First, I never had a boyfriend but there is this guy at school I started having a crush on. I controlled my temptations and sooner I found out that he is interested in somebody else. I was hurt in a couple of months then I was fine then the feeling comes back again. How can I overcome my foolish behaviour and ale my self believe that the whole idea about relationships is pointless
Assalamu alaykum
Oh sis Sara...be proud of yourself for resisting temptation and sticking by your principles. Maybe it is a blessing that this young man had interests in another person as it kept you from engaging in deeper problems which are prohibited by your faith. You are young and will develop many similar crushes to endure until you find the one that will propose a true and righteous Islamic wedding to you. Have faith and be strong sister. Relationships are not pointless but you just have to be patient and wait for the right relationship to come in a halal way. It is totally worth it to wait sister. May Allah grant you strength and perserverence. Ameen.
Lisa
I know you said you have never been in a relationship which is good Alhamdulilah but you may well benefit from reading this thread which gives you advice on how to get over pre-marital relationships.
Concentrate on the relationship which will reap in benefits and that is your relationship with Allah swt and focus on being an attentive and caring daughter to your parents, family, carers and so on.
You're still very young and your at school so focus on your studies as well. Believe me, you'll need your studies for the future in sha Allah and a good education will open so many doors and possibilities for you in sha Allah.
Don't give in to temptation and you will come out stronger in sha Allah.
Also, ensure you hang around with good friends who hold good morals and that way your mind will stay in a good zone in sha Allah.
Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.
When I was kid I taught by older people around me that everyone has his/her own fortune, and if I could not get what I want, it's means, that is not my fortune.
In my life I am not always can get what I want. It make me feel disappointed, of course. But Alhamdulillah, what taught by those older people make me able to eliminate this disappointment easily. It's because I believe, if I could not not get what I want, it's mean that is not my fortune, but In Shaa Allah, later I would get what become my fortune.
As a man, of course I have interest to woman. When I was young and unmarried, few I times I interested to a woman, but I could not get her because she was not interested to me. Then?. I could tell myself "She is not for me, she is not my fortune. It's okay. In Shaa Allah, one day I will meet my fortune, a woman who will become my wife". And my disappointed feeling because I could not get her gone immediately.
Sister Sara, I understand if you feel interested to that guy and want to get him. But as you see, he is not for you, but for someone else. It's means he is not your fortune, but someone else's fortune. And if you believe that everyone has his/her own fortune, then you will feel optimistic that in the future you will meet another man who become your fortune, a man who will become your husband. In Shaa Allah, it will make you able to erase your special feeling to him.
My dear sister, your feelings were pure natural. When we are young, at the teenage, we all are quite confuse about aweaking sexuality. Thats a normal thing and about this islam tries to protect us. Our body become more mature before than our minds will. Islam teaches us to slow our motions. We are no mature at that age but we have to learn how to deal with our emotions like jealousy ("I was hurt in a couple of months") or infatuation. Islam teach us not to make harmfull relationships when we are not ready to carry consequences from them - like being marry or having child at very young age.
How can I overcome my foolish behaviour and ale my self believe that the whole idea about relationships is pointless
Well, let time goes. You will find out this boy was just a day dream. Focus on your studies.
One day when I was young. In one occasion a girl asked me, did I have someone?. I told her, yes, I already have a future wife. And suddenly her expression changed. She walked, left me, then stood at a distance without said anything. I wonder, what happened?. I approached her, but then I saw that she was crying. I began to realize that she had special feeling on me. It made me shocked because I didn't know before about her feeling on me. I was never close with her. Even I rarely talked with her. But she had built a fantasy which I became her partner in her fantasy.
This is what would happen if a girl had "fantasy prone personality".
It's natural if you have special feeling on someone. But you must also realize, if this person has not be your spouse, then this person is still someone else. Not different than other people who you know. So, do not build a fantasy which he become your spouse in your fantasy.
Always remember that you are living in reality, not in fantasy.
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