What is my worth as a woman?

Assalamu Alaikum

No one can define your value except you. If you consider yourself valuable only with a man, then that's something you have to change about yourself. Secondly, if you have characteristics that are not compatible with marriage, then change them. Marriage is not a joke. You have to be patient, giving, respectful, trusting, loving, and somewhat independent. Many of the issues and thoughts you have about yourself now will carry into marriage regardless of who that person is, and it will cause problems in your marriage. So there's no purpose in having such negativity in your life. You should not rely on other people's opinions to make you happy because no one knows you better than you know yourself. Find contentment in your life by understanding that ALlah subhanahu wa ta'ala created you for a purpose. The only purpose you were created was to worship him, and alhemdulilah it seems you have a lot of blessiings in your life that many do not have that do not limit your worship. So with that, get out of this funk that you're in and don't be so fixated on thinking that you need a man in your life to be happy or worthy. As long as you pray, do good deeds, are a good person, have a good connection with allah, then it's anyone else's loss he who does not marry you.

format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*

Assalamu Alaikum

No one can define your value except you. If you consider yourself valuable only with a man, then that's something you have to change about yourself. Secondly, if you have characteristics that are not compatible with marriage, then change them. Marriage is not a joke. You have to be patient, giving, respectful, trusting, loving, and somewhat independent. Many of the issues and thoughts you have about yourself now will carry into marriage regardless of who that person is, and it will cause problems in your marriage. So there's no purpose in having such negativity in your life. You should not rely on other people's opinions to make you happy because no one knows you better than you know yourself. Find contentment in your life by understanding that ALlah subhanahu wa ta'ala created you for a purpose. The only purpose you were created was to worship him, and alhemdulilah it seems you have a lot of blessiings in your life that many do not have that do not limit your worship. So with that, get out of this funk that you're in and don't be so fixated on thinking that you need a man in your life to be happy or worthy. As long as you pray, do good deeds, are a good person, have a good connection with allah, then it's anyone else's loss he who does not marry you.

Walaikumasalaam,

I couldn't have said it better. Alhamdulilah.

100% change your perspective on yourself. You need to counsel yourself and write down all the negative thoughts you have about yourself and slowly address each point. If you feel the task is too big to do by yourself then please make contact with an Alimah - a sister that you trust to help you progress/heal insha Allah.

You wasn’t born with this negative perception of yourself – something or someone has contributed to this negative perception of yourself. Try and identify why you feel this way and heal yourself with an Islamic remedy/Quraan/Sunnah insha Allah.

Also in your free time please read any e-book on this site https://www.kalamullah.com/sisters.html

Walaikumasalaam,

Tell me how you feel sister after you understand & realise your value and status in Islam.

Please watch this small video addressing your rights - Subhana Allah:



May Allah swt help us all to educate ourselves - I suppose this is why ilm/(islamic) education is faraz upon every man and woman because without education there is darkness. There is ignorance. There is oppression. May we understand our role and fulfil our rights Ameen.

I once went for a training program on personal motivation spanning a 5 day period. It was quite an extensive session. Seeing as the subject is a difficult one, requiring people to reflect and notice factors surrounding theirs lives, it required that many days to allow people to 'see' it which would not be possible if the course was any shorter.

What I noticed was in a training room with around 150 participants of varying background and age, most had a problem with self confidence.

I also noticed that almost everyone who wanted to be more confident thought that it was like a special 'pill' they could consume and Voila! they suddenly become that irresistible confident person.

Of course there were other issues too, but at the end of the day, too many people had too many issues which clouded their own self preventing them from making any progress in life, or at least prevented them from seeing their own progression in life. In most cases, it would be as a result of them comparing themselves with others.

Lucky for myself, I never had deep issues like some of the participants as I realized from my own experiences that you make your own in life. But many asked me how I was confident with myself?

The answer is simple (in essence) but the action requires us to be brave. Meaning, we have to be prepared to accept the consequences of our actions. The simple illustration would be that many had things to say but failed to put up their hand to contribute by sharing their experiences with other participants. Why? Because they were afraid to say something stupid or that they will stammer and freeze when the microphone is placed in their hands…

Now, confidence (for the purpose of this explanation) is not something anyone can give anyone else. It is something everyone has to work on individually to build up. They have to first be brave enough to raise their hand. Secondly, to train themselves to remain calm to 'share'…. it may not work out the first time and definitely should not stop from doing it again. I must also say that when I put my hand up, my heart races and I can hear it beating in my own ears and when picked to share, I almost get dizzy and all thoughts come out at once… all the rehearsed speech disappears and I am faced with the participants stares at me… my voice appears to come out of somewhere else and it is almost horrible.

Next, some may like what I have to say, some may question what I have to say, some may not understand what I was trying to say.. so, I have to reason with myself that I am sharing my experience. Hence, it is not about what other have experienced and the benchmark is me, not others. Nothing there to say who is right or who is wrong. Only, experience of others may give you a different outlook and perhaps give you an idea of a different way to approach a similar issue in the future.

Building up confidence and self worth is a slow process. But you have to be firm with your beliefs and not to be swayed by what you think others might think.

Hope it helps...