans photoshop) and started there... in 2000, I was working in advertising in a media company, and the graphic designers for the adverts and page laying, sat behind me... I never talked to them, but sometimes I would watch them work, try to get some tips in how Photoshop was used by real professionals... to my surprise, I found that photoshop was acutally easier to get to grips with than Paint Shop Pro... so I decided to get photoshop, and that's where I started to really take digital art to another level... I started to work with cloning tools, masks, feathers and layers, and a whole host of other creative tools which allowed me even more freedom in design...

I learn differently - because of my left handedness, dyslexia, ADHD and hyper adrenal condition - I am impossible to teach. No one can teach me anything. I have to learn my way or no way at all. It is hard. It is lonely. And it is scary. Because there is no guiding hand which I can see or feel guide me... but I look back and see what was acheived by my efforts and realise that I could not have come this far on my own - NO WAY - I had to have had a helping hand - and I deduce that the helping hand was Allah showing me mercy, opening a door to rizq and telling me to be strong, and go for it - no matter how hard it is going to be - it is going to be an adventure... my own adventure - and it will be my story...

Because of my learning problems, and conditions - I have been aggressive towards people in my younger days, I often lashed out at them, fought them and became protective over those who were weak or bullied - I always fought to either 1) defend myself or 2) to defend a friend who was being bullied... and because of this, I was kicked out of school and expelled from three colleges.

Still, I am here today, alhamdulillah - breaking convention and moving on in a career choice which turned into my own business - even if it makes nothing - it is still mine. It is still a part of my story

if people only realized that they have a story to make... instead of a story to tell, they'd walk more and talk less.

Scimi

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid

That is what I am saying bro. I want Allah to show me just one sign that he is listening and aware of my pain, and I will just leave all wordly gains and thoughts just to make him happy and win his approval. Just one sign bro.

cars came and went, hover crafts came and went, boats came and went, even a helicopter turned up - the priest missed so many opportunities didn't he?

Think about it brother.

Scimi

Jazak Allahu khair and Thank you Tbh my story mirrors the struggle many go thru. So many people are rejected in society from an early age due to things like a disability, behavioral problem or learning difficulties - I can empathize - I am from that same minority group of behavioral rejects who have learning difficulties

I take my inspiration wherever I can get it. Truth be told, sometimes I find inspiration in the unlikeliest of places - places which others will frown upon because they are considered non Islamic... but inspiration doesn't follow any logic - no - it follows an idea... it is an idea which inspires, no matter where it may be hiding. Sometimes the best ideas, the best inspirations come from the grottoes and ghettoes, where real people live and breathe... sometimes we have to help our fellow man, in order to help our own selves... inspiration is like air - it is everywhere, but only those who are looking for it, will find it.

To brother Small Kid - today you took a step in the right direction bro, I am pleased and proud for you. Stick around, we're all here to help each other - one day you will in sha Allah help me too, though you probably don't see how right now

All praise belongs solely to Allah, the Lord and Benefactor of the worlds. Ameen.

Scimi

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid

The problems is that God didn't send any cars for me, no boats either. I think HE wants me to SWIM (Though I am no Good), I will try and will start from tonmorow. A Maybe this is my two packs of cigarettes talking that have made me relaxed and worry free. Allah bless you more bro. You have been more than a friend, you are guiding me towards the right place. Tommorow morning, I might again be down. However, I will do my best to please my Lord Allah.

The cars and boats are here bro - they are us... helicopter is refuelling don't worry, I have a jet pack in case as for the ciggies - two packs of ten? or twenty?

I've cut down to less than ten a day now, and will try to give it up in Ramadhan this year in sha Allah. Make dua for me bro.

As for tomorrow - that is another day today is today - one day at a time, an hour at a time, a minute at a time... tick tock, soon enough we realise that today is now tomorrow and yesterday was a small victory... and life is but a series of small victories, is it not?

Today, you won... tomorrow the challenge starts all over again...

...soon, the challenges become boring, and life becomes exciting Relief after Hardship rinse and repeat

Scimi

Good !!! You fear Allah enough to wish for death instead of commit a blasphemy against HIM - how is that a bad thing? This is IMAAN bro.

Someone has to tell you that in case you don't realise it.

We all face tests.

I used to get the most ridiculous thoughts in salaah bro - whilst in masjid - thoughts I would normally never entertain at all - disgusting thoughts, horrible thoughts, stomach turning thoughts - I can't tell you what - too explicit for forums... I thought I was a goner, that shaytaan had me in his grip and that was it... I couldn't confide in anyone in case my worst fears were confirmed - so I stopped going masjid altoghether at one point - this was before the days of internet forums. The one day I over heard two Muslims talking at a bus stop, discussing the very same problem. I decided to eavesdrop and heard one bro tell the other "it happens because you are not standing shoulder to shoulder in salaah bro - when there is a gap, shaytaan fills it and whispers in the heart of the weaker Muslim"... BLOODY HECK, right? Talk about letting the ball drop.

the following Friday I went for Jummah and made sure I was in the first rows, shoulder to shoulder - and I experienced salaah uninterrupted, picking out certain Arabic words, listening to the Qiraat in salaah, trying to estimate which part of the surah he is reading now, i was concentrating on the context of the qiraat - for the first time in my life... I stuck with this and when I was in Saudi in the month of Ramadhan, a brother named Asif came to me with the same problem, asking me why I look so blissful in salaah - so I told him my story about the waswasa in salaah, and how I overcame it. The next day after fajr salaah, I saw him in the row in front, as he turned around he had tears in his eyes. Naturally, I approached him and he surprised me with a hug "brother, do you know that I have been coming for Umrah in Ramadhan for the last 15 years? I have never experienced such a salaah brother" and I was in awe of how such a simple thing can fix such a huge problem...

....Now ask yourself akhi, you fearing to disappoint Allah - is this a good thing or a bad thing? You know the answer already bro - you don't need to answer because Fear of Allah, is a good thing - and you've got plenty of that already it seems... let's in sha Allah work on your LOVE for Allah, yes?

Scimi