My girlfriends parents disowned their daughter

format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

Mashallah thank you for your post. Yes I did read it

Perhaps my view of Islam is warped due to my parents overly strict nature and enforcing it on me without explaining why. I ask "why" and he says because the Quran says so or because I said so and never give a straight answer. If I do take your advice and give Islam some proper attention and perhaps learn to understand it for myself, I may end up with a similar view you now how. There still lies the problem of my boyfriend, I absolutely refuse to not see him I don't care what anyone says unfortunately.

Maybe I will learn in my own time about Islam with my own understanding rather than what my parents push in front of me. You know they use to make me read 30 minutes of Quran each night, I just to just put it aside and go straight to sleep, that is how much I disliked being forced.

Thank you sister, I will think it over. Ultimately what I will do nobody knows, not even me at this point but one thing is certain, I am not ending my love for him. I can't do it.

I myself am a product of strictly cultural Islam. "Pakistani Version" :P . I learned things over time. And subhanallah I can tell how much it is difference. And I have gone through many different levels of understandings. So don't take the religion from your parents blindly without giving it a thought.
With that said, in the end it is your choice. Quran clearly says that whoever wants to follow, follow it, whoever does not, dont. Only Allah is the master of day of judgement so he decide each one of us inidividually. As for us, Prophet clearly said in hadith to not even think that you are better than anyone, even a non believer. Because it may be the case that someone go back from iman at the death bed, while other non believer accept imaan on death bed
Prophet himself never forced anyone to accept Islam.
From my own experience when I learned more about it, I found it beautiful (not the one what people in my country do). And I can easily say I would feel emptiness inside me with me and lack of purpose and reason.

May Allah help you

Seeking happiness in this world only is nothing short of delusion. Afaik. I pity the one who chases the dunya, you are running after a fading shadow.

And Allah knows best.

"modern" today is actually being morally backwards and bankrupt.. tbh.

format_quote Originally Posted by Timi Scar

Your ignorance is astounding me, seriously.

When ya boifriend dumps ya - you aint got nowhere left to go - not ya parents, nope.... and you gonna find out who ya real friends are when you hop around from place to place and have ya friedns dogs come up and sniff ya food.

I'm not even gonna ask you about your sleeping arrangements. Astagfirulah - how long will your chastity last? that's assuming you've still got it intact.

Not to mention the slur your parents are facing from the backlash of the Muslim community all because your 17 year old teen seld wanted to have a BF shame on you.

You aint no sister of mine.

And ya boi - Youngen, shoulda been responsible enough to know that messing with Muslim girls is not as straight forward as messing with girls from his own camp. It's a whole other world of considerations.... but noooo - young morons with balls for brains, and youg sisters with fantasies of being "Modern" lol - fail in my eyes.

My advice?

Live your life in the direction you are heading in - go full kuffar - there's no such thing as half way Muslims.

Scimi

Subhanallah. Really many times I am amazed at the condition of ummah. If your reply to the condition of girl is to ask her to go to "full kufr", I don't know what it would benefit you or her. Why don't you advise her properly and nicely so she can "Full Muslim".Hating someone never serves anyone. Have some compassion and place yourself in her shoes and think. This is not the first time when putting hard rules without understanding in upbringing someone backfired.

And you never know what good may come for her in the long run. Instead of just scolding and asking her to leave Islam totally, guide her to be best if advice. Such comments will serve no one exceot your own ego. Her parents have scolded her enough already by kicking her(which again is totally unwise and inappropriate thing to do) and that did not bring her closer tk religion. And you think your scolding behavior will her closer to Islam. Subhanallah.

format_quote Originally Posted by Timi Scar

Your ignorance is astounding me, seriously.

When ya boifriend dumps ya - you aint got nowhere left to go - not ya parents, nope.... and you gonna find out who ya real friends are when you hop around from place to place and have ya friedns dogs come up and sniff ya food.

I'm not even gonna ask you about your sleeping arrangements. Astagfirulah - how long will your chastity last? that's assuming you've still got it intact.

Not to mention the slur your parents are facing from the backlash of the Muslim community all because your 17 year old teen seld wanted to have a BF shame on you.

You aint no sister of mine.

And ya boi - Youngen, shoulda been responsible enough to know that messing with Muslim girls is not as straight forward as messing with girls from his own camp. It's a whole other world of considerations.... but noooo - young morons with balls for brains, and youg sisters with fantasies of being "Modern" lol - fail in my eyes.

My advice?

Live your life in the direction you are heading in - go full kuffar - there's no such thing as half way Muslims.

Scimi

Yes keep throwing your insults to me. I couldn't care less.

I know you're under this delusion that I'll be dumped and throw to the side in a couple months or years and be by myself, that might be true, who knows.. but at least I found out by myself and actually LEARNT something. I believe what my boyfriend says and he backs it up with action. He's put his hand on his heart and promised that whatever happens he will never leave me with nothing or nobody. He said he'd sooner buy me my own home than see my on the streets or living miserable with my parents under their wrath. Whether you believe this is irrelevant, I believe it.

He is already going to help me financially with university, he is committed, we both are and we want our relationship to last a long time. Obviously we can never say it will last forever has most relationships don't, halal or otherwise... One thing is certain, I would rather take my chances with him, someone I actually love and care for than something my parents forced me to be with who makes my skin crawl simply touching him.

s.ali123 Thank you so much for your helpful PM. I am unable to reply to your PM as I don't have 50 posts so I will just reply with it here.

Salaams, I will explain a little.

Every since I can remember I have felt like I was in chains, I was young yes and so I listened to my parents, mostly my father and sure there are rules every child must follow but when I am older enough to start thinking for myself about god, naturally I have questions, and every child likes to ask questions, it's the natural process of learning. If I tell you I saw a gorilla at the zoo and you've never seen one before, what will your first question be? What did it look like probably... right? How big was it? etc.

But when I ask my parents questions about some things they taught me I just got told "don't question Quran" "don't question your father" and "because prophet Muhammed pbuh did it" which just wasn't a sufficient answer for me so I was always left thinking "is this actually real or just a story, like the bible"?

Then as I grew older I am not allowed to mix with boys, I am not even allowed to sit next to them in school when I was 14 years old in the dinner hall. I am not allowed to sit next to them in class even when our teacher says "boy girl boy girl" seating structure, this is to prevent boys grouping together and girls grouping together because we don't get much work done because we're always talking and not paying attention. Just little things, zero freedom whatsoever it was horrible.

So I just started to think "what the hell" and started to go against my father and I started to enjoy school much more, my grades improved because I was happy and wanted to learn. Still I am young like 14 and he is forcing me to the masjid but at this point it is worthless because I don't have a foundation of knowledge and belief so I'm at the masjid and I'm just thinking it's a waste of time and so I don't like going there. Then my father found I was talking to boys from my school on facebook, not sexually or anything just normal talking about various things, going to see movies with our friends, going to the park or whatever and he disabled my facebook and told me not to mix with boys. Again I am just crying inside because I and in chains with everything. I cannot even go to the damn theme park because our group was 6 girls and 8 boys. It was organised for a long time and I really wanted to go and have fun but he forbade it.

My life was such misery and my advice to you, if you have a daughter then teach her Islam of course but if she asks you questions please for the love of god explain the answer, don't just tell her the answer. If 5+5=10 don't just say "because it does" explain WHY it does. You understand?

Also do not put handcuffs on every aspect of her life. Allow her to have boy friends and girl friends, allow her to mix with both genders because this will teach her valuable lessons about life. If I listened to my father and followed his rule I would end up killing myself. My life would be like this.

no education
no life experience
no friends
married to someone chosen for me
cleaning and cooking and that's it
getting fat because I get no exercise
live only to please my husband

What the hell kind of life is that? I may as well be a slave from the 1800's You mention you are doing an MSc in Munich, wow that is great, I am also going to university to study biochemistry, something I love but my father did not support me going to university and was forbidding it. So you see how happy you are to go and study in Munich? Make sure you allow your daughter the same opportunities your father has allowed you otherwise she might resent you because her soul is crying out to explore the world and you are keeping her in a house like maid.

I wish inshallah the best for you and your family in the future. Teach her Islam by all means, but please please do not use it as a prison cell to keep her from knowing anything about anything.

format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*

I do believe deep down you still believe in Allah and the core fundamentals of Islam, but you may not understand everything due to the way you were brought up. But you are old enough to understand that your parents probably had limited knowledge or only raised you the best they knew how, so if there's misconceptions about Islam that you have you should make it a duty on yourself to learn them and ask questions. Don't correlate Islam with the treatment of your parents, I know you're still really upset with them.

This forum isn't perfect, and you may get a lot of varying personalities, but go back to learning about Islam in a condition that is most comforting to you without all of the distractions of what you've been through (ie. go to a mosque and ask questions, talk to a Muslim that you can trust be it online or otherwise, or read books on your own). Your boyfriend can learn with you or you can take time apart until you figure things out. You've committed sins, there's no doubt about that, but Allah will forgive you as long as you repent sincerely. If your boyfriend truly cares about you he will help you mend the relationship with you and your family, and also preserve your honor, but you know that's not going to happen unless you also want it. I know being in love heals you in a way, and therefore you don't want to venture away from what's making you feel good, but you know there's a lot of things you have to fix in your life, and maybe you don't know how to do that yet. Your boyfriend seems to want to learn as well, so both of you can make an effort. Maybe your fears of doing this is that you've already sinned so what's the point if you already know its going to be haram to end up together?? Well, if he becomes a Muslim, his previous sins are erased, and if you renew your faith and repent, then inshallah Allah will also forgive you your sins..and it's very possible that under halal circumstances and with the blessings of your parents or male guardians you can get married and move on with your life. So don't be so stubborn against doing everything the right way...

At the end of the day, please don't forget that all of what your parents did is only what they thought was the best way to raise you. No one teaches us how to raise our kids, we learn from how we were raised. Parents love their children unconditionally, and i KNOW you still love them, but it's not fair to punish them like this. You come from them and they've raised you all your life, they're going to be angry with you no doubt, but you both need to find a platform for communicating and stop blaming one another for every little mistake. You need your family and they need you, even if you're on different pages.

And as I've said previously..you can feel free to ask questions about any doubts you have about Islam and about the things that don't make sense if that's the only thing stopping you from completely jumping into Islam..if it's more than that and you want someone to talk about it then you can always message me (or I can send you my email, just let me know). There's nothing wrong with wanting to inquire about our religion, we are supposed to do that, so shame on those that are making you feel otherwise.

This is the last post I think we'll be making on this, the thread has run it's course but I just wanted to make one last post.

Firslty thank you Charmisa for your message. We are going to discuss it together and see for ourselves about Islam.

format_quote Originally Posted by Timi Scar

Your ignorance is astounding me, seriously.

When ya boifriend dumps ya - you aint got nowhere left to go - not ya parents, nope.... and you gonna find out who ya real friends are when you hop around from place to place and have ya friedns dogs come up and sniff ya food.

I'm not even gonna ask you about your sleeping arrangements. Astagfirulah - how long will your chastity last? that's assuming you've still got it intact.

Not to mention the slur your parents are facing from the backlash of the Muslim community all because your 17 year old teen seld wanted to have a BF shame on you.

You aint no sister of mine.

And ya boi - Youngen, shoulda been responsible enough to know that messing with Muslim girls is not as straight forward as messing with girls from his own camp. It's a whole other world of considerations.... but noooo - young morons with balls for brains, and youg sisters with fantasies of being "Modern" lol - fail in my eyes.

My advice?

Live your life in the direction you are heading in - go full kuffar - there's no such thing as half way Muslims.

Scimi

You judge me without knowing anything about me, you don't know what my values are or what my morals are. I will never leave her with nothing or nobody, I will never kick her to the curb like her parents (mostly father) did. If things don't work out and she has nowhere to go I'll make sure she has somewhere to go rather than send her to somewhere she will be unhappy. Clearly you're painting all non muslims with the same brush and I don't know what morals you were raised with but I could NEVER live with myself if I kicked her out with nothing. I have been fortunate at my young age where I can afford to take good care of her and I'll do everything in my power to make sure that if things don't work out, she is well looked after, no matter what she does I won't do what her parents did to her, poor girl I could not imagine her having to go through abandonment twice.

Her father seems very unreasonable but in due time, whether we get involved with Islam or not, we're hoping they will calm down and come to accept her. If they don't then it's their loss and they'll miss out on the rest of her life and a possible grand daughter. You think this is some high school crush, I love her to pieces and she knows that, nothing you say will make her think twice about that.

Again to everyone who somehow miraculously had the patience to go through 5 pages of debate I thank you, even those of you who were quite harsh with us. We'll take this advice onboard and see where it leads us.

Peace and blessings to all of you, I wish you the best of luck in your own lives also.

format_quote Originally Posted by youngen

This is the last post I think we'll be making on this, the thread has run it's course but I just wanted to make one last post.

Fi

You seem like a nice guy. I hope you had a good stay.

If you ever have any questions in Islam, don't forget to ask. Islam encourages you to ask questions and question the religion because questioning gives you knowledge.

format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

Yes keep throwing your insults to me. I couldn't care less.

I know you're under this delusion that I'll be dumped and throw to the side in a couple months or years and be by myself, that might be true, who knows.. but at least I found out by myself and actually LEARNT something. I believe what my boyfriend says and he backs it up with action. He's put his hand on his heart and promised that whatever happens he will never leave me with nothing or nobody. He said he'd sooner buy me my own home than see my on the streets or living miserable with my parents under their wrath. Whether you believe this is irrelevant, I believe it.

He is already going to help me financially with university, he is committed, we both are and we want our relationship to last a long time. Obviously we can never say it will last forever has most relationships don't, halal or otherwise... One thing is certain, I would rather take my chances with him, someone I actually love and care for than something my parents forced me to be with who makes my skin crawl simply touching him.

s.ali123 Thank you so much for your helpful PM. I am unable to reply to your PM as I don't have 50 posts so I will just reply with it here.

Thanks for telling this. I also had somewhat similar case, just Pakistani version :P Just in my case I Alhamdulillah looked for answers myself.
Yeah I know forcing someone for religion does not make them more practicing. Clearing there doubts does. No one can be forced to follow something. Neither companions nor the Prophet ever forced anyone for following. Alhamdulillah both me and my future wife understand this, and in shaa Allah will apply this in our family. May Allah help everyone here, and help them see evil as evil and good as good. Jazakallaho Khair

format_quote Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah

Assalaamu alaikum,

I thought the following might be useful to add to the discussion. Sheikh Abou El Fadl is a very knowledgeable person in Islamic Law, as well as having lived a long time in the US. I have read some of his works, and he does not issue opinions lightly or easily, and I believe him to be a sincere believer. I am not posting everything here, and if anyone is interested in fully understanding his position, they should read both the questions and the answers on his site in full.

May God, the Compassionate, Guide us.


Dear Sister,

Al-salamu 'alaykum. Since I do not know you personally, most of what I have to say I have said in this statement:

But to be directly responsive to your question, do I believe that a woman who marries outside of the Muslim faith is a kafir? The answer is no, I do not. Do I believe that it is advisable to marry someone outside the faith? No, I do not. In religious terms, it is among the issues that I would consider makruh (disfavored) for both Muslim men and Muslim women. This is based on a sociological reality that children who grow up with parents not sharing the same faith grow up in a state of confusion, which they resolve often by being faithless. Or if they have any faith, it tends to simply be agnostic. In my over 30 years in the West, working in case after case, all stories begin with love, dreams, and high hopes. Ten, twenty, thirty years later, from my experience and the experience of so many that I have dealt with, the ending is not happy.

There is a quintessential and fundamental question that every man and woman should ask himself/herself. Personally, I cannot be married to someone with whom I cannot pray, fast, celebrate Eid, and perform all my other religious duties. My faith is of such importance to me that I must be able to share it with my partner. In a marriage, you share your body, money, heart, and perhaps your soul. The question you must ask yourself is: Is religion less important or more important to you than all of these things? To me, Islam and its practices are more basic and fundamental than my money, body, heart, or soul. I cherish it more than these things. If I am married to someone with whom I cannot share what I hold the dearest, I feel that I am cheating them, and that the relationship is superficial and insincere. Add to this the position in which the children will be placed as they try to navigate the issues of truth and lack thereof in our modern world.

The only advice I can give you is to ask yourself what role does your faith play in your life? Will you be happy if you are unable to submit to God with your partner according to the teachings of Islam? And how important is it to you that your children are raised firm in their conviction about prayer, fasting, the shahada, and all the other essentials of the faith? Only you can provide the necessary honesty in responding to these questions. When all is said and done, whatever your decision is, I sincerely pray with all my heart that Allah blesses you, aids you, guides you, and that you have success and happiness in your life. And when all is said and done, it is only Allah that can judge you, your intentions and your actions. As is my firm conviction, only Allah knows best.

Al-salamu 'alaykum wa rahmatu Allah,

Shaykh Khaled Abou El Fadl
l

I don't know why but I felt like replying here with what's new as some of you seem to genuinely care for my well-being rather than just bash on me for sinning so here it is.

I phoned my father and we spoke for about 30 minutes and I just got it all off my chest about how I feel, my lack of belief in Islam and how I just want to be a bit more free in life. We came to an agreement that I would return home to live with my parents again and in exchange I'll honestly learn about Islam (I promised my father) AND I am allowed to keep my boyfriend, he won't get on my case about him. He says it makes him feel sick and empty inside, like he failed as a parent but my mother is a little more open and said she just wants me to come back home and they're sorry for kicking me out. They only meant it as a threat and didn't actually think I would stay away.

It's all a bit awkward at the moment, I've been back just a few hours and so everything is a little bit on edge but I am leaving for university in 4 months and I will live on campus anyway. My boyfriend agreed that if I end up regaining my faith in Islam and want him to do the same, he will also learn it.

I know some of you will still say "end your relationship blah blah" but this is what I think is best for right now. My parents have said he is not allowed to come to the house which is fair enough I don't exactly want to rub it in my parents face... but I am still allowed to spend time with him which is great. My boyfriend actually drove me back home and met my mother and she was a bit more relaxed than my father and just happy I was home again.

So it's not perfect by any means but none of us are. Thanks again for all the PM's and other advice, we never set out to upset anybody especially my parents so at least this way I am back home living with my parents until university but I still get to have my boyfriend

I guess my parents will think twice next time before trying to threaten me with such treatment haha.

Some great Islamic speakers if you want to hear them are; Yasmin Mogahed, Nouman Ali Khan, Omar Suleiman https://www.facebook.com/imamomarsuleiman/?fref=ts

googling his name brings up some other guy I have never heard of) , and Abdul Nasir Jangda.

format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

I don't know why but I felt like replying here with what's new as some of you seem to genuinely care for my well-being rather than just bash on me for sinning so here it is.

I phoned my father and we spoke for about 30 minutes and I just got it all off my chest about how I feel, my lack of belief in Islam and how I just want to be a bit more free in life. We came to an agreement that I would return home to live with my parents again and in exchange I'll honestly learn about Islam (I promised my father) AND I am allowed to keep my boyfriend, he won't get on my case about him. He says it makes him feel sick and empty inside, like he failed as a parent but my mother is a little more open and said she just wants me to come back home and they're sorry for kicking me out. They only meant it as a threat and didn't actually think I would stay away.

It's all a bit awkward at the moment, I've been back just a few hours and so everything is a little bit on edge but I am leaving for university in 4 months and I will live on campus anyway. My boyfriend agreed that if I end up regaining my faith in Islam and want him to do the same, he will also learn it.

I know some of you will still say "end your relationship blah blah" but this is what I think is best for right now. My parents have said he is not allowed to come to the house which is fair enough I don't exactly want to rub it in my parents face... but I am still allowed to spend time with him which is great. My boyfriend actually drove me back home and met my mother and she was a bit more relaxed than my father and just happy I was home again.

So it's not perfect by any means but none of us are. Thanks again for all the PM's and other advice, we never set out to upset anybody especially my parents so at least this way I am back home living with my parents until university but I still get to have my boyfriend

I guess my parents will think twice next time before trying to threaten me with such treatment haha.