Eerie Personality and Confidence Issues

I am Alhamdulilah 26 years financially well, and educated person. I am Master in the field of Study and my family owns multiple businesses.

My problems:

I am too hasty in taking decisions. I want something to finish as quickly as started without thinking about the consequences of my hasty decision making

I am always confused. I cannot take my decisions and have to overthink about the issues, which has caused me great grief and distress in my life.

In school, I was a topper, and achieved alot. However, I have little or no confidence left now, and I think everybody just hates me or will make fun of me. This has caused me not to make new friends (I also think that I cannot make new friends)

Thirdly, my family is looking for a girl for marriage. I have been rejected, and I have rejected some as well. I want my parents to take the decision rather than me. However, I want my family to get over the thinks quickly so that I can focus on new things in life. This seems a distant reality now. I dont think so that I will ever be able to get married because of my attitude and personality (very weak personality and no one seems to like me)

I have never had bad habit, but I have been continuously in depression, and I believe that Allah is against me. This leads me to think alot against Islam and Allah. However, nothing improves no matter how much I pray or ask Allah and Prophet Mohammad PBUH for help.

Sometime back I started praying five prayer in congregation thinking that Allah will have mercy on me, but things did not change, and after one month I stopped praying even Jumma prayers. Nothing is improving in my life. It seems that the only thing God has bestowed me is a good family and financial background.

However, I feel that even if my parents are going to ask some girl for proposal I am going to get rejected because of poor personality, and skills. I remember the times in schools, and college when I could not utter a word in front of girls, Now I feel like my personality has gotten worse.

I also have a very few close friends, who are as busy in business as I am. I am waiting for a miracle to happen in my life, but Allah (SWT) is keeping me down and out. He does not guide me, doesnot give me any sign, or doesnot improve anything for despite of my prayers. I pray with tears, and true heart but God rejects me everywhere. I tried to invest my money away from my family business so that I can achieve anything on my own, and have something to boast about but failed miserable. In fact, God does not help me in anything. I have a poor poor personality, no achievment despite good educational background, I have no where to go. I feel trapped. But the God is not helping me. May he wants me to suffer. I also have suicidal thoughts sometime, but no one seems to understand me help me or befriend with me.


Is there any way to end this ? Please dont tell me that God doesnot burden you with more than you can handle, because it very easy for you to say that, and I have been burdened more than I should be. It is easy for Sheikhs and Maulana's to talk about depression, and how Allah helps everyone, however it is very easy for them to say thing because they havent been through any of this.