Eerie Personality and Confidence Issues

Allah knows best, but the following is just my humble opinion on the things you should do. I'm trying to give advice on a holistic level, both spiritual and physical because we are made up of two parts and each has an effect on our overall well-being.

To start with, on the spiritual level, starting from now, make it a goal to:

1. Pray all 5 salah on time and in congregation if you can.
2. And before you sleep, each night, make a sincere long dua to Allah asking him to help you in every aspect of your life in this world and the akhirah. Cry to Allah for help.
3. Avoid all the sins as much as possible.

The goal of the above is to form a proper relationship with Allah. Once you have that relationship and link, you will be mentally stronger in sha Allah.

Then, on a physical, health related level:

1. Lessen the amount of cigarettes you take daily until you take none at all.
2. Go for a run early each morning. Do 5 km.
3. In the gym, when you go, do heavy lifting: Squats, dead-lifts, bench press and other compound stuff like pull-ups.
4. Eat healthy food.

I recommend you do that to start with. Also, ramadan's coming up so it would be a good time to change your life (exercise stuff might be tricky but maybe do it just before iftar).

I advise the above in the hope that you can gain physical and mental confidence.

Assalaamu alaikum,


(smile) Might I suggest that you might want to change your username to something more positive? Like, for example, NewMan or Grateful or Abd Al-Qawwiy (slave of the Strong)… something to reflect your determination to become someone better, stronger, more at peace with himself, more satisfied with your life, yourself…?

I'm not sure that skipping taraweeh to go to the gym is quite the best idea. Nor starting an exercise program during Ramadan. Even people who are in excellent health and train regularly tend to ease up a bit during Ramadan. However, cutting back on your tobacco consumption sounds like something that would fit well with Ramadan, and frankly, is not easy to do. I admire anyone who puts in the effort to try to stop. And if they succeed… even if only partially… I consider this a victory. (smile) To build on...

Break down your efforts to change into little pieces. Too often, people go into major efforts to change something overnight… and end up backsliding, and getting discouraged. But if you break up your changes into little steps… then each small step you accomplish is a small victory that gives you the confidence and satisfaction to try the next step. And the next...

Perhaps this Ramadan what you can try to do is write out all the things you'd like to change in your life, and then plan your campaign on how you can acheive these changes. Break each goal down into small steps. Research methods to attain them (reading books is useful…). Think about them. Prioritize them. (smile) This will take time. You are not a failure if you are not a muscly Mr Universe after a month. Just doing the research and thought is an achievement. So is writing everything out. So is cutting down from 2 packs a day of smokes, to 2 packs minus 1 cigarette. Every little step acheived is a victory.

And after the rigours of Ramadan, eating and drinking in more usual patterns ought to give you a boost of energy that you could funnel into an exercise program. A slow and steady increase in exercises. These can also be researched. Push yourself to where you feel a little tired… but not to pain or exhaustion. Time yourself. Count the number of kilometres (or meters), or laps, or repetitions of the exercises you do. They are very little at first? That's ok. We all have to start somewhere. (smile) And each time you can do an extra sit-up, or whatever…it's a small victory.

(smile) I do wish you the best. And keep us up-to-date in how things are going. (smile) Say every week? Two weeks? Month? (smile) And every time you feel positive about something you've achieved? (smile) We all get a boost from a good news story… can you share with us your small victories? (smile) Our Prophet (SAWS) taught us that even just a smile is a sadaqa… so you could turn your efforts and struggles into a sadaqa for us.

He also taught us that Allah, the Generous, loves small, but consistent efforts over major, sporadic ones. Every day, take even just 15 minutes to think or do something towards your goals. Set yourself a special time to work on doing something positive for yourself, as an act of worship (smile. What Allah likes us to do is good for us, you know).


May Allah, the Friend, Patron and Helper, Strengthen and Support us all this Ramadan and beyond, and Help us to attain goals that are Pleasing to Him.

Asalamualykum SmallKid,

Am sorry to see you're still in the state of mind where you think your a lost cause. The fact that Allah swt has allowed your soul to enter your body today is a blessing, is a gift from Allah swt. You have a CHANCE USE IT!!!

We ALL have our struggles, pain and difficulty and by FOCUSING on the PROBLEM and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is having a HUGE negative impact on your outlook on life!

Many of the members on this thread have urged you to take action and we have all stated only YOU can bring these changes. There's no point complaining if you don't have a strong conviction in your heart to bring changes to your life. It's very simple, if you want to be a different person be that person. If you don't want to bring shame on your family, fix up in the areas where you think you are bringing shame. There's no point talking. Talk and no implementation of words is wasting everybody's time and time is a very valuable asset! Ask anyone who misses they train by one second!!

We can not reiterate enough YOU NEED TO START BEING THE CHANGE as my username states. I can't stress the importance of this message but it starts from within and when am reading your posts i don't think you sincerely want to make a change (Allah swt knows best) because, people who do want to change, you will be able to see the determination in their actions!!

Salaam again bro.

Change is gotten through effort, and it takes will power. The good news is, "will" is not a static thing, it goes up and down. And it can be built up more than it can be broken down.

You mentioned you are an indecisive person. Thus, you feel like you do not which change to make first. You mentioned you would prefer to go gym instead of taraweeh - this is very illogical brother, I tell you why.

Taraweeh is the opportunity for you to get closer to Allah, and be counted amongst those who took their worship to the next level by standing up long hours in worship whilst in a tired state - all for the worship of Allah.

You don't have to be a genius to work out that the benefits of which far outweigh the benefits of working out in a gym. I'm not saying "don't go gym" - ofcourse you should go... but in Ramadhan, your first priorities should be "RAMADHAN".

You find it hard to prioritize don't you? I used to be like that when I used to be a weed smoker. I hope you are not smoking that stuff bro.

You said that you love your old defeated self, this is most likely because you have found it easy to just "give up" and "complain" and "mope about, cry, feel sorry for yourself"... it's a defeatist stance, and one you need to break away from.

Somewhere deep inside you - you probably feel this world is a messed up place - my guess is that you always felt this way, and couldn't partake in the fun conversations your friends would enjoy. You felt distanced, estranged - right? Drop those friends, and learn to know who you really are, and change those things which you feel are easiest to change first.

Buildings are built brick by brick, so start building... first things first - rebuild your foundations - make them strong. You're wondering "what foundations?" right?

1) Trust - in Allah the Almighty, for Allah only helps those who help themselves - and HE will help akhi - we are all here saying the same thing.
2) Change one thing which you don't like about yourself, it's a slow progress. For example, one of the first things you can change is to start to keep your salaah, start with a salaah you can keep always, for example if you feel you can keep Isha salaah then do so - and don't beat yourself up if you miss one salaah and then fall off the bandwagon - no - make up for it, be determined to beat "your self" at your own game... Allah's help is never far away, it is closer to you than your own beating heart. It is you who is failing to know this, and therefore, living in a perpetual state of confusion - you don't have to be like that - you can just tell your own mind to "be quiet - I am working on this"... remember, buildings are built one brick at a time.
3)... you need a hobby brother - if that hobby is going to be fitness, then plan it. Spend some money and go to a fitness coach - let them weigh you, give you a diet sheet which you fill out - get a FITBIT and the app and start to monitor your self, your calorie intake and all that can be entered in the app and it measures how much you burn off etc - it's a fantastic piece of technology <- this is just an example of a beneficial hobby which you can get involved in - and it will really help you to understand what is going on inside your body.
4) Charity work, this is key brother... I'm not saying go and join "children in need" or anything, but do contribute financially to those who do and give the money as "sadaqah" - this is going to benefit you more in the long term. Trust me.
5) meditate, learn how to breathe through meditation techniques, this will help you to calm your mind and body so it can reach an equilibrium state - like in salaah - but do find the time to do it.
6) "RUN"... I doesn't matter how tall or short your are, how fat or skinny you are - RUN - and run fast, as fast as you can, get the blood rushing around your body, get hyped bro - get those hormones raging around so you can have the energy to not only face the day - but to OWN IT. Running is best done in the morning - after Fajr - bro, you may only manage 15 seconds the first time and then feel like your lungs are going to explode (being a smoker) but within a week, you will have increased your sprinting to double that time - and therefore, increased the amount of beneficial energy within your body by 100%. Joggin is good, but it won't beat frustrations the way sprinting can.
7) Sauna, steam baths etc - pamper yourself bro - it is not only the women who are allowed to pamper themselves, we men are more than allowed to as well - just, our pampering is way more beneficial to us than the "lipstick powder and paint" culture and stigma attached to the word pampering we find in modern society.
8) You also need to contemplate and reflect on the 99 attributes of Allah, it is within these that you will learn to know Allah. At the moment you have absolutely hardly any trust in HIM because you do not really know HIS attributes nor have you expended any time or energy in wanting to know - all you did was complain and seek an immediate answer as if miracles will land in your lap - you and I both know this is not how it works. Allah tells us in the Quran that HE is subtle... SUBTLE.
9) Don't argue with anyone - it's not worth it. If you trust Allah, you will know that argumentation is useless because whatever Allah has willed will come to fruit - so instead of arguing - say instead "I leave my affairs in the hands of Allah, and I will fulfil my obligations to the best of my ability" and be honest and determined in doing so. The peace of mind is in the sanity we preserve... argumentation takes us out of that serenity. SO do not argue.
10) Always stay in a purified state. Ghusl and Wudhu - at all times.

Now, of these ten advices, which will you choose first?

these are ten bricks you can lay in your foundation for the building you will build. This is how I do it, it is a technique taught to me by lots of self help books and they work.

two words for you akhi:

EFFORT and DETERMINATION.

Scimi

I would also like to add the below to assist you in sha Allah.

I just want to say music is haraam and please if anyone is reading this message, am not advising you to listen to the song. Just read the lyrics! In sha Allah the lyrics will give you an uplifting i hope?!


Think it, dream it, plan it, pray on it
Will it, build it, focus, stay on it
See it, chase it, believe it, channel it
Picture yourself with it before you physically handle it
Grab it, watch it, feed it, nurse it
Guard it from anyone who might attempt to curse it
Frequently treat it while never showing no weakness
Hold it and never leak it, keep your vision a secret
Work for it, no time for crying and debating
Understand patience doesn't mean lying round and waiting
It's a long road but you'll accomplish it if it's meant
If you running a marathon why would you practice for a sprint
Gotta build up your strength. through the pain and the suffering
If you train to fight fifty rounds, twelve ain't nothing
No gaining if you're complaining, no advancement if you're napping
Anything you tryna do, it's up to you to make it happen



We gotta learn that blessing don't fall from the sky
If you want something, be willing to do all that applies
Gotta get your hands dirty, persevering through the test
Say a prayer, get to work and let the God do the rest



Blessings waiting but impatience is running them away
Nothing happens overnight except the coming of a day
I heard a lot of people say they gotta see it to believe it
But believing in the unseen is the best way to achieve it
Gotta move on your vision, disregard what dollar said
God wants to raise you up but He can’t help you if you scared <<(Allah swt will help you in sha Allah even if you're scared but you need to believe in HIM first without a doubt in your heart or mind!!)
So I wheeze through the distracting, the slander and the laughing
While wearing spiritual vests to protect me from dream assassins
“Now what’s a dream assassin?”, I appreciate you asking
That somebody you tell your goals and then they start blasting
Shooting at your dreams and tryna knock them off the radar
Tryna discourage you and make you miserable like they are
But a weak thinker can never conquer a strong mind
Keep pushing even if you think it might take you a long time
If you run into a couple of setbacks and then quit
That means you never had belief to begin with


The world is yours, you walking impassively with fear
You expect your problem’s solution to magically appear
Don’t be bathing in depression, you destined to be a great one
You need some money, stop begging for a job and make one
Never envy one's talent, go to the real source
^{Don’t be jealous of them, just ask God to reveal yours}
Gain from your losses, whatever happened was meant to
Don’t let no felony, no drug habit or hate prevent you
Focus on your life several hours a night
You can’t fight the power till you gain the power to fight
“I ain’t finished school.” So what? “I had a child.” So what?
God makes a way out of nothing, punks fold up
Degrees and diplomas don’t guarantee dollars
I done seen drop out millionaires and homeless scholars
Like a said many times, my objective is to help you
‘Cause everything I’m saying, I’m telling it to myself too

Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest

(Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.)
(Qur'an 13: 28)

Truthfulness is beloved by Allah and is purifying soap for the heart. And there is no deed that gives such pleasure to the heart, or has greater reward, than the remembrance of Allah.

"Therefore remember me, and I will remember you"(Qur'an 2: 152)

Remembrance of Allah is His paradise on earth, and whoever does not enter it will not enter the Paradise of the Hereafter. Remembrance is not only a safe haven from the problems and worries of this world, but it is also the short and easy path to achieving ultimate success. Read the various revealed texts that refer to the remembrance of Allah, and you will appreciate its benefits.

When you remember Allah, clouds of worry and fear are driven away, and the mountains that make up your problems are blown away.

We should not be surprised when we hear that people who remember Allah are at peace. What is truly surprising is how the negligent and unmindful survive without remembering Him.

"[They are] dead, lifeless, and they know not when they will be raised up." (Qur'an 16: 21)

O' whosoever complains of sleepless nights and is in shock over his misfortune, call out His Holy Name.

"Do you know of any that is similar to Him! [There is nothing like unto Him and He is the All-Hearer; the All-Seer]"
(Qur'an 19: 65)

To the degree that you remember Allah, your heart will be calm and cheerful. His remembrance carries with it the meaning of total dependence upon Him, of turning to Him for aid, of having good thoughts about Him, and of waiting for victory from Him. Truly, He is near when supplicated: He hears when He is called and He answers when He is invoked, so humble yourself before Him and ask of Him sincerely. Repeat His beautiful blessed name, and mention Him as being alone worthy of worship. Mention His praises, supplicate to Him, and ask forgiveness from Him: you will then find - by the will of Allah- happiness, peace, and illumination.

"So Allah gave them the reward of this world and the excellent reward of the Hereafter" (Quran 3: 148)

http://www.islambasics.com/view.php?bkID=177&chapter=24

Scimi

Here you go bro SK, this is a nasheed which inspires me a lot. It has a beautiful message in it, watch thru to the end, and be inspired to make that change in your life my brother - it inspires me to do the same.



Surround yourself with things which benefit and inspire within you to conquer the very things you feel are mountainous and impossible. I told you before, difficult takes a day impossible takes a week. I honestly believe this and live it.

Scimi

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid

Dear brother Scimi and others,

I told you I am hasty. I was once working in projects, I couldnot sleep untill I had finished it whether it meant working 48 hours straight without sleeping and food. Similarly, I want my life to change in a jiffy. There is nothing impossible for Allah, then why he isnt helping me ? Why did he make me like this in the first place ?

If Allah wanted, HE could have created the universe in a second also - but HE chose 6 periods of creation instead. So do not mock your own understanding when you have not even understood the subtleties of Allah's modus operandi at all... why should HE miraculously fix your life? You got two arms and legs that work, a heart that works and a mind that works - a roof over your head, meals given to you - you are really quite the ungrateful person now that I consider all the hungry and homeless who are sufferring in the thrid world... what have you done to ease their situation? And why should Allah magically fix you up? You've been your own enemy since, well, however long it has been - and you cannot reconcile this with stupid and ridiculous logic - if logic is even the right word...

...the bottom line is - what have you done to change your situation? You want us to feel sorry for you? Bro - grow up. You aint no child anymore so stop talking like an idiotic 9 year old - and believe me that is exactly how you sound. Conquer your emotions maaan, be firm and BELIEVE with all your heart mind and soul... you strike me as the blue jeans jamaat type who only visits masjids on a Friday and then wonders why his life is so phucked. Get a grip of your own hypocrisy, there is no escaping the questions of your own life when Allah accounts all creation on the day of judgement.... cars came and went, hovercarft came and went, boats came and went, even a helicopter arrived but you my dear brother - are as spiritually blind as dajjal - you are only deceiving your own self with such self absorbed westernized dumbed down pity - it's ridiculous and does not suit Muslim men... if I didn't know any better, I'd have guessed I was responding to a 9 year old girl who belongs in a mental asylum. That's the truth.

We've given you just about all the adivse we can give - and I do not wish to waste my time on this any more since I know everything I write here always falls on your deaf ears and self absorbed stupidity.

format_quote Originally Posted by smallkid

I have seen people indulged in all sorts of worldly vices, drinking, womanizing etc and yet they enjoy a great life. I am stuck. Especially when you all your nightmares coming true in front of your very own eyes what will you do and say. I have seen baddest of things happen to me word by word as I predicted. I think bad and it comes true word by word or scene by scene. There is never any luck or any exception. I have never experienced any lucky escape in the recent times. All my nightmares are hitting the target (bullseye !)

Even when I work hard and try to avoid my nightmares, they happened. There's no escape from them at least.


How would you explain this ?

I would explain this very simply... you have let yourself feel comfortable in the grip of shayateen. But you are not beyond hope. This is all we've been trying to tell you. BUT NO... you prefer the company of the waswasa you have become accustomed to... go see a mufti who can do ruqya on you.

You're beyond my help. And that is because you WANT TO BE BEYOND HELP - it's bloody well stupid of you.

Scimi

Good stuff brother.

I used to have the same problem. I woke up one Sunday crying, thinking that I am beyond hope. IN my state I made dua to Allah to help because HE says that if we take one step towards HIM, HE takes two towards us... I thought about that bro... and you know what I discovered?

Check this out.

How seemingly small and insignificant is our 1 step towards HIM - and how immeasuraby large is HIS one step towards us? Imagine that bro... and then prepare for that WOW moment - HE doesn't stop there - HE takes another step towards us also - imagine that? TWO HUUUUUGE STEPS towards us...

....go to masjid bro. Look, do this tonight brother, have a shower, wear some clean clothes, do wudhu, and go to masjid, and just sit there - just sit there and do nothing, observe what goes on, how Muslims greet each other, how they smile, how they have time for one another - and then wonder, wouldn't you like to be in that company too? And then do this - go up to those brothers, introduce yourself and say "I have been watching you brothers, you captured my heart in the way you greet each other, I really wish I had company like yours - may I be your companion so I may learn from you?"

Beleive it or not, I did this. And it worked And I have a baaaad reputation in London - if they can accept me bro, you have nothing to fear.... in the process of getting to know these brothers, you will find yourself going to Masjid more often also - double benefit. We are the company we keep huh bro?

I see that you want to fix these issues, and though I sound harsh brother - believe me - the one reason I was unable to fix up was because people were too nice to me, without being firm enough with me - I had to learn to be firm with myself, harsh with myself, so I could break the patterns which I had made in my own life.

Today, I do not even recognize my old self anymore, and cannot believe I did those horrible things in my old life - I've been given a new lease of life and I have learnt to take each day, each hour and each minute - as it comes. I no longer waste time on useless thoughts such as the past and the fture - I know what needs to be done, I just do it now... sure some days I will get lazy but then, in panic and regret, I make up for it.

Life is a journey bro, so take that first step... please akhi - go to the masjid, and just sit there ok?

Scimi

i can feel your pain screaming out of your post bro

If you pull out the teeth of someone who cant comprehend why he may hate you (the dentist) for causing him such pain, but if you could see why he is pulling out that teeth... you would love him...

Make yourself strong then brother... go for the ruqya ok? and go to masjid... one step, following another step. It's really only as easy or as difficult as you make it - no excuses bro - JUST DO IT

I believe you can. No one is beyond hope - for you to say such nonsensical things, you are denying Allah, for HE says:

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." - Al Quran, Surah Az-Zumar 39:53

So do not despair - be strong.

Yes, you got yourself into this mess - so now you have to do something to get yourself out of it.

And wishing for death is stupid and illogical as well as selfish - no parent should have to burden the wieght of their childs coffin - for if they do - the parents also die, a living death - is that what you want? Is that how selfish you've become? is that how self absorbed you really are? You don't care for no one but your own pathetic miserable self? Get a grip bro - your educated apparently - so show it.

Signor made an excellent post about the effort you put into your educations - but now you have a loser mentality ???? how does that make sense? Bro - fix up lol you freaking idiot.

We are not going to molly coddle you anymore - now you need stiff words directed at you - so stop being a crybaby loser fool and fix up already... don't you ever get angry at your self for being such a coward? Grow some balls dammit. Or do you enjoy being the shame of your family?

Scimi