My girlfriends parents disowned their daughter

**youngen** · 04-30-2016

Hi, I want to post here to try and get some advice from muslims.

Me and my muslim girlfriend have been seeing each other for about a year now and a few days ago her parents found out after seeing us in the street and and freaked out. They had a huge row and because she said she would not stop seeing me, they've kicked her out of their home and disowned her, they said they never want to see her again. She's only 17... I'm 22

She explained that it's because I'm not muslim and her parents are old fashioned and prefer the traditional ways of doing things and she isn't like that, she barely follows the religion and the parts she did follow was mostly because her father enforced it on her. Praying, fasting, wearing the hijab etc.

Now she is living with me, I can provide for her financially so she would probably be better off but I still don't want her relationship with her family to be crushed because of me. Is there anything we can do besides break up that will help mend their relationship? On top of everything I have her older sister banging on my door, giving me endless abuse and now her and her sister are fighting.

It's just a nightmare situation, is there anything we can do? Maybe if I could just sit down with her parents and let them see I'm not a loser and I'm perfectly capable of being a decent boyfriend for her.

I have no interest in becoming a muslim, besides like I said she barely follows it anyway. She just prays occasionally, fasts and that's it. She's made it very clear that she doesn't want to break up with me and I feel the same way, so is there any possible way we can solve this?

**sister herb** · 05-08-2016

After reading this, I remembered one other thread about aunties in the mosque... and how they by their behavior expel all new sisters away - with tears.

Please sister, try to calm down there. We all have a lot of learn.

By the way, cute puppy.

**s.ali123** · 05-08-2016

Is this account even real?

**Bhabha** · 05-08-2016

What is wrong with a dog? I like dogs and animals. I specially really like dogs and dobermans

My girlfriends parents disowned their daughter

**piXie** · 05-08-2016

Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

I think my parents didn't do a good job of teaching me Islam and now I'm being punished for it

Your parents tried their best and I think it is unfair that we blame them for not teaching you about Islam. They are the same parents who raised your sister too, had they been strict and controlling she would have supported your decision, but even she was devastated. Perhaps the issue is that we just hate being told what to do. Our parents want us to read the Quran for a reason because this is the book what will bring our connection with Allaah and give us the knowledge, strengthen our Eeman, but if we get angry and put it aside, how can we blame them. Knowledge and guidance is a light, and this light will not be given to us if we rebel.

May Allah guide and help us all and rectify all our affairs because we all are in need of that. Aameen.

**~ Sabr ~** · 05-10-2016

Originally Posted by Bhabha

What is wrong with a dog? I like dogs and animals. I specially really like dogs and dobermans

Keeping a dog, touching it and kissing it

**~ Sabr ~** · 05-10-2016

Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

but as a mother I want to you what would you do if she turned out like me? Would you disown her? Beat her? Send her back home to Saudi Arabia or Egypt or somewhere? Would you be patient with her and try to guide her?

Like I said before and I will say again, it won't come to this

, because I am teaching her from the beginning.

Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

I feel like lots of people here are not understanding how I feel and are only taking my parents side and saying that I am 100% in the wrong no question about it

You must understand that I have LOST the Islam in me... I still believe in god obviously but that core connection to Islam has rotted away and so it's not as simple as just "shut up and go back to being full muslimah" like I can just press a switch and be like you.

I am far from perfect, but you need to understand sis that what you are doing will only end you up in Jahannam.

Read books on Heaven/Hell....they will awaken your Imaan

**EgyptPrincess** · 05-10-2016

Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~

I am far from perfect, but you need to understand sis that what you are doing will only end you up in Jahannam.

Read books on Heaven/Hell....they will awaken your Imaan

Thanks what I'm doing!

Your daughter is lucky. You teach her about Islam rather than tell her about Islam. I know if you ask your daughter about the meaning behind fasting she will know about it? Fasting wasn't even explained to me until I was about 11 or 12.

Me: "why do we have to fast father?"

Father: "because it's Islam and it's important part of religion"

Great... fantastic answer.

I have no doubt in my mind Sabr that you will do a fantastic job teaching your children Islam. However the way I have been bought up, it's made me rebel.

**~ Sabr ~** · 05-10-2016

Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

However the way I have been bought up, it's made me rebel.

So now you are old enough to realise how everything is... Why not stop rebelling? I don't understand why it would make you rebel in the first place though - if your parents are telling you to do something without telling you the reasoning behind it, then obviously they are your parents and they want best for you - did that not cross your mind?

**Serinity** · 05-10-2016

Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

Thanks what I'm doing!

Your daughter is lucky. You teach her about Islam rather than tell her about Islam. I know if you ask your daughter about the meaning behind fasting she will know about it? Fasting wasn't even explained to me until I was about 11 or 12.

Me: "why do we have to fast father?"

Father: "because it's Islam and it's important part of religion"

Great... fantastic answer.

I have no doubt in my mind Sabr that you will do a fantastic job teaching your children Islam. However the way I have been bought up, it's made me rebel.

Instead of rebelling, start asking questions, and stop hiding behind your parents' perception or cultural perception of Islam.

As for fasting, it is because Allah SWT commanded it. Fasting has many benefits, etc. Everything in Islam is for your own benefit, ponder on that.

**EgyptPrincess** · 05-10-2016

Originally Posted by Serinity

Instead of rebelling, start asking questions, and stop hiding behind your parents' perception or cultural perception of Islam.

As for fasting, it is because Allah SWT commanded it. Fasting has many benefits, etc. Everything in Islam is for your own benefit, ponder on that.

See this is literally the kind of answer my parents would give me. For most people this may be acceptable but for me it is not so I was always frustrated when my parents said "cos Allah said".

now I know that it's to develop powers of self control and draw closer to Allah. To help resist bad habits and to voluntarily remind ourselves of the blessing of food and water that Allah swt has given us. To not take for granted as some people go hungry everyday in poor countries. Giving up food and water reminds us the importance of giving (charity) etc and not to just take take take.

Of course your answer is correct but as I explained before a child is crying out to know the answers to certain things and an answer without an explanation is not a good answer. When your son or daughter asks you what 5+5 is and you tell them 10, and they ask you "why is it 10?" and you just say "because it is"

See how far your child goes in education. It's all well and good knowing the answer to things, but knowing WHY the answer is what you've told them is so much more valuable.

**Serinity** · 05-10-2016

Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

See this is literally the kind of answer my parents would give me. For most people this may be acceptable but for me it is not so I was always frustrated when my parents said "cos Allah said".

now I know that it's to develop powers of self control and draw closer to Allah. To help resist bad habits and to voluntarily remind ourselves of the blessing of food and water that Allah swt has given us. To not take for granted as some people go hungry everyday in poor countries. Giving up food and water reminds us the importance of giving (charity) etc and not to just take take take.

Of course your answer is correct but as I explained before a child is crying out to know the answers to certain things and an answer without an explanation is not a good answer. When your son or daughter asks you what 5+5 is and you tell them 10, and they ask you "why is it 10?" and you just say "because it is"

See how far your child goes in education. It's all well and good knowing the answer to things, but knowing WHY the answer is what you've told them is so much more valuable.

I understand. But there are times where we don't know why Allah SWT commanded us something, at that point we just say Allah knows best. (if there are)

ANYWAYS, Islam is clear, there are no shady areas, Islam is clean and white as white can get. So, continue asking!

**Futuwwa** · 05-10-2016

If EgyptPrincess feels safer, more loved and more cared for with youngen than anywhere else, then fault lies with the Islamic community for being insufficiently supportive.

youngen, in case you're still lurking, you did a good thing taking her in while she was disowned and had nowhere to go. I was going to advise you to bide your time, wait and see how things develop between her and her parents. Seems like progress has already happened, but they still have lots and lots to work out and process, so I'd still advise you to wait and see.

EgyptPrincess, one relevant thing I can think of that hasn't already been said is, consider the possibility that your father may be under quite a bit of communal pressure as well because of this, though that would depend on how widely it's known what happened. Pressure propagates along social connections too, not just through matter. All this is probably very embarrassing for him. He might have an easier time letting you run free if it wasn't publicly known. Whatever you do, help him keep up appearances, provide him with plausible deniability. Also, one last thing. Many here have denounced you as a sinner and I'm not sure whether I can argue with that, but I have to say you have shown remarkable humility, being so open-minded about Islam despite everything. Many would probably have been turned into radical antitheists from the experience.

**Bhabha** · 05-10-2016

She was not disowned. I believe she walked out of her parents house and thought that her parents had disowned her. Muslim parents would not cut off ties with their children and she is back with her parents.

**Serinity** · 05-10-2016

What is soo hard in leaving your bf for the sake of Allah SWT? It is simple, just say "bye" to your bf, and go your way. Simples. Who do you love more, Allah SWT or your bf?

Think of your hereafter, and what you'll say when you'll be questioned. Being gfs or bfs with a kafir or even a Muslim, is a sin.

**EgyptPrincess** · 05-10-2016

Originally Posted by Bhabha

She was not disowned. I believe she walked out of her parents house and thought that her parents had disowned her. Muslim parents would not cut off ties with their children and she is back with her parents.

Clearly you didn't read any of my posts sister.

My father kicked me out and said he didn't want anything to do with me until I leave him and my mother didn't even try to stop him. It's only when it back fired on them and they realised I am more than happy to stay out and live with my boyfriend that they wanted me to come back. They tried to bluff and failed.

Of course they're my parents and I love them dearly. I do not hold a grudge to my parents, I understand that they're only doing what they think is best. Unfortunately what they think is best is not always best

**Bhabha** · 05-10-2016

Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

Clearly you didn't read any of my posts sister.

My father kicked me out and said he didn't want anything to do with me until I leave him and my mother didn't even try to stop him. It's only when it back fired on them and they realised I am more than happy to stay out and live with my boyfriend that they wanted me to come back. They tried to bluff and failed.

Of course they're my parents and I love them dearly. I do not hold a grudge to my parents, I understand that they're only doing what they think is best. Unfortunately what they think is best is not always best

I read another post where you said that they were not serious about it, which was more recent than the first couple of ones. So I thought it was the later. My bad !