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My problem and struggle

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    My problem and struggle (OP)


    I have had waswas for a while and I isolated myself and now I feel my iman missing. I have bad thoughts about islam and Allah I even have kufr thoughts. The worst part is everytime I self talk/ question myself I get a kufr reply in my head. I say I'm Muslim by mouth but when I say something like that my mind goes kafir and so on. I do seek refuge with Allah from these whispers but the thoughts are still there they sometimes go for only 1 second and then come back. Basically I don't have bad thoughts about Allah but now I have kufr thoughts to do with me and my believe my minds/hearts calls me all these kufr words and i uttered I would be out but now I don't know if I'm out or not. I feel like my heart became a munafiq I see all the sign and I did that lying breaking promises so on. Now I don't know if I can make it back because I try but it was my fault for trying to fight back and ponder on these thoughts can I ever be revived?! Cause I don't know if hypocrites can be forgiven.

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    My problem and struggle

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    My problem and struggle

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    My problem and struggle

    I can't do this anymore this nightmare is becoming real what am I supposed to do. I clearly remember what happened in that dream and I didn't think much of it back then but now if this is happening is it my destiny to go to hell and lose my Islam! I am truly worthless I have lost my self due to following these thoughts too much and sinning.

    I repent but now I don't know what to do anymore I am lost and upset I feel nothing in my chest just a void which has nothing. I am pretty sure I chose error over guidance. Why why am I so empty

    I want faith but now I am self doubting myself and doubting everything. My life has hit the low point. Salah feel like motions only no heart and when I say the ashaduhu my heart wavers or feels empty. I made constant dua what am I supposed to do?

    I will also admit I have been following the advice given to me however I didn't achieve the consistency I should have achieved My problem and struggle.
    Last edited by Internal; 05-27-2016 at 03:25 PM.
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    Consistency is possible. Remember only prophets are sinless. Dont let your doubts overcome you.

    You do repent so thats all that is needed. Dont let the shaitan mix you up with thoughts like salah is only motions and not in the heart.

    As long as you are praying salah, you are on the path of success.
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed View Post
    Consistency is possible. Remember only prophets are sinless. Dont let your doubts overcome you.

    You do repent so thats all that is needed. Dont let the shaitan mix you up with thoughts like salah is only motions and not in the heart.

    As long as you are praying salah, you are on the path of success.
    Thank you I needed that confidence boost!!! Cause I hate empty feelings and I worry that my doubts got the better of me.
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    format_quote Originally Posted by Internal View Post
    Thank you I needed that confidence boost!!! Cause I hate empty feelings and I worry that my doubts got the better of me.
    Alhamdulillah. Now say I CAN do it, instead of 'I cant'. Thinking in the positive sense will remove the negativity of what you'r feeling.

    You do repent - so dont say you dont know what to do anymore-- but rather -- 'I know that Allah swt is the Most merciful and He will forgive me even if my sins are as much as the foam in the oceans!

    Never say you'r worthless because a person who has Allah in his heart, will go to Jannah through His mercy.
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed View Post
    Alhamdulillah. Now say I CAN do it, instead of 'I cant'. Thinking in the positive sense will remove the negativity of what you'r feeling.

    You do repent - so dont say you dont know what to do anymore-- but rather -- 'I know that Allah swt is the Most merciful and He will forgive me even if my sins are as much as the foam in the oceans!

    Never say you'r worthless because a person who has Allah in his heart, will go to Jannah through His mercy.
    This is what I like to have, a positive heart. But there are time When I say something blasphemous even in Ramadan in my head and I try to combat it by saying good by my mouth however this causes a distress within me since I have no knowledge of the unseen and I worry about my status. I have read something online that states that if u think kufr without saying it u commit kufr.
    With these thoughts coming naturally to me like it's from my own heart it does put one on the edge. Inshallah I would like a better understanding of Allah and I am trying to make it happen this month.

    So my questions are:

    1. When will someone be held accountable for their thoughts?

    2. Does one get guided if they learn about Allah and his scriptures so they can be guided?

    3. Can thoughts that come naturally cause a sin on the person thinking it?

    4. If I have these evil thoughts and they come from me and I repent and pray my daily prayers will I be helped like question 2?

    I guess I'll use the answers as a way to refer back to when I fall into similar problems in a different nature and allow me to help others.

    Thanks for reading
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    format_quote Originally Posted by Internal View Post
    1. When will someone be held accountable for their thoughts?
    Never, your thoughts are private and unless they manifest in action - you are not held accountable. I see where you are going with this - you are sufferring waswasa - there is a way out.

    format_quote Originally Posted by Internal View Post
    2. Does one get guided if they learn about Allah and his scriptures so they can be guided?
    CC7mUQLUkAAVa9x 1 - My problem and struggle

    format_quote Originally Posted by Internal View Post
    3. Can thoughts that come naturally cause a sin on the person thinking it?
    Like I said, only if you act on them.

    format_quote Originally Posted by Internal View Post
    4. If I have these evil thoughts and they come from me and I repent and pray my daily prayers will I be helped like question 2?
    Yes, this struggle you face is known as Jihad Akbar, (The Great Struggle) it is the personal struggle of the self to be worthy God's mercy. Each of us go through it - the evil thoughts will come but we have the ability to recognise them and discard them, no?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Internal View Post
    I guess I'll use the answers as a way to refer back to when I fall into similar problems in a different nature and allow me to help others.

    Thanks for reading
    This video, please watch - it shows you how to help your "self" :



    Scimi
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    My problem and struggle

    format_quote Originally Posted by Timi Scar View Post
    Never, your thoughts are private and unless they manifest in action - you are not held accountable. I see where you are going with this - you are sufferring waswasa - there is a way out.



    CC7mUQLUkAAVa9x 1 - My problem and struggle



    Like I said, only if you act on them.



    Yes, this struggle you face is known as Jihad Akbar, (The Great Struggle) it is the personal struggle of the self to be worthy God's mercy. Each of us go through it - the evil thoughts will come but we have the ability to recognise them and discard them, no?



    This video, please watch - it shows you how to help your "self" :



    Scimi


    I would like to give more detail on my issue. For example when ever I think about Allah and Islam I ask certain question to myself like is Allah real. Of course I said yes however my mind say no it's fake and this even happens when I am not questioning myself and it just appears like I disbelieve in Allah.

    Then there are times when I say atheism isn't real seriously it has no logic. But my goes yes u believe in it and this also happens when I am just sitting alone and doing worship. So when I think of Allah I get blasphemous thought and denying my faith in Allah and his existence and sometimes I even get thoughts like oh leave the religion and become one of the kafirs.

    The thing is I don't even want these thoughts I look at the traweeh prayer and I feel empty when I hear verses even in translation. Then there are times I cry and it only happened once yesterday which felt hypocritical.

    Oh Allah I don't want this pain it hurts not to have a soul and hope and good faith. It hurts so much even though my heart doesn't show it my mind hates this. Then I have hateful thoughts about Muslims like what!?

    This is why I worry so much in falling into kufr because my thoughts come so naturally without the use of an external force and it feels like I am losing will power. However I still pray.

    So yeah a very detailed description on what is happening and I still feel like I haven't covered everything. Yeah this is a really bad I had a heart for Allah but due to psychological torture I lost it and I do want it back.

    Honestly it feels like my nightmare is coming true. I mean I gotta mention just to give a clear understanding on what is happening. I had a dream that I was in hell and you know what I said to Allah "oh Allah I believe in you forgive me" but I didn't get no reply. This kinda worries me that the dream is my fate. I don't want to have such a nightmare be my destiny... I agree I did wrong but I feel like a sealed soul that has been cursed cause no matter how much dua I make this problem still exists.
    Last edited by Internal; 06-08-2016 at 07:57 AM.
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    Believe it or not bro, you echo my own struggle... Alhamdulillah, I was able to come through it with confidence. But it took time.

    What I did was this, I started to study all scriptures and compare them to Quran.... nothing even came close. As for science and all that jazz? Bro, I found that Science is a baby still trying to learn Quran.

    What do I mean by that?

    Well, you seem to be quite informed on scientific facts regarding the cosmos, right?

    Check this out:



    There are plenty of mind blows in the Quran like this... plenty. Each time i discover one - the reality is enforced that this book, the Quran, is not a book - it's a criterion - al furqan.

    To ven call it an holy book is an understatement - this is LOGOS - what the Christians call the living word - because since its revelation, it just increases in us Muslims in belief as time moves on... but the study of it is one that is subtle.

    I do not read the Quran like any other book.

    It is not like any other book.

    It is miraculous in the fact that no matter how much people have attempted to prove it wrong - it changes the hearts of the enemies and softens them to belief.

    Only those who earn the displeasure of Allah will not come to faith.

    But inside of you is the seed of imaan - you are struggling because of the following reason. (do not wonder how I know)

    You neglected Islam for a time and when you wanted to come back to it - you had doubts... these doubts are nowt but the whisperings of the devils who can now get into your conscious because you became weak in Islam and they found a way in.

    You can drive those voices out. All you have to do is say "I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed satan" three times, each time it happens.

    Stay in ritual purification - ghusl and wudhu.

    Carry the "fortress of the Muslim" dua book with you at all times (except when going to the bathroom), and use this little gem of a book which contains dua made from quran ayat and the duas the Prophet pbuh himself practiced.

    Look at the title of this small book - THE FORTRESS OF THE MUSLIM.... Try this for a few days and report back with your progress dear bro.

    And hold nothing back, ok? be as honest as you can be. I'm here to help in sha Allah.

    Scimi
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    I want to believe in Allah but I don't know if I am
    Giving too much negativity to my thoughts lol. Sometimes k read the Quran and I feel nothing but sometimes I feel it resonating with me. It feels strange I guess I have seen the truth of Allah.

    So this weird block needs to be removed some how cause even I don't know what it is. Like damn we are clearly not from monkey since like why won't the monkey turn into people. Everything has been created by something I don't see my phone appear out of thin air and I had this viewpoint forever.

    But I know my issue its not that I have disbelieve or anything or that have been sent astray. It's only because I sinned a lot aka major sins or telling repeated lies. So I guess I do believe in Allah it's the shaytan taking advantage of me and I have damaged the connection between me and my god so I see that as the problem why I can't self reflect on ponder properly. But I guess consistency matter and I can only clean myself if I continue praying, making dua. Do good deeds and read the Quran then my connection will be back and I need to do this before I do to ensure I please Allah.
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    Ignore the weird block or mental block, its no good giving it much thought. You'r doing good as you know what your priorities are. This definitely shows you'r trying and have belief in Allah swt, alhamdulillah.

    You got it right when you realise that consistency is important, continue praying, making dua, doing good deeds and reading the Qur'an. All this will go a long way in helping you dispel your negativity, so no giving in

    May Allah make it easy for you and reward you.
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    My problem and struggle

    format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed View Post
    Ignore the weird block or mental block, its no good giving it much thought. You'r doing good as you know what your priorities are. This definitely shows you'r trying and have belief in Allah swt, alhamdulillah.

    You got it right when you realise that consistency is important, continue praying, making dua, doing good deeds and reading the Qur'an. All this will go a long way in helping you dispel your negativity, so no giving in

    May Allah make it easy for you and reward you.
    I will try my best there are times when I feel like giving in but my heart won't except it cause it beats like crazy lol. So I guess my heart panicking is a good sign. It's just this will take time and Ramadan will surely help me.

    After all I led a live of sin and gave no care about prayers like hearing the Adan and just saying I will pray later. But I'm glad this at least gave me some insight on who I am and what I need to do to please Allah. A life of ignorance won't help me. So I am thankful to Allah for this test as I thought this was a punishment but at the end of the day it's Allah saving me from myself. But yeah cleaning something dirty will take some time however I will make sure to be patient XD
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    Masha'allah that's a good attitude to have. You do have the ability to improve yourself, never give in, and never lose hope in Allah's mercy. This verse of the Qur'an will give solace to the heart,
    “Say: “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Surah Az-Zumar 39: 53)

    May Allah swt increase your Imaan and keep you steadfast, ameen.
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    My problem and struggle

    Whenever I do a covenant I broke it for 3 years straight. I may have committed kufr ash-shakk waz zann since I have these doubts and evil thoughts and surely I must have a lack conviction/faith. Then again I might also just be a Munafiq since I have done everything a munafiq has done over and over and over again even I holy months.

    My tears are surely just a facade but hypocrites surely know not that they are deceiving themselves. My oath is just like a screen. I mean seriously who has evil and hateful taught about Allah and I do have these thoughts and I think them myself.

    I have sinned repeatedly for 3 years straight 3 years I decided to turn a blind eye and do major repeatedly and now that I have this waswas I still didn't improve myself a year ago.

    Maybe it's too late for me, maybe I am just astray never to be guided back and never understanding. It seems my nightmare is coming true, I never new anything about hypocrisy literally nothing but that dream was so detailed, Me asking Allah for help and saying I believe and then I get no reply and the Quran says that the hypocrites will say the same exact thing so I guess I am destined to be a loser because I chose error and misguidance.

    "That is because they believed, then disbelieved, therefore their hearts are sealed so they understand not" this quote belong to me because no matter how hard I ponder how hard I think of punishment nothing comes from my heart not even an inch of movement. I am just pure evil.

    Why I did I deal my heart what have I done I can't even cry properly because my tears disappear within seconds showing how much of a hypocrite I am. I ruined everything but I guess that's my life live as a loser die as a loser get resurrected as a loser. Basically I have been a loser all my life due to my stupid decisions my stupid errors. I have done everything wrong and now this is the icing on the cake for me the most vile creature on earth. All I needed is 100% conviction but because of my life choices I ruined my spiritual heart. I see people being moved by just opening the Quran and for one who is born into the religion I am just a disgrace. I should have learned my lesson but no I didn't I am ignorant and arrogant. A person who deserves to perish in the lowest depths of hell due to his disgusting behaviour.

    Worst part is now listening to the Quran I think evil when I try to connect to it such as "oh your listening to just words" how can anyone think like that?!? I want an open heart but now it's filled with stupid stuff like this. There are times where people say to me " you ain't no Muslim" even though I haven't mentioned my depression issue to those people. This puts a damper on me and I am just losing myself.
    Last edited by Internal; 06-16-2016 at 05:45 AM.
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    Ya know bro - it's when a Muslim doesn't feel like an hypocrite that he or she is truly in danger of hypocrisy... do not despair of the mercy of Allah.

    Scimi
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    There is no way that you can give in, no ways. A person who's heart is sealed and filled with hypocrisy will not have an inch of worry for what he does or what depths he goes to. You, on the other hand, have great concern, that shows you have true belief in Allah.

    You cant just give in to waswasa because that will be just giving in to the traps of shaitan; but, insha'allah, it will never happen. You can conquer them. Dont think so bad of yourself.

    So what do you do when the thoughts happen to trouble you?
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    format_quote Originally Posted by Internal View Post
    Whenever I do a covenant I broke it for 3 years straight. I may have committed kufr ash-shakk waz zann since I have these doubts and evil thoughts and surely I must have a lack conviction/faith. Then again I might also just be a Munafiq since I have done everything a munafiq has done over and over and over again even I holy months.

    My tears are surely just a facade but hypocrites surely know not that they are deceiving themselves. My oath is just like a screen. I mean seriously who has evil and hateful taught about Allah and I do have these thoughts and I think them myself.

    I have sinned repeatedly for 3 years straight 3 years I decided to turn a blind eye and do major repeatedly and now that I have this waswas I still didn't improve myself a year ago.

    Maybe it's too late for me, maybe I am just astray never to be guided back and never understanding and he'll bring my abode. It seems my nightmare is coming true, I never new anything about hypocrisy literally nothing but that dream was so detailed, Me asking Allah for help and saying I believe and then I get no reply and the Quran says that the hypocrites will say the same exact thing so I guess I am destined to be a loser because I chose error and misguidance.

    "That is because they believed, then disbelieved, therefore their hearts are sealed so they understand not" this quote belong to me because no matter how hard I ponder how hard I think of punishment nothing comes from my heart not even an inch of movement. I am just pure evil.

    Why I did I deal my heart what have I done I can't even cry properly because my tears disappear within seconds showing how much of a hypocrite I am. I ruined everything but I guess that's my life live as a loser die as a loser get resurrected as a loser. Basically I have been a loser all my life due to my stupid decisions my stupid errors. I have done everything wrong and now this is the icing on the cake for me the most vile creature on earth. All I needed is 100% conviction but because of my life choices I ruined my spiritual heart. I see people being moved by just opening the Quran and for one who is born into the religion I am just a disgrace. I should have learned my lesson but no I didn't I am ignorant and arrogant. A person who deserves to perish in the lowest depths of hell due to his disgusting behaviour.

    Worst part is now listening to the Quran I think evil when I try to connect to it such as "oh your listening to just words" how can anyone think like that?!? I want an open heart but now it's filled with stupid stuff like this. There are times where people say to me " you ain't no Muslim" even though I haven't mentioned my depression issue to those people. This puts a damper on me and I am just losing myself.
    The fact you feel bad shows you still have emaan in your heart, while you are still drawing breath you have every chance to repent to Allah, the doors of forgiveness are always open whilst your alive, never stop using them, even if you feel yoour heart is hardend keep making dua to Allah to soften your heart, even if you cant cry force yourself to, even mimic one that is crying.

    In one of your prayers when in the last sujood, keep your head on the floor, and talk to Allah, tell Him everything how you feel what you want, ask Him to guide you, ask Him to soften your heart, ask Him to make your heart beat for Allah that it cannot go a day without remembering Allah, Ask Allah to forgive your sins and change them to good deed, CRY OUT TO Allah, remember he is the one who created who, who knows you better than your own self.

    It doesnt matter how many sins youv commited Allah will forgive you by his will

    The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.’” [Tirmidhi]

    “Say: O ‘Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

    [39:53]*

    Ibn Majah narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas’ood (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin.” [Saheeh Ibn Majah]

    Please have a read of these

    https://islamqa.info/en/65621

    https://islamqa.info/en/169682

    Please do not give up hope brother, Allah is giving you a chance to repent and turn your life around, it may not happen overnight but the opportunity is there so hold onto the rope of Allah firmly even if you are sliping holding on, just keep that grip and slowly pull yourself up

    Maybe try listening to islamic lectures or uplifting talks to help pull your heart back into the deen, anything that appeals to you that will help make you have a positive approach to deen, maybe try death and grave as a start (these helped kick me where i needed it when i was low)
    then slowly add more Quran as you begin to find your feet
    | Likes Umm Abed liked this post
    My problem and struggle

    Narrated Jubair ibn Mut’im: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W), said: "He is not one us who calls for `Asabiyah, (nationalism/tribalism) or who fights for `Asabiyah or who dies for `Asabiyah." [Sunan Abu Dawud (Vol. 2, pg. 753) No. 5121]
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed View Post
    There is no way that you can give in, no ways. A person who's heart is sealed and filled with hypocrisy will not have an inch of worry for what he does or what depths he goes to. You, on the other hand, have great concern, that shows you have true belief in Allah.

    You cant just give in to waswasa because that will be just giving in to the traps of shaitan; but, insha'allah, it will never happen. You can conquer them. Dont think so bad of yourself.

    So what do you do when the thoughts happen to trouble you?
    I order Haagen Daz Ice cream.

    Ice cream has a way of making the blues turn pink
    My problem and struggle

    15noje9 1 - My problem and struggle
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    Re: My problem and struggle

    format_quote Originally Posted by Timi Scar View Post
    I order Haagen Daz Ice cream.

    Ice cream has a way of making the blues turn pink
    What that has got to do with the post?
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