My problem and struggle

format_quote Originally Posted by Umm Abed

What that has got to do with the post?

everything. I eat ice cream when I feel down... it helps me to smile from the belly up

Scimi

....

format_quote Originally Posted by Timi Scar

I eat ice cream when I feel down... it helps me to smile from the belly up

Scimi

what an interesting thought

MARSHMALLOWS AND ICE CREAM!!!!!

Love you, fi sa bilillah, brother Scimi. Jazakallahu khairan kadheeran

format_quote Originally Posted by Internal

So today I had a pretty good morning since I saw a video that really moved me about Islam. But later on the day it went all down hill and I started calling myself a bad things in prayers causing me not to pray properly cause I had to restart it multiple times. I kept calling myself a kafir and all that and now I got told I must treat myself before I die as a non Muslim but I have been trying. I feel like i just don't care yet this morning I cared.

Have you tried having rukiya done ?
Or self rukiya ?

format_quote Originally Posted by Internal

I have had it done before. I have calmed down now I was just in too much distress thinking of these thoughts repeatedly and I called my self things I shouldn't have had in my mind but all I can do is dua.

Maybe if you try playing the verses of the Quran meant for rukiya whenever you feel like that, it has had quite a calming effect on me and maybe choose a recitor who really packs a punch to your heart strings
Dont worry too much about this brother sometimes this happens to the best of us, just reaffirm your faith with the shahada and rememberance of Allah and look at the bright side the more you think like this the more you will be repeating your shahada and gloryfing Allah

Here are a few

https://youtu.be/Vas-xccZ90A

https://youtu.be/tNLK1sUs5EY

https://youtu.be/EMOv5kShKJI

....

Well at the end of the day this is still a test. This can literally last my whole life I just need to work properly and continue.

format_quote Originally Posted by Internal

I'll tell you what my dream was and what it is now. All I wanted is to have a normal life and a normal family and do things like charity for the sake for Allah.

However this has changed in a way that I want to help other Muslims. People leave Islam because of these thoughts and whispers they start to believe in the illogical and other stuff because this world is just spamming such things in their face.

I just want to use my experience to help them get back to Allah but also teach people in general but that's if I become better and who knows if that will happen.

Trust me I have gotten tired these blasphemous thoughts and everything have ruined me as a person. I doubt everything I say and doubt myself I call myself things I shouldn't call myself or call Allah things like that as well.

Even though these are just thoughts I sometimes lean to the illogical stuff even though they are illogical. Who knows how many times I have committed kufr in front of Allah. Doubting him having a lack of conviction it all just makes my nightmare come true.

whenever I take One step of sincerity forward I take a million steps back and this puts me into a state of depression. Sometimes I just feel like jumping out a window cause this is nothing more than just hell on earth for me.

However I always say stagfrulah or other the shaduhu but I self doubt and think I'm not sincere I am not true. I either get frustrated or just sometimes feel like I don't care. I sound like a broken tape recorder lol it must get annoying for you guys to hear this repeatedly but it is annoying for me to go through this mess not knowing if he will die as a true believer of a failure who fell into kufr.

Again I have been told that I am in danger of having a bad end and turning into something I never wanted to turn into but how I can't control myself I have literally no idea what I am anymore. All I want is Allah to save me.

Well this is your test, Allah only tests those whom he loves

"The greatest reward comes from the greatest trial. When Allaah loves people, He tests them, and whoever accepts it gains the pleasure of Allaah and whoever complains earns His wrath.*
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2396;and Ibn Maajah, 4031; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "When Allaah wills good for His slave, He hastens his punishment in this world, and when He wills bad for His slave, He withholds his sins until he comes with them on the Day of Resurrection." *
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2396; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.*

Now do you see that you should be gratefull you are being tested, i remember reading i think a hadeeth or story (i will find it in sha Allah) and the sahabas cried that Allah wasnt testing them !!! Now imagine that we cry when Allah tests us because it becomes to much for us, we hardly can bare some of our tests and then are happy again when we are left alone, we should be sad for ourselves, these hadeeths give us solace that these trials are for our benifit because Allah loves us so much he is trying to purify us of our sins in this life so that we may attain jannah and not be punished, How mercifull is Allah to us !!! Allah is giving us chance after chance, tests after test to make us better maybe we have a high place in jannah but because of all our sins we cannot reach that place yet so we are tested and punished here to absolve us of our sins.

You are being tested right now brother, and Allah is going to shake your faith to the core, why? To see wether the love you claim to have, is it real when under pressure from life when people would just give up, you have to push through this and be strong and remind yourself that you are a muslim and that Allah is your creator and Allah is the most mercifull and sees your pain, He knows your pain, but he is testing you to make sure whatever place you have in jannah (in sha Allah) you get to achieve it by ridding you of your sins here while you still have the chance.


The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah the Most High said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’”

[Sahih Al-Bukhari]

Think great of Allah, think Allah is beyond greatness beyond powerfull, think Allah is beyond perfection, think Allah is all powerfull He can do absolutely anything with 0 effort required, remind yourself Allah could punish you right now from your sins, but He is soooo mercifull that He tests you to RID your sins.. how beautiful, beyond beautiful is our Rabb !!!
Whenever you think of those kufr thoughts even when it creeps in remind yourself of this ^^^

You brother have an amazing opportunity to turn this all around and be a strong believer, when people go through very hard trials they come out on top a stronger believer than before, because they learn to appreciate eveything Allah does and even get wisdom behind the trial they was afflicted with, when you get through this, which you will, in time you will be able to look back and say "thats why Allah tested me with that trial Alhamdulilah i learnt such and such from it"

Just remember if you are not doing anything for Allah, why should Allah help you, if you turn your back on Allah, Allah will not help you
If you want the help of Allah to come to you, look at what your NOT doing that you should be doing, ask yourself are you sincere that you seek the help of Allah, if you have any doubts, let go of the doubts and fully believe and trust in Allah have patience and fully believe the help of Allah will come but you have to be sincere that you want this help that you want to turn to Allah because you NEED Allah

Be sincere and have full conviction and faith in Allah and turn to him with all of you (leave your doubts behind)

format_quote Originally Posted by Internal

I guess that step one getting full conviction and getting rid of the doubts then I can improve myself and get closer to Allah.

format_quote Originally Posted by Internal

I guess that step one getting full conviction and getting rid of the doubts then I can improve myself and get closer to Allah.

Yes, focus on that for the moment and rid your doubts and watch lectures about death and the day of judgement it will help bring fear into your heart for a more rapid change to worship Allah better.

Here are some that helped me

https://youtu.be/oD5_CqavkCQ

https://youtu.be/spUn9mp0Ck8

https://youtu.be/f7EnGtKY3tc

https://youtu.be/5pyZkY93B2A

https://youtu.be/zMF3kF4ZRHk

https://youtu.be/tNWsKOq-mxE

If you want any more videos please let me know and il post more

Have faith and be strong brother

Things got a lot harder for me when trying to improve myself It is really taking me down hill especially with what I think in my mind. Really it always changes first it goes from one hateful thing to another and then round and round again. Like when I tackle 1 problem another one appears.

Well this is what is happening and I am still trying to keep consistent with everything. I guess I am still very far away from passing this issue. I'll try and strengthen my faith and have more hope in Allah SWT I just don't want to be a munafiq

I still sound like a broken record

format_quote Originally Posted by Internal

Things got a lot harder for me when trying to improve myself It is really taking me down hill especially with what I think in my mind. Really it always changes first it goes from one hateful thing to another and then round and round again. Like when I tackle 1 problem another one appears.

Well this is what is happening and I am still trying to keep consistent with everything. I guess I am still very far away from passing this issue. I'll try and strengthen my faith and have more hope in Allah SWT I just don't want to be a munafiq

I still sound like a broken record

Asalaamu Alaikum,

My brother the following thread is devoted to overcoming waswas. So please read everything it contains and make much Dua to Allah and by his will you will fight waswas much better than before inshaAllah:

How to Overcome waswas in worship

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...s-worship.html

I hope this helps. If you need anything else then please do not hesitate to ask.

format_quote Originally Posted by Internal

This is still a problem and everything seems to have become worse for me. I try everything but I'm still losing it. I'm calling myself an atheist a Kafir and these thoughts have taken control over me. I have hateful thoughts about Islam and don't even have conviction yet I still make charity and pray and make dua. But now I wonder is this supposed to happen is this what I deserve I am forced to live a nightmare and wonder if my life is supposed to be comedic I just dont know what to do

Life can be difficult. Don't give up. Stick around here. We have good people who genuinely care. You're not alone.