Which do men prefer: beauty or virginity

Lets see.

Sister A:

Deen: Good
Character: Good
Beauty: Average
Virginity: Virgin.

Sister B:

Deen: Good.
Character: Good.
Beauty: Miss Universe.
Virginity: No.

Since Deen and Character are both good, we will look at beauty and virginity.

Sister A:

Beauty: Average
Virginity: Virgin.

Sister B:

Beauty: Miss Universe.
Virginity: No.
Either Widow or divorce.

Tbh, as long as they are both chaste, and on Deen, and moral, etc. Virginity is a non-issue.

But lets see:

If we take A:

she is average, and a virgin. So one reason for taking sister A, could be that she is a virgin.

If virginity has value (can differ depending on whether it was out marriage or not - but if repented none has a right to shame her for that). If we look at virginity:

A: she is a virgin. IF that has value --> a plus over B. (although that is if one cares about virg)
B: Not an issue. Thus, not a point.

If we take B:

Beauty:

Reason for accepting: she is very beautiful.

Pros:
Easy to lower gaze.


Cons for B (subjective)

Could be a fitna for you. she may be soo beautiful, she may distract you from prayer, and your obligations. Easy to lower your gaze, but may be a huge distraction.

a distraction in doing your Fardh salaahs and Islamic obligations (Sister is too beautiful, it is a negative)

If one can control themselves, then this "con" is a non-issue.

Virginity:
she is a non-virgin.

IF one cares
then a minus (Anti Islamic / Very UnIslamic)

else
a mute point

______________________

Conclusion:

Virginity is a non issue, since she is chaste, and not immoral, and because this "virginity" concept is based on cultural ignorance (The Prophet married Khadijah r.a. who was not a virgin, afaik.)

So to shun chaste women for not being a "virgin" (which is disgusting) then he is a Jahil (ignorant).

Virginity is a non issue, therefore we have between "Average" and "Miss Universe". Physical beauty will fade over time, so compatibility should be considered.

Shunning a woman for not being virgin although she is chaste, is ignorance. afaik.

So with that:

Average

Pros:

Helps lowering your gaze.

cons:

Will fade over time (thus should not be a DECIDING factor - if that is the only reason one marries - and expects for that to last)

Miss Universe (look at the pros and cons tab)

Allahu alam.

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

beauty or virginity?

Beauty fades, after thirty its downhill for women. Men who are charmed by beauty, may eventually take a mistress because their wife is no longer "beautiful" after giving birth, and as she ages he may look elsewhere - not a good option.

Virginity, shows a chaste woman who is saving herself for her husband - and fears upsetting Allah, someone like this will make a good wife.

Scimi

@Serinity jazakallahu khairan, you did already much of the typing, so i do not have to add a lot of them.

What i do have to add to it..is sort of a short conclusion.

I would go for the "extreme beautiful" one. Why? Not because of the beauty, i don't care about that as beatufy fades away. Rather, she has something that the virgin one does not have.

So what is this?

A taste of life that is. Certain knowledge and life experience. She doesn't dream of this or expects something beyond..her wildest dreams. She had the "slap of life across her face to wake her up definitively", making her a realist and rationalist of what can be achieved and what is nonsense. Many virgin girls, they don't know how it is to be married. Rather they follow a imagination of a prince on a white horse. These sisters are so virgin in their mentality, that they MIGHT still be hit by the train called "life" and you as a brother not knowing what will become of her.

A virgin is still open for "volatile" behavior if she hasn't experienced much in life.

So all in all, without a doubt the non-virgin one.

If i would not have to play according to your game, i would rather have another kind of rules. Virgin + average vs non-virgin + average ...my outcome still non-virgin + average. Beauty will come after you fall in love with her character despite she being average.

Maybe you are asking this question due to preconceived notions about marriage and attraction. What would alleviate your worries is putting things into perspective and understanding that what a person initially prefers and the spouse he decides to choose in the end - are all in the hands of Allaah. Every man and woman is different and that the decision to marry a particular person depends on many variables - not just virginity and beauty - not just deen and character - Rather it is to do with overall compatibility. What we women perceive as beautiful may not always be what a man perceives as beautiful. Infact, often it is just the opposite. Each mans situation, circumstances, and preferences are different. There is no same answer with regards to what you are asking. May Allah alleviate your worries. Aameen

format_quote Originally Posted by Simple_Person

@Serinity jazakallahu khairan, you did already much of the typing, so i do not have to add a lot of them.

What i do have to add to it..is sort of a short conclusion.

I would go for the "extreme beautiful" one. Why? Not because of the beauty, i don't care about that as beatufy fades away. Rather, she has something that the virgin one does not have.

So what is this?

A taste of life that is. Certain knowledge and life experience. She doesn't dream of this or expects something beyond..her wildest dreams. She had the "slap of life across her face to wake her up definitively", making her a realist and rationalist of what can be achieved and what is nonsense. Many virgin girls, they don't know how it is to be married. Rather they follow a imagination of a prince on a white horse. These sisters are so virgin in their mentality, that they MIGHT still be hit by the train called "life" and you as a brother not knowing what will become of her.

A virgin is still open for "volatile" behavior if she hasn't experienced much in life.

So all in all, without a doubt the non-virgin one.

If i would not have to play according to your game, i would rather have another kind of rules. Virgin + average vs non-virgin + average ...my outcome still non-virgin + average. Beauty will come after you fall in love with her character despite she being average.

Boy you in for a world of hurt have faith

Scimi

It is true, some may choose the virgin, although they want the non virgin because of pressure from family.

Secondly, I mentioned this, but since my post is too long:

Compatibility - one of the most important things.

Being very beautiful also has its own trials. tbh, I'd choose the one I feel most compatible with.

format_quote Originally Posted by Simple_Person

Being beautiful and having taqwa, means, the person who has gained taqwa, has pondered about their beauty and chosen taqwa instead. You give a woman what she needs, not what she wants. When you give her just that, she will not find other men attractive even though they might by worldly view be more handsome than you. Reaching her heart and satisfying her heart is the key. We often make something seem very difficult while it is rather is simple.

True, it does require pondering. Because Allah granted them this beauty. And to attribute this blessing to one self, is arrogance.

So in a way, pious beautiful sisters that has taqwa, has most likely recognized this blessing, and has not become arrogant by it.

What do you mean by "give her what she needs, not what she wants"?

Allahu alam.

The OP said non virgin who is chaste, meaning divorcee or widow. That isn't the same as a non virgin who has been around the block due to bad decisions in the past. If she does have a not so fantastic past, her track record should be looked at. How long ago did she leave that lifestyle? 7+ years is a good indicator her chaste behavior is permanent and sincere.

It should be a tic for a tac. A man who had premarital relations with multiple women has no business looking for a virgin, never been married wife. It wouldn't be fair to her that he brings his baggage in. It doesn't matter how much he says he has changed, there WILL be baggage, 100% guarantee.

A virgin man who has never been married should seek a virgin wife who has never been married because they will both be new to this area, without baggage and will understand each other better. It is better for both of them.

A divorced man should seek a divorced (chaste) woman as they will probably have equal amount of baggage lol and will understand each other much better.

Instead of making virginity a deciding factor, chastity should be looked at. I hate how worthless many women are made to feel because they are no longer virgins for reasons like rape, divorce or their husbands dying.

Oh and also, there are many virgins who are not chaste. Not sure if you all are aware of muslim school bathroom talks. "Am I still a virgin if...?"

So lets rethink how we judge women and how we find a spouse. Virgin doesn't necessarily equal to good wife lol. LOOOOOL. I say all of this because I work with many women on a personal level and I get to see the harm this kind of thinking can do. The double standard that society has which allows men to party hardy and then settle down is very destructive to our society and to our women.

Okay, off my uncalled for soapbox now.

*puts popcorn away

i think men will differ in their choice; some may prefer the virgin thinking they will have a 'girl' from the start to mould her their way whereas with a divorcee or widow she already has a character that will probably remain ...

or some men may just go for the 'enjoyment factor' which they'll presume lies more in the beutiful woman!

Wa alaykum assalam,

Ultimately, what is important is chastity, deen and compatibility - these are the things that matter, only so many people fail to realise that.

Of course physical attraction is important, but it shouldn't be a deciding factor. Looks fade, and you don't just live with that pretty face - you live with whatever is beneath that outer appearance as well.

There's nothing wrong with having certain desires or expectations about your future wife or husband, it's just about organising those priorities.

I would agree that perhaps a man who is unmarried and is a virgin would find it easier to marry an unmarried woman. And perhaps a man who has been married before should marry a woman who is either widowed or divorced. Simply because they may be able to relate to one another more. This isn't a rule, there are exceptions. And that's why I say that it's what is inside that should be high on your priority list in choosing a spouse. We all know our Prophet was unmarried when he married Khadijah who had been married before.

But it does grate me when in certain cultures women are viewed as 'used goods' just because they widowed or divorced. I have seen for myself how people pressurise women into believing they're lucky if just about any man off the street decides to propose to them and they should accept a less than desirable proposal just because they won't ever get any better.

But I don't want to go off on a tangent here . So I'll leave it there, lol.