I am Alhamdulilah 26 years financially well, and educated person. I am Master in the field of Study and my family owns multiple businesses.
My problems:
I am too hasty in taking decisions. I want something to finish as quickly as started without thinking about the consequences of my hasty decision making
I am always confused. I cannot take my decisions and have to overthink about the issues, which has caused me great grief and distress in my life.
In school, I was a topper, and achieved alot. However, I have little or no confidence left now, and I think everybody just hates me or will make fun of me. This has caused me not to make new friends (I also think that I cannot make new friends)
Thirdly, my family is looking for a girl for marriage. I have been rejected, and I have rejected some as well. I want my parents to take the decision rather than me. However, I want my family to get over the thinks quickly so that I can focus on new things in life. This seems a distant reality now. I dont think so that I will ever be able to get married because of my attitude and personality (very weak personality and no one seems to like me)
I have never had bad habit, but I have been continuously in depression, and I believe that Allah is against me. This leads me to think alot against Islam and Allah. However, nothing improves no matter how much I pray or ask Allah and Prophet Mohammad PBUH for help.
Sometime back I started praying five prayer in congregation thinking that Allah will have mercy on me, but things did not change, and after one month I stopped praying even Jumma prayers. Nothing is improving in my life. It seems that the only thing God has bestowed me is a good family and financial background.
However, I feel that even if my parents are going to ask some girl for proposal I am going to get rejected because of poor personality, and skills. I remember the times in schools, and college when I could not utter a word in front of girls, Now I feel like my personality has gotten worse.
I also have a very few close friends, who are as busy in business as I am. I am waiting for a miracle to happen in my life, but Allah (SWT) is keeping me down and out. He does not guide me, doesnot give me any sign, or doesnot improve anything for despite of my prayers. I pray with tears, and true heart but God rejects me everywhere. I tried to invest my money away from my family business so that I can achieve anything on my own, and have something to boast about but failed miserable. In fact, God does not help me in anything. I have a poor poor personality, no achievment despite good educational background, I have no where to go. I feel trapped. But the God is not helping me. May he wants me to suffer. I also have suicidal thoughts sometime, but no one seems to understand me help me or befriend with me.
Is there any way to end this ? Please dont tell me that God doesnot burden you with more than you can handle, because it very easy for you to say that, and I have been burdened more than I should be. It is easy for Sheikhs and Maulana's to talk about depression, and how Allah helps everyone, however it is very easy for them to say thing because they havent been through any of this.
Short answer, no. Suicide is a direct ticket to hellfire, you know that bro. So no, Allah does not wish that on anyone, least of all someone who is a Muslim.
Trust me, I am also experienced in that dept. Tried twice - failed fortunately Boy oh boy, I was totally a different person altogether back then (90's) roughly same age you are now, 26... back then I was in a pickle of my own making. I couldn't even blame anyone for it - I knew it was my mess, and that I had dug a hole so deep, I couldn't see a light when I looked up... metaphors, similes, allegory etc - but you know what I mean, right? You're in the same boat, rowing in the same direction, right?
I changed... it was slow, it was painful, but the pain was bitter sweet - like a cough sweet - and progress was evident in stages... I just couldn't see it - but others could - and those others would give me clues in their jealousy - yep - that's right, their jealousy made me realize I was fixing up... slowly I left that crowd behind, hoping to make new friends...
... i made no new friends,
What I have are companions now, brothers who will come at the drop of a hat, day or night, to my aid if need be. And not all of them are Muslim either... once an atheist I know and am close to - came to my aid at 4am - to get me from a police station (2012) coz I got caught with nunchuku's on my way back from martial arts lol... the police detained me at 10pm and let me loose at 4am - in a police station 6 or 7 miles away from my home... I tried to call my brother, phone off - tried to call one of my close friends, companions - but they were too far away that night, so I called Daavi (David) and he answered, I told him what I was arrested for and he says "you idiot - (grunt) - ok, gimme twenty mins I'll come get you"... all the way home he lectured me about those nunchucks lol. But he got me home...
...would my old friends whom I grew up with help me out? If I had thought that they would - i woulda called them first. I did not. because they would not.
Give yourself a chance bro, you're a likeable chap - I think you're alright bro, and would invite you for tea and samosas if we ever met in real life or one of my infamous BBQ's they always go down well
The older we get, the more carefully we choose the company we keep - and when you find someone at this age who you consider a companion because they do consider you as one too - that is a relationship you can truly build upon, a brotherhood which defies regular friendships and relegates it to the looney bin because what we have achieved in our relationships at an older age - is companionship, brotherhood... you only need 1 good companion in life, chances are you'll find 7 or thereabout takes time... just like the branches of a tree growing from a stump. Don't write yourself off just yet bro... life is only starting to make a little more sense now, and one day at a time - you will make your story, instead of tell it.
Stay off those synthetic meds - they will turn you into a zombie who laughs at inopportune moments - once again - experienced here also. And known many who have gone down that road - if you want real professional advice - contact Dr Ridhwan Saleem from Ha Meem College in west london (you can find his contact on web) he is a Muslim lecturer who has specialised in mental health and has reconciled what he has learnt in light of Quran and Sunnah - this is a good avenue of approach - personally I think you aren't that far gone yet bro... you can obviously help yourself - else you would not be here asking us for help... right?
(smile) You could try googling the Dr's name and location… it pops up pretty easily.
Incidentally, Scimi's idea that "synthetic" medications are (presumably) more dangerous than "natural" ones is not quite true. Frankly, any substance you take may have nasty side effects. Just as it may have beneficial effects. You need to carefully look at your needs, and the possible benefits and problems of any therapy. And you'll need to look into these for yourself, as well as taking expert advice… after all, it's your life, right? (smile) Which perhaps will give you an opportunity to work on your independence and decision-making skills...
May Allah, the Magnificent, Reward you, and the other participants on this thread, for a truly enlightening and uplifting discussion. May it bring good to others in the future.
Just a small note: perhaps you might like to change your username smallkid… to reflect your desire to change and grow? (smile) It is Pleasing to Allah for you to have a beautiful name, you know. (smile) Changing it could be a small act of devotion… that could have a larger impact than you might imagine.
(smile) You could try googling the Dr's name and location… it pops up pretty easily.
Incidentally, Scimi's idea that "synthetic" medications are (presumably) more dangerous than "natural" ones is not quite true. Frankly, any substance you take may have nasty side effects. Just as it may have beneficial effects. You need to carefully look at your needs, and the possible benefits and problems of any therapy. And you'll need to look into these for yourself, as well as taking expert advice… after all, it's your life, right? (smile) Which perhaps will give you an opportunity to work on your independence and decision-making skills...
May Allah, the Magnificent, Reward you, and the other participants on this thread, for a truly enlightening and uplifting discussion. May it bring good to others in the future.
Actually you are wrong on this sister, and I maintain my stance on this with a zeal which I won't let go.
Synthetic meds are bad for you.
Never has metnal illness in the history of the world been treated with synthetic meds until this, the modern age - and more people have ended up claiming they would have been better off without than with - I am one of the majority who claim this.
Sister MuslimInshallah, have you ever taken synthetic anti depressants? I have. I don't think you have, because you sound like someone who works in the medical field, regurgitating what they hear other professionals say, until you start to believe it yourself...
...anyone who has taken GP prescribed anti-depressants - speak up - i'm tired of this BS narrative of synthetic meds being better than natural meds.
Name me one natural medication which has a side effect? I take Mukhta Vati at night, it's completely ayurvedic and believe me - it kicks the living daylights out of the valiums and prozacs... or lithiums of today, because I remain sound of mind when I take it - and it aids better sleep without weirding me out.
In my past, I've been prescribed over 6 different synthetic meds... you know what worked for me?
I am so familiar with failures. But instead of blame the others I choose to introspect what mistake that I have done, take a lesson and improve myself, then do my effort again with better way.
To the point, from what I have noticed, the cause of your problem is your mental attitude which you prefer to blame other parties for your failures rather than introspect the mistake that you have done. You blame Allah for your failures, don't you?.
Bro, start to change your attitude. Do not blame anyone for your failures. But try to introspect the mistake that you have done, take a lesson, and improve yourself. In Shaa Allah, your life will be better.
Actually you are wrong on this sister, and I maintain my stance on this with a zeal which I won't let go.
(sigh) You remind me of the doctor I saw today who was as completely convinced that the extracts I take (taken from Ayurvedic medicine, incidentally) were of no benefit.
But they do work.
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Synthetic meds are bad for you.
What do you understand as synthetic medications? You mean the ones that come in nice packages from major pharmaceutical companies? But, you know, quite a few of these medications were discovered from natural sources. And yes, they may be modified (sometimes to render them less toxic, incidentally) or put together from other sources (sometimes so that the natural resource won't be devastated).
(mildly) Actually, these medications can also save lives and bring a lot of comfort to people. I know this personally. I would very likely be dead without various medications I've had to take over the years.
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Never has metnal illness in the history of the world been treated with synthetic meds until this, the modern age - and more people have ended up claiming they would have been better off without than with - I am one of the majority who claim this.
Mmm… we humans have always sought remedies for our ills. And some of the remedies of the past were pretty awful, quite frankly. Which is why we looked for better ones. Are the modern ones always wonderfully effective with no side effects? No, of course not. Some medications will work for one person, and not for another. Some will negatively affect one person, and not another. (mildly) And this is true of herbal medicine, too.
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Sister MuslimInshallah, have you ever taken synthetic anti depressants? I have. I don't think you have, because you sound like someone who works in the medical field, regurgitating what they hear other professionals say, until you start to believe it yourself...
No, I have not taken commercial antidepressants. I have felt that in my life, I needed to try to deal with my problems as best as I could. And I was Blessed that I was mostly able to do so. I totally agree that people and doctors run to these medications much too easily. And not only does this overuse cause harm, but it also helps us avoid looking at deep underlying causes of the steep increases in mental illnesses that followed the Industrial Revolution, and that continue to increase with all the changes we are making to our societies.
I did, however, use a herbal medication (there are several out there that can be useful) for a while last autumn. But if I had needed to take a commercial medication to help me get out of a black pit, I would have taken it, if absolutely necessary. (mildly) And some people really gain benefit from these medications.
Yes, I have a couple of degrees in Pharmacy. (smile) And pharmacognosy (the study of natural product molecules) was always something that interested me. (smile) And if you knew me better, you would not think that I followed convention very well! (laugh) I would not be a Muslim (inshAllah), if this was the case!
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
...anyone who has taken GP prescribed anti-depressants - speak up - i'm tired of this BS narrative of synthetic meds being better than natural meds.
(mildly) I never claimed this. I believe that we need to look at all the options, and choose the one that works best for us. I personally have found benefit in both more-naturally-sourced medications and less-naturally sourced medications (we don't build them from nothing, you know). And I have found harms in both kinds of medications.
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Name me one natural medication which has a side effect?
(smile) All active compounds have the potential to harm. I personally cannot take large doses of Guduchi (smaller doses are ok, but not always therapeutic for my particular needs. This is one of the herbs in your Mukhta Vaki mix), or any dose of wintergreen or willow bark (they might kill me, because I am hypersensitive to salicylates).
And, of course, you have medicines like digtalis (Foxglove) that you need to be very careful with. Even in standardized form (it is used in mainstream medicine), you have to monitor it's use very carefully.
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
I take Mukhta Vati at night, it's completely ayurvedic and believe me - it kicks the living daylights out of the valiums and prozacs... or lithiums of today, because I remain sound of mind when I take it - and it aids better sleep without weirding me out.
I believe you, Scimi. And I am glad you have found something of benefit for you. (smile) I always say: if it works for you, go for it. But, you see, what works for you, might not work for someone else. And this is why we need a range of options. Because we different one from the other.
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
In my past, I've been prescribed over 6 different synthetic meds... you know what worked for me?
SALAAH.
Simple as that.
The Drugs Don't Work.
Scimi
I agree that Salaah brings many benefits. (smile) Prayer has even been studied as a means to health, and it really does have a quantifiable effect.
I've had to take… gosh, I don't know how many different medications in my life. I've taken mainstream medications, and herbal ones (European herbal, and Ayurvedic), and I'm a big proponant of organic, grass-fed, wildcrafted foods and clean water, as well as exercise, sunshine and fresh air.
Allah has Gifted us with many possibilities and choices. And I hope I would not turn any of His Gifts down… any more than I would refuse that rescue helicopter dicussed earlier in the thread.
I hope this makes my position clearer.
May Allah, the Originator, Help us to see the wonder of His Creation.
Gosh waht a long post - when I was referring to synthetic meds - it was in the mental health field... and brain specialists do not know exactly how the brain works - in that sense, these synthetic meds are nowt but experimental medications and human beings are the guinea pigs. And that my sister, is the truth.
There - I've simplified it for you.
But you won't believe me... type in seroxat in google - you'll see why it was taken off the shelves in the UK and abroad... and that is just one example.
I have plenty more to throw in here if need be sister... I've exposed the pharma industry already on WUP and other places. Trying to be the voice for the pharma industry here is not really going to make a difference to the information I put out here sister - I have reports, trial tests and more to throw in here which will no doubt prove that synthetic medication for mental health should be banned and never used - it's hugely experimental and often supplemented with other synth meds which gloss over the side effects until the cover med doesnt do its job effectively anymore and the side effects take over... often to detrimental effect.
DearArdianto ,
I know I blame others for my failure. If God could have given me one thing out of better looks, confidence, or good personality, I would not have been depressed.
DearArdianto ,
I know I blame others for my failure. If God could have given me one thing out of better looks, confidence, or good personality, I would not have been depressed.
Good personality is something that developed. If you could develop your personality well, then you would have good personality and automatically you would have good confidence.
About look. Good looking does not always mean handsome. A man who is not handsome still can look good if he is able to arrange his appearance. There is a bass player in my city. He is fat, bald, and not handsome. But he always dress well and it makes him look good. He is married and has children. I have ever seen his wife. She is beautiful.
Okay, suppose, in winter you walked on a street that covered by snow and ice, then you slipped and fell. Would you blame the winter, the snow and ice?. Bro, it's better you look at other people and notice, they could walk without slip and fall. It's because they were careful when walk, while you did not.
Then, can you ride bicycle?. Everyone who can ride bicycle must be has experienced fall. But then they introspect the mistake that they have done in riding bicycle, and ride again in better way and avoid the same mistake. That's why then they can ride bicycle.
You said you always rejected by a girl because you have bad personality. But have you ever tried to improve your personality to make you acceptable by a girl?. Seem like you also failed in business and lost your investment. But have you ever analyzed what mistake that you have done in investing?.
Young brother, if you still blame the others or the situation for your failures, then you will never get progress in your life.
Have you ever competed in sport competition?. I was so familiar with sport competition, and was familiar with failure too. But I never blamed the situation and never blamed anyone. I realized, if my competitors could be better than me, it's because they trained themselves better and compete better than me. So, if I wanted to be good like them, I should train myself better and should compete better. This mindset motivated me to improve myself to better.
I have retired from sport competitions since long time ago. But I still maintain my spirit of sport. Alhamdulillah, I can feel its benefit in facing problems and difficulties in my life.
You don't need to compete in sport competition, but you need to have a spirit like the sport people. Always train yourself, always improve your skill and ability, do not blame the other and situation, always analyze the progress and mistake what you have done, do not afraid to face a challenge, and never lose the hope when you are failed. In Shaa Allah, you will become a better person.
That is what I am saying bro. I want Allah to show me just one sign that he is listening and aware of my pain, and I will just leave all wordly gains and thoughts just to make him happy and win his approval. Just one sign bro.
Reminds me of Abu Bakar Ruben's story:
A Spiritual Night: All I Need is a Sign!
So I asked him if I could take a Quran home, and I said I was going to respect the book. I took it home, and I started reading it. What I found while reading it, it was not as though I was reading a story, it was as though someone was commanding me, you know someone giving me guidance. And one night, I decided I would really try to get the spiritual mood happening, and I’m sure some of you have probably heard this story before, so I apologize.
I lit a candle, I had the window open, I had the curtains drawn, you know I was trying to get that real spiritual feeling, it was a nice summer night in Melbourne, as summer as it can get in Melbourne, and I was sitting there and thinking “this is it, this is the night.” I’ve been investigating all the spiritual proofs, all the scientific proofs about the facts about the mountains are pegs, how the embryo develops inside the woman, … all these amazing proofs, but I still needed that little push, it’s like I was on the edge of a cliff, I was ready to jump, I just needed a push.
So I was sitting there, it was very quiet, I was reading Quran, I stopped, I said: “Allah, this is my moment. This is the time I’m about to jump into Islam. All I need is a sign, just a little sign, nothing huge, maybe a bit of lightning, you know maybe half the house could fall down or something, … something you know just small, small for You. So I sat there, I was waiting for the candle to start lighting up before me, like in the movies… And Subhan Allah, nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.
I was really disappointed to be honest. So I sat there and said “Allah, this is Your chance. I’m here. I will give You another chance. OK, I know You may be busy, I know it’s daytime the other side of the world, there is a whole lot of stuff going on. Maybe this time it could be like a car back-firing, You know, something small. Alright half the house, the candle, let’s forget it. A bird could fart outside, I don’t care just anything, … So I said OK, go. And Subhan Allah, absolutely nothing happened. And I mean I couldn’t even say “that was it, that creek in the wall that was it”. Absolutely nothing. I was really disappointed. I was sitting there thinking this was it, this was my last chance, Islam, and I haven’t found it.
I pulled back the Quran, I turned back to where I was reading, Subhan Allah the very next verse on the next page “for those of you who ask for signs, have We not shown you enough already? Look around you. Look at the stars, look at the suns, look at the water. These are the signs for the people of knowledge.” And Subhan Allah, I threw the duvet over my head, and I pretended I was asleep, I was that scared because I couldn’t believe how arrogant I’d been to want my own specific sign when all the signs had been there for me all along. The fact that we have this world, the fact that there is this creation, these are the signs for all of us.
Assalamu Alaikum. Dear brother, you are in control of the way you think and feel. Always remember true happiness comes from within and not from someone else's approval. Peace out.
alhamdullilah got rejected for the second time despite praying to Allah on shab e baraat to save me from the embarrasment. An Allah's wali instructed my pArents to put a proposal and they did despite me stopping them. What kind of games is life playing with me ? i am letting everyone down from Allah to my parents and siblings. I am a perfects case study of what parents should tell their children not to be. Not a single successful trait.
and why do you think this is so?
you know what you remind me of? a drama queen. if you are sick and tired of letting people down - then STOP LETTING PEOPL DOWN. look, im not gonna gloss over your story with pleasantries like most here, im a freaking sharp talker and one who cuts to the crux of the issue. I've read your posts and know that you consider yourself 'pathetic'... and I'm here to confirm that you are exactly that - pathetic. you know why I can say this? because I was pathetic too once... but I changed for ME. not for my parents, not for others - NO - BUT FOR ME. I was fed up of expecting people to be nice to me when I had not learnt how to be pleasant myself... that was when I was only 14.... how old are you again?
you better pull your finger out and learn how to love so you can love how to learn... do it ASAP coz you cant teach an old dog new tricks.
bro. I may sound harsh, but, maybe this is exactly the kick up the backside you need.
welldpne both of you. Atleast show some mercy and kindness to a lost cause so that Allah will also be kind to you. I came here to hear some nice words, but shattered by my very own brothers. Jazakallah.
got rejected for the second time despite praying to Allah on shab e baraat to save me from the embarrasment.
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
I am too hasty in taking decisions. I want something to finish as quickly as started without thinking about the consequences of my hasty decision making
You want divine intervention quickly,its in your nature.Nah Man,it doesn't works as per our desires and whims.
But this wasn't the only time,as you desire "success" ASAP without putting any significant effort to it.
I started praying five prayer in congregation thinking that Allah will have mercy on me, but things did not change, and after one month I stopped praying even Jumma prayers. Nothing is improving in my life.
Did you also adopted the same approach in order to get high grades?
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
my family is looking for a girl for marriage. I have been rejected, and I have rejected some as well.
Ever thought about those who lack choices and chances?
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
An Allah's wali instructed my pArents to put a proposal and they did despite me stopping them.
If "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts, wouldn't it be a Merry Christmas everyday?
format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid
I also have a very few close friends, who are as busy in business as I am. I am waiting for a miracle to happen in my life, but Allah (SWT) is keeping me down and out. He does not guide me, doesnot give me any sign, or doesnot improve anything for despite of my prayers. I pray with tears, and true heart but God rejects me everywhere. I tried to invest my money away from my family business so that I can achieve anything on my own, and have something to boast about but failed miserable. In fact, God does not help me in anything. I have a poor poor personality, no achievment despite good educational background, I have no where to go. I feel trapped. But the God is not helping me. May he wants me to suffer. I also have suicidal thoughts sometime, but no one seems to understand me help me or befriend with me.
Apparently,it seem like the need is self-actualization,esteem and belongingness.However,looking more deeply the problem is taking pride in what you do,since not only you have friends and a supportive family,a decent paying job but a little reputation(the proposals you rejected must have been accepted in first place). You are kind of stuck with the disease of pride and arrogance,which not only takes us away from Allah's mercy and grace but ultimately deletes all traces of goodness and piety.Life can't be looked using the lens of wins and losses.Sometimes the winner are the loser and the loser are the winner.Everyone is obsessed with ‘winning’ these days. If it is the feeling that you are not ‘winning’ which is getting you down- then, please, just remember what really matters, like your family, your friends. If you feel like you’re “losing,” then just remember the billions of people less fortunate than you.
As a result of tunnel visioning,you constantly fails to see the light around and that my brother is the Real Problem.
welldpne both of you. Atleast show some mercy and kindness to a lost cause so that Allah will also be kind to you. I came here to hear some nice words, but shattered by my very own brothers. Jazakallah.
Your brothers are trying to help you here. They are trying to do whatever it takes to get through to you. Please don't look harshly or despondently at them. Nor yourself, for that matter.
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Boy oh boy, I was totally a different person altogether back then (90's) roughly same age you are now, 26... back then I was in a pickle of my own making. I couldn't even blame anyone for it - I knew it was my mess, and that I had dug a hole so deep, I couldn't see a light when I looked up... metaphors, similes, allegory etc - but you know what I mean, right? You're in the same boat, rowing in the same direction, right?
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