Desperate for some advice

assalamu alaikum

this looks like a complicated question and should be referred to a highly qualified scholar.

format_quote Originally Posted by ummu

Assalamu Alaikum
I really just need some words of encouragement and support if anyone could spare. I just found out my husband has still continued to cheat on me even after family mediation. When I confronted him he denied it. Then I took his house key and told him we are done. In the days to follow he told two of my sister he doesn't want the marriage on separate occasions. After this I decided to take his belongings from the house and take it to my aunt. He was staying at his work place I was told by my family to block him and deny him entry into the house. Then a week later we had a family meeting and he said doesn't want the marriage. Since then he has said to me that he said it on all the occasions whilst he was angry and didn't mean to say that he didn't want the marriage. My parents have arranged for the divorce papers to be drawn up in my home country where we got married without our presence. My parents have insisted They are now completed.Both my and husband and I want to reconcile but my mum said if I do that I will be committing Haraam and she and my dad will disown me. She thinks my husband is just using me to stay in the country. My husband has tried talking to my family but to no avail.We have 1 year old child. I want my husband back but I don't want to sin. We have barely been married for 2 years. I feel like nothing was done to help us reconcile when he said he didn't mean the statement of not wanting the marriage. All I want to know is whether our marriage is valid?

Better consult a Mufti.

I do not want marriage in the sense did he say talaq ? I do not understand. How many times did he say so ? but he recoups back his words saying 'i told in a state of anger ' that could be possible for any man.

But your parents statement of calling Haram is debatable ( are they feeling confirmed that talaq has happened ??) and disowning may be a big sin too. Ask them in what basis it is haram. Calling haram halal is not a simple matter they CARRY HUGE sins nearing shirk because its ONLY the right of Allah to declare haram or halall

First as per my limited knowledge on this subject ( I stand to be corrected if am wrong by the knowledgeables here) we have to first ascertain talaq has happened or not ?? @HuzaifaibnAdam

There are different types of talaq like

1) Conditional talaq . If the husband warns IF YOU DO THIS (like if you talk to him a ghair maghram, if you did not offer salah etc etc) I DIVORCE YOU , the talaq happens if the wife does that (but am not sure this should happen thrice or not ???)

So any talaq like this ?

2) Saying Talaq three times continuosly or after a gap (but during menses etc is debatble) https://islamqa.info/en/72417


So sorry sister I do not have much knowledge on this first, ascertain has the talaq happened or not ??

I do not think PAPERS hold much power here which is from the law of the land not islamic personal law

(I mean to say the Law of land (papers) may allow registered marriage, divorce at one shot on a paper without iddha or waiting period. remarriage of two divorcees etc which will not be of any value in islam)

Assalamu Alaikum

format_quote Originally Posted by ummu

My parents have said that since the divorce certificate has already been created that any relationship between my husband would be haraam.
But I will consult some more senior in the religious community as you all have advised
Thank you all for your comments

Sis, it seems that our parents are withholding important information from you. You haven't seen nor do you have any of the important documentation that would prove you are divorced, so this is something you need to look into. Secondly, sis I think you need to truly evaluate your relationship with your husband and for you both to take it seriously because threatening for divorce or breaking up the marriage is not something that should be taken lightly. You said he has been speaking with other women inappropriately on the phone, so what has he done so far to ensure that these mistakes do not continue?? You don't want to go back into this relationship without anything changing. So seek some counseling, or some help where you can fix your issues during this time. Also you need to find the evidence of these divorce papers and talk with a scholar because we do not have the knowledge to tell you something of this importance and complexity.

I'll respond to you later today when I'm able to reply properly. However, depending on the contents I may delete the responses of other members (not including admins and moderators) seeing as this issue seems quite sensitive.

format_quote Originally Posted by ummu

My husband has said that his family does not want him to come back to the marriage and he sounds like he is reluctant to do so too. He believes my mum and dad hate him so much and he can't understand why. So now I have lost my husband my mum is not talking to me. I feel like I lost everything

Your parents care about your well being and can advise you, but in the end, you're the only one who can dictate what will happen in you relationship with your husband. You shouldn't divorce your husband just because other people are telling you to. There has to be some clear cause and only you as his wife would know how severe his transgressions are. If you want your marriage to work out, then go talk to your husband and work it out. There's no point in feeling hopeless and depressed. Get the facts so you can move on with your life.

So much divorce issues nowdays

format_quote Originally Posted by AbdullahAziz

if the husband hasn't verbally divorced you 3 times or signed the divorce papers then you both are not divorced; it is only the islamic way of divorce that validates a divorce and not a court one [unless the husband signs ofcourse as that way he himself will be 'divorcing' by signing ...


so according to the above if your both still married, then best just get together again as family is very important; your child dont want to be fatherless


for a verbal divorce to be activated you have to hear from him the words 'i divorce you' [or read it in a letter sent by him] [or witnesses have to hear it?]

ask of your husband his intent when he said ' i dont want the marriage' ... if his intent wasn't divorcing you, then your both still married!


br Abd al latif feel free to delete or moderate as this is from my layman knowledge!

What you have done is issued a fatwa. you should be very careful about making such statements. There's more than one way to divorce a person, verbally is not the only way. Her husband already expressed his intent to divorce her numerous times but now he says he didn't mean it, which is what makes this case a bit complex rather then black and white and which is why we are advising her to talk to an imam.

format_quote Originally Posted by yahya2k

This part is not complicated. If neither of you have signed, nor your husband verbally said that he wants a divorce , then you are both still married. The law of the land is legally binding for Muslims. We have to follow the rules where we live, so at least by the courts you are still recognised as married.

Same goes for you bro. Stop issuing fatwas.

And same goes for others on this board. I understand many of us are eager to offer advice and help our brothers/sisters in need, however, we need to keep in mind that there's a fine line between an advice and a fatwa. If it becomes religious matters and rulings and you are not referencing what the scholars have said on the matter then you are essentially issuing a fatwa. The shahabas were weary of issuing such fatwas and always preferred to be the last one to be asked on the matter. And the prophet said who ever is eager to offer fatwas will find his seat in the hell fire.